


Who I Wasn't

by Nygma42, Oswald_Nygmobblepot



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M, FTM, Other, Transgender, Transgender Edward Nygma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-22 01:43:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 78
Words: 151,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7413688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nygma42/pseuds/Nygma42, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oswald_Nygmobblepot/pseuds/Oswald_Nygmobblepot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward has a secret that he's been keeping. On the night Kristen wants to take Edward to bed, he tells her his biggest secret. He may wonder if he should have told her at all. </p><p>In the aftermath of such a disastrous conversation Kristen finds herself in love with not one man, but two. But ... Love can’t work that way! Can it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Who I Wasn’t**

 

_ "I didn't realise who I was, until I stopped being who I wasn't."  _

“Is that your bedroom, Mr. Nygma?” Kristen asked, a sly grin on her face. Edward glanced back at the bed before looking back at her, a nervous look on his face. 

“Yes, it is.” He said she took his hands and lead him over to the bed. “Kristen … Wait …” He said nervously. He knew what she wanted, knew where she wanted this to go. “I … I have something I need to tell you.” He said nervously. She looked up at him, a smile on her face. 

“So you keep saying.” She said in a teasing tone, moving her hand to the crotch of his pants and rubbing the slight bulge there. “It can wait.” She said leaning up and nipping his ear. 

“No …” Ed said taking her hand in his hand pulling it away from him. “No, it can’t.” He took a step back from her. “Please … Please don’t freak out ... “ He said shyly. “I don’t like telling people.” 

Kristen realised he was being serious. “Oh … Okay …” She said slightly confused. “What is it?” 

Edward fiddled with the hem of his sweater. “I’m …” He sighed and removed his sweater, placing it on the bed. 

“Edward … If it’s a scar or a birthmark or something you’re going to show me … I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care what you look like.” She said going to place her hands on his chest but he stopped her before she could and she realised his hands were shaking. “Ed …” 

He backed up again and didn’t look at her as he took off his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt. He swallowed nervously as he opened it revealing a breast binder wrapped around his chest. 

“You’re …” Kristen blanked. She never would have guessed. “You’re a girl!” 

“I was born a girl.” Edward corrected as Kristen sat heavily on the bed. Edward’s hands started shaking harder as he rebuttoned his shirt. He saw the look of shock and … Something else … On her face. He couldn’t identify what it was but …. It wasn’t positive. 

“I never would have guessed. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” She paused when she saw him flinch. 

“When would I have told you?” He asked. He should have known this would bother her. How could he even think she’d accept him like this … His own parents couldn’t even accept him. Then again his parents couldn’t even accept him before he’d started transitioning …

“When we had dinner last week!” Kristen said pausing when she realised he was on the verge of tears. 

“Look, I don’t date.” He said simply. “I never had because I was scared of this.” He picked up his sweater and put it back on. “I just … I wanted something normal … I’m twenty six years old and our date last week was the first time I’ve  _ had _ a date …. The first time I’ve ever been kissed … I never know how someone’s going to react to this, so I don’t know when or who I can tell … This scares the shit out of me … And for once in my life I wanted to at least enjoy something that I’ve never done before … I like you Kristen …. I thought …” He paused looking away from her, his eyes water. “I thought maybe you’d be accepting.” He chanced a glance up at her and realised she didn’t know what to say, looked awkward as she looked for something to say. “Whatever … Just go!” He said moving to the table and started to clean off the dishes. 

“Edward …” She said, standing up and taking a step towards him. 

“Leave!” Edward said with his back to her. Kristen flinched as he practically yelled at her to leave. 

“I’m sorry it just … Took me by surprise.” She said flatly. 

“Yeah well …. People tend to be honest when they don’t have time to rehearse.” He said putting the dishes into the sink a little harder than he intended to. “Get out of my apartment.” Kristen hesitated a moment before she nodded. Edward listened to her heels clicking across the floor before he heard the door shut and he couldn’t stop the sudden torrent of tears that ran down his face. 

_ ‘You shouldn’t have told her yet.’ _ Edward glanced up at the hallucination through blurry eyes as he collapsed on the floor against the fridge. 

“Go away.” Edward said. 

_ ‘If you had a real dick, she’d probably have you on that bed riding the shit out of you …’  _ Edward looked away from it. It wasn’t real.  _ ‘If you weren’t born a girl-’  _

“Well, I was … Okay!?” Edward said angrily getting off the floor. He hated his body enough as it was … He didn’t need this damn thing making it worse. 

_ ‘No … It’s not okay! And you know it’s not okay!’ _ It said following him over to the bed.  _ ‘What are you waiting for?’ _ It asked. 

“I can’t afford it.” Edward said staring at the floor. 

_ ‘I can’t afford it.’ _ It said in a fake imitating tone.  _ ‘You’re making excuses … You’re scared! You’re scared of everything! Man …. Up!’  _

“Just leave me alone!” Edward said burying his face in his hands. He felt like he was trapped. Trapped in a body he didn’t want. Trapped in a body he couldn’t afford to change. Trapped in a life he couldn’t change. He thought maybe a relationship … Someone who would accept him would make it all easier … But like everything else …    


That blew up in his face.

((A/N - And there’s chapter 1, make of it what you will. I’m sure I’ll get some positive and negative feedback on this -- please leave a comment/review)) 


	2. Chapter 2

Edward sat in his car staring at the GCPD, his hands playing with the bottom of the steering wheel. Would she have told anyone? Were they back to square one? Would she be back to making fun of him? With new ammo in her pocket? He groaned as he rested his head against the top of the steering wheel. God, he was such an idiot. He shouldn’t have told her. 

He felt his anxiety rising as he sat back and opened his car door, nervously making his way into the building. He avoided eye contact with everyone, but saw a few people staring at him as he walked past. 

God, she did tell everyone. Or … Maybe he was just being paranoid. Maybe she didn’t. 

_ ‘What if she did?’ _ Edward ignored that damn hallucination as he sat as his desk upstairs and started focusing on the paperwork that was left on his desk from the night before. 

Kristen had been waiting all morning for Edward to come in, checking to see if he’d arrived yet, and found out quickly enough when he clocked in. He’d gone straight to his desk upstairs, not stopping to chatter at anyone, not finding some half-baked excuse to go out to the records annex … That was definitely a first. She’d hurt him pretty badly last night, then. 

She’d had plenty of time to think it over last night. The look on his face. The hurt in his voice. The fear in his shaking hands … She’d wanted to understand more of the mystery that was Edward. He’d opened up to her, made himself vulnerable … and she’d reacted wrong. She hadn’t known what to say … It was just so completely outside of anything she’d expected. It did kind of explain a few things, though. Why he was so nervous and jumpy and awkward around people at work … If he was that afraid of people finding out, he must be on edge all the time. Which … was reasonable, frankly. The guys at GCPD would be merciless if they knew.

She made her way upstairs, nervously approaching Edward’s desk and setting down a fresh cup of coffee on the desk for him. “I … wanted to apologise for last night,” she said quietly.

“Why?” Edward asked pushing the mug away from him and turning back to his papers. He didn’t really expect an answer as he turned the page of what he was looking over. “Go away, Miss. Kringle.” 

“Because I reacted badly, and it wasn’t fair to you,” she said, wincing slightly when he pushed the mug away from him, but stubbornly remaining where she was. “I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

Edward sighed as he put his pen down. “Yeah, well … You made your point perfectly clear. I’ll accept your apology if you don’t tell anyone, now I would appreciate it if you left me alone.” He said still not looking at her but sounding quite annoyed. 

“What?” Kristen shook her head. “Edward, no. Of course I won’t tell anyone.”

“I appreciate that.” He said picking his pen up again and going back to his paperwork. 

Kristen stared down at him for a long moment, uncertain what to say, before she turned and started to walk away. She paused, then said quietly, “Look, I … I understand that I’ve ruined things, but … If you’re ever able to really forgive me, you know where to find me.”

“I already told you I forgive you.” Edward said tossing his pen down again and looking at her. “What is it you really want Kristen?” He asked. “Whatever it is, just spit it out.” 

Kristen turned around to find him actually looking at her at least, though the question still stung. “I want to start over,” she said as if it were obvious. If he really forgave her, he wouldn’t be pushing her away like this. But apparently, he couldn’t even stand the sight of her right now.

Edward laughed almost sarcastically, the sound coming out almost like an amused sigh. “Start over to where?” He asked. “To when we first met, or to when we first started dating? Because as I recall, you made fun of me the first time we met …. Which wasn’t nearly as bad as what you did to me last night … So I suppose it would still be a step in the right direction?” He asked. “Do you have any idea how scared I was last night? And you throw it back in my face that I should have told you sooner?” He asked. 

“I never intentionally …” Kristen shook her head. It didn’t matter. Last night was what he couldn’t forgive her for. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I should never have said that, I shouldn’t have …” She turned away, blinking back tears behind her glasses. “If you want nothing to do with me anymore, that’s … that’s fine. But don’t pretend to forgive me if you don’t mean it.”

Edward sighed. “Look …” He took his glasses off and placed them on the desk before rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. “I know it was a lot to take in … I expected some kind of reaction … Or questions even … I just … I didn't expect that look you gave me … That's what hurt the most.” He said. “I want to forgive you … I'm just … I'm scared.” 

“What look?” Kristen asked, tentatively approaching the desk again. “Was … was it that bad?”

“You looked at me like you just saw a cockroach … Surprise and borderline disgust …” He said. “Perhaps disgust is a strong word but … I can't really think of a word to describe it …” He said. “I'm already disgusted with myself, I didn't need it from you too.” 

“God, Edward,” Kristen whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on his without thinking about it. “I’m sorry … I swear I never meant to make you feel like that. That’s not how I think of you at all, it’s …” She sighed, trying to arrange her thoughts into a coherent explanation. “It’s just … I really, really didn’t see it coming, so I was more shocked than the situation really warranted and … Look, I’ve … dated guys who hid things from me before, or who weren’t who I thought they were, and … it’s led to some pretty bad experiences. But it wasn’t fair of me to take that out on you … You didn’t tell me sooner because you were scared, and I made that all about myself … You deserved better than that.”

Edward was silent a moment before he spoke again. “If we did start over … Clean slate …” He said looking up at her. “Where would that leave us?” 

“I … I still like you, Edward,” she said quietly, looking back into his intent stare. “That hasn’t changed. So … Can we say that leaves us back at the first date?”

“You … Still want to be with me?” He asked, honestly surprised. With the way she'd looked at him last night … He never thought he'd want to look at him again let alone stay with him. 

“You’re still you, Edward,” Kristen said, her hand tightening around his. “And … I’ll probably have some stupid questions along the way. This is all new for me, but … Why shouldn’t we try?”

Edward was silent a moment before he nodded. “Okay …” He said quietly, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “Why don't you come over for supper again tonight … You can ask me all the stupid questions you want.” 

Kristen smiled warmly, relieved. “I’d like that,” she said, before leaning in and kissing Edward on the cheek. “Thank you.”  Then she turned to go back down the stairs, her ponytail swinging behind her. There was a lot about this that she didn’t really understand. But she understood that Edward didn’t have to forgive her … and he had anyway. For now, that was enough.


	3. Chapter 3

Edward jumped when there was a knock at the door and moved to open the door. He looked nervous as he saw Kristen standing in the hall. 

“Hi …” He said lamely before stepping to the side and letting her in. 

“Hi,” Kristen returned, stepping inside. She knew Edward had to be infinitely more nervous right now than she was … She could see it in his face and in the way he moved. She just hoped that she didn’t mess things up so spectacularly this time.

“I uh … Couldn't go shopping so I was going to order pizza, I hope that's okay.” He said, rubbing his hands nervously on his pants. 

“Pizza sounds great,” Kristen assured him, liking the idea of a low-pressure evening. She would have felt a little weird if he had still thought it necessary to prepare some elaborate meal after he’d just been mad at her.

They quietly discussed what they wanted before Ed made the order. He placed the cordless phone back on the charger before he sat down on the couch. “So …. You had questions.” He said. They might as well talk while they waited for the food to come. 

“Um … yes,” Kristen said a little nervously, sitting down on the couch next to him. “And … you’ll let me know if any of them are too personal?”

Edward shrugged. “Well, we were at a point last night where you wanted to touch my penis so … I think we were near enough to personal for me to worry about that.” 

“Right,” Kristen said, blushing. She chose her words carefully. She’d been careless enough last night, and didn’t want to hurt him all over again. “So … When did you know this was who you are?”

Edward couldn't help but chuckle at her wording. As if he could pinpoint a specific time. “Well, it's not like I woke up one morning and said ‘You know what … I'm going to be a man!’” He said chuckling again. “I never felt like a girl, even when I was a kid.” 

“That makes sense I guess,” she said. “So … did other people know? Was your family supportive?”

“No one else knows … And I don't have any family.” He said with a shrug. “I've been doing this on my own.” 

Kristen didn’t press the issue about his family … That was something she often evaded talking about herself, and she didn’t want to dive right into another potentially painful subject. “So … what has ‘doing this’ entailed so far? And how far do you plan to take it? If … if it’s okay to ask that.”

“Um … I've gone through testosterone therapy, I started that when I was nineteen. I go regularly for the injections still, just for maintenance reasons. I could stop at any time but I may start reverting in some areas so I keep on it.” He said turning sideways on the couch and getting more comfortable. “I … don't know how far I want to take this. I’d like to go full change but the procedure has such a low success rate … I can barely save up the money to have it the first time let alone if I need to go back.” 

“Yeah, I … hear that’s expensive,” Kristen said. Though she knew very little about it, especially transitioning to male … she could see how there might be complications. “So, what exactly does the testosterone affect? I’ve seen you get stubble sometimes,” she said. “But … I don’t really know much about how this works.”

“It really affects my whole body. My voice changed, the fat distribution in my body changed, and the muscles in my upper body increased a bit, I stopped getting my period, my … Um ….” He took a deep breath nervously. “I don't mind talking about it but …. How much information do you want?” He asked, wondering how much was too much. 

“Well … like you pointed out, we were about to get pretty personal last night before I ruined everything, so … Whatever you don’t mind sharing, I don’t mind hearing.” Though after the way she’d initially reacted, and how self-conscious he’d been, Kristen wouldn’t blame him if he preferred to hold back.

“Um, well due to the testosterone shots my um … My clit widened and lengthened so it kind of looks like it's a miniature penis … It can get hard sort of but it's not really long enough to actually have sex with. At least … I don't think. It might be? I don't know I've never tried.” 

Kristen’s eyes widened. “That’s … I … never would have even thought of that,” she stammered. She caught herself glancing down at Edward’s pants and blushed profusely. She couldn’t help wondering whether it got more sensation than an average clit would … “We … could probably find out sometime,” she heard herself blurt out.

Edward flinched. “I … Uh …” He paused. 

“Sorry,” Kristen stammered, blushing even more profusely. “That … that was really forward, wasn’t it?”

“A little.” He said biting his lip. “I don't know … Sex makes me nervous … I'm … Not normal down there … Whatever you're picturing … It's not going to be what I have.” 

“I … don’t know what to picture to be honest,” Kristen said. “But I wouldn’t mind finding out, if you’re ever okay with that. Though … I know I haven’t earned that kind of trust.” After how she’d reacted to just the chest-binder, she doubted he’d regain the courage to make himself that vulnerable again anytime soon. “And obviously we wouldn’t have to do anything until you’re ready.”

“We could … I don't know … Maybe approach it clinically.” He said with a shrug. 

“Clinically?” Kristen repeated, tilting her head. “What do you mean, exactly?” Though it was certainly a very Edward thing to say.

“I mean … I could show you … And that's it … We don't have to do anything other than show you.” He said. “Or not … It's fine.” 

“Oh,” Kristen said. “That seems like a logical approach.” Though, strangely, she was still attracted to him even without knowing … And she wasn’t sure what to make of that. She looked up at him. “Would … would you still be willing to do that?”

“If you want …” He said shrugging. “I don't mind.” 

“You wouldn’t be scared?” she asked, remembering how badly he had shaken last night.

“I'm nervous. I can't deny that.” He said. “I don't know … It depends on how you react I guess …” 

Kristen nodded. “It won’t be like last night,” she said quietly. “I promise.”

“B-before I show you …. Are you deciding to stay because you feel guilty about last night … Or are you staying because you actually want to be with me?” He asked. 

“Edward,” Kristen said, taking his hand in hers and looking up at him. “I want to be with you.” She’d had some time to think that over after going home last night. “I really like you … No one’s ever been as kind to me as you are. And … I know we haven’t been going out long, but … I want to continue.”

“I'd um …. I'd have to get it hard though ….” He said awkwardly. He had a feeling there was going to be nothing clinical about it. 

“Oh,” Kristen said, blushing slightly. “Do … do you want me to look away or …” Or did he maybe want her to help? Would it be too forward if she asked that directly?

“I was just warning you.” He said as he unbuckled his belt and pulled the button loose. “Are you sure you want to do this?” 

“I’m sure,” Kristen said quietly.

Edward nodded and stood up, pulling his zipper down before he nervously pulled his pants down along with his underwear. He sat back down and paused nervously. This was super awkward. 

“Looks pretty normal to me so far,” she said, glancing down in interest. Not what she would have expected before last night, but certainly nothing she hadn’t seen before.

“Yeah you …. Haven’t seen anything yet.” He said turning slightly towards her. He didn’t look at her as he lowered his hand and started touching his … Well, as he referred to it, his penis. He rubbed it gently and within moments it started to harden. 

Kristen watched intently as Edward started rubbing at his clitoris area, and gradually, she started to see what he was talking about, as the bulge emerged into view. “Oh,” she said, her eyes widening slightly. “You’re right,” she said, intrigued. “That’s … definitely new to me.” But she found herself wanting to be more familiar with it. She looked up at Edward. “How … um … how big can it get?”

Edward was about to stop when she said ‘Oh.’ and saw her eyes widen, but she suddenly seemed curious. “I don’t know … About … Two inches maybe?” He asked more than said. “I’ve never measured it. It’s um … Kind of a pathetic penis really.” 

“But bigger than any clitoris I’ve ever heard of,” Kristen pointed out. She looked down at it again, wondering how long it had taken on the testosterone treatments for it to grow like that … Edward said he’d been on it since he was nineteen. How much his body must have changed in those years. “It’s... kind of amazing. And you said it actually … gets hard when you do that?”

“This is about as hard as it gets.” He said. “It's not like a penis, but … It's the closest thing I have right now. I would call it such.” 

Kristen nodded thoughtfully. She could think of a few not-quite-so-clinical things she could do with that. She wondered what he would enjoy, how it would feel for him … She blushed a little at the thought, but that didn’t stop her curiosity. “May I …” she looked up at him hesitantly. “May I touch it?” She was almost certain that was too forward, that he would tell her he wasn’t ready for that. But the question was already out.

Edward was silent for a moment, his hand stilling. “I … If you want to.” 

After looking back at him, determining that he was really alright with this, she tentatively reached out and ran two fingers lightly over the swollen bulge, feeling a slight firmness to it that must be what Edward meant by ‘hardened.’ She glanced up at him, checking to see if he was still comfortable with her touching him.

Edward took a deep breath and stiffened, his hands shaking slightly as they moved to the couch. He’d never been touched there by someone else before, and it felt so different. Good … But different. 

The way Edward reacted … he seemed to be enjoying this. She could tell he was wet … though admittedly, that probably had more to do with him rubbing himself earlier. But still … it was intoxicating to know. Her fingers explored the extended length, and she found she didn’t feel terribly inclined to stop touching him. “Um … Edward,” she said, taking in a slightly shaky breath, trying to rein herself in. “This … could get a little less clinical. If you’re okay with that.”

Edward could feel himself shaking with nerves but nodded. “W-whatever you want …” He said. While he was extremely nervous, her fingers felt good. 

Kristen tried gently wrapping her thumb and forefinger around the enlarged clitoris as she would a cock, and stroked gently, starting out slowly, careful not to put too much pressure on it, watching his face to see how he reacted. She didn’t know yet how this would feel to him.

Edward closed his eyes as she stroked him. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought she’d have done this before. His breathing sped up slightly as he felt her fingers moving over him, could feel himself get wetter as she kept pleasuring him. 

Smiling slightly at his reaction, Kristen decided that she was definitely on the right track. As her fingers moved back down to the base of his … well, he’d called it a penis, and would probably appreciate it if she learned to think of it the same way … she could feel him growing wetter, and she was more confident this time that she could take credit for it. She wondered how Edward would feel about her fingering him, but decided that was a question for another time. 

For all she knew, it might make him feel like less of a man, and he was still so self-conscious right now that even asking might break the mood. For now, she had another idea … With her free hand, she ran a finger lightly over his slick, wet opening and rubbed the wetness onto his penis, before starting to stroke him a little faster, a little harder. She didn’t know how much of a problem friction was for him, but it was probably a good idea to prevent that issue if she could.

Edward hissed and nearly jumped when she ran her finger over his slick opening and froze, holding his breath until she returned her fingers to his penis. 

He pulled away slightly. “Stop …” He said awkwardly. “S-Sorry …” He said pulling away from her. 

Kristen froze, taking her hands off of him and looking up at him, worried. “I’m sorry,” she said. Maybe even going near his vaginal opening even on the outside had been a mistake. She knew so little about what he liked, she shouldn’t have assumed anything. “I should have asked first. I shouldn’t have just … I’m sorry.” 

“It's okay.” He said pulling up his pants and fixing his belt. “I … I should have told you before we started. I just … It's not something I like talking about.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said, not pressing the issue or questioning further. “If you don’t like it, I won’t do it again … And before next time, it … might be a good idea to tell me about anything else that you don’t like. You don’t have to explain why or anything, I just … don’t want to cross any boundaries.” She was so disappointed in herself … She’d wanted so badly to make him feel good, to alleviate his nervousness and undo the damage she’d caused last night … But she felt like she’d just made things worse.

“It's not a problem … It's … You didn't do anything wrong.” He said as the doorbell rang. He jumped and moved to the door, paid the pizza guy and brought it in. 

“Thank you,” Kristen said quietly, once the pizza delivery guy was gone. “For being so patient with me.”

“It's fine.” He said taking the pizza to the table. “I just … I haven't had any positive experience with sex in that area … It … Makes me nervous.” 

Kristen looked quietly at Edward for a moment, and then nodded. She thought he hadn’t had any experience with sex at all … Some unpleasant ideas came to mind about what kind of negative experiences Edward might have had, and why he wouldn’t want to talk about it. She hoped she was wrong … But she definitely wasn’t going to press the issue, least of all tonight over dinner.

“You don’t have to talk about it, whatever it is,” Kristen assured him. “But … if you ever want to, you can.”

“Thank you.” He said quietly as he pulled some pizza onto his plate. He started eating it cutting it with a fork and knife. “I suppose after that, asking you how work was would be a little out of place.” He said with an awkward smile. He felt so stupid … He should have just let her continue. There was no way she'd even want to try that again after the way he’d reacted. 

“Just a typical day, really,” Kristen smiled slightly, letting Edward change the subject. “Though I swear, these cops coming in, rifling through files, and just leaving them all over the place haphazardly … they’re going to drive me completely insane. Jim must be on the warpath about something again, because he kept coming in, grabbing records without notifying me about what he was taking, and not bringing anything back … I may have ended up snapping at him.”

Edward smiled and nodded. They are in awkward silence and he could tell Kristen was itching to ask more questions but felt to awkward. “What else did you want to know?” He asked, cutting into his pizza. 

“Well,” she said, after taking a bite of her pizza. “That bulge that I felt in your pants last night … What was it you put in there?” She guessed he probably did it to look the way he wanted to, just like with the chest binder.

“It was a toy …” He said blushing slightly. “Kind of like a strap on I guess ….” He said before he thought about it a moment. “Exactly like a strap on actually. The tip is tucked into the band of my underwear. I sometimes use a sock and pin it to the front of my boxers, but I like the toy a lot better. It really depends on what I'm doing. Sock gives me more freedom, but the toy feels more solid.” 

“Really?” Kristen said, more intrigued now than ever, as a few blush-worthy possibilities opened up. “It um … definitely felt solid.” She thought about it for a moment, then asked, “Does it get uncomfortable wearing that all day? Or does the chest-binder, for that matter?” She’d been wondering about the chest-binder for a while now. If he wore it all day, it couldn’t be as bad as she imagined it, but it seemed like it would be difficult to breathe in.

“It can be …. I've had some difficulty finding what works best for me, and like a bra there's days I just want to tear it off in the middle of work. Especially when I'm out in the field and it's hot out. I have to wear baggy clothing because I do have shape to my body that I try to hide. My butt really … Luckily I've always had narrow hips.” He said. “But I like binding. The only thing that's horrid about it is the length of my shifts. You’re not supposed to bind for more than eight hours and I have shifts that last anywhere from 16-36 hours sometimes. I can't wait to have them removed honestly.” 

“That does seem like it would be a hassle,” Kristen agreed. There wasn’t anything she could suggest, really. She knew the guys at GCPD. If she were in Edward’s position, she wouldn’t want to risk them finding out either. “Would you get them removed before you have the rest of your surgery? So you wouldn’t have to spend as much money at once, I mean?”

“It's actually recommended to do it separately. I don't think they'll do it at the same time. I actually have a date next month to have them removed …” He said. “So I'll be taking a few weeks off work.” 

“That’s a really big step,” Kristen said. Or so she assumed. But one thing was clear; Edward didn’t feel like himself the way his body was now. “Congratulations … How long does that take to heal?”

“The surgery takes 3-4 hours. Recovery time is a week or two, unless you have an active job. I wouldn't classify mine as very active, but I don't want anyone knowing I'm going for surgery. So I'm taking my holiday which will be 3-4 weeks.” 

“It sounds like you’ve really thought this out,” Kristen said. “You’ll let me know if you need any help running errands or anything like that while you're healing?” She blushed slightly, remembering that he’d said his surgery was a month away. She hoped it didn't push him away, asking about plans significantly further in the future than their relationship had lasted so far. 

“If you’re still around … Yeah.” He said taking another slice of pizza having finished his first. 

Kristen nodded. “Right,” she amended. “Sorry, I .. didn’t mean to presume. Though you haven’t scared me off yet.”

“Yet.” He said. “Being the key word there. I come with more baggage than the average boyfriend would … And there's going to be a lot to deal with until I'm done transitioning …” He said. “Are you really willing to go through all that? I wouldn't blame you if you walked away.” 

“None of that seems like a good enough reason to leave, though,” Kristen said. So things were a little complicated … He still treated her better than anyone she’d been with before. “It’s too soon to know if things will work but … I’m willing to try if you are.”

“Let me … Rephrase my question.” Edward said picking at his pizza with his fork. “I don't have a penis … Which by this point you know … But I may not have the surgery for years yet, if I even get it at all.” He said. “Are you willing to go that long without sex just to be in a relationship with me?” 

“I …” Kristen bit her lip, thinking it over. “You mentioned a strap-on earlier?”

Edward was silent a moment. “Yeah but …. I've … Never used it like that before.” He said. “I'm not sure how I'd feel about it … Like I said, I've never been in a relationship before but … I … Suppose I'd be willing to try it.” Though he sounded more like he was trying to convince himself of that. 

“There’s a lot we can’t be sure about at this point,” Kristen said. “We’re both figuring this out as we go, and it’s probably going to be that way for a while. So … it’s probably too early to make promises. But right now, what I do know is that I want to be with you. So … let’s see where this goes.”

“That sounds fair.” Edward said. They were silent a moment again before Edward took his plate to the sink. “Do you ….” He paused again, and shook his head. “Never mind.” He said quietly.

“What is it?” Kristen asked curiously, before finishing up her pizza and getting up to bring her plate over too.

“It's nothing.” He said closing up the pizza boxes and putting the leftover pizza on top of the microwave. 

“Edward,” she said, washing off her plate. “After all of the intensely personal questions I asked you, what little ‘nothing’ question do you think you can’t ask me?”

“Well, I was …” He paused again as he sat down on the couch. “I was going to ask if you wanted to stay tonight.” 

Kristen paused what she was doing and looked up at him. She was more than a little surprised that he even wanted her to stay over … He didn’t seem ready to attempt anything sexual tonight, and after her little blunder earlier, she would have thought he’d want some time and space to himself. He’d been remarkably patient with her already. But … maybe now that he had someone he’d entrusted with his secret, he just wanted some company? She wasn’t in a hurry to head back to her apartment alone either.

“That …” she said a little nervously. “That sounds nice. If you’re sure you really want me to?”

“Yes … I’d like that.” He said nodding.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The last month had gone smoothly and their relationship had gone surprisingly well. They took things small steps at a time, and while they haven’t done anything sexual since that night … Things were going well. 

That didn’t, however, stop Edwards frustration as he walked back into the apartment, practically slamming the door. He kicked off his shoes and flopped down onto the couch. 

Kristen went over to the couch and leaned against the armrest, looking down at him in concern. “How did your appointment go?” she asked. 

“They're pushing my surgery back to August.” He said. The day before when his surgery was supposed to be, they tell him. “I don't know what I'm going to do … I took the time off work, if I go to Barnes and request to come back and take my holidays another time, he's going to either question why, or refuse … If he refuses, then I won't be able to get the time in August.” He said closing his eyes, his hand on his head in frustration. He was getting a headache. 

“What?” Kristen said, appalled. “But that's another seven months! Why? And why are they just now telling you this?” She could feel Edward's frustration and disappointment. He’d wanted this for so long …

“They said that further reevaluation of my mental health and understanding of the procedure needs to be placed and he advised that I go for further counseling, which is not covered by my insurance and they will reevaluate me in two months time to make the appointment in August pending approval.” He said shaking his head. “I already went through three years of counseling this is bull shit.” 

“That's ridiculous,” Kristen agreed. “Isn't there anyone else you can go to? Anything else you can do?”

“Not unless I want to start the whole process over again … Or get him to refer me to another surgeon … Which he won't.” He sighed. “Well, I've gone this long, another seven months isn't going to kill me. But that therapy bill might. I still have student loans I'm paying off.” 

“Sounds to me like he’s just trying to make the therapist money,” Kristen said cynically, crossing her arms. She was at a loss for anything to suggest … She didn’t know anything about this process that she hadn’t learned from Edward, so what could she possibly come up with? She smoothed back Edward’s hair gently. “I’m sorry,” she said, for lack of anything better to say.

“It's okay … I was just hoping to have it done before summer.” He said with a shrug. “The binder is hot as hell and it itches when I sweat. Sorry if … That was to much information but … It's true.” He said looking up at her. 

“It’s not too much information,” Kristen assured him, hating that she couldn’t really help. “It just sounds uncomfortable.”

He smiled up at her and took her hand in his. “Thank you for being so supportive.” He said kissing her knuckles. “And to think … Just a month ago I thought you were an absolute cunt …” 

Kristen visibly flinched. Her expression went to stunned as rapidly as if he’d slapped her. She took a deep breath, taking in that he was smiling, reminding herself that he hadn’t said that when he was actually mad at her, evaluating that he didn’t mean anything by it. “Could you please not call me that?” she said in a very, very quiet voice. “I know you’re kind of joking around, but could you please just … don’t.”

Edward paused and sat up in the couch looking at her. “I … Wasn't being serious. I'm sorry.” He said. “You know I wouldn't seriously call you names, it was just a joke.” 

“I know you didn’t mean anything by it,” Kristen said, the tension easing, her sense of safety returning. This was Edward, she reminded herself. Things were different now. “Sorry if I’m overreacting, I’d just … prefer that you not use that one. That’s all.”

“Okay, I won't …” He said taking her hand and pulling him onto the couch next to him. “I'll call you other names then.” He said moving her hair out of the way and kissing her neck. “Like beautiful. Perfect.” He said between kisses. “Mine.” He said nipping at her ear. 

Kristen laughed. “You’re little heavy on the flattery there, sexy.” But she leaned into his kisses nonetheless, and shivered slightly when he nipped her ear. That last one, at least, she believed.

“Are you calling me fat, Miss. Kringle?” He asked, nipping her neck, his hand moving to her side. 

“What? No,” Kristen protested, squirming slightly. “That’s not what I meant … And you have an unfair advantage. How am I supposed to think when you’re doing that?”

“You have … Every advantage … I have …” He said between kisses as his hand moved under her shirt. “It's not my fault you're not taking advantage of it.” He said loving that he could do this to her. 

“That’s …” Kristen gasped as Edward’s hand slipped under her shirt. “That’s a point.” She wasn’t even entirely sure if that was a sentence. She ran her fingers lightly through Edward’s hair.

Edward turned her on the couch and moved his mouth to hers, his tongue moving against her lips seeking entrance. He shifted in between her legs his hand moving up to her breast. 

Moaning softly into the kiss, Kristen ran her hands down over Edward’s back as she pressed back against him.

He smirked against the kiss a moment before he pressed his hips down against hers, the toy in his pants rubbing up against her as he pushed her skirt up, the bulge rubbing her through her panties.

Kristen gasped as Edward’s bulge rubbed up against her, and her hands trailed down his back to his ass, pulling him against her as her hips moved up against him.

Edward moaned when she grabbed his ass. It was apparent she was enjoying this and it made him move against her more enthusiastically. He couldn't feel anything doing this, but the thought of what he was doing to her was making him very aroused. 

She wondered what Edward could possibly be getting out of this, but it felt so good … no doubt he’d let her know how she could return the favor later. She rolled her hips up toward him, loving the feeling of him rubbing against her. She was already so wet, just from this … It really had been a long time.

He moved his lips down to her neck, kissing her and sucking on the soft flesh enough to leave a purple mark, his hips moving down against her. “I want to make you come.” He said nipping her just below her ear. 

Kristen nodded, moaning, thrilled at the way Edward was suddenly taking charge like this. “Please, yes,” she whispered, one of her hands moving up to run through Edward’s hair, tugging lightly, and her hips moved a little faster against him.

Edward moaned as he braced himself with his hands on the couch as he kept moving against her, angling his hips so that he was rubbing up against her clit. 

She gasped as she felt him right up against her clit, and she bit her lip, stifling a whimper, as her hands moved down to Edward’s hips, pulling him close against her.

He moaned as he pushed himself up, holding his weight on his knees a moment to open her shirt. He pulled her bra down under her breasts and sucked on her nipple as he moved back down to rub against her. 

“God, Edward,” Kristen moaned, her hips pushing up against him, hands moving feverishly over his back, her pleasure building unbearably. She was so close now.

He ran the flat of his tongue over her nipple before moving to the other, rolling his hips over and over again. 

Kristen’s breath quickened as he kept rubbing up against her, and her back arched, her nipples hardening at his touch. Where was all of this coming from? For a man with no experience … Edward knew exactly what he was doing to her. “Please,” she gasped, tugging at his hair. “Don’t stop.”

“Come for me Kristen.” He whispered, pressing himself harder against her, speeding up his movements. 

A loud moan escaped her lips, and her hands moved down to his shoulders, clinging to him as she moved rapidly against him, Edward’s hard bulge rubbing against her clit over and over again … She cried out his name as she tensed, a wave of pleasure crashing over her, her inner walls clenching, and she imagined what it might be like to feel that hard length inside her.

Edward felt himself shiver, the feeling starting in his head and going straight to his toes as she cried out his name when she came. He kept moving, allowing her to ride out her orgasm, and stilled once she relaxed beneath him. He looked down at her and kissed her gently before pulling away. 

“I … I hope that wasn’t … Too fast.” Edward said blushing. 

Kristen shook her head, looking up at him. “No, it wasn’t,” she said breathlessly. “That … that was … wow.” She realized she wasn’t terribly coherent right now. “You’re an amazing man, you know that?”

Edward smiled before he kissed her again. “I love it when you call me that, you know that?” He asked kissing her again. 

“What?” she said between kisses. “My man? The most brilliant man I know?” She ran a hand lightly through his hair, and started to kiss down his neck as her other hand toyed with the edge of Edward’s belt.

Edward arched his neck as she kissed him. “Yeah …” He said breathily before he felt her hands on his belt. He stiffened and pulled away from her. “Wait …” He said, taking her hands in his. “Don’t ….” 

“Sorry,” Kristen said, looking up at him, not resisting as he pulled her hands away. He had that same look of alarm in his eyes. “I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. I promise.”

“I know …” Edward said sitting back on the couch again. “It’s just …” Edward sat down properly on the couch. She wouldn’t want to know this … He shouldn’t say anything it would just make things awkward. 

“Just what?” Kristen asked, confused. She’d been sure he wanted her to reciprocate, after lavishing all of that attention on her just now. Certainly no one she’d dated before would have gone to the trouble without expecting something in return … if they even bothered at all. “Is … is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine … I’m just …” He sighed. “I’m uncomfortable being touched there. My penis sure … But … Anywhere else I …” He sat back against the couch. 

“Edward,” Kristen said quietly, reaching up and running a hand through his hair. “If there’s anything you don’t want me to touch, you don’t have to give me a reason. But … if … if there’s something you want to talk about, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

Edward was silent for a moment, contemplating. He already knew he could trust her. And he already had enough secrets. “My … My dad raped me.” He said quietly. “Rather … Regularly actually.” He said bluntly. “And before you ask, no it has nothing to do with my transitioning … But it’s what they’re putting into question now … It’s why my surgery was delayed.” 

Kristen’s eyes widened, horrified. “Edward …” she whispered, taking his hand in hers and holding it tightly. “That’s … I’m sorry that happened to you.” She didn’t know what to say to that. When he’d reacted so fearfully before, she’d had her suspicions, but … his own father? How messed up did a person have to be to do something like that? It also explained why he’d said he had no family … If his father was still out there, she doubted Edward would ever go near him.

“Don’t be, there’s nothing that can be done about it … It’s … In the past.” He said. “I just … I wasn’t kidding when I said I haven’t had any positive experience in that area.” He glanced up at her. “If … You’re not completely disgusted with that … If you’ll be patient with me I’m … I’m sure I’d be willing to try just … Not now.” 

Kristen leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me … You don’t ever have to do anything you’re not ready for, okay?”

Edward smiled softly. “Thank you.” He said kissing her cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

A few days later Ed sat in the lab, writing down notes for the experiment he was conducting. 

“Hey, Nygma!” Officer Nelson barged into the lab, just as he barged pretty much everywhere else he went, throwing the door open wide without warning. “You got those results on that murder case yet?” 

“Um, no not yet. I have to finish this first then I'll get over to that.” He said glancing at Nelson before turning back to his work again. 

“Seriously?” Nelson said, squaring his broad shoulders, staring the gangly little nerd down with cold eyes. “Tell me, does this little experiment you’re running have anything to do with actual police work?”

“I'm working … So yes … I'm not authorized to discuss other cases with you, unless you'd like to get authority from Barnes first … It'll be done by the end of the day.” Edward said still focused on what he was doing. 

“Aw, come on, Nygma,” Nelson said, striding over to where Edward stood, a winning smile on his face. “This case is real important, I need you to speed things along. Help a guy out will you?” He clapped a hand hard on Edward’s shoulder, unbalancing him.

Edward was about to protest, turning to him when there was a loud bang and a flash of light beside him. It took him a moment to realize the light was a large flame that had caught onto his shirt sleeve. Panicking, he jumped back, hitting the flame with his free hand, but it did little and his panic started to get worse as he registered the pain it was causing. 

“Jesus Christ!” Nelson shouted, jumping back and, after a second to assess the situation, not seeing where the fire extinguisher was located, tearing off Edward’s shirt and throwing it on the ground, starting to stamp out the flames. “Get something to smother this with,” he snapped, not looking up. “Or an extinguisher.”

Edward froze in fear as he realized he was standing there shirtless, he looked around, but not for the extinguisher … He looked for his jacket. If he could get it before he looked up … Before he saw him …. But within moments Nelson had the fire out on his own and his jacket was on the chair behind him. There was no way he'd get to it without Nelson noticing. Not even the pain in his arm took away from the fear he felt as he stood against the wall waiting for the hammer to fall. 

“You okay, man?” Nelson asked, getting no response from Nygma. He finished stomping out the flames and looked up at him, before he suddenly stopped, staring. His eyes moved over Edward’s torso, and the chest binder that was clearly holding down something. “Or not,” he amended, a smirk forming on his face. “Holy …. Shit ….” 

Edward didn't say anything as he finally moved. He did the only thing he could think of. He tried to move past Nelson to grab his jacket. 

“Woah, where do you think you’re going, sweetheart?” Nelson grinned, blocking his way and grabbing Edward’s uninjured shoulder. “I just saved your life. What are you going to do to thank me?”

“Leave me alone.” Edward said, not liking the tone in his voice. How many times had he heard that nickname on his father's lips. It made him sick to his stomach. “Please don't.” He said backing away from him. 

Nelson tightened his grip on Edward’s shoulder, not letting go. “Now, now,” he said, shaking his head, amused. “I’m not going to hurt you … As jumpy as you act, I should’ve known you were a chick all along.” In Nelson’s mind, it seemed to explain a few things. And a few repressed ideas suddenly seemed perfectly okay … and no one would ever know. “I asked you a question, girl. What are you going to do to thank me?”

“I'm not …. I'm not a girl.” Edward said. “And I wouldn't have to thank you if you hadn't set me on fire to begin with. But thank you … Now can you back off please?” He asked trying to get away. 

Nelson’s free hand hit Edward in a backhanded slap across the face, knocking his glasses askew. “Ungrateful bitch,” he snarled, before the smile returned. “Call yourself whatever you want, but I think some of the other guys around the precinct will disagree with you.”

“You wouldn't …” Edward said looking up at him fearfully, though the shock of the burn was quickly fading and the pain in his arm increased. He chanced a glance down at it and winced. He'd need to go to the hospital. 

“Why not?” Nelson said, watching the fear in his eyes. “Can you think of a reason I shouldn’t, sweetheart?”

“Stop calling me that …” Edward said trying to move for his jacket but Nelson held him in place. “What do you want?” He asked. “I need to go to the hospital.” Sure the burn wasn't bad, but it needed to be treated. 

Nelson looked down at Edward’s burnt arm. “You probably should, sweetheart,” he said, clearly taking far too much pleasure in ignoring Edward’s request. “So here’s what’s going to happen … After you get back from the hospital, you’re handling my crime scene first. Drop everything else. You’ll come tell me the results personally. That’s for saving your life. But for not telling every other cop in GCPD what you’ve got in your pants, I’m going to want a little something extra.”

“What do you want?” He asked. “You know blackmail is illegal right?” 

Nelson chuckled a little at that. “And here I thought you were supposed to be smart.” His free hand slapped Edward on the ass. “What I want is you. Any time, any place that I say so. And you’ll keep your bitch mouth shut about it, or your secret goes public. You understand me, Nygma?”

“Why are you doing this to me?” He asked. “I haven't done anything to you.” He said fearfully. Maybe he should just quit. Find a new job. But he knew that wasn't an option. He wouldn't be able to find a job that paid as well, and he needed the money. 

“Aw, don’t take it personally. I just saw an opportunity and I took it; it’s what real men do.” He smirked. “Not that you’d understand that. And hey, don’t start complaining just yet … When the time comes, you might like it.” He let go of Edward’s arm and flashed him a pleasant smile. “See you around,” he said, before walking out of the lab.

Edward collapsed on the ground against the wall, tears running down his face unable to stop them from falling. He had options sure … But none of them were very good options. He couldn't even think of anyone he could talk to about this. Edward forced himself to calm down. If only he'd put on his undershirt this morning … If only he'd left his jacket on. He stood up, kicking the chair that he'd been sitting in before going over and picking up his jacket. He put it on and headed to the locker room and grabbed one of his spare shirts. 

He left his tie at home this morning … Maybe if he'd brought it … He probably would have been more injured but at least that would be better than this … 

There were a lot of ‘What ifs’ that were running through his head as he headed up to Barnes’ office. He knocked on the open door quietly before stepping in. 

Jim was in the chair in front of Barnes’ desk. “I'm … Sorry to interrupt.” 

“What is it, Nygma?” Barnes said with an irritable tone to his voice, fixing Edward with an unwelcoming stare.

“I uh …. There was an accident in the lab. I need to go to the hospital …” He said nervously showing him his arm which was starting to look worse than Edward had thought it was. 

Jim looked up at Edward’s arm with a slight wince. That had to be second degree at least.

“Fine,” Barnes said, waving him away dismissively. “But I want you back to work by tomorrow. I’ve got good cops out with worse injuries than that, and they weren’t caused by careless lab accidents. And hey, fill out a damn accident report!” 

Jim looked up at Ed. “I’m off in a few minutes, I can give you a ride if you want.” Edward nodded quietly.

“Thanks. I’ll … Go wait out front.” He said taking the form from Barnes and filling it out quickly with his good arm. He handed it back and headed out to the front door, walking past Nelson who was smirking at him. He reached the front and called Kristen’s cell phone, closing his eyes and resting his head against the wall as the phone rang. 

“Hi Edward,” Kristen answered brightly. “What’s up?”

“Hey.” He said flatly. “Um … Are you busy?” He asked. 

“Not particularly,” Kristen said. She was off today. “Hey, is everything alright? You sound kind of off.” Something in his voice didn’t seem right.

“Yes, I’ll … I’ll be fine. Can … Can you meet me at Gotham General?” He asked. “Jim’s taking me to the hospital. Something exploded and I got a bit … Singed.” 

“What?” Kristen asked in alarm. “What do you mean something … Yes, I’ll be right there. Just … just stay away from other exploding things.”

Edward forced a small laugh. “It’s fine, it was just an accident.” He said. 

“Okay,” Kristen said, slightly reassured. Whatever was happening, Edward was at least well enough to tell her about it. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Th-thanks.” He said trying to keep the quiver out of his voice. He knew Nelson was in earshot and was watching him. He saw the man take a step towards him before Jim appeared and Ed had never felt so relieved.. 

“You ready to go?” He asked, seeing the ‘deer caught in headlights’ look on Ed's face. 

“Uh, yeah.” He said, keeping his arm still, trying to keep it from moving to much. The pain was getting worse and he doubted it would ease up any time soon. 

“My car’s this way,” Jim said, leading the way. “Let’s go get that arm taken care of, alright?” As pale and shaky as Edward was right now, Jim was kind of concerned.

“Thanks.” Edward said as they headed to the car. Edward was oddly silent on the ride there, not his usual talkative self. 

Regardless of how many times, Jim might have wished for it in the past, it turned out that a silent Ed just seemed strange and sad. That lab accident had apparently really shaken him up … and this was a guy who got far too overenthusiastic about gruesome crime scenes.

“You want me to go in with you?” Jim asked, as he pulled up in the hospital parking lot. The way Edward looked, Jim wasn’t a hundred percent sure the guy wouldn’t pass out or throw up on the way in.

“No, thank you.” He said. “Thanks for the ride.” He said getting out off the car and heading into the hospital. When he got to the emergency room he was surprised to see Kristen was already there. “Did you teleport here?” He asked, trying to make light of the situation. 

“I would have if I could,” Kristen said, looking him over, afraid to hug him before she knew where the burn was. “How bad is it?” she asked.

He showed her his arm as he made his way to the front desk. “I might lose it I'm sure.” He said. “They may have to amputate.” He said as the nurse at the desk rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t joke about that,” Kristen said. It was a nasty burn, but it didn’t look like he was going to need skin grafts or anything. “How did this even happen? I’ve never seen you work with anything explosive in the lab before.”

“I have before. It was less of an explosion and more of a poof and a large flame.” He said as the nurse examined his arm and took his blood pressure. She did her typical examination, gave him some forms to fill out, and instructed him to have a seat. 

“You’re usually so careful, though,” Kristen said, sitting next to him and resting a hand on his knee. Unorthodox, from some of the complaints she’d heard, but careful. “What went wrong?”

“Nothing that was within my control.” He said with a shrug. “It … was just an accident.” 

“Well, I’m glad Jim was able to give you a ride,” she said, shaking her head. She didn’t like the idea that there was nothing Edward could have done about the accident … it seemed to imply that it could happen again. But Edward didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and she wasn’t helping him any by harping on it.

It was two AM before he was finally taken in, and another hour before the doctor actually came in. Edward was falling asleep in the chair, despite the pain his arm was in which was now about as bad as it was going to get. 

“Miss ….” The doctor paused when he saw the name and looked between the two. “Mr. Nygma.” He said. 

“Yes.” He said opening his eyes and looking up at him. 

The doctor looked over his papers. “The nurse wrote down that you’re in for a burn wound due to a lab accident of some kind? Was this a chemical burn?”

“No, no just … The regular flame kind.” He said nodded tiredly as he held out his arm. The doctor glanced at his arm and looked at him over his glasses. 

“You know … Anyone else would not have said that so casually. Nor so calmly.” He said going to the cupboard and pulling out some ointment for the burn. “On a scale from 1-10 how much would you rate the pain?” 

Ed thought a moment. “Seven.” He said. “I can function but … I’m having a hard time focusing on anything else.” He said. “I’m just …. Really good at pretending I’m not in pain.” Edward said casually. 

“Apparently,” the doctor said with an oddly skeptical look that Kristen couldn’t quite place. “Alright, let’s have a look at it, then.”

Edward showed him his arm and allowed the doctor to place the ointment on it. He hissed in pain as he touched the burned area, but the more ointment he put on, the better it felt. The pain wasn’t gone sure, but it was … Soothing, at least. When he was done putting on the ointment he wrapped it in a bandage. “Luckily for you, the burn is on your forearm, so you’ll be fine to go back to work. Keep an eye out for open blisters, and apply ointment to it twice per day. Before you go to bed and when you wake up. Keep it bandaged for a week or so, after that I’d recommend going to your family doctor to have it assessed again.” He said as he filled out some paper work. He handed a note to Edward. “That’s a prescription for the pain. Despite your ‘tolerance’ I think you’d be more comfortable with something to help with it.” He said finishing off his paperwork. “You’ll be fine to go to work for your next shift.” 

“Good,” Edward said glancing at the clock on the wall. “Because that starts in about an hour.” He said stretching in the chair. “Thank you.” He said. The doctor smiled and nodded as Edward and Kristen left the room. 

Kristen shook her head as they left. “Are you sure you’re okay to work? How long is your shift supposed to be today?” If it were just the arm, that was one thing. But they’d just spent all night in the emergency room on top of that.

“Yeah, I have to.” Edward said. “Barnes is already on my ass ever since …. Ever since he got here.” He said. “He told me I could leave work yesterday but I had to be back by tomorrow … Or … today, I guess.” 

“Why is Barnes on your ass all the time?” Kristen said, confused. “You’re the best forensics guy we have, and it’s not like you go around causing trouble.”

“He’s uh …” Edward took a deep breath as they headed out to the car. “Lets just say he’s very traditional with gender roles.” He said, hoping she’d catch on. 

“Oh,” Kristen winced. It made sense. It was probably on file somewhere that no one else had access to. “I … guess you didn’t really have that problem with Essen?”

“Essen knew me before I started transitioning actually.” He said. “She had to take some forensics classes and went to the same school I did, so she sometimes came to me for help or advice.” He said. “We weren’t really friends but … I’m pretty sure she was the reason I got hired there. She was a little shocked when she saw me but … I don’t think she was surprised.” 

Kristen nodded. “She seemed like someone who would be more understanding,” she said quietly. She missed Essen … Not that GCPD had been perfect under her either, but the overall work environment had definitely changed. “How long is your shift supposed to be today?” she asked.

Edward shrugged as he got into the car. “How ever long they say it is. It could be three hours, it could be thirty six hours. Depends on my work load and the cases we get in.” He said. “I have to finish what I was doing last night, and then I have to finish a case for N-Nelson.” He said oddly stuttering. 

“I’ll get you some coffee then,” Kristen sighed. Though she didn’t start for another couple of hours after he did. “Promise me you’ll try not to injure yourself any worse?”

“Oh, I had every intention of injuring myself last night.” He said sarcastically and a bit surly.

Kristen rolled her eyes. “Right. I’m sure it was a perfectly intentional ‘accident.’” She kissed him on the cheek. “You know what I mean. Just … be careful, okay?”

“I'll try.” He said. The drive to work took almost forty minutes, most of which Edward snoozed, and he felt a bit bad that Kristen would get little sleep tonight as well. She didn't have to come with him. They made one stop on the way, which Edward slept through, not even noticing they’d stopped and a few minutes later, arrived at the GCPD, Ed dead asleep in the passenger's seat. 

“Edward,” Kristen said gently, before reluctantly nudging him. He looked so exhausted, even in sleep, that she hated to wake him up. But she didn’t want him to get in trouble with Barnes either. “We’re here.”

Edward woke up with a start. “Already?” He asked rubbing his eyes. “I'm sorry I dragged you with me. You should be sleeping right now, not carting me around.” He said tiredly. 

“So should you,” Kristen said with a slight smile. “But here we are.” She handed him the coffee that she’d stopped to pick up on the way. “You’re going to need this,” she said. “And let me know if you need anything else to help you get through your shift, okay?”

Edward looked down at the coffee stunned. “You got me coffee?” He asked. 

“You slept through that part,” Kristen said. “Two creams, four sugars, right?” The way Edward took his coffee was distinctive enough that it wasn’t hard to remember.

“Aw, you remembered.” He said taking the coffee from her. “Thank you.” He said leaning forward and kissing her. 

“Of course,” she said, after kissing him back. “Seriously, though, if you think of anything else I can do to help … don’t hesitate.”

“Thank you.” He said kissing her again. “Go get some sleep, I'll see you when you get in.” He said getting out of the car and heading into the GCPD before Barnes could yell at him about being late. 

As Edward entered, Nelson wasn't far away, his eyes on him from the moment he walked in. “Going to get those results for me, Nygma?” he asked, with a smirk that no one else would even give a second thought. 

“Yeah.” He said walking past him without even looking at him and making his way down to the lab. 

Only a few minutes later, Nelson reappeared in the doorway to the lab, a wolfish grin spreading across his face. Edward was such a weird little nerd, didn't fit in well with anyone at GCPD… which meant he was frequently alone. Everything about this was just far too easy. “Now,” Nelson said, strolling into the lab and locking the door behind him. “Where were we?”

“I was finishing your case, I’d finish it a lot faster if I was alone.” He said not looking at him. 

“So you can probably tell that's not what I’m here for,” Nelson said as he approached. “It won't take too long … this time. Just a little preview of things to come. And then I’ll be all too happy to let you get back to work.”

Edward stiffened as he approached. “What do you want?” He asked. 

Nelson grabbed Edward's shoulder and turned him around to face him. “I want you to look at me when I'm talking to you, for a start.”

Edward stared at his chest. Nelson was only two inches taller than him but he was much larger in stature. “Please don't …” He said. “I'll do anything just … Just not that.” 

“Oh, it won't be so bad, sweetheart,” Nelson smirked, his free hand tilting Edward's chin up to look at him in an almost affectionate manner, before he leaned in and whispered in his ear, “At least not compared to the whole precinct knowing your secret, anyway. That would cause quite a stir … And you know Barnes hates when that happens. I guess your girlfriend’s already in the know … But would she stick around once everyone else knows what you are? Might be a nice little test to see, wouldn't it?”

Edward was silent as Nelson spoke. This man could easily destroy his life in a matter of seconds. Sure he had a choice … But it wasn't much of one. Either comply and do what Nelson wanted. Allow him to tell everyone at the GCPD and hope no one would believe him, which he doubted. Or …. Uproot his life again and find a new job somewhere else … And hope no one from the GCPD followed him there to start it all over again. If he left the city to find a new job, he doubted Kristen would come with him and if he did comply to Nelson’s …. ‘Request’ …. Could he ever look at her again without shame? The choice wasn't hard really … Do as he wanted and hope it was over with quickly … Or lose everything he had. 

“What do you want me to do?”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

Edward tried to keep the tears from falling as he rebuttoned his shirt and picked up his tie off the floor where it had landed. He put it around his neck and slowly tied it, leaving it loose around his neck, and picked up his jacket which was crumpled on the floor. 

“You weren't half bad, Nygma,” Nelson smirked down at him, watching him fumble to pick up his things off the floor. He determined that Edward was ashamed enough to clean up after himself. He wouldn't want anyone piecing together what had happened here any more than Nelson did. He could work with that. “I’ll be back for those results later,” Nelson said, zipping the front of his pants back up, before an idea struck him. He pulled out his wallet and threw a crumpled twenty down at Edward. “Be a good little whore while I'm gone,” he said as he turned and headed out the door. 

Edward stared blankly at the twenty Nelson had thrown at him as if he were some cheap prostitute. He picked it up and tore it in half before he walked up to the door and locked it before anyone could come in. He slid down the door and finally allowed the tears to fall. 

\---- 

It was nearing the end of his shift, as Barnes had informed him he'd be off in the next twenty minutes, once he was finished with his paperwork. He wished his shift had been shorter, it was nearing five PM meaning he'd been there for thirteen hours now on no sleep, and he'd found himself dozing at his desk already a few times. 

“Hey,” Kristen said, approaching Edward's desk and putting a hand on his shoulder. “How are you holding up?”

Edward jumped when she touched him and turned to look at her like a deer caught in headlights. When he realized it was her he immediately calmed down. “Sorry, I'm … Tired and a bit on edge. Barnes caught me sleeping twice now …. He's not happy with me.” He said nervously playing with the paperwork on his desk. 

“That bastard,” Kristen said shaking her head. Poor Edward was clearly having a seriously crappy day. “How much longer do you have on the clock?”

“Twenty minutes, unless I can get this paperwork done faster.” He said glancing up at her.

“Sounds like I should get out of your way then,” Kristen said, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. “I was thinking maybe I could pick something up for dinner. What are you in the mood for?”

“Um … Actually …” He paused. “I hate to ask, you know I love it when you come over and I appreciate all your help but … Can you go home tonight?” He asked. “I’m just physically and emotionally exhausted …” 

“Oh,” Kristen said, a little let down that Edward didn't want her help right now. But she understood. By this point, he probably wanted nothing more than to go home and collapse. The best thing she could do for him was to leave him alone. “Okay. Just… Give me a call to let me know you got home okay. I'm kind of worried about you driving when you're this tired. And … Let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do.” He said taking her hand and kissing her knuckles, feeling sick that he even did that after the places his mouth had been. “Thank you.”

“Don't mention it,” Kristen said, kissing him on the cheek again. “I’ll let you finish up here and go get some rest. You need it.” Then she left Edward alone, reminding herself that Edward was perfectly capable of looking after himself. 

As Edward was leaving he was stopped by Nelson who was coming in the door, looking like he was in a particularly foul mood. “Hey Nygma …” He said grabbing his arm and pushing him into the wall. Edward being bullied at work was never an issue, no one ever said anything. “Next time, get my shit to me faster. Stop being such a slacker and pick up the pace.” He said before saying quietly so only they could hear. “I don't know what the hell your ‘transitioning’ is doing to your body but the next time I come ‘see’ you …. Those tits better be hairless.” He said before letting him go and walking away. 

On the other side of the room, Kristen saw Nelson push him, but by the time she’d rushed over, the bastard was already walking away. “Are you alright?” she asked Edward quietly. He looked really shaken by that brief encounter. 

“Yeah, I'm fine.” He said nodding. “I'll uh …. I'll see you tomorrow.” 

“Alright,” Kristen said, a little confused at how quickly Edward dismissed it. She wondered how long Nelson had been giving him trouble … but he definitely didn’t seem to want to talk about it right now. No doubt Edward was in a hurry to get out of here and get some rest. She would have to ask him about it later. “Take care,” she said, kissing him on the cheek.

When Edward got home he closed and locked the door, stripping out of his clothes and immediately going to take a shower. He could still feel Nelson’s hands on him and it made him feel sick. He felt a surge of anger go through him as he punched the wall and when the water ran cold he got out and walked nude into his bedroom. He put on his pajamas and crawled into bed, under his warm covers and tried to keep himself from crying, but he couldn’t. He felt lost, and alone, and he couldn’t even tell anyone … Just like he couldn’t tell anyone about his father. When he had … He’d been punished for lying. If he told Kristen …. Either she wouldn’t believe him, or she’d leave him for cheating since he hadn’t said no …. 

Everything was so fucked.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

Edward came into work the next day, tired, but at least he wasn’t as exhausted as he had been the day before. He skipped past the records annex. Kristen had phoned him three times last night and he’d ignored her calls … He didn’t want her to know he’d been crying and he wasn’t sure he could keep it from his voice. 

She thought she saw Edward pass by the door to the records annex, without stopping or saying a word. Maybe he was busy and had a lot of work to catch up on, but on top of not taking her calls … Kristen was worried. As soon as she was able to slip away, Kristen made her way upstairs to Edward’s desk.

“Hey,” she said a little tentatively as she approached. “How are you feeling?”

Edward looked up at her. “Fine.” He said, working on Nelson’s case. “I just have a deadline for this, so …” He looked up at her. “Sorry I didn’t answer your calls last night. I fell asleep as soon as I got home.” He said. 

“I thought that was probably it,” she said. But she couldn’t help feeling like he was holding something back from her. “You were pretty exhausted … If you’re busy, I won’t interrupt, but … Will I see you tonight?”

Edward was silent a moment before he nodded. “Yeah … If you want to come over you can. When I’m done this though, I’m going to go for my break … Do you want to go grab a coffee with me? I know it’s not your break yet but … Maybe you could take it early?” 

“Sure,” Kristen said, with a slightly relieved smile. Maybe he wasn’t avoiding her after all. He had every reason to be tired, and he probably had a lot to catch up on right now. She was probably just being insecure. “Come let me know when you’re finished with this, and we’ll go get a coffee.” She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “See you then.”

When Ed was finally finished his paperwork, he collected the evidence for the case and brought it into Nelson’s office, purposely leaving the door open as he brought it over. 

“Well, look who it is,” Nelson said, smirking. He looked back at the open door, before casting a knowing look at Edward. “What took you so damn long?”

Edward dropped the case on Nelson’s desk and moved to leave. Took so long? He finished it two days early for him. 

“You’re working late tonight,” Nelson said, as Edward started trying to leave. “Aren’t you?” Though his tone indicated that it wasn’t a question.

“No.” He lied. “I’m not.” He said praying to god Barnes would send him out in the field today. 

“Are you sure?” Nelson smirked, watching Edward closely. He was so easy to intimidate.

“I’m not going to be here. What do you want from me?” He asked. “Don’t you think sticking around after my shift will look a bit suspicious?” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done it,” Nelson pointed out, his eyes cold, his expression hardening. But he made no threatening movements that anyone outside the door might notice. “And you already know what I want.” He opened the casefile Edward had left on his desk and started flipping through it. “Run along now. If I need anything else, I know where to find you.” 

Edward sneered as he walked out of the room and went to go find Kristen for coffee. He reached the Records Annex, but she wasn’t there so he headed to the main room and saw her talking to Officer Risinger. He waited patiently for her to finish, awkwardly standing by the wall off to the side. 

“Look, for the last time, Gordon currently has that file checked out. If you need it too, you’ll have to go talk to him.” She looked up and saw Edward waiting for her. “Hi, Ed!” she said brightly, quickly extricating herself from the conversation and going over to him. “How’s your morning been?”

“Fine.” He said nodding. “Want to go for coffee now?” He asked. ‘And never come back here ever again?’ he added internally. 

“Definitely,” Kristen agreed, taking Edward’s hand in hers. “I could use a break about now, and you look like you could too.”

“Yeah.” He said taking her hand and heading out of the GCPD. “There’s a coffee place not far from here.” He said as they headed down the street. “Do you want to go there?” 

“Sure,” Kristen said, quickening her pace to keep up with him. “You’re walking really fast … Don’t forget your legs are longer than mine.”

Edward paused a moment and slowed down. “Sorry.” He said. 

“So how are you, really?” Kristen asked, looking up at him. Something was bothering him, she was sure of it. And she didn’t think it was just his burned forearm.

“I’m fine.” He said. “Why do you keep asking me that?” 

“I … don’t know,” Kristen said, unable to quite put her finger on the problem. “You just seem … off this morning. Is it something about work?” Or was it her? Had she done something wrong?

“I just have a lot of work I need to do … So I’m kind of stressing about that. And I get a little … I don’t want to say irritable but … My hormones are kind of out of wack, I’m due to get another shot soon.” He said, wondering where the hell he was going to get the money for it. 

“I’m sorry you’re stressed,” Kristen said, walking along beside him. “About how often do you have to take the shots?”

“Every two weeks.” He said. “Though I sometimes miss a week here and there. And sometimes go once a month.” 

“Does it get expensive?” Kristen asked. Presumably, it didn’t cost as much as the surgeries he wanted, but she imagined the cost of such frequent injections must add up.

“About $150 per injection.” He said as they reached the coffee shop. He held the door open for her. 

“Yikes,” Kristen said, wincing slightly as she went through the door, the comforting scent of fresh-ground coffee wafting from inside. “No wonder you skip a few weeks sometimes.”

“I wouldn’t skip a few, but a week here and there won’t do much. I just get a bit irritable for that last week sometimes. Usually not, it just depends on work stress and things … I just try to stay positive and remember that’s why I’m not feeling quite right. Generally if I know the reason I can calm myself down and try to at least pretend to act normally. Or … as ‘normal’ as is for me.” 

“You’re better than normal,” Kristen said, giving his hand an affectionate squeeze. “You’re you.” Kristen had seen normal, and it was definitely overrated.

“Well if that didn’t sound like it came from a sappy sitcom.” He said jokingly as they reached the till. He paid for both their coffee’s and they went to go sit down in a quiet booth in the back. 

“Maybe,” Kristen admitted. It was definitely under the more cliche and and sentimental things she’d said. “But you’ve seen the other guys around the precinct, what kind of behavior passes for normal here … they’re mostly assholes. Lately, ‘normal’ seems pretty overrated to me.”

Edward smiled slightly. “Yes, normal is overrated.” He said playing with the lip of his coffee cup. 

“So, what do you want to do tonight?” Kristen asked, taking a sip of her coffee. “I’m thinking maybe we could just put in a movie or something and relax.” After the rough time Edward had been having lately, it seemed like the best idea.

“That …. That sounds nice.” He said nodding. 

“What time should I come over?” Kristen asked.

“I’m off before you.” He said. “If you want I can wait around … We can go straight after work.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Kristen said. “How’s your arm feeling? Any better than yesterday?” 

“A little.” He said, looking at his arm though he couldn’t see the bandage under his jacket sleeve. “It still hurts, it’s kind of itchy.” 

“I guess it’ll only get better from this point,” Kristen said. She kissed him on the cheek. “You’re pretty tough, you know that?”

“If you say so.” Edward said with a slight smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. 

“I mean it,” she said, looking up at him. “You just keep going, second degree burns, sleep deprivation, and general disrespect be damned. You don’t think that’s tough?”

“I've been through worse.” Edward said with a shrug. 

Kristen winced at that … but didn’t question the issue further. “Well, you’re not allowed to go through worse anymore,” she said, crossing her arms firmly. “I strictly forbid it.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

“Nygma!” Edward winced. “I need to see you in my office. We need to go over that case file, I have a few questions.” Edward glanced around before he nodded and followed him to his office, the door shutting behind them. 

\---

“Hey, have you seen Ed?” Kristen asked Lee. She’d been looking everywhere for him, but no one seemed to have seen him. 

“He got called into Nelson’s office last I saw him. About an hour ago.” Another cop said before Lee had a chance to answer. 

“I haven't seen him since before you guys went for coffee so that might be your best bet. Maybe Nelson knows.” Lee said with an apologetic look on her face. 

“Nelson?” Kristen frowned, confused. As far as she knew, Edward tried to avoid that asshole. “Oh, right, he was working on Nelson’s case … Thanks, Lee.” Edward should be off by now … But Nelson was a demanding bastard. 

Kristen went over to Nelson’s office and knocked at his door. “Detective Nelson?” she called out. “Are you in?”

There was a loud thud and a groan before Nelson invited her in.

“Hi,” Kristen said, stepping into Nelson’s incredibly cluttered office. “Sorry to bother you … I was just wondering if you’ve seen Edward anywhere? We were supposed to meet after work.”

Nelson’s arm, which was beneath his desk shifted slightly. “No.” He said shaking his head. “I haven't seen him.” He said shifting slightly, his jaw clenching. He kind of looked like he was going to be sick. “Not in the last hour at least. He left I think. Probably went home for the day.”

“Um … okay,” Kristen said. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Mhmm, just … Hurt my back on the last case. Kind of … shooting down my leg.” He said his arm shifting again.

“Oh,” said Kristen, a little awkwardly. “I’m sorry for bothering you … I’ll leave you alone.”

She headed out, more confused than before. She tried to call Edward on her cell phone, but got no answer. Could he have just forgotten that they’d made plans already? That wasn’t really like him. Could he just be too tired and in too much pain to do anything tonight? But then, why hadn’t he called to let her know? Once again, she wondered if he really might be avoiding her … But why? If she’d done something to upset him, he hadn’t said anything about it. He was acting an entirely different variety of weird lately, and it worried her.

Back in the room Ed banged his head on the back of the desk underneath it as Nelson finally let go of his hair. He coughed as Nelson laughed at him.

“You know … You're not half bad Nygma.” He said picking up Ed’s pants and throwing them at him. “Let's make this a regular thing hmm? You come to my office to talk about a case, let's say once a week. I'll even be nice and let you pick which day …” He said with a smile that clearly implied he'd be calling on him anyway.

Edward swallowed nervously, sneering at the taste in his mouth as he got out from under the desk and put his pants back on, wincing when Nelson spanked him.

He corrected his clothing and headed out the door, thankful that Kristen was no longer in the area. He headed down the hall and towards the bathroom, not stopping to talk to anyone.

“Hey Nygma.” Bullock said. “Lee said Kristen was looking for you, she thought you left.” Edward didn't respond as he headed into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. He took his glasses off and tossed them onto the sink. He tried to keep his breathing steady but all he could think about was Nelson’s hands on his hips when he ……

Edward didn't even think as he pulled his jacket off, tossing it onto the sink followed by his tie, his shirt, his pants and underwear and his breast binder. He kicked off his shoes and socks before he went into one of the showers and turned it on before he punched the wall in frustration. He couldn't believe this was happening. He leaned against the wall as the water poured over him a moment before he started to scrub every part of himself as hard as he could. Even the parts Nelson hadn't touched. But mostly the parts he had. He was so focused on trying to get the feeling of Nelson’s hands off of him he almost missed the sound of the door opening. He froze and turned around, praying it wasn't Nelson.

He hadn't locked the door! Why hadn't he locked the door. The shower divider only showed him from the shoulders up but if they came closer …. Looked in.

He froze when he saw Jim paused in the bathroom, a little stunned and confused. Edward looked away, his face turning red.

“Sorry, Ed,” Jim said, a little awkwardly. “I didn’t know anyone was …” He looked down at the sink. Was that … a breast binder? Or whatever they were called? That definitely explained Edward’s deer-in-the-headlights look right now. Jim turned away stiffly. “I’ll … go stand outside the door. Make sure no one else comes in. I promise.”

Ed watched Jim leave and was confused and a bit conflicted. Did he want something out of this now too? Then again Jim was a good man … He wouldn't use this against him … Would he? He felt his anxiety rise, and after a few minutes could hear Jim out in the hall arguing with someone. Ed got out of the shower and got dressed, making sure his binder was done properly. He righted his clothing and his hair before he left the bathroom.

By the time Edward emerged, Jim had managed to send the other argumentative cop away. “I told him it was out of order,” he said when Edward came back out, fully dressed. Really, if Jim hadn’t stumbled in on him like this, he never would have known. Not that it was his business anyway. “Though … in the future it might be easier to just lock the door.”

“Yeah I … I … Yeah.” Edward said awkwardly, not looking at him. “Look, let's skip the pleasantries here … What do you want?” He asked.

“What?” Jim said, then grimaced when he understood Edward’s meaning. “Nothing. I just saw something that was none of my business and figured it wasn’t anyone else’s business either. And … if anyone gives you trouble about it, you can tell me and I’ll handle it. Okay?”

“Something tells me you wouldn't be able to handle it without it going public.” He said. “Excuse me …” He said moving past Jim and going to leave.

“Edward,” Jim said seriously, watching him closely as he started to walk away. “Is someone bothering you about this?” As jumpy and untrusting as Edward was being … could someone have already gotten to him? This was Gotham, after all. He wouldn’t put blackmail or extortion beyond some of his colleagues.

Edward thought about it a moment, could he confide in Jim? He had no doubt it was an option, but if Nelson caught wind of it he'd tell someone and it would be all over the GCPD …. Would everyone knowing really be that bad? He thought back to what Barnes had said when he'd first reviewed his file …. And to Nelson’s reaction when he'd found out … Yes … Yes it would be that bad.

“No.” Edward lied. “I have to go though … I … Heard Kristen was looking for me.” He said turning to leave again.

“Alright,” Jim said, though he didn’t buy it. The way Edward hesitated before answering … Granted, the guy didn’t always respond to questions normally. But this didn’t seem like Edward’s usual brand of social awkwardness. No inappropriately timed riddles, no random trivia on seemingly unrelated subjects … Just hesitation and deflection. But if something was going on that Edward didn’t want to talk about, there wasn’t a lot he could do about it. Interrogating him wouldn’t help. And Jim had no shortage of other problems to deal with right now. “If that changes, though … just know you don’t have to deal with it on your own, okay?”

Edward didn't say anything as he made his way up the stairs to his desk to grab his cell phone, all the while trying to think up excuses. He dialed Kristen's number but got no answer. He sighed as he tossed his phone down and ran his hands through his hair.

No sooner had he thrown the phone down, it started buzzing, Kristen’s number appearing on the screen.

Edward answered it with a quick “Hello.”

“Edward,” Kristen said, the relief audible in her voice. “Not to sound clingy, but … where are you? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, sorry I … Got called out unexpectedly, and had to work late. I didn't have a chance to phone you. Do you still want to come over? I’ll understand if you don't …”

Kristen sighed. “Sure, I’ll … I’ll meet you there. As long as you’re not standing me up.”

“No, of course not!” He said. “Why would I stand you up? I like spending time with you.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. You’ve been nothing but considerate. I’ve just been a little insecure lately, that’s all.” They had a good thing going so far, and there was a part of her that was just waiting for everything to go to hell, the way it always seemed to. “I’ll see you there, alright?”

“I'll see you soon.” He said with a soft smile before he got up from his desk and left, pausing when he saw Nelson before he walked around and out the front door.

Kristen arrived at Edward’s apartment a little after he did, with a couple of takeout bags and a bottle of wine, which she had to rearrange so she could knock at the door.

Edward opened the door and allowed her in. “Kristen!” He said smiling.

“Hey,” Kristen said, brightening at how glad Edward looked to see her. “Seems like you had a long day, so I thought a nice quiet night in would help.”

“I would love that.” He said closing the door behind her. “We can watch some movies downstairs if you like. I'm off tomorrow too if … If you want to stay the night.” He wasn't actually off but he had every intention of calling in sick tomorrow.

“That sounds perfect,” Kristen smiled, putting the bags down on the table before going over and kissing him gently. “There’s nothing I would like better. You pick the movie, okay?”

“Oh that will be a mistake.” He said going to the trap door and opening it.

“I never noticed that there,” Kristen said, peering down the trapdoor, seeing a stairway leading down to what looked like a surprisingly spacious area. “I thought that was a separate apartment on that floor.”

“It was.” He said. “I own the building. So I did some renos and took both apartments.” He said heading down and clicking on the light.

“You own the building?” Kristen repeated, looking at him, impressed. “How did you manage that?” She followed him down the stairs, looking around, her eyes widening. There were shelves and shelves of games, the corresponding consoles neatly arranged, and an entire wall of vintage arcade games. There was also a sizable television, a comfy looking couch, and even a black pool table with neon green felt. “And how long did it take you to collect all of this?”

“Most of it was gifts from someone I know. He used to play a lot of video games, and collected the old arcade games. The majority of the older games and consoles he gave me … His wife wasn't fond of them, said they took up to much room. And he couldn't find a buyer that would pay what he wanted, so he gave it to me … Said he'd rather give it to someone who'd make good use of it than sell it to someone who only wanted to make a profit.”

“This is really incredible,” she said, delighted as she looked around. “How come you’ve never invited me down here before? Were you afraid I’d get distracted by the arcade games and never leave?” she teased.

“No, I was afraid you'd start ask to start borrowing all of them.” He said jokingly. “They aren't leaving this apartment.” He said pointing at her. “Foot down!”

“Alright, alright,” Kristen laughed, holding up her hands in mock surrender. “I won’t run off with your games. I promise.”

“Well alright then. So long as we’re clear.” He said with a laugh. “Movies are in the drawers on the bottom. I'll let you keep your sanity tonight and let you pick it.”

“Keep my sanity?” Kristen said, smiling as she went to look through the movie-drawers. “Would your movie choice really be such a terrible threat to it?”

“Oh I'm sure it would be.” He said with a laugh.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

Edward woke up the next morning, his arm around Kristen’s side, his chest pressed up against her back. He felt a bit sore, almost like he'd slept in the wrong position, but it was the queasiness in his stomach that had woken him up.

He rolled over onto his back and rubbed his hand over his stomach, breathing evenly trying to calm it, but within a few minutes he was bolting to the bathroom.

Kristen woke up to the sound of Edward throwing up violently in the restroom. She got up and padded over to the restroom, pausing outside the door. “Edward?” she asked, worried. “Are you okay?”

Edward sat against the wall and pulled the flusher, breathing heavily. “Yeah …” He said, his voice sounding hoarse. “My stomach’s just upset.” He said, hoping that was all it was. Maybe the food didn't sit quite right, or maybe he was getting a flu.

“I’m sorry,” Kristen winced. Edward sounded pretty miserable. “Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

“Could you get me some ginger ale from the fridge please?” He asked.

“Sure,” Kristen said, quickly going over to the kitchen area and bringing it over to him. The bathroom door was left hanging open; apparently Edward had been in too much of a hurry to close it. “I hope you’re not allergic to me,” she joked lamely.

“No, I'm sure that would have kicked in about seven weeks ago when we started dating. If not at work prior.” He said jokingly, though the joke didn’t quite reach his tone as he sipped the ginger ale.

“That’s good to know,” Kristen said, smoothing back Edward’s hair. She glanced down at her watch. It was about 5:45 in the morning. “Do you think you’ll be able to get back to sleep?”

“Maybe.” He said taking another sip and handed her the glass so he could stand up. He held his hand on his stomach as he made his way back to bed.

Kristen went to go put the glass in the sink, and then climbed back into bed, cuddling up against Edward.

Edward laid on his back, breathing evenly as Kristen cuddled up next to him. He reached over and pulled over his cell phone, calling into work and told them he wouldn't be in today. He hung up before they even acknowledged what he'd said and put the phone back on the dresser. He supposed this was karma kicking him in the ass.

“I thought you were off today,” Kristen yawned sleepily, settling back against him once he’d put the phone down.

“I am.” He said. “I wasn't supposed to be but I had every intention of calling in sick. I suppose this is karma kicking me in the ass.” He said voicing his thought.

“Then karma’s a jerk,” Kristen said, kissing him gently on the cheek. “You went into work with a burned arm after no sleep. You’ve more than earned a day off. Maybe this is your body telling you to slow down and take a break.”

Edward thought about the reasons he could actually be feeling sick. “Maybe.”


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Two days later the nausea still wasn't stopping. It was coming and going throughout the day, but it always came back, and certain smells seemed to set him off running to the bathroom.

He could feel his heart thudding in his chest as he sat on the floor of his bathroom. The timer on his phone went off and he turned it off, but didn't move. He didn't want to look. Didn't want to see the result. He almost knew what it would be.

He took a deep shaky breath and looked down at the pregnancy test and it felt like his heart stopped.

A little pink + sign was on the white stick and Edward heard more than felt it fall from his hand, clattering on the floor. It was morning sickness, very wrongly named since he seemed to be sick at random times of the day. Which meant he had to be at least four to five weeks along.

Edward shook his head and kicked the test away from him, as if getting rid of the test would take away its results. These things weren't always accurate … Maybe it was wrong. But Ed knew that wasn't the case. There was a baby growing inside of him … Nelson’s baby.

He banged his head against the wall. He didn't know what he was going to do. He couldn't even think about abortion … Despite the circumstances, it wasn't the baby's fault of how it was conceived … And he didn't agree with abortion.

He'd have to stop taking T. It would be toxic to the baby. God, he was going to start showing in a few months. People at work would know …. Kristen would know ….

And all he knew … Was that he didn't know what to do.

((A/N - If you don't hate me yet .... You will in the upcoming chapters. I'm so .... So sorry. Forgive me.))


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Kristen made her way into the break room, in dire need of a cup of coffee after the morning she was having. She looked up as Lee entered a moment later. “Hi, Lee,” Kristen said, smiling tiredly. “Here for your caffeine fix?”

“No, I think I need to step back from the caffeine this morning. If I have anymore I’m going to start bouncing off the walls.” She said with a laugh as she walked over to the sink and filled up her water bottle. “How’s it going?”

“Um …” Kristen thought it over. “Okay, I guess. Edward's been kind of distant lately.”

“Really?” Lee asked, leaning against the counter. “Why? I thought you guys were going strong. You’re both so cute together.”

“I don’t know,” Kristen said, shaking her head. “He says everything is fine, he doesn’t seem like he’s angry with me or anything, but … He still acts really distant, he doesn’t invite me to stay over anymore, and … he’s uncomfortable with being touched, even just cuddling. I … I don’t know what’s going on.”

“You said he was sick for a few weeks. Do you think he’s still sick and isn’t saying anything?” She asked. “I’ve noticed he tends to clam up when something’s wrong.”

“Maybe,” Kristen sighed. “It doesn't seem like that's the problem though. Whatever it is, he's not talking about it.”

“Have you told him how you feel?” She asked. “I mean, he does look a bit off. Have you noticed he’s been gaining some weight lately?”

“Well… Yes,” Kristen admitted. Though Edward had said it was because he’d had to miss a few T doses due to lack of funds. “Do you think he could be self-conscious about it?”

“Has he had any fluctuation in his testosterone shots?” Lee asked after making sure no one was in earshot.

Kristen's eyes widened. “How …” She whispered, glancing around to make sure they weren't overheard. “Did Edward tell you?”

“No. Jim found out. He didn’t tell anyone other than me. He found him in the bathroom a few months ago, he seemed upset but wouldn’t talk about it. He thought I’d have a better chance of helping him since I work closer with him but … So far, I’ve gotten nothing. He seems to act normal at work for the most part. I mean he seems a bit quieter than usual.” She said with a shrug. “If he’s not talking though, there isn’t much we can do for him, and besides … Whatever is going on with him … He shouldn’t be taking it out on you. How about you come over tonight. We’ll have a girls night.”

“That … That sounds nice,” Kristen said. “Thanks, seriously. I really appreciate it.”


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

(A/N - I’m so sorry for this - please don’t hate me) 

*bzzzzzzzzz*

*bzzzzzzzzz*

*bzzzzzzzzz*

*bzzzzzzzzz*

“Kristen, your phone is buzzing again.” Lee said from the kitchen where Kristen had left her phone as she poured herself another drink. “Are you sure you don’t want anything? I have some wine if you want.”

“That sounds great,” Kristen said, ignoring her phone again. She was irritated with Edward for shutting her out, not answering half her calls … He could wait.

Lee came back in with Kristen’s phone. “Are you sure you don’t want to answer it. It’s the third time he’s called now.” She said handing her the phone and a glass of wine she poured for her.

Kristen took the glass of wine and set the phone aside. “With all of my calls that he's ignored lately, he can stand to wait a little.”

“If you say so.” Lee said shaking her head before the phone buzzed once. Not a call then, a text.

“So, how have things been with you lately?” Kristen asked, ignoring the text. That was the nice thing about text messages. They would still be there later.

“Good.” Lee said. “Jim’s talking about going on a vacation this summer. I’m surprised honestly.” She said as her phone buzzed again. Kristen ignored it again so she continued. “I think he’s honestly just trying to make up for everything that’s been going on lately. I told him some time away from Gotham would be good for the both of us, and he surprisingly agreed.” She said as her phone buzzed again.

“That’s good to hear,” Kristen said, glancing down at her phone. That … was a lot of attempts to contact her all at once. Edward wasn’t usually the type to spam her phone if she didn’t answer immediately. Maybe something was going on. “Where are you two going? Somewhere sunny, I hope?”

She picked up her phone, opening up her messages from Edward. It wouldn’t hurt to take a look, and then if it was an emergency she’d know …

Her eyes widened at the three messages, each a few seconds apart:

6:14:58 I need help.

6:15:17 I don’t know what to do.

6:15:45 Please.

“I … I think something’s going on,” Kristen said, holding up her phone and showing Lee the messages. “You were right, I should have answered.” What if something else had happened to him? Like the accident in the lab, or maybe something out in the field … Sure he was supposed to be off duty today, but he got called in unexpectedly all the time. Why hadn’t she … She called Edward back, but it went straight to voicemail.

She texted him back: Where are you? as she got up to leave. “I’m sorry, I … need to go find out what’s wrong.”

There was no answer or response back. No call, no text.

Kristen grabbed her purse and headed out. She didn’t know for sure that Edward had been called in, and his apartment was closer, so she’d check there first. She hurriedly made her way back to Edward’s apartment, repeatedly trying to call on her way there, but still receiving no response, each call going straight to voice mail. Had something happened to his phone? Or worse, had something happened to him to keep him from answering? She arrived at Edward’s place and knocked at the door. “Edward!” she called out loudly. “Are you there?”

There was no answer from inside, not even any noise.

Not knowing what else to do, Kristen tried the door. Finding it unlocked, she let herself in. She didn’t see Edward, but there was a light on in the bathroom, and the door was halfway open. “Edward,” she called out, approaching tentatively. “Are you okay?”

“Kristen?” He asked, both shock and pain clear in his voice. “I … I’m sorry.” He said sniffing and taking a deep shaky breath.

“No, Edward,” Kristen said, feeling terrible. “I should have answered …” She neared the doorway, and found Edward on the floor in obvious pain. Without another thought, she went to him. “What happened?” she asked.

Edward was covered in sweat, his phone shattered on the floor near the bathtub. He shook his head, tearing up again. “I’m sorry …” He said again. “I …. I didn’t know what to do. I …. I’m scared.”

“It’s … it’s okay,” Kristen said, going over to him, putting her hands on his shoulders. There was blood on his pants. She went pale. “Edward, what’s happening?” 

“I …” Edward felt so stupid. “I’m pregnant …” He said not looking at her. “Or … Maybe … I don’t know anymore.”

Kristen’s eyes widened. It all made sense now. “How …” she shook her head. That didn’t matter right now. “We need to get you to a hospital,” she said, pulling out her phone to call an ambulance. She didn’t know how far along Edward was, but it was clearly far enough that a miscarriage could seriously hurt him.

“I'm sorry.” He said again as she called the ambulance. “I …. I didn't know what to do.”

“You’re going to be okay,” Kristen said, her free hand still on his shoulder. “You can explain it later.” Once the phone picked up, she quickly told them what was going on … Though she refrained from mentioning that the person having a miscarriage was her boyfriend. It wouldn’t help if they thought it was a prank.

It was minutes before the ambulance arrived, and for a moment the paramedics thought it was in fact a prank before they saw the blood and realized that Ed was running a high fever. They got him into the ambulance and took him to Gotham General.

Kristen followed the ambulance there, and was forced to wait in the waiting room until they finally admitted her to see him hours later. The nurses were a little hesitant in giving her details, but she was stubborn enough that she was able to find out Edward had needed a blood transfusion from the amount of blood he’d lost. Finally, she got in to see him.

“Edward?” she said tentatively as she entered the hospital room. He looked pale and miserable and exhausted.

“Hey.” He said quietly. “If I don't do it on my own in the next hour or so … They said they're going to induce me …” He said taking a deep breath as she approached. “I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.” He said unable to look at her. “I didn't want this.”

Kristen sat down next to the bed, taking Edward’s hand in hers. “How … how did this happen?” she asked quietly. She’d rolled the possibilities around in her mind, and she didn’t like any of them. But as uncomfortable as Edward was with receiving vaginal sex … she had a hard time believing he would cheat on her. She just couldn’t wrap her head around it.

Edward was quiet a moment before he spoke, his hand tightening around hers. “Someone at work found out …. Back when I'd burned my arm … I wasn't wearing my shirt binder that day, just my wrap, and it was too hot in the room, so I'd taken my jacket off. When my shirt sleeve caught on fire we couldn't get it out, so he ripped my shirt off, and stamped it out. My jacket was behind him and I couldn't get to it …. He saw …. He …. He blackmailed me …. Said he'd tell everyone if I didn't …” He paused there, unable to voice the rest. “You almost caught us once … I kind of almost wished you had.”

“Oh my God,” Kristen whispered, sickened that someone would do this to him. “Why … why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was scared …. Of how you would react. Who you would tell. If he found out I told you ….” He said. “I couldn't stand it if anyone else knew … It's bad enough Jim found out ….” He said shaking his head. “This shouldn't be a big deal … As far as anyone at work is concerned I'm male in every sense of the word …. But it's turning into a big deal because he … Because I ….” He didn't even know what he was talking about anymore.

Kristen’s hand tightened around Edward’s, her eyes tearing up. Why hadn’t she seen what was happening? Looking back, all the signs added up. How long had someone been tormenting Edward right under her nose? He’d needed her, but hadn’t been able to say anything, and she wasn’t smart enough to figure it out. “Who did this to you?” she asked.

“I can't …” He said shaking his head. “If he finds out ….”

“Okay,” Kristen said quietly, her hand running over his cheek. “You don’t have to tell me right now.” Edward had enough to deal with at the moment, she wouldn’t pressure him further. But she would ask him again later. And then she would make whoever did this pay.

Edward groaned and shifted as another sharp pain came over him, his stomach hurting more often than not, but the occasional increase in pain sometimes caught him by surprise. He lowered his hand to his stomach and stayed still until it passed again.

Once he was as relaxed as he could be again, he looked up at her. “Are you mad at me?”

“What?” Kristen asked, and then shook her head. “No,” she reassured him. “Of course not … It’s not your fault this happened.”

“It is …” He said. “I had choices … And this was the one I picked.” He said shaking his head. “I cheated on you … How can you not be mad?”

“You were threatened and coerced, Edward,” Kristen said disbelievingly. “And you sure as hell don’t seem happy about it. What were your other ‘choices,’ exactly? Worse treatment from the other cops? Barnes making an excuse to fire you for being too much trouble? Giving up a job you love and worked hard for?” She shook her head. “Those aren’t choices, Edward, even if he made you think they were.”

“They are choices … And I chose one of several bad options. I think I may have chosen the worst one.” He said tensing and rolling onto his back as another wave of pain came over him.

Kristen put a hand on Edward’s shoulder, her other hand still holding onto his. “He faced you with nothing but bad options,” Kristen said quietly. “And you’re not the one I blame for it.”

Ed nodded slightly. “Thank you.” He said looking up at her. “For being so supportive.”

Kristen gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Don't mention it,” she said.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jim knocked on the door a few hours later, glancing in the room at Kristen who was sitting beside Ed’s bed who seemed to be sleeping.

“Hey …” He said quietly stepping into the room, Lee stepping in behind him. “How is he?”

“As well as can be expected,” Kristen said, looking up at him. “They induced him, gave him something for the pain … It's over now.”

Jim nodded, unsure of what to say as they came in.

“I'm glad he's okay.” Lee said sitting in the chair next to her. “Did he tell you what happened?”

Kristen looked uncomfortable. “Someone at work found out, and … threatened to tell everyone if he didn't…” she let them work out the rest. “He hasn't told me who … I think he's still afraid.”

“Yeah, I don't blame him. They'd tear him apart if the wrong person knew.” Jim said.

“The wrong person already does know.” Ed said tiredly from the bed. “And now far too many people know.” He said opening his eyes and looking accusingly at Jim. He knew Jim would have told Lee over Kristen.

Jim’s expression tightened a little guiltily. “I know it wasn't my place to say anything, but I thought maybe since Lee works pretty closely with you, she could keep an eye out for you, if something's wrong.”

“If I wanted her to know, or you, I would have told you.” He said irritably.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly to Jim and Lee. “He’s been through a lot tonight.”

“Don't apologize for me.” Ed said sounding annoyed.

“Sorry,” Kristen sighed tiredly.

“We're just trying to look out for you,” Lee said. “I know this is something you want to be able to control, and none of this is easy. But since we know now anyway… would you be willing to tell us who did this?”

Edward didn't say anything as he shook his head. He was tired, and sore, and all he wanted to do was sleep.

“It's okay,” Kristen said, smoothing back Edward's hair and kissing him on the forehead. “We don't have to talk about this now. You can just rest.”


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

It was two days before Edward was released from the hospital, and by that point all he wanted to do was go home. He was thankful to be in the car. It was comforting really. Though he felt the silence was bordering on uncomfortable.

“How are you feeling?” Kristen asked tentatively.

Edward sighed as they pulled onto his street, running his hand through his hair. “Fine.” He said though it was an obvious lie.

“Do you want me to come in with you, or leave you alone?” Kristen asked. She wanted to be there for him … but if he needed his space right now, she could understand that.

“Can …. Can you stay with me for a while?” He asked quietly. “I know you have every right to be mad at me but …. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Okay,” Kristen said, looking up at him as she pulled up in front of his apartment building. “I … should probably stop by my place and pick up a few things. But I can stay as long as you need.” The circumstances were awful. She couldn’t even imagine everything Edward had been through. But … at least he was starting to let her in.

Edward nodded as his eyes started tearing up again. He wished he could stop crying, it’s all he’d done for the past two days. He wasn’t sure how he felt about all this, and that made him even more emotional. He didn’t agree with abortion … And he’d just lost his baby … But at the same time he hadn’t wanted it to begin with. It was just all so confusing to him.

Kristen unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to face Edward, wrapping her arms around him and holding him gently. “You … you know I’m not mad at you, right?” she said quietly. She’d said it before, but … she wasn’t entirely sure he believed her. She hoped he didn’t think that, on top of everything else he was going through.

Edward didn’t look at her but nodded. “Yeah.” He said quietly.

“I … know everything hurts right now,” Kristen said, feeling useless to fix this. She ran a hand soothingly over his back. “But … it’s going to be okay again. I promise things are going to be okay.”

Edward sighed. “I … Don’t even know what I’m upset about right now. And that’s just upsetting me more.”

“You have every reason to be upset,” Kristen said. “It’s … it’s okay to just let yourself be upset for awhile. I’ll be there with you through that. And when you're able to work on being less upset, I’ll be there for that too.”

Edward glanced up at her and took his hand in hers. “Thank you.” He said. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk lately. I just … I didn’t want you to find out. I guess I didn’t really think about what would happen when I started showing. I mean, half the precinct had their suspicions. There were jokes at the least.”

“You had no way of knowing how I’d react,” Kristen said. “Now you do.” She was quiet for a moment, and then asked: “Edward … who did this to you?”

Edward’s hand moved away from hers and dropped into his lap, taking a deep breath as he looked at his hands. He was terrified of telling anyone, but … He didn’t want to keep anything from her anymore. “Officer Nelson.” He said.

“I see,” Kristen said, her eyes narrowing. Nelson … was an absolute bastard, but she’d never imagined … She went pale, remembering when she’d walked into his office looking for Edward. Was that when she’d almost caught them? If she’d known … “He needs to pay for this.”

“I … Kristen, no ….” He said. “If anything … If he ….” He became very flustered, panic starting to set in. If it got back to Nelson that something was going on ….

“Edward,” Kristen said, putting a steadying hand on his shoulder. “He won’t know you told me, and no one else will know what happened. I won’t do anything to risk that happening, I promise.”

Edward glanced over at her before he leaned over and hugged her. “I love you.” He whispered. It was such bad timing, Ed knew that, and maybe a huge step and possibly the most inappropriate time to say such a thing but …. Right now it was how he felt, and he had to say it. She’d been so supportive after he’d kept her in the dark, scared of how she’d react, and despite everything that happened, she was still here for him. And he couldn’t help loving her more than he already had.

“I …” Kristen’s eyes widened as she processed what he’d just said. Had she really just heard him correctly? Did he really just … She hadn’t expected that right now. But … she had spent some time thinking about it, considering the balance between protecting her heart and admitting how she felt. “I … I love you too, Edward,” she said. And in that moment, she knew with complete certainty that it was true. Whatever else happened, whatever baggage he was carrying … she loved him.

“Don’t …” Edward said. “Don’t say that … After everything that I did to you. And I just threw that at you …” He said pulling away from her. “I … Don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“No, Edward,” Kristen said, looking up at him steadily. “This … this isn’t obligation. I love you.”

“Even after everything I did to you the last few months?” He asked. “I was a jerk.”

“You were scared,” Kristen corrected him. “I knew you weren’t being a jerk just for the sake of it, I knew something was wrong and I just wanted you to let me in …” She touched a hand to the side of his face. “Edward … why do you think I’ve been here through all of that unless I love you? Why else would I be here?”

“Why did you stay with Daugherty for so long?” He asked before he realized what he’d said. “I … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“No,” Kristen sighed. “It … it’s a fair question. Daugherty …” she glanced away, biting her lip as she considered how to put it into words. “He … didn’t seem like that at first. And … then I didn’t really think I could do better. And … by the time things had started to get really bad, I just …” her voice went very quiet. “Was scared to try to leave.” She looked back up at Edward. “And after he decided to just go off and vanish, I promised myself I wouldn’t tolerate anything like that again. That I was through settling. So … when I say I love you, I’m not doing it lightly.”

“What if you’re just settling again?” He asked. “I’m sure you can do a lot better than me … Especially after what I did the past few months. You’re beautiful, and kind, and understanding. Any man would be lucky to have you.” He said.

“And yet,” Kristen sighed, sitting back in her seat. “No man seems to trust me to know what I want.” She looked back at him. “You’re kind, and thoughtful, and so patient with me … not to mention the most brilliant man I’ve ever known. There’s no one else like you, Edward. Is it so hard to accept that I’m in love with you?”

Edward stared down at his hands and answered with a simple. “Yes.”

“Why?” Kristen demanded. “You love me, you just said so yourself, why shouldn’t I love you?”

“I can't even love myself, how can someone else love me?” He asked. “My own parents don't even love me. I mean if they can't ….”

“Then they’re idiots,” Kristen said, exasperated. “Who made you feel terrible about yourself for no reason. I thought mine were bad, but …” she shook her head. She wasn’t going down that road. What Edward’s father had done was unforgivable, and she didn’t need to bring that up on top of everything else. “You deserve to be loved, Edward. None of my attempts at finding love have worked out so far … Why can’t we find it with each other?”

Edward smiled softly at her. “You're just making me love you more.” He said taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. “Let's go get your stuff first.”

“Okay,” Kristen smiled, blushing slightly, as she started driving back toward her place. “It shouldn't take long.” She felt a little giddy … Edward loved her. After all the uncertainty over the past couple of months, he loved her … And she would do whatever it took to protect him.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Kristen walked by Nelson’s office, a stack of files in her hands. Edward was still at home recovering from what had happened. She was afraid of what she would have to do. But she was determined that when Edward came back to work, Nelson wouldn't be able to hurt him anymore.

“Miss. Kringle.” He said pleasantly as he came up to his office. “Pleasure to see you, as always.”

“Good to see you too, Officer Nelson,” Kristen said, forcing a smile.

“Can I help you with something?” He asked, a wide smile on his face, standing a little too close.

“That depends,” Kristen said, glancing down shyly to hide her revulsion. “What are you doing after work?”

Nelson looked shocked for a moment before a sly smile came back to his face. “What about Nygma?” He asked, knowing what she meant.

“What he doesn't know won't hurt him,” Kristen said, mimicking his smile and ignoring the nauseous feeling in her stomach.

“I like the sound of that … How about we go to Reggies? Say tomorrow around six?”

“I’d like that,” Kristen said, feigning a coy smile, a little perturbed that this act was so easy for her to pull off. She wondered what that said about her. “See you there,” she said, turning to leave.

When Kristen got back to Ed’s place he was sitting at his table trying to fix the toaster. “Hey.” Ed said. “Where did you go?”

“I went to work,” Kristen said, kissing Edward as she came in. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” He said. “But …. Conflicted.” He said putting the cover back on the toaster.

“Conflicted?” Kristen asked.

He sighed as he leaned back before he slowly got up and moved to the bed. “I didn't want it … I never did … But …. It was my baby …. And it died.” He said sounding upset about it. “I …. I shouldn't care … But … I do.”

“You're allowed to care,” Kristen said gently, going over and sitting next to him on the bed. “Maybe you didn't want it, but … You chose to carry it. And then after everything …” She took his hand in hers. “But it's going to be okay.”

“No … It's not.” He said. “There were nights where I thought … Maybe if I told you, you'd be supportive. I thought about carrying it through … Pictured us raising a child together …. It …. It made me happy.” He said. “But I couldn't do it … I started showing and …..” He paused and pulled away from her leaning against the headboard. “I saw what it was doing to my body.” He paused, staring down at his lap. “I didn't just lose the baby, Kristen …”

Kristen looked up at him. “What do you mean?” she asked quietly.

Edward couldn't look at her when he spoke. “When I started showing … I became even more disgusted with myself … I stopped going on T when I found out I was pregnant, I hadn't been on it for a few weeks at that point. I knew it would be harmful to the baby and … I don't agree with abortion of any form. But when I started showing …. I panicked. I couldn't think of anything but myself, I wasn't thinking about it …. I begged my doctor to put me back on T but he could tell I was pregnant and refused so … I … Obtained it illegally.” He said his voice fading to barely a whisper. “I killed my baby.” He choked.

“Oh, Edward,” Kristen whispered, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. “You were scared, and overwhelmed, and you were going through this completely on your own.” And she hated the thought of how things would have gone for him at work once he couldn’t hide it anymore. Barnes would have cobbled together a reason to fire him for sure. “I would have supported whatever decision you made … You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“Who else would I blame? Nelson may have gotten me pregnant, but I killed it …” He said. “It was big enough it had a heart beat, and little limbs …. It was just a baby and it would have survived if it wasn't for me being so selfish. I'm worse than my father … He may have been an ass hole but at least he gave me a chance to live!” He said tears falling down his cheeks.

“Don’t say that,” Kristen said, holding him tighter. “You tried to have some control over your own body, because you were scared. That’s not the same thing. And … what kind of life would that baby have even had? We’re not ready to take care of a child, especially if you ended up losing your job over it … You’re putting more blame on yourself than anyone reasonably could.”

“Adoption was always an option.” He said. “I didn’t have to ….”

“But it was still your choice to make,” Kristen said firmly. “And you were completely overwhelmed. It sounds to me like you were too terrified to even know what choice to make. You … you can feel regret. That’s okay. But you can’t keep blaming yourself, or this is going to just eat away at you. Something awful happened to you … and this is just another part of it.”

“I just wish it would make more sense …” He said leaning forward and hugging her. “Thank you so much for being here with me … I … Don’t think I could do this alone. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up when you did.”

Kristen ran her hands gently over Edward’s back. “I … should have shown up sooner,” she whispered. “I heard that you called, I heard the messages come in, but …” she shook her head, her eyes tearing up. “I ignored my phone, because I was so pissed off that you’d been pushing me away … I … I should have known something was wrong.”

“You …” Edward paused looking at her as he sat back, letting go of her. “You ignored me?” He asked, conflicted on how he felt about that. She was here now, and he was grateful for that, but how long had he been on that floor scared and in pain, in need of help, before she’d bothered to answer him? “For how long?” He asked.

“It … must have been about 20 minutes. Until the third text,” Kristen whispered, looking down as he pulled away from her, too ashamed to meet his eyes. “By then … I thought maybe it was important, maybe something had happened … And then I saw all your texts and …” She shook her head. “I should have been here faster. I’m so sorry.”

Twenty minutes? She’d ignored him for 20 minutes when he’d so desperately needed her. “I ….” Edward didn’t know what to say. “I’m … going to go take a shower.” He said moving to the other side of the bed.

Kristen seemed to shrink as Edward pulled away from her, staring down at the floor, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling awful. She hated that she’d been so petty, and when he had needed her more than ever … How was he supposed to believe she loved him now?


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

It was half an hour before Edward came back out of the shower. He saw her laying in bed, staring at the wall and he could tell she’d been crying. He changed into a pair of pajamas before he crawled into bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He was upset … But he couldn’t blame her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She was surprised that he held her. She’d half expected him to tell her to go home. “I swear I will never, never ignore you like that again.”

“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep.” He said. “Had it not been a bad situation … You had every right to ignore me. You were mad at me. I don’t blame you.”

“You should,” Kristen said quietly. “I was being petty, and … and I should have known something was wrong.”

“Well, had you answered your phone, or checked the messages, you would have known. But it’s okay to be mad at me … I’m not mad at you … Just …. A bit upset.” He said, though he didn’t pull away from her. “I forgive you.”

Kristen turned over in bed to face him, returning his embrace. “Do … you still love me?” she asked so quietly that he almost didn’t hear it.

Edward looked confused at that. “Do I- Kristen, why wouldn’t I?” He asked. “I mean, yeah I’m a bit upset that you were ignoring my phone calls while I was laying in the bathroom bleeding but … No, I can’t just turn off my emotions like that. Contrary to common belief, I’m not actually a robot.” He said. “I still love you. And I don’t blame you for ignoring me, I was kind of a jerk to you. I probably would have done the same thing had our positions been reversed.” He said though he doubted that was true. If she had been pushing him away, and had suddenly called, he doubted he’d have ignored it. If anything, he probably would have been desperate for acknowledgement at that point. But everyone was different, and he didn’t fault her for reacting the way she had. 

Relieved, Kristen relaxed against him, holding him close. “Thank you …” she said, looking up at him. “I love you too, and … from now on I’ll do a better job of showing it. I promise.”

“You already do a lot to show it.” He said kissing her forehead. “But … There is something you could do for me, or …. For us …. If you wanted to start making it up to me.”

Kristen looked back at him nervously. If any previous boyfriend had said that, he could only be wanting one thing. But from Edward … she didn’t know what to expect. “And … what might that be?” she asked.

“Make supper?” He asked, kissing her cheek.

Kristen laughed, and spanked his butt playfully. She kissed him gently before sitting up. “Any particular requests?” she asked.

“Hmm …. Ice cream.” He said, knowing she would never allow it.

Kristen rolled her eyes. “Real food first. You know. Things with nutritional value.”

Edward tsk’d in disappointment and rolled over in bed. “But mooooooooom.” He said in a whiny tone.

“Fine,” Kristen said, getting up and going over to the kitchen area. “I’ll figure it out myself. But don’t complain later if it’s not what you wanted.”

Edward sighed and watched her from the bed as she moved around the kitchen. “Spoil sport.” He said. He watched her for a few moments before he smiled. “You know … There’s something about you being all domestic that’s …. Kind of hot.”

She looked up at him with a surprised smile. “You say that now,” she said. “But I’m afraid my cooking skills don’t measure up to yours … I hope you’re not disappointed enough to ruin the effect.”

“To be fair … No one's cooking skills measures up to mine.” He said with a smile.

“Arrogant,” Kristen smirked, stirring the saucepan. “But you're not wrong.”

“It's not arrogance if I'm telling the truth.” He said turning on his back. He was silent a moment before he spoke again. “Barnes called me today.”

Kristen looked up uneasily. “What did he say?” she asked.

“He wants me back in tomorrow, and we’ll have a meeting tomorrow.” He said nervously.

“Oh,” Kristen said quietly. She didn't think he was ready to go back in his current state, let alone deal with Barnes. “What … do you think he's going to do?”

“I don't know.” He said. “Do you want to come over again after work?”

“I’ve got some errands I need to take care of after work,” Kristen said, wishing she had insisted on meeting with Nelson tonight and gotten it over with. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long. “I can come over afterward.”

“Sure … If … If it's not too much of an inconvenience.” He said sulkily.

“Edward,” Kristen said, a little upset. “I like spending time with you, remember? You know you're not an inconvenience, don't you?”

“Yeah, I'm just … Emotional and needy I guess.”

“You're not needy,” Kristen said. “You’ve just been having a really rough time lately. But I'm not going anywhere.”

“Okay.” He said sniffing the air. “You're burning the sauce.” He said.

Kristen yelped and rushed to rescue the sauce. “I think it's still edible,” she said, looking terribly disappointed in herself as she went to go strain the pasta.

“What are you making anyway?” He asked.

“Fettuccini,” she said. “With a cheesy alfredo sauce… that hopefully isn't too burnt.”

Edward smiled. “I'm sure it'll just give it extra flavour.” He said with a slight chuckle as he moved off the bed and got up to set the table. “Do you want to have dinner in bed?” He asked. It wasn't something he usually did but …. Why not?

Kristen looked over at Edward and then smiled. “Sure, why not?” she said. Right now, she was in favor of anything Edward found comforting, and that did sound pretty cozy.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Officer Nelson came into the Records Annex a smile on his face. “Hey, are you ready?”

“If you are,” Kristen said, picking up her purse and forcing a smile.

Nelson took her hand and led her from the GCPD, earning a few odd glances as they left. They reached Reggies and got a table in the back corner.

Kristen didn’t appreciate the possessiveness of the gesture, and had to hide her revulsion at his hand on hers. Hopefully, no one at GCPD would think back to this after Nelson went missing … but the man was a notorious womanizer, so she doubted anyone would think to single her out. As long as this didn’t get back to Edward before she got a chance to explain. She continued to force a smile and make small talk with Nelson all the while, trying to push what he’d done out of her mind long enough to keep it convincing.

“So I was thinking …” Nelson said halfway through dinner, taking her hand in his. “Why don't you come with me? Hmm? Leave Nygma … You know you'd be much happier with me.” He said, that award winning smile on his face. 

“Well that was direct,” Kristen said, covering her nausea with a laugh. “And why, exactly would I be happier with you?”

“Because I can take care of you better than he can. I'm more of a man than he is.” He said, he leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “I could pleasure you better than he can.” 

Kristen shuddered. Fortunately, he could easily mistake that for a shiver of anticipation. “Care to prove that?” she said.

Nelson’s smile widened. The ladies always fell for him, it was almost too easy. He glanced down at her cell which started buzzing on the table, the name Ed popping up on the display. 

Glancing down at her phone, Kristen winced and tucked the phone away in her purse. “I can get that later,” she said, feeling guilty. She’d promised Edward she wouldn’t ignore him again … And she hated that she was breaking that promise so quickly. But she had this bastard right where she wanted him, and she couldn’t explain this to Edward right now.

Nelson smiled again. “That's my girl.” He said asking the waitress to take the rest of the food to go. It was a half an hour before they arrived at his apartment, which was scarily close to Edward’s. He led her up to his dingy apartment and opened the door. “I know it's not much … But …. It could be worse.” He said, though truth be told, it couldn't be much worse.

“That’s alright,” Kristen said, trying not to wonder about a suspiciously discolored patch of wallpaper. “I didn’t come for the decor.”

“Oh?” He asked going up to her and pinning her to the wall, his hands going to her wrists and holding her in place in an attempt to be dominating and sexy … Or perhaps just dominating, who really knew with him. “And what did you come here for?” He asked smugly. 

Kristen looked up at him, trying to push back the fear that had suddenly risen up in her. Why had she even hesitated long enough for him to do this? She couldn’t very well do anything with her wrists pinned … and she really, really didn’t want this to drag out any longer than it had to before she could finish it. “Give me a minute to freshen up and I’ll show you,” she said coyly. If she could just get some distance between them, if she could just get to her purse, if she could just get this over with …

“No need …” He said rubbing the bulge in his pants against her. “I like it dirty.” He said shoving his leg in between hers and sucking hard on her neck. 

“W-wait,” Kristen gasped, cringing as Nelson sucked at her neck. She twisted at his grip on her wrists, trying to pull free. She didn't want this to go any further, but he had her in an extremely vulnerable position right now, and if he suspected what she was planning before she could carry it out, she was in serious trouble. She tried not to panic… He’d have to move away from the wall eventually… Wouldn't he?

Nelson sucked harder at her neck, leaving a nice mark, the thought of Nygma finding it later making his cock even harder as he tugged her away from the wall and dragged her into the bedroom. He threw her onto the bed and before she could do anything he had his pants below his waist, his hard cock throbbing and ready as he climbed over her, pressing it against her. 

Kristen hadn’t gotten a chance to grab her purse as he’d dragged her in here, and it would have looked suspicious even if she did … Her hands were free now, at least her hands were free. Her eyes darted around for something, anything in reach … she reached to the side, grasping a cheap lamp that sat on the bedside table. She looked up at him with narrowed eyes, her voice shaking, and said: “Do you think I don’t know what you did to him?” And she slammed the lamp into the side of his head with a satisfying crash of broken porcelain.

She shoved him back, not stopping to see whether he was unconscious or just dazed, and scrambled off the bed, running back into the main room, grabbing the gun out of her purse, removing the safety and turning to face the bedroom, her hands shaking. But there was no turning back from this now. 

“You fucking bitch!” He yelled coming out of the room, his pants fastened again. He came into the hall and paused when he saw the gun aimed at him. He chuckled slightly. “What, you going to shoot me? Fuck off, your girlfriend cheated on you, and you're going to blame me?” He laughed taking a step forward. “Go deal with her if you have loyalty issues …” 

“Stay where you are,” Kristen snapped, keeping the gun pointed directly at him. “You want to call it a fidelity issue, after you threatened him, used him, kept him under your thumb and too terrified to ask for help?” Her voice shook from anger, but her hands were steadier now. “I don't call that a fidelity issue. I call it rape. And I never would have even found out if you hadn't gotten him pregnant.”

“Pre-” he paused before his smile widened. “I'm going to be a daddy?” He asked, almost amused. No doubt he'd take the kid from Ed, he'd die before any sheman raised his child. It would grow up gay, or worse …. But the thought of having a kid …. It was a little exciting. 

She stared back at him. “God help any child that had you for a father,” she hissed spitefully. “This one miscarried though.”

“Really?” He said blankly. “I don't believe you … You're full of shit.” He said taking a few more steps towards her. “Put the gun away. Come on … We can have a good time, Sweetheart.” 

“I don't think so,” she said coldly, taking a step back. She couldn't believe anyone could be so full of himself, that he actually thought she'd put the gun down and go back with him. But she knew his type far better than she wanted to admit. “There's only one thing I want to do to you.” She took aim with the gun right at his smug smiling face, and pulled the trigger. At this range, she couldn't miss.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 

Kristen was still shaking when she arrived at Edward's apartment and knocked at his door, her stomach twisting as everything replayed itself over and over in her mind. Nelson's hands grabbing at her, and his eyes wide as he fell with a bullet in his head. She shuddered, feeling sick. Nelson was scum. He deserved worse than he got. But she still couldn't believe she’d just killed a man.

Edward came to the door and smiled kindly when she came in. “Hey.” Edward said happily. 

“Hi,” Kristen said, unbelievably relieved just to see him. Whatever else happened, Edward was safe now. Nelson couldn't hurt or manipulate or torment Edward anymore. No one was going to out Edward and risk his job or his safety. “How was your day?”

“Barnes was up my ass all day.” He said with a shrug. “I came to see you before you left, where did you go?” He said going back to the kitchen to tend to supper. 

“I had to go deliver some files,” Kristen lied, then changed the subject. “What was it Barnes wanted to meet with you about this morning?”

“My absence mostly. I told him I had a heart problem and I have to take it easy for a few more days.” He said. “I didn't want to tell him what really happened.” He said taking the farmer sausage out of the oven and taking out a potato masher. 

“That was probably the best thing to tell him,” Kristen said, fidgeting slightly with the collar of her sweater. “I wouldn't trust him to respond well to the truth.” It abruptly occurred to her that Edward was talking to a murderer, with no idea, as if nothing had happened. It seemed absurd to her that he couldn't see it immediately, couldn't look at her face and know what she’d done. 

He readied two plates and set them at the table which was already set. “Are you okay Kristen?” He asked stepping towards her. “You seem a bit … Fidgety.” 

“I’m fine,” Kristen said, with a tense smile. “It's just been kind of a stressful day.” Abruptly, she wondered if Edward would still love her if he knew. 

“Kristen, if you want to talk,” he said running his hand along her cheek and brushing her hair back. He leaned in to kiss her but paused as he looked down at her neck. A look of hurt came over his features and he took a step back, his fingers brushing over the hickey on her neck. “Delivering files hmm?” He asked shaking his head and walking away. 

Kristen froze when Edward found it, and looked down miserably. She had to tell him now. There was no way around it. “It's not … It wasn't… It…” Her eyes teared up and she couldn't get the words out. It was as if she kept choking on them. “Nelson…”

Edward paused and looked back at her. “He … Kristen what did he do?” He asked his hurt turning into concern. 

She shook her head. “It … doesn't matter anymore. I … Edward, I…” She couldn't stop herself from shaking now.

“Kristen if he hurt you … If he …” He paused. “Please tell me he didn't ….” 

“No, I…” she said, feeling sick. “I… Edward, I killed him.” 

“You … What?” Edward asked, thinking he hadn't heard properly. 

“I killed him,” she whispered. Her legs felt weak, and she ended up leaning on the table for support. There were tears running down her face and she couldn't make them stop. “I just … I couldn't stand the thought of him hurting you like that again, and we couldn't report him without him outing you to everyone and … and … I didn't know what else to do.”

“You …….” Edward was almost at a loss for words. “You killed him? To protect me?” He asked. 

Kristen nodded shakily. She looked up at him. “I … I know that’s completely crazy, and … I killed someone, but … I just … I couldn’t let him keep hurting you.”

Edward stood there staring at her, completely stunned. She'd killed a man. Because he'd hurt him. And not out of self defense, or by some accident, she'd sought him out … Planned it. 

Seeing the look of shock on Edward’s face, Kristen looked away at the floor. “I … I should go. Just … try to understand why I had to do it.” She straightened and pushed away from the table, turning to head for the door.

“Kristen, wait.” He said taking her wrist and flinching when she jerked away with a hiss. He looked down at her hand and took it in his, pulling the sleeve back and seeing an angry bruise forming. He looked upset as he picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. “If he wasn't dead already I'd do it myself for doing this to you.” He said. “I’d do the same to protect you Kristen … I …. I have actually.” He said letting go of her hand and stepping back away from her. 

Kristen stared back at him, surprised that he wanted her to stay, surprised by how gently he spoke to her … It took a moment to process what he was actually saying. “What do you mean,” she said slowly. “You already have?”

“Um … When I found out that Officer Daugherty was hurting you …. We had an altercation … I told him he had to stop hurting you and he attacked me.” He said staring at the floor while he talked before he looked up at her. “I killed him.” 

“You … you killed …” she looked back at him, stunned, unable to believe what he was saying. Yet somehow, at the same time knowing … “The letter,” she said. “I … I wasn’t crazy, it really was you!”

Edward looked down at the floor and nodded. “Yeah …” He said before going over to the dresser and pulling out Officer Daugherty’s badge. He came back and handed it to her. 

Kristen’s hand shook as she took the badge, and she shoved it back to him, feeling sick. “I … I don’t want this … Why did you even keep it? Why would anyone … You can’t just have this here, this is evidence … Why did you keep it?”

She was starting to hyperventilate. Edward had killed Daugherty. Protecting her, yes, and protecting himself, but … he’d still killed him. She’d never wanted him dead … She didn’t have to be afraid anymore of what would happen if he suddenly came back, she didn’t have to live with that dread, but … She’d still been dating his killer this whole time. And now she was a killer too … Maybe it had been in her all along, waiting to get out. 

“Kristen?” Edward asked, knowing she was feeling that same shock he'd felt when he'd found out. Then again, he hadn't been dating Nelson, he was cruelly raped, manhandled, humiliated and impregnated … Then again …. He didn't know the extent of what Daugherty had done to her either. 

“You … you killed my boyfriend,” she said, shaking her head, trying to process it. “You … you see how that’s different, right? You killed my boyfriend and then I dated you. That’s … not okay, that can’t be okay … But I can’t pretend I don’t know why, now can I, because I just shot down a man in cold blood, premeditated … God, how did this happen?” She felt like she was going to throw up.

“It's different … But still defense. He was drunk … He would have killed me …. And how long would it have been before he got drunk and did something more than just hurt you?” Edward asked. “What if he'd have killed you? You wouldn't be able to excuse it then, you'd have been dead.” He said shaking his head. “I couldn't let that happen … You know I would never hurt you Kristen …. Right?” 

“I know,” Kristen whispered, and looked up at him. “He’d … threatened a few times. It’s just … I wish I’d left when I had the chance, if I hadn’t been so afraid … That was my choice to make, you never should have had to …” She shook her head. “I just … still can’t imagine you killing anyone. Nothing about it makes sense.”

“I can't imagine you killing someone either.” He said putting the badge down on the table. “But … We have.” He said before he paused and thought about it. “What did you do with the body?” 

Kristen winced. “I … just wanted to get out of there, and I don’t know anything about hiding a body, so … I wiped the fingerprints off the gun and planted it on him… Also, there was a lamp that I broke over his head, so I had to get rid of that ... I don’t know what I was thinking, why would anyone with that much ego kill himself? No one’s going to buy it …”

Edward wrapped his arms around her. “Calm down. It's okay.” He said rubbing her back. “I'll take care of it.” 

“Thank you,” Kristen whispered, breathing more easily as she took refuge in his embrace, feeling safer somehow. “But … I did this. You shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences on your own. If … if you tell me what to do, I can help.”

“I don't want you to help.” He said. “Not with what I'm going to do.” 

“Are you sure?” Kristen said, looking up at him. “I … I already killed a man.”

“This is different.” He said. “Believe me.”

“Okay,” Kristen said, admittedly relieved. She rested her head against his chest. “Thank you,” she said again.

“Let's um … Let's eat before it gets cold …” He said. “Then you can go and watch a movie or something if you want …” He said with a shrug.

“Right …” Kristen said, shaking her head. “You’re … acting like all this is normal.” Still. It was a good idea. A quiet evening together … would do them both some good.

“Well, I do work forensics so … It's not like I don't see dead bodies on a regular basis …. I'm just hiding it instead of finding out who did it.” He said. “How did you kill him?” 

“Shot him,” Kristen said, sitting down at the table a little shakily. “In the head. I told him why first … He was so full of himself I don’t think he thought I’d go through with it.” She shook her head. “This all feels so surreal.”

“It’ll be okay.” He said. Though he didn't want to voice that the shot may have alerted someone, and the police may have already been called and would beat him there. Hopefully everyone in the area just thought it was a car backfiring. 

He ate quickly at took his plate to the sink, before changing his clothing. “I'll be back in a bit okay?” He asked. 

“Okay,” Kristen said, getting up to take care of the dishes. “Be careful, alright?”

“Always.” He said kissing her cheek as if he were just heading off to work before leaving the apartment. 

Kristen was alone in the apartment for hours, late into the night. She was afraid to call him, since she didn’t want to interrupt him. Everything she did to try to occupy her thoughts only seemed to end in pacing restlessly around the apartment. She wasn’t sure exactly what completely obliterating all trace of evidence would entail, or how long she should expect it to take … But it felt like an eternity.

Near midnight Kristen’s phone finally rang, Edward’s name popping up on the display. 

“Edward,” she said, relieved that he’d called. “Is everything okay? No one saw?”

“Kristen,” He said sounding like he was struggling a bit. “Open the door for me.” He said before the phone clattered and disconnected. 

Kristen ran to the door. Why couldn’t he open it? Was he hurt? She flung the door open … and stared. Edward had a brutally injured and severely bleeding man slumped unconscious on his shoulder. Her eyes widened when she looked at the man’s face. “Is … is that who I think it is?” she whispered.

“Penguin?” He asked, dragging him into the apartment, kicking his phone in the door from where he’d dropped it. “Yes.” He said laying him on the floor. “He's dying.” Edward said going over to the kitchen and grabbing a medical kit. 

“Can … can you save him?” Kristen asked, closing the door behind them and locking it. “They’re searching all of Gotham for him … Did anyone see you?”

“I don't think so.” Edward said. “Can you help me get his clothes off?” 

Kristen nodded, going to unbutton Cobblepot’s vest and shirt. “Where did you even find him?”

“The forest outside Gotham.” He said coming back with the kit. He helped sit him up as Kristen pulled his vest and shirt off before gently laying him back down, Oswald waking up and groaning in pain. Edward sighed as he got up and moved into the bathroom leaving the two alone, Oswald’s hand gripping hers, unaware of even who was helping him, just the pain he was in. 

“It’s … it’s okay,” Kristen said reassuringly, confused as to how she had even gotten in this situation. “We’re going to take care of you. You’re alright.” She didn’t even know if he could hear her. Earlier this afternoon, she’d killed a man, and now they were saving a notorious killer … It made a weird kind of sense, she supposed.

Edward came back with a metal tray and a syringe. He held Oswald still as he pressed the needle into his neck, and within a few moments he slumped against the floor.

Kristen raised an eyebrow. “You keep sedatives in the apartment?” she asked. Though out of everything that had happened today, this certainly wasn’t the weirdest.

“Well, you know my kidnap victims sometimes get a bit unruly ….” He said grabbing a pair of medical tweezers. “I keep things in case of an emergency.” He clarified. “And it's obviously coming in handy because if he were awake, he would not like this.” 

“No, I doubt he would,” Kristen sighed, shaking her head. “So … assuming he pulls through, what exactly are we doing? We’re harboring a fugitive now … What happens when he wakes up and wants to try to take back Gotham from your apartment?”

“I'm not thinking about that right now … I'm thinking about not letting him die.” He said pressing the tool into Oswald’s wound and taking a few moments to pull the bullet out, the wound starting to bleed worse. “Pass me that cloth there.” He said dropping the bullet onto the metal tray with a clang. 

Kristen nodded and handed Edward the cloth he’d gestured to. Surreal. All of it. Less than six hours ago she’d put a bullet in someone and now she was assisting Edward while he extracted one from a stranger. “Yeah,” she sighed. “One thing at a time.”

It took nearly forty five minutes for him to stop the bleeding, another fifteen to stitch him up, and another five to get the bandage to stay securely. 

“I’m going to change him into something clean. And throw away what he's wearing, he smells like a homeless person.” He said washing the blood off of his hands in the kitchen sink. 

Kristen picked up the pile of Cobblepot’s clothes and winced at the smell. “Agreed,” she said. “He’s been on the run a little too long.” Either that, or Cobblepot had been letting his hygeine go a little. With the insane and desperate moves he’d been making lately, maybe the stress had gotten to him. She went to go and toss the old clothes away. “Looks like he’ll pull through, though. You … did a good job.”

“I did.” Edward agreed without hesitation. He waited until she had left the apartment to take the garbage out to the dumpster before he pulled Oswald’s pants and underwear off, changing him into a pair of purple plaid pajamas. 

When Kristen returned, she saw Cobblepot was dressed in Edward’s pajamas. She shook her head. “He doesn’t pull that look off as well as you do,” she said.

“What? The drugged up, injured look?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Kristen rolled her eyes. “The purple pajamas. They're way too big on him.”

“Well, yes, I'm about a foot taller than him.” He said with a chuckle as he picked up Oswald and took him to the bed. 

Kristen shook her head, smiling slightly as she watched Edward carry the diminutive mobster to bed. “Think we should read him a story and tuck him in?” she said. 

“Well, I'm sure he'd like your voice more than mine … If you'd like, I may have some books downstairs. I'm sure he wouldn't mind having a beautiful woman in bed with him.” 

“Pity he wouldn't be awake to appreciate it,” she said. 

Edward looked at her, a shocked smile on his face. “Oh, I see how it is. If he was awake, huh?” He asked. 

“Hey,” Kristen laughed, nudging Edward's arm. “No one asked you to make it dirty!”

“I never made it dirty!” He said. 

“Sure, right,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You’re entirely innocent.”

“I am.” He said wrapping his arms around her. 

Kristen leaned up and kissed Edward gently. “You’re a real hero, you know that?”

“Is that what you'd call harbouring a fugitive?” he asked. 

“Maybe,” Kristen shrugged. “But you still saved a man’s life, when a lot of people wouldn’t have. That’s heroic enough for me.”


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The following day went surprisingly smoothly, despite the one time Oswald had woken up in a panic and Edward had sedated him again. 

Unfortunately though, Edward had been called into work and couldn't leave Oswald alone. 

Kristen reassured Edward that she could keep an eye on Cobblepot while he was gone, since she was off that day anyway, and reassured Edward that he had nothing to worry about. That sedative would have him out for a good while longer, and even when he woke up, she doubted he could get up to much in his current state.

Though babysitting the Penguin was weird when she thought about it, for the most part, Kristen spent the morning and early afternoon going about her business as usual about the apartment, just a little more quietly so as not to disturb him.

Oswald groaned and turned on the bed groggily opened his eyes and looked around. “You drugged me …” He said not seeing who was in the room. 

“Edward sedated you,” Kristen admitted, turning to look toward the bed when he spoke. “He said you seemed distressed … and you really shouldn’t be moving around much in your condition, Mr. Cobblepot.”

Oswald looked at her through blurry eyes. “Who are you?” 

“My name’s Kristen,” she said, going over a little closer so he wouldn’t have to squint to see her. Maybe she should be a little more cautious, but in his current state, Oswald just didn’t seem that threatening. “I’m Edward’s girlfriend.”

“Is that the guy who drugged me?” Oswald asked. 

“Yes,” Kristen said matter-of-factly. “That’s the guy who drugged you. And, you know, saved your life. Is there anything I can get for you? Glass of water, maybe?”

“No I don't want anything.” He said slowly sitting up. “He should have let me die.” 

Kristen stared at him for a moment, and then shook her head. “Well, if you’re going to be miserable, you can at least be miserable and hydrated.” She went into the kitchen area, got him a glass of water, and brought it over to him. “So, why exactly do you think he should have left you there?”

“What do I have left to live for?” Oswald asked.

He looked so forlorn. “Do you have any less to live for than anyone else?” she asked, pulling over a chair and sitting next to the bed. She’d heard a few things. But it might help him to talk through it himself.

“You some kind of shrink?” He asked shaking his head. 

“Nope,” Kristen said, watching him. “But you can consider whatever you say confidential anyway. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone I’m helping to harbour a fugitive.”

“Just leave me alone.” He said bitterly. “Don't pretend like you actually care.” 

“Why shouldn’t I?” Kristen asked, unable to miss the despair in his voice. “You’re a human being aren’t you?” She shook her head. “Look, most people never had a crime empire to lose in the first place. And from what I hear, you climbed your way up from rock bottom the first time around. Who’s to say you couldn’t do it again?” She frowned, realizing she was encouraging a felon.

“Please …” Oswald said, looking offended. “Like that even matters … It's just money …” 

Kristen stared at him. ‘Just money.’ This was coming from a man who had done all manner of unspeakable things to obtain it. “So … It’s something else, then?” she asked.

“If you think I'm going to confide in a stranger ….” Oswald said shaking his head and getting out of bed. “I'm leaving.” 

Kristen stood up to block his path, putting her hands on her hips. “Mr. Cobblepot, get back in bed,” she said sternly, feeling like she was speaking to a cranky toddler, rather than a notorious master-criminal. “You don’t have to tell me a single thing if you don’t want to, but you’re in no condition to go anywhere.”

“Look, there's nothing you can take from me. I have other places to be … I'm going.” He said hobbling around her even though he really had nowhere else he had to be. 

“You have nowhere to be,” Kristen said, putting a hand on his shoulder firmly, but trying not to hurt him. “And GCPD is combing all of Gotham for you. Whatever you have to do can wait. Now will you please go back to bed before I have to sedate you too?”

“You wouldn't.” He said glaring at her. “How does a weird guy like that have a girlfriend anyway?” He asked. 

“I would,” Kristen said, unintimidated. “I’ve seen him do it twice now, and it didn’t look terribly difficult. And Edward’s very sweet once you get to know him. Now, are you going back to bed conscious or sedated?”

“I'm not afraid of you.” He said taking a step towards the door, before he shook a second and fell unconscious to the floor on his own. 

Kristen shook her head, before dragging Oswald’s unconscious form back to the bed, and tucking him in. “You’re a stubborn one,” she muttered. “I’ll give you that much.”


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

When Edward came home Kristen and Oswald were sitting at the table, Kristen eating slowly, Oswald staring at his plate and not moving. 

“Um …. Hey.” He said, looking between the two. 

“Hi,” Kristen said tiredly, looking up at Edward as he came in. “Mr. Cobblepot has decided to give me the silent treatment now, apparently. How was your day?”

“It was fine … I'm sorry I had to leave.” He said looking at Oswald. “Good evening Mr. Penguin. How are you feeling?” He asked earning a dirty sideways glare from him. 

“Well, he’s sitting up without passing out immediately, so … I guess that’s an improvement?” Kristen said, going over to the counter and dishing out a plate for Edward. “But he’s been refusing to eat or drink anything.”

Edward moved to the table and sat down at the side of the table between Oswald and where Kristen was sitting. “Mr. Penguin, you should eat. Get your strength back up.” He said. 

“What does it matter?” He asked. 

“Well, I did spend a good amount of time trying to keep you from dying …. And you did ask for my help. So, now that I've helped you.” He said pressing Oswald’s fork into a piece of sausage and lifting it towards his face. “You need to eat.” He said as Oswald ripped the fork out of his hand. 

“Thanks,” Kristen said, a little relieved when Oswald actually took the fork. She brought Edward’s plate over and set it down in front of him, before sitting down again.

“Thank you.” He said to Kristen. They ate in silence, Oswald more picking at his food than eating before he said something neither of them had expected. 

“Galavan killed my mother.” He said, before looking as surprised as they did. He didn't even know why he'd said it, it just came out. 

Kristen looked up at him, stunned. “That’s …” It explained a lot, really. Why his actions recently had seemed completely against his usual MO, why he’d gone after Galavan in what looked like such a reckless attack … And why he seemed to have suddenly lost the will to go on. “I’m … sorry for your loss,” she said quietly. Though it felt like a stupid, inadequate thing to say. But what could anyone say right now that would possibly help?

“Galavan?” Edward asked, a weird look on his face. Not quite sympathy but, “What are you going to do about it?” 

“What can I do?” Oswald said bitterly, looking back at him. “She’s gone. I can’t get her back. What’s the point.”

“The point is … You're The Penguin! King of Gotham! Remember! You can get everything back! Take Galavan down. Avenge your mother …. Would she really want to see you like this?” He asked. “Would she ever want you to just give up? Or aim for better things?” 

“She’s. Not. Here!” Oswald hissed, anger and despair in his expression. “I can’t change that! I’m not the King of Gotham anymore, I’ve lost that too, thank you for reminding me, I couldn’t take out Galavan before, I don’t have the resources to do it now, and even if I could … I still can’t bring her back!” He looked down at the table, tears gathering in his eyes. “There’s nothing I can do that would matter anymore.”

Kristen looked from Oswald to Edward, before putting a hand on Oswald’s shoulder. “You can still make him pay,” she said quietly, an unexpected intensity of emotion in her voice. “You can’t bring her back, but the man who killed her shouldn’t still get to keep living.”

Edward looked at her shocked a moment before turning his attention to Oswald. “Oswald, The man I read about would not take this lying down. He deserves to pay for what he did to her …. And to you.” He said. “You can take it all back … You're not alone!” 

“Oh, I’m not, am I?” Oswald said with a bitter, near-hysterical laugh. “And who’s going to help me, hmm? You and your girlfriend? Because I assure you, any other connections I had are long gone. This isn’t some adventure you get to take part in to start off your little murder hobby. Galavan is the most powerful man in Gotham, and right now, he would love nothing more than to see me attempt one last battle that I can’t win.”

“This has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with you …. Love is the most powerful thing we have Mr. Penguin …. I don't have a mother like yours but if anything happened to Kristen …. I wouldn't stop until the one who did it payed with their life …. I can't imagine you'd do any less.” 

Kristen glanced over at Edward, blushing slightly. He had to know now that she would do the same … he’d just hidden the body to prove it. “And we’re not even habitually the killing type,” she told Oswald. “But we know you’ve overcome worse odds and done more drastic things for lesser reasons … Maybe right now everything feels hopeless … But once you’ve had some time to rest and to heal, I doubt any force on earth could stop you from avenging her.”

Oswald stared at the table. “Besides … If you think about it.” Edward said. “You no longer have anything to lose …. And a man with nothing to lose, is a man to be reckoned with. That is the man I see …” 

Slowly, Oswald looked up at Edward, his blue eyes wide. Wasn’t there some truth to that? It was before, when he’d been on top of the world, that Galavan had been able to come in and control him. But now … there was nothing left to threaten. He nodded shakily, the rusty gears in his calculating mind starting to turn again. “I … need some time to plan,” he said quietly.

“Well, for now you should eat.” Kristen said. 

“And then we’ll help you. I work at the GCPD so … Whatever I can do, I'll see if I can help.” Ed said. 

“Thank you,” Oswald said, mustering a small smile. “It’s good to know there's someone I can count on.” And here he’d thought he no longer had strong connections at GCPD. Of course, he would still have to determine what exactly Edward and possibly Kristen expected in return. But Edward could still be a much more valuable resource than he’s realized. He looked down at his plate, and it abruptly occurred to him that he couldn't remember the last time he’d eaten. 

Kristen looked visibly relieved when Oswald finally started eating. Maybe they were making progress after all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we write the worlds shortest chapter.

Chapter 21

Edward was listening to the radio as he worked for any news of Oswald, pausing as his name was mentioned, but it was just another report that he had not been found yet. He half expected him to show up at his apartment but he would probably expect that now to be somewhere they would look since Jim had been there. It was clear he was worried. 

“Any word?” Kristen asked as she came in, coming down to the lab. She didn’t specify what she was asking about … Edward knew. She was a little surprised that they hadn’t both been dragged in for questioning about when they’d last spoken with the Penguin.

“Just that he's still on the run.” Edward said turning back to what he was working on. “I'm surprised he hasn't come back to the apartment.” 

“I’m not,” Kristen said. “It’s already a known hiding place … If I were him, I’d be worried it’s the first place they’ll check.”

“But he knows about the basement. Jim doesn't, they wouldn't find it either … He knows he’d be safe. Plus, he knows my number, the least he could do is tell me he’s okay, or not.” 

“He may not be able to. And I don’t think he’s used to having other people worry about him,” she said quietly, kissing Edward gently on the cheek. “He knows how to look after himself. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, well I doubt he's ever lived on the street before. As you said he has no one …. Where would he stay?” 

“I don’t know …” Kristen said quietly, wrapping her arms around Edward. Truth be told, she was worried too. “But … he’ll be alright. Whatever else the Penguin might be, he’s a survivor.”


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Edward placed the bowl of popcorn down on the table, the lights in the room dim as he sat down on the couch next to her. 

“What movie did you pick?” He asked grabbing a few pieces of popcorn out of the bowl and popped them in his mouth.

“The Maltese Falcon,” Kristen said, settling next to him on the couch, her head resting on his shoulder. This was nice. After everything that had been going on lately, they needed some downtime.

“Good choice.” He said picking up the remote and pressed play as he wrapped his arm around her. 

“Glad you approve,” Kristen said, relaxing against him. She took a handful of the fluffy, buttery kernels from the bowl. “Why is popcorn so good?” she asked.

“I'm honestly not a fan … But once I start eating it I want more.” He said shaking his head as he took a few more kernels. 

“So it’s not so much good as addictive?” Kristen said, shaking her head. “That could potentially get dangerous. Maybe we should release a public service announcement.”

“Funny.” Edward said said with a slight chuckle and threw some popcorn at her. 

“Maybe I should take that away from you,” she teased, making a grab for the bowl. “Since you can’t use popcorn responsibly, that clearly means it’s all mine.”

“But I just ate some …” Edward whined. “Now I want more.” He said holding the bowl out of her reach. 

“No fair,” she laughed, reaching for it. “Your arms are longer. That’s cheating.”

“How is this cheating?” He asked. “I have to say I'm rather offended … I never cheat.” 

“Be that as it may,” she said, grabbing his arm and trying to pull the popcorn closer that way. “You’re too tall to compete fairly over popcorn. You have a clear advantage.”

“And yet, we’re almost laying down, and you still can’t reach it.” He said some of the popcorn falling onto the floor, sloshing a bit from the bowl as he tried to keep it out of her reach. 

“Well, hold still!” Kristen demanded, laughing as she ended up on top of him, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and pulling it away from him.

“Aw now who’s cheating?” He asked as she climbed back off of him with the bowl, a few more kernels falling onto the floor and the couch. “You’re making a mess.” He said picking one of them up and throwing it at her. 

“You started it,” she pointed out. “Which is why I have confiscated the popcorn.”

“Whatever …” He said crossing his arms over his chest. “I didn’t want any anyway!” He said fake sulking. 

“Yes you did,” Kristen said, throwing a piece of popcorn at him in retaliation, before settling against his shoulder again.

“No.” He insisted. “You can keep all the popcorn. I wouldn’t even have any if you made me eat it.” 

Kristen looked down into the popcorn bowl, pouting, and then smirked and shoved a handful of fluffy kernels into his face. “You sure?”

Edward shook his head, popcorn flying everywhere. “You didn't!” He said taking some popcorn and throwing it at her. 

“Hey!” Kristen laughed. “Quit wasting it!” She poked him in the side. “Some of us actually planned on enjoying that!”

“I'm not the one who shoved it in my face.” He said before glancing over at her. He reached over under the bowl and tipped it up, the majority of the bowl of popcorn spilling all over her. 

“I was just trying to share,” Kristen pouted, trying hard not to laugh as she crossed her arms, having to give up as she looked down at the popcorn all over her. “That was just childish.”

“Perhaps.” He said taking a few kernels off of her and popping them in his mouth and eating it. He smirked. “Would you prefer I eat it off you then?” He asked and leaned forward using his mouth to pull one off of where it sat on her neck. 

Kristen started to laugh, but then gasped slightly as she felt Edward’s mouth against her neck. He was probably just joking, she reminded herself. But a little shiver ran through her when she thought about how long it had been.

He felt more than saw the slight shiver run over her and felt a slight pang of guilt as he pulled back. How long has it been since she'd had sex? They'd been dating at least 5 months now, and he rarely touched her beyond the occasional cuddle, hug, or kiss. He knew she had been very sexually active prior to him, and he hated that he couldn't … No … Wouldn't do that for her. 

“I'm sorry.” He said staring at the floor. 

“For what?” Kristen looked at him, confused, taking his hand in hers. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“For being a shitty boyfriend. I can't … I can't give you what you want …” He said. He wasn't built for what she wanted … His body was wrong … 

“It’s okay,” Kristen said, kissing him gently on the cheek. “I don’t expect you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We don’t have to rush into anything.” Truth be told, it was comforting to know for sure that he wasn’t just using her for sex … though the frustration was still a problem, and she couldn’t help wondering sometimes if he even wanted her.

“And yet, if I was born a man I wouldn't be uncomfortable with it, would I?” He asked. “And I would hardly consider almost half a year with little contact ‘rushing’” he said. “I just … I wish …” He stopped. There was no sense in wishes. It never helped anything. 

Kristen sat up straighter, a few kernels of popcorn falling off of her blouse as she ran a hand lightly through Edward’s hair. “What do you wish?” she asked quietly.

“It doesn't matter … There's nothing that can be done about it anyway.” He said standing off the couch and, feeling even more guilty about walking away, he went upstairs. 

“Edward, wait,” Kristen protested, getting up and going after him, popcorn scattering everywhere … that was going to be annoying to clean up later. She caught up to him and took his hand, looking up at him, at a loss for what to do. “You … you don’t have to feel bad about what you’re going through. But … please just talk to me.”

Edward sighed and sat on the bed. “I'm just … I really hate my body right now …” He said. “I usually do but sometimes the feeling gets worse and … Right now it's worse. It'll pass.” 

Kristen sat down next to Edward on the bed and wrapped her arms around him. “I … I’m sorry your body isn’t the way you want it to be yet,” she said, painstakingly trying to understand, to avoid saying the wrong thing. “But … from where I’m standing, there’s a lot to love about it.”

Edward laughed shortly, the sound coming out more like a scoff. “Yeah? Like what?” 

“Do you need a list?” Kristen asked. “Because I can do that. You have really wonderful manly shoulders,” she said, massaging them as she spoke. Though right now, they were incredibly tense. “You’re tall and handsome … You have a great butt, fantastic legs, and perfect hands.”

“Do I?” He asked, having perfect counterpoints to argue her claims, but didn't voice any of them. 

“Yes,” Kristen said confidently. “You absolutely do. If you could see yourself the way I see you, your ego would be off the charts, and you would somehow find a way to make that attractive too.”

“Really? I wasn’t aware you were interested in narcissistic men.” He said glancing at her, his voice teasing. “Still … I don’t understand why you’re so patient with me … I know how much you enjoy sex but …. What if I’m never ready for it? Or … What if I never have the surgery?” He asked, knowing he’d asked her that before, but that was months ago. 

Kristen shook her head. “I’d rather wait than pressure you into something you're not ready for. If you're never ready, then … We’ll figure that out as we go along. And if you don't get the surgery…” She shrugged a little awkwardly. “We can work around that. Don't get me wrong, I hope you're able to get it, since you want it so badly, but … It's not a requirement for me.”

“But you do want me to get it … For sexual reasons as well.” He said looking at her. How could she not? It still baffled him that she had gone almost six months without sex, and on more than one occasion he couldn’t help but wonder if she was cheating on him. He trusted her but …. It just didn’t make sense that she wasn’t asking him for it. At least in some form or another. She never even pressed the issue of cuddling, which he sometimes didn’t want, more often than not when he was feeling disgusted with himself. Which seemed to be coming more and more frequent lately. He hated even bringing it up, he knew there was only so much ‘complaining’ she’d take before she either snapped or left him. 

“That would be nice,” Kristen admitted, her face reddening slightly as she got a little more blunt. “But … I already said you have perfect hands.”

“My ha-” He paused. “What does that have to do with anything?” 

“A penis isn’t always necessary for sex,” Kristen sighed. She hoped she didn’t have to spell it out any more than that. Edward might be inexperienced, but … he had to have at least masturbated at some point. 

“I ….” He paused and looked at her. Did she want that from him? Was she implying she wanted it now? “I … Guess …” He said nervously looking at the bed as he moved back, sitting cross legged in the middle, getting a bit more comfortable. He picked at the blanket. “I just … I don’t know …” He said realizing he didn’t know what he was going to say. 

“Edward,” Kristen said, gently putting a hand on his knee and looking intently back at him. “You don’t have to do anything right now … you don’t have to do anything until you’re ready and you want to, even if that takes a while.” After everything Edward had been through, it was absolutely vital that things happened on Edward’s terms. “But … I just wanted you to know, surgery or no surgery … it’s not a barrier for me.”

“I feel like it is for me …” He said. “I feel like it’s stopping me from really being me.” 

“I know,” Kristen said quietly. “I can tell that you’re unhappy without it. But … getting the surgery needs to be for your own reasons, not because you think I need you to have it. It only matters to me because it matters to you.”

“What if I get it and it’s unsuccessful?” He asked, still picking at the blanket. “I want it … I do ... I’m just …. Scared.” 

Kristen wrapped her arms around Edward, gently pulling him to her and just holding him. “It’s okay to be scared. But … for what it’s worth, I’m here for you.”

Edward wasn’t sure how he felt but he was grateful for her support. He leaned forward and kissed her gently. “Thank you.” 

“Any time,” Kristen said, before kissing him again, holding him affectionately. “Do you want to give movie watching another try?”

“Sorry … I pulled you away from the movie.” He said playing with the blanket. “Maybe … Maybe we could …” 

“Maybe we could?” Kristen repeated, looking up at him. He still seemed so nervous. 

“Maybe try something?” He asked, still not looking at her. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for it but … He trusted her … And it didn’t hurt to try. 

Kristen gently tilted Edward’s chin up to look at her, making eye contact. “Are you sure you want to?” she asked, though she couldn’t help the hopeful feeling that swelled in her chest. The last thing she wanted was for Edward to regret this, but if he really wanted to … 

“No …” Edward said, seeing that slight bit of hope she tried to hide. “But I’d like to try. I … I trust you. I know if I ask you to stop, you will.” He said. 

Kristen nodded. “If I’m doing anything you don’t like, or you just don’t want to continue anymore, promise you’ll let me know immediately.”

Edward nodded. “I um … Yeah. I’ll tell you.” He said, so long as he didn’t fly off the bed. “What …. What do you want to do?” 

“Anything,” Kristen blurted out, maybe a little too enthusiastically. “Is … there anything you would particularly like to try?”

“I don’t know …” He said awkwardly. 

“We’ll work things out as we go, then,” Kristen said, kissing him gently, before she started unbuttoning her blouse, revealing a white lacy bra. Strangely, she felt a little nervous doing this too. In general, she felt comfortable around Edward, but … as little as Edward touched her, she couldn’t help questioning whether he would actually want her when it came down to it.

Edward nodded before kissing her back, his hands nervously moving to her sides. 

Kristen leaned into Edward’s touch and ran her hands through his hair as she deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth as her lips moved against his. 

Despite his nerves instinct started taking over, and he found himself leaning forward into the kiss, pressing her back until she was laying on the bed, her shirt open on either side of her as he laid himself over her.

Kristen looked up at him breathlessly, surprised at the initiative he was suddenly showing. She wanted him so badly it was almost painful. She ran her hands over his back, down his sides, her legs parting as he pushed himself on top of her. 

His hands trailed over her sides, nervous as he broke the kiss. “This … Is okay?” He asked, shaking slightly with nerves. 

She nodded, gently taking Edward’s wrist and moving his hand over to her breast. She could feel him trembling “You’re doing great,” she assured him. “Feel free to explore a little.”

Edward stiffened slightly when she'd grabbed his wrist but forced himself to stay calm. When she placed his hand on her breast he pulled his wrist from her hand, but put it back where it was, his wrist now free from her hand. 

“Everything alright?” Kristen asked, kissing Edward on the cheek. He seemed content enough to keep his hand there, but she didn’t think he liked her putting her hand on his wrist, even gently. She made a note to remember that.

Edward nodded. He didn't think he'd be able to use his voice presently. Didn't trust himself not to stop this … If he really did he would have … It was just nerves … It was Kristen …. He trusted her. He just had to keep reminding himself of that. 

Kristen leaned up and kissed him again, running her hands through the back of his hair, arching her back a little against him encouragingly. She’d given him a little bit of a push, but for the most part it seemed best to let him do things at his own pace. 

Edward kissed her back, still shivering slightly as he told himself to calm down. It was Kristen … He trusted her. This was a good thing. It would be a positive experience. His other hand ran down her side as he slowly moved in between her legs. This wasn’t like with - him … Or … Edward tried not to think about them … This was Kristen … He was the one in control. He was on top of her, not the other way around … He was the one in control. That made him pause …. 

He broke the kiss and looked down at her. “You’ll … You’ll tell me if you don’t like something …. Right?”

Kristen looked up at him, surprised, and then nodded. “Of course,” she promised. If she expected him to speak up if he didn't like something, it was fair for him to expect she would do the same. Still, no one else had ever been overly concerned with that. “You really are sweet, you know that?” she said softly, kissing gently down the side of his neck. 

“I just … I just don’t want to do anything you don’t like.” He said shifting slightly as she kissed his neck. 

“Don't worry,” she said, nipping his ear. “If you somehow manage to, I’ll let you know… But right now I want you all over me.”

Edward took a deep breath as he moved himself between her legs and pressed the toy that was in his pants against her, looking at her for any sign that she wanted to stop. His entire body was tense with nerves. Maybe he should stop. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this. He forced himself to calm down. It was Kristen … Relax. 

Kristen let out a soft moan, running her hands down his back all the way to his hips, pulling him close against her.

Edward tensed again, a gasp escaping his lips, and pulled away from her. “I-I’m sorry … I can’t.” He said pulling back and moving to sit at the end of the bed. 

“Okay,” Kristen said quietly after a moment’s hesitation, surprised by how abruptly he pulled away. She couldn’t help feeling disappointed … in a way that ran far deeper than just the frustration. She felt hurt and embarrassed and … rejected. If now wasn’t the right time, then there was no help for it, but … she just wanted so badly to be with him, to know for certain that they could make this work. She sat up, pulling the sheet over herself, feeling exposed, and reached out to put a hand on Edward’s shoulder. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.” Absurdly, she found herself blinking back tears.

Edward wasn’t looking at her as he found himself breathing a bit too hard. “I’m sorry I just …” He looked away from her. “It’s stupid small things that are just …. Making me think of ….” He shook his head, tears springing to his own eyes. “When you touched my hips it just …” 

“It’s not stupid,” Kristen said, rubbing his back gently. “We … we can work on that gradually. Maybe we were trying to do too much at once.” She hesitated for a moment, steadying her voice, before she asked, “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“What?” Edward asked confused as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “N-No …” He said. “Why would I want that?” He asked. 

“I … I don’t know,” Kristen said, looking down, fidgeting with the blanket. “Just … I clearly made you uncomfortable, and sometimes you need your space, and …” she trailed off, afraid to voice what she was thinking.

Edward could tell that wasn’t it. There was more … “And what?” He asked, glancing up at her. 

“Do you …” she made herself look up at him, her throat tightening around the words. “Do you even want me?”

Edward looked at her. “That … That’s a very hard question for me to answer Kristen.” He said. “Of course I want you, I love you but … It’s just … I can’t picture sex being a positive thing, I want it to be, and I trust you it’s just … I can’t help being terrified. But I’m even more scared of what would happen if we …” He paused and stared down at the blanket, picking at a stray thread. “If we don’t …” 

“Edward …” she said gently. “Being afraid someone will leave you is a terrible reason to have sex … Trust me on that.” She took his hand in hers. “And that’s not going to happen anyway … Just … you don’t have to push yourself into something just because you think it’s expected of you. I think … maybe we were trying to do too much at once just now.”

“You’re not …. mad?” He asked. “I don’t want you to feel like I don’t want you, it has nothing to do with you so much as the subject matter. I want you in every way possible and I love you more than I can express. If I had a choice in the matter I’d be with you for the rest of my life, and I’ll do everything in my power to make you feel like I want you but … I just … I don’t know how.” 

“Of course I’m not mad,” Kristen said, resting her head against his shoulder. “A little insecure, maybe, but … I wish I could make everything easier for you … You shouldn’t have to deal with all of this.”

“You shouldn’t feel insecure. You have nothing to feel insecure about. I’m not going anywhere … And I don’t want to be with anyone else.” He said pulling her into a hug. “Can we just … Maybe try again … Take it a bit slower this time?” 

Kristen nodded against his chest. “If you’re sure you want to … We can just cuddle for awhile, if you want.”

Edward nodded and moved to the head of the bed, before he paused. He took some initiative and took off his shirt, leaving his shirt binder on. “How about we change into something more comfortable first?” 

“Okay,” Kristen said with a hesitant smile, surprised that Edward still seemed interested to some degree. She let the blanket fall away. 

“Kristen.” Edward said taking her hand as she got out of bed. He waited until she looked down at him. “You … Believe I love you ... Right?”

“I… Yes,” Kristen said, looking back at him. “It's just… hard to understand why sometimes.” She’d been used so many times … And Edward clearly wasn't doing that, but she sometimes wondered what else there was to like. 

“I'm sorry … I wish there was more I could do to show you …” He said his face turning red with embarrassment as he got up to change into his pajamas. 

“You do plenty,” Kristen reassured him, kissing him on the cheek before going to change as well. 

“And yet, you feel insecure.” He asked. “I know I've been very distant lately, mainly because of what was going on, and then losing the baby and then …” he paused and sighed. “I’m making excuses. I'm sorry.” He said climbing back into bed to wait for her. 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Kristen said, climbing under the covers and cuddling up against him. “You’ve been through a lot … I don’t expect everything to just suddenly magically be okay.”

He turned onto his side so that he was facing her, his finger trailing lazily back and forth over her bare arm near her shoulder. “I want it to magically be okay.” He said with a slight smile. “I want this time in my … In our life … To be past. I want to be able to give you everything you want …” 

Kristen leaned in and kissed him gently. “We’ll get there,” she said softly. “I’m willing to wait for it.”

“You're a very patient woman Kristen.” He said leaning forward and kissing her gently. 

“It’s because I happen to adore you,” Kristen said, her hand resting against his chest, her fingers playing lightly with the fabric of his undershirt. “So … just so I can avoid it,” she said a little hesitantly. “Where shouldn’t I touch tonight?” They would make no progress if she kept making Edward uncomfortable by accident.

Edward licked his lips, shifting slightly as he took a deep breath. It was a fair question. “Other than the obvious place?” He asked, knowing she would know what he meant. “My wrists, my hips, my bum.” He said. “I … I think that's it .. If … If I don't like something I'll tell you.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said, kissing the side of his neck as she ran her hands lightly down his chest and over to his sides, her touch as gentle and non-threatening as possible.

They laid in bed, gently kissing, lightly touching and Edward actually felt himself relaxing … Though he couldn't tell how long they’d been laying like this, not really doing much, but making leaps and bounds as far as Edward’s nerves were concerned. All he knew was that it was getting dark out now, the neon light outside lighting up the apartment, bathing them in a green glow. 

“Are you doing okay?” Kristen asked, her hands running lightly over his back between his shoulder blades. She looked up at his face, trying to discern how comfortable he was.

Edward nodded, though he seemed to have calmed quit a bit he still looked a bit nervous. “Yes.” He said, his hand trailing over her side to her hip. She’d said if anything bothered her, she’d tell him. And as far as he knew, she had no reason for such a simple thing to bother her. He let his hand trail down her thigh, his fingers moving over the soft material of her gown until it reached the hem and moved back up over the material again. 

Kristen shivered slightly as Edward’s fingers trailed so softly over her thigh … It had been so long since anyone had touched her like that, and she was surprisingly sensitive to it. She leaned in and kissed him gently, her body pressing against him.

Edward was surprised he didn’t tense as she moved closer to him, and found his fingers trailing under her gown and up the inside of her thigh. 

A soft whimper of need escaped her, muffled by the kiss, as she felt his hand actually under her nightgown. She ran her hands over his sides restlessly, making herself otherwise still, letting Edward decide what he wanted to do at his own pace.

Edward froze a moment when she made a noise but realized it wasn’t a negative noise. He moved his hand up farther until he felt the material of her panties and he gently rubbed her through the material. 

Moaning at his touch, Kristen’s hands grasped Edward’s shirt, and she moved slightly against his fingers.

He watched her as he moved his hand upwards, slipping his hand inside of her panties and rubbing his fingers against her again. He liked the sounds she was making. 

“Edward,” Kristen gasped, kissing feverishly down the side of his neck, squirming under his touch. She couldn’t believe this was actually happening. She tried to keep reminding herself that it could end at any second, if Edward got uncomfortable, if he had second thoughts … but for now it felt amazing just to have his hands on her.

“Yes?” He asked awkwardly, his hand pausing, unsure if she was asking him to stop. 

She groaned. “Don't stop,” she pleaded, looking up at him desperately. Was he having second thoughts already?

Edward bit his lip and nodded, his fingers starting to move over her again before he became a bit bolder and pressed one inside of her. 

A small whimper escaped Kristen’s lips in a wordless plea, and she ran her hands over his shoulders feverishly, her hips moving forward against his hand. 

He watched her as he pressed a second, and then a third finger into her, pressing into her harder. 

Kristen gasped, her back arching, pushing forward against Edward’s fingers, amazed that he was really doing this to her, that he hadn’t gotten nervous or uncomfortable and stopped. She needed him so badly it was almost unbearable.

Edward kept his eyes on her face, watching her reactions as he kept moving his fingers against her, his hand pressing against her clit with each thrust into her. 

Writhing under his touch, Kristen’s hands ran feverishly over his shoulders, clutching at the fabric of his undershirt, unbearably close.

Edward brought his lips to hers, kissing her as he moved his fingers against her, pushing them deeper and faster into her. 

She moaned into his kiss, her eyes closing, and she ran her hands through his hair, her hips moving up against him, driving his fingers deeper into her, needing him more and more.

Edward broke the kiss, feeling his anxiety starting a little bit, not enough for him to stop but he was getting a bit nervous. She seemed to be enjoying this but he wasn’t sure if what he was doing was enough. Still, he didn’t slow at all as she moved her hips against his hand. 

Kristen’s pleasure mounted until she was moaning repeatedly, before finally pushing her over the edge. She cried out, a shudder running through her as her inner walls tightened around his fingers, and she held him tight, gasping for breath as she came.

He watched her almost stunned as he felt her tense, her inner walls pulsing around his fingers and for a moment he was almost confused as to what happened until he realized. He did it … He’d actually brought her to orgasm. He watched her as she slowly relaxed, his fingers still moving inside of her before he pulled out of her. 

Her eyes slowly opened and she looked up at him, still panting for breath, her chest heaving. “Edward,” she gasped, looking a little stunned. “That … that was … Thank you.”

“You don't have to thank me.” He said. “It should have happened a long time ago. I'm sorry.” He said. 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Kristen retorted, leaning up and kissing him, her hands running down his shoulders, over his chest. “It was wonderful.”

Edward froze as she ran her hands over his chest but forced himself to calm down. It was a light touch … And it was Kristen. He kept his eyes on her, wiping his fingers off on the sheet before he brought his hand up to her side. “I'm … I'm glad I did it right.” 

“Are you alright?” she asked, looking up at him, noticing the way he’d frozen. If she was doing something that bothered him, she wanted to catch it before he shut down this time.

“Yes, I'm fine.” He said smiling, though it seemed just slightly forced. 

Kristen didn't quite buy it. “Edward,” she said gently, running a hand through his hair. “What's bothering you?”

“Nothing … I'm fine.” He said leaning forward and kissing her lightly. “Really.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said between kisses. “But if you change your mind, let me know.” She leaned in and kissed him again, her hands running lightly over his shoulders and chest again.

He took her hands in his and kissed her knuckles. “It's nothing.” He said kissing her again. “Do you want some tea?” He asked. 

“Um, sure,” she said, a little confused. She guessed Edward was done for the evening. It still felt so strange that he didn't seem to want her to do anything for him in return. But then, if touching him only triggered panic, what could she do? They still weren't at a point where there was any way for her to pleasure him back, even after he’d done all of that for her. Even as good as she felt, it saddened her. She made herself smile. “Tea would be lovely.”

He could tell something was wrong, as much as she could tell something was wrong with him. “What's wrong?” He asked. 

“It's … nothing, really,” Kristen sighed, sitting up on the bed. It was a weird thing to complain about, that Edward seemed more focused on her pleasure than his own. “It's just … You made me feel really wonderful just now, Edward and … Doesn't it seem unfair that I can't do the same for you?”

Edward froze half way into a sitting position, now leaning on his arm as he looked down at her. “You … Why would you want to? I can't …. I mean … I don't …” 

“I know what you have and what you don't,” Kristen said, feeling bad that Edward couldn't see any reason for her to want him as he already was. She shook her head. “That's not the point. I love you, and I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel. Why wouldn't I want to?”

“I just …” He took a deep breath. “I don't know …” 

“Would … you want me to?” Kristen asked quietly, looking up into his eyes, gently running a hand over his shoulder. 

“I … I don't know.” He said quietly, conflicted. 

“If… If you weren't afraid,” she said, watching him. “If there was nothing holding you back, would you want to?”

“I …..” Edward felt his nerves growing. He didn't know how to answer that. “I suppose.” 

Kristen kissed lightly at his ear, her hand on his leg, her touch gentle and non-threatening. “Do … Do you want to try again, or is it still too soon?”

“M-Maybe …. I’m …. Still nervous.” He said, playing with the blanket. 

“Nervous?” Kristen asked, kissing lightly down his neck, keeping her hand still on his leg, not doing anything that might make him uncomfortable. “Or you don’t want to? I can stop if you want.”

“I … I'd like to stop I think. For … For now.” He said leaning forward and kissing her. 

Kristen kissed him gently, then pulled her hand away from his leg, instead lightly touching his arm. She nodded. “Okay,” she said, running her other hand through his hair. “Nothing needs to happen before you decide you’re ready. But … Thank you. For tonight. It was wonderful.”

Edward smiled … Genuinely smiled. It felt like it had been a while since it came naturally, and wasn't forced for the sake of social expectations. “Yeah?” He asked. 

“Couldn’t you tell?” Kristen smiled, blushing slightly. “You had me completely undone.” A little shiver ran through her just thinking about it.

“Maybe we could do it again … I'm sorry I've been so inattentive.” Edward said, bringing his fingers up to play with her hair. 

“I’d like that,” Kristen said, leaning her head against his shoulder, her hand running idly over his back. She paused suddenly as her fingertips brushed against the binder under his undershirt, and she realized something. “How many hours have you been in your chest binder?” she asked, a little concerned. “You should probably let yourself breathe a little.”

Edward’s smile went back to being forced. “Yeah … I uh … I should take it off.” He said pulling away from her and sitting up on the bed to go to the bathroom. 

“You can take it off here if you want,” she said with a shrug. “It wouldn’t bother me.”

Edward looked back at her. “You're … Okay with that? I mean you’ve never seen … That …” 

“And if you don’t want me to, that’s fine,” Kristen said, trying not to make a big deal out of it. She just wanted Edward to feel more comfortable around her, and maybe to make him feel a little better about his body. “I just don’t see how it would bother me.”

Edward nodded and pulled his shirt over his head before hesitating. He didn't look at her as he pulled the binder off, faint compression lines around his body where it was sitting previously. 

Kristen tried not to stare, and got up to go find pajamas … But she couldn’t help glancing over anyway. She paused what she was doing, and blinked. “You have abs,” she blurted out, before realizing she’d said anything. “Um … sorry,” she said, blushing slightly, going back to what she was doing. Somehow, that was what took her off guard. His breasts were small, barely there against his chest, no doubt due to the testosterone. As self-conscious as he was about it, she guess she’d just expected there to be more there. But what she hadn’t expected was the muscle tone.

Edward looked stunned for a moment, staring at her confused. “That’s …. That’s what you noticed out of all of this?” He said with almost a nervous laugh. 

“Well …” Kristen said, gesturing at him as if that were somehow self-explanatory. “They’re nice abs.”

“They’re hardly abs at all, I don’t work out.” He said with another slight laugh. “So you’re … You’re okay with this?” He asked shyly. 

“Of course,” Kristen said, going over and gently putting a hand on his shoulder, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Edward shrugged. “Because it’s not …. Normal.” 

“According to who?” she said, her hand running lightly over his back between his shoulder blades, enjoying the direct skin contact as she looked up at him. “You’re the man I love. Why should we care what anyone else thinks is normal?”

Edward smiled and took her hand in his, pulling her back into bed again. “Thank you.” He said kissing her. “You … You have no idea how much this means. You haven’t even thought about walking away from me despite everything that happened and you’re with me with … Well … This …” He said gesturing to his body as if it was something disgusting. “You have no idea how much your support means …” 

He looked so happy, so relieved, so much more comfortable and relaxed … just from that small interaction. Kristen smiled warmly up at him, hopeful that someday, he really would feel completely confident and safe around her. “This,” she said, running her hands down his sides, her touch gentle, non-threatening, easy to pull away from if he chose to do so. “Is part of you, and I love you,” she said simply. “And I’m your girlfriend … I’m supposed to be supportive.”

Edward kissed her, his hand going up to her cheek. “Thank you.” He said.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our chapter lengths are all over the place, I'm sorry.

“Edward,” Kristen said, quickly closing the door as soon as he came in. Of all the days for him to be off work … She had rushed home to tell him the news she’d picked up as soon as her shift was over. “Have you heard?”

“Heard what?” Edward asked, looking over a newspaper with the title “Mr. Freeze” at the top. 

“Oswald’s been released from Arkham,” she said, barely able to stand still as she told him. “Apparently Strange thinks he’s ‘cured.’”

“I know.” Edward said turning the page of the newspaper. “He was here.” 

“He was?” Kristen asked, her eyes widening, surprised Edward hadn’t immediately wanted to tell her that when she got home. “How … how did he seem?”

“He was creeping me out … I asked him to leave.” He said. 

“Creeping you out?” Kristen asked, surprised that Edward had dismissed him so quickly, after they’d been worried about him for so long. “I imagine so. Who even knows what they did to him in that place … What was he doing that was creepy?” 

“He was overtly friendly, wouldn't stop smiling, and told me that the path I was going down wasn't necessary … That I should stop.” He said, flipping the page again and finding what he was looking for. “Jim noticed that Nelson is missing … He’s looking into it …” He said bringing up a more immediate problem. 

“That’s …” Kristen said, a cold feeling of dread settling over her. “That’s not good.” She sat down a little shakily. “Is there any possible way he could trace it back to us?”

“If he finds him, yes. Which is a strong possibility if he finds Oswald. He knows I found him in a forest. If they connect the fact that you were last seen with him, and my appearance in a forest around the time of his death, we’re the likely suspects.” He said drawing a green question mark over Jim’s face. 

Kristen buried her face in her hands, her glasses pressing uncomfortably against the bridge of her nose as she tried to see a way through all of the possible things that could go wrong. She couldn’t let Edward go to prison; there were a million ways that could go horribly for him. And she couldn’t even begin to process the idea of going herself … How had she let this happen? How had she just murdered someone and thought that was a good idea?

“I should never have let you deal with the body for me,” she heard herself say aloud, her voice shaky and rapid. “I should never have made you get involved, I should have figured out another way to deal with Nelson, I should never have let this …”

“Kristen, stop …” He said, getting up from the couch and sitting on the side of the bed. “It will be fine.” He said staring at Jim’s picture. 

“How is this going to be fine?” she asked, overwhelmed. She lifted her head up, and stared down at Jim’s picture. “Edward,” she said. “Why are you doodling question marks on Jim’s face?”

“You make it sound so juvenile … It’s a riddle … And I intend to solve it.” He said with a grin.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

3 Months Later

“You … thought you should tell me what?” Kristen asked uneasily into her phone, already picking up her things and heading for the door. She didn't like the cautious tone in Jim’s voice. It had impending bad news written all over it. 

“Kristen … Are you aware of any … Unusual behaviour from Ed?” Jim asked. “Noticed him doing anything he shouldn't …. Anything illegal?” 

“Anything …” Kristen shook her head, the tension rising in her chest. “Jim, why are you calling me? And … weren’t you in jail?” She’d felt bad about that, all things considered … But she knew why Edward had done what he did. He had gone overboard maybe … but the plan was meant to ensure that Edward was safe.

“I was … I need you to answer me Kristen … Do you know of any of Edward’s illegal activity?” He asked. 

“What illegal activity?” Kristen demanded stubbornly. The game had changed. Something had gone horribly wrong. “You know Edward, he’s not capable of anything illegal.”

“Really?” He said. “I find it hard to believe that with all he's done, you're oblivious. Though you do have a right to know.” He said pausing. “We found Nelson’s body. And the body of someone else they have yet to identify. He also admitted to murdering another man by the name of Leonard Richards, and Officer Daugherty. He’s been arrested for multiple counts of first degree murder, theft, vandalism, destruction of property, and setting a bomb in two public locations as well as framing an officer.” Jim said. “He’s being escorted to Arkham Asylum as we speak. Are you sure you're not aware of anything he’s done?” He asked. 

“Arkham Asylum!?” Kristen shouted in alarm. No … He hadn’t seriously taken the fall for Nelson, had he? She ran out the door, phone still in hand. “You can’t send him there, you don’t know what they’ll do! At least let me see him first, please!” She couldn’t help thinking back to how Edward had described the Penguin after his ‘treatment’ … By the time they were done with him, would anything even be left of the Edward she knew?

“So you do know what he was doing.” Jim said. “You knew he set me up …” Jim said more than asked. “You can go to the asylum if you like. But I doubt they'll let you in.” Jim said. “I don't advise leaving the city.” 

“I didn’t say that!” Kristen said, her heart racing as everything seemed to come crashing down around her. “And he didn’t kill Nelson! I don’t see how he could have done any of the rest of that either, but … He didn’t … He couldn’t …” She took a deep breath and steadied herself. She was not going to cry while on the phone with Jim. He’d have no sympathy for either of them after everything that had happened, so she refused to give him that.

“He already confessed after pulling a gun on me, Kristen. If you truly don't know about what he’s done, then I advise you to stay away from him. He's dangerous. He's hurt a lot of people, myself and Lee included. He’ll hurt you too.” 

“He won’t,” Kristen said fiercely. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. And I can’t believe you only called to tell me this when he’s already on his way to Arkham.” She shook her head as if to clear it. She needed to get off the phone and get to Edward. “Thanks for your concern … I have to go visit Arkham now.”

“I had to advise you not to leave Gotham and I thought it would be better hearing it from me than the news.” He said. “Still, I wouldn't advise going to Arkham, and the police will want to question you.”

“You just told me not to leave Gotham, you’re already thinking about questioning me anyway,” she snapped. She’d read enough case files to know how these things worked. “But thanks for the warning.” She ended the call and strode down the hallway, running to the car and setting out to drive toward Arkham Asylum.


	25. Chapter 25

Two days later, Kristen made her way through the check-in at the asylum gate. They hadn’t let her in the first time she’d tried, or the time after that, saying that their new ‘patient’ needed time to adjust to his new environment before permitting him to interact with anyone from his old life. It was utter bullshit … But short of staging a break-in and getting Edward into worse trouble, there was nothing she could do. During that time, the police questioning had been merciless. She had refused to give away anything, though, without consulting Edward first.

Everything about this place was bleak and unsettling. The architecture looked more suited to the sight of a haunting than a place for the mentally ill to find refuge and recover. And the soulless, clinical modern additions did nothing to improve that impression. This was a place where hope went to die.

She was shown past miserable cells of screaming or wailing or ranting or deathly silent inmates, past a common cafeteria area that looked more like a pen for caging animals than a place where patients could be effectively monitored, to a visiting room full of sad little tables with chairs on opposite sides, watched over by surly and disapproving guards.

Edward sat quietly at the table in his striped uniform, staring at the hard surface as he heard Kristen approaching, his hands folded in his lap where they were handcuffed together. It had been two days since he’d been locked up, and she was just coming to see him now? He said nothing as she sat down across from him, didn't even look up.

“Edward?” Kristen said softly, worried by the lack of reaction from him. They couldn’t have broken his spirit that much already, could they? She reached out and touched his upper arm. “Are … are you alright? How have they been treating you?”

“Fine.” Edward said still not looking up. “Why did you bother coming today?”

“What?” Kristen looked back at him, hurt and stunned. “Edward, I’ve been trying to get in to see you for two days. Why wouldn’t I come?”

“Have you?” He asked. “Oswald came to see me the first night I was here … Odd they’d let him in and not you.”

“They let  _ Oswald  _ in but not me!?” she said furiously, angry frustrated tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “I was here less than an hour after you were brought in! They wouldn’t let me past the gate, they gave me some line about not allowing visitors until you’d settled in, the police pulled me in for questioning and didn’t release me from holding until morning, then I tried again and they still wouldn’t let me in until they were sure someone under police suspicion wasn’t a ‘bad influence to your mental state’ … And you’re telling me they let  _ Oswald  _ in!?”  
  
She looked down at the table, all the anger and worry and fear and frustration and desperation and helplessness of the past two days building up inside her, and she clenched her eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. “I’ve been so worried about you,” she said in barely more than a whisper. “And you really think I wouldn’t even come see you?”

Edward finally glanced up at her, his eyes finally meeting hers and he could see her frustration and anger. “It was the logical assumption given the situation.”

“Well, it was the wrong assumption,” Kristen said firmly, opening her eyes to look back at him, the remnants of tears still not yet banished. “I love you, and I would never just abandon you like that … That’s not going to happen, I promise.”

“And if I'm in here for the next ten years? Twenty? Thirty? What then?” Edward asked.

“They … they can’t keep you here forever,” Kristen protested. Though it occurred to her that they could. All the doctors had to do was keep saying that he was still a danger to himself and others. And they might. “If Oswald can get out of here, so can you.” Though neither of them had liked the state he was in when they finally released him. “And … whatever happens,” Kristen said, reaching out and touching his arm again, her eyes looking steadily back into his. “I’ll keep visiting you. No matter what.”

  
“I don't want you to Kristen.” He said. “I don't want you here, I don't want you seeing me like this … Just … Go home. Move on.” His said, his chest hurting at his own words.

“I just said I’m not doing that!” Kristen said fiercely. “I love you, and I don’t want to stay away, I don’t want to move on! I’m going to keep coming to see you until they let you out of this place. That’s non-negotiable.”  
  
“I'm not negotiating with you, Kristen. I'm telling you not to come back. I don't want to see you anymore.” He said. “That's it … Go home.” He said seriously.   
  
“I’m not negotiating either, Edward,” Kristen said, crossing her arms. “I’m not leaving. And I’m not going to stop coming to see you. You’re not doing either of us any favours by telling me not to.”   
  


“I don't know why you're still arguing. I … Don't … Want … To … See … You.” He said. “Don't you get it. We’re done. This has nothing to do with the present situation, it has everything to do with the fact that I'm done with you.” He said before his voice became little more than a hissed whisper. “I'm in here because of you … I don't even know why I bothered taking the fall for you! The only reason I was even with you is because I made the mistake of showing you what I was … I never would have given you a second chance if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't want to do that all over again with someone else. I don't love you. You were just … Convenient.”    
  


Kristen shook her head, disbelieving, stung too deeply to form a response. “You don’t mean … I didn’t …” She drew in a shaky breath and stood up. “In that case,” she said bitterly. “I hope you and Oswald are happy together.” She turned and ran out, her shoulders already shaking, trying to get away before she could break down sobbing.

  
As soon as Kristen had left Edward felt his own tears pooling in his eyes and as soon as he knew she was far enough away that she wouldn't hear he screamed and kicked the chair across from him, the chair skidding across the floor and hitting the chair behind it. The guards came up and heaved him to his feet, leading him back to his cell. Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks as the guard pushed him in.   
“I’ve seen some shit in my time Nygma … But that was ruthless.” He said shutting the door before Ed slid down the wall, crying. 


	26. Chapter 26

Kristen cried bitterly as she reached her car parked by the curb outside of Arkham’s walls. Her chest kept heaving, never seeming to get enough air, each sobbing breath failing to fill a gaping hole inside her. She fumbled in her purse for her keys, cursing when she dropped them, having to bend down on the pavement to find them, still sobbing pathetically.

“Kristen?” Oswald asked as he approached her, a tin of cookies under his arm, looking a bit worse for wear. “Are you okay? What happened?” 

Kristen straightened, jumping a little when she saw Oswald … She’d been so miserable she hadn’t seen him approaching. “Doesn’t matter,” she shook her head, unable to stop the stupid tears from falling. “You’re the one he wants to see, so go see him. Edward doesn’t want me anymore.”

“Yeah, he told me the same thing yesterday.” He said nodding, despite the small smile that tugged at his mouth. “Told me we weren't friends anymore … I still creeped him out, said a few choice things about my mother trying to anger me into leaving. He’s trying to get us to stop coming here. He doesn't mean anything he’s saying. He's trying to protect us … More so you, I’d imagine. When I came the first time all he could talk about was how he wanted to see you, and how much he missed you. Even asked me to check on you to make sure you were okay. I tried but you weren't there and I don't know where you live. But then I told him about all the things Hugo did to me … He asked of course, I didn't bring it up. And now he’s pushing us both away …” 

“You didn’t hear the things he said …” Kristen said quietly, shaking her head. But her breathing started to calm as she began to think it over. It made sense. It was something Edward would do. But everything he’d said had hit so close to home.

“No, but I heard the things he said to me … It was rather mean spirited I must admit. Very unlike Edward. I mean, yes he said thing about my mother in the past that I didn't like but … Then it made sense, this was just … Hurt for the sake of hurt, and I can't see Edward doing that without a reason. I mean … If he didn't care about you why would he ask me to go out of my way to see if you're okay?” He asked. “His behaviour doesn't make sense but it also makes sense if you think about it from Edward’s perspective.” 

Kristen nodded slowly, the logic of what Oswald was saying starting to settle in. She wiped her tears on the back of her hand, looking back at Oswald. “I … guess it does. It’s just … so much like things I’ve heard before …” But not from Edward. Edward wasn’t like that. He never had been. “Thanks,” she said sincerely, looking back at Oswald’s pale, exhausted face. Aside from the overly cheery and helpful attitude, he looked worse off than she’d seen him in awhile. “I … think I just needed to hear that from someone else.”

Oswald’s smile widened. “No problem.” He said nodding again. “Hey so, maybe we should give him a few days. Let him stew, think we aren't coming back … I think he secretly wants us to but … Maybe come back and see him in a few days once he's had some time to think about it …. I'm sure you’d like to give him a piece of your mind, it's a natural human reaction. Personally I’d just like to give him these biscuits, so ….” He said pausing awkwardly. “I’d uh … I'd be polite and ask you if you wanted to go for coffee or something but I spent the last of my money on these.” He said lifting the tin slightly.

Kristen stared at him, registering what he had just said. Dear Lord … Arkham had done a number on him. Non-criminal was one thing. Polite and considerate still another. But this? Making him feel compelled to spend his last cent on … cookies for a friend in Arkham? Another thought occurred to her, as her eyes moved over his uncharacteristically shabby and … frankly odoriferous clothes. His mother had died, and then he’d been on the run for awhile before he was arrested … She wondered if …

“Oswald,” she said slowly. “Do you have a place to stay right now?”

Oswald looked as if he was trying to fight for something to say before he smiled. “I'm fine.” He said with a shrug, the smile not leaving his face but now he seemed embarrassed as he stared at the ground. 

“No,” Kristen said. “I’m not sure you are.” After a brief moment’s hesitation, she unlocked the car. “Coffee’s on me. When’s the last time you’ve eaten?” She noticed that the tin of cookies was unopened. As ludicrous as it seemed for Oswald to leave it untouched when he hadn’t eaten anything himself … his new brainwashed personality just might see it as the ‘considerate’ thing to do.

“I …. Um ….” When was the last time he’d eaten? He looked down at the ground, blinking as if he was confused by the question. 

Just watching him was painful. This … was worse than she’d thought. She felt a compulsive combination of sympathy for Oswald’s pitiful state, fury for Arkham’s doctors, and terror for what might be left of Edward by the time they were through with him. Out of those three impulses, though, there was only one that she could do anything about. She reached out and put a hand on his thin shoulder. “I’ll buy you breakfast, okay?”

Oswald looked embarrassed again. “You … Don't have to do that.” He said. “Really.” 

“So you’re supposed to be polite, but other people aren’t?” she said, shaking her head. “Come on. I need someone to talk to.”

“Oh … Um … Okay.” He said not sure what to do in this situation. It was wrong to argue, but it was wrong to take things from people too. And Kristen didn't really know him. “I-I-I’m sorry for any inconvenience … I don't mean to be a bother.” He said getting into the car on the other side.

“You’re not a bother,” Kristen said, eyes slightly pained as she looked over at the jittery wreck of a man. “You just comforted me when I needed it most, didn’t you?” She started the car, heading to a nearby diner. 

“That was nothing, you …. You don't have to pay me back for that, I was just being nice. You're supposed to be nice right?” He asked. “That's what Hugo told me. If you're good to people, then good things will come my way. I just have to be patient.”

“Is that what he told you?” Kristen said quietly, her hands clutching the steering wheel. She might have a few choice words for Hugo if she ever got the chance. “Well … How are good things supposed to come your way if no one else is nice back?”

“Well, if I'm nice … There’s no reason not to right? I mean I know I made a lot of bad choices in the past, but I'm trying to make things right. I even went to talk to Butch and Tabitha before I went to see Ed.” He said nodding. “They weren't really happy to see me but … I think we worked things out. I’d like to say they’re my friends again.” He said nodding and smiling at her.

“Again?” Kristen repeated, a little disturbed. She thought she understood now why Edward had described the new Oswald as creepy. “Oswald … Didn’t Tabitha kill your mother? And Butch … From what I hear, your dealings with him were … complicated at best.”

“Yes, she did. But the past is the past right?” He asked. “I can't keep living in the past, I have to move forward. And if I’m to move forward, I need friends right?” He asked his smile never wavering.

“I … suppose that’s true,” she said, perturbed by the naive leaps and bounds his mind took past all logic to rationalize what Arkham had drilled into him. “But … shouldn’t your friends be people who are nice to you too? I mean … friendship is kind of a two-way thing.”

“Well I mean, they could have killed me and they didn't. So that's kind of a step in the right direction. I did kill her brother after all, and I took Butch’s hand … He kind of led to my mother’s death, so we all lost something. I’d say that's even right?” He said as they pulled up to a small diner.

“Not … really,” Kristen sighed, as she put the car into park and turned off the ignition. She looked over at him. He couldn’t possibly be this oblivious … could he? “Being nice is all well and good … But you have to be careful to take care of yourself too. She opened the driver’s side door and stepped out, waiting for him to join her.

Oswald got out of the car, carrying the biscuits with him as if they’d go missing if he put them down. “Yes, well. I am fine.” He said nodding.

“So you keep telling me,” Kristen sighed, shaking her head. Yet, for all the smiling he did, Oswald didn’t seem really happy. She led the way into the diner, the two of them sitting in a booth by the window that looked out over another grey Gotham morning.

The waitress came up to the table and took Kristen’s order before looking at Oswald.

“Oh uh … I don't know …” He said staring blankly at the menu. “Whatever is cheapest. I guess.” He said, feeling guilty that Kristen was spending her money on him. The waitress gave him a half sneer as she started to write something down.

“Oh for the love of …” Kristen sighed. She should have known he would try to pull this. “Get him the number fourteen, will you?” she told the waitress, indicating a combo of pancakes, eggs and bacon. Since she couldn’t even determine the last time he’d eaten, he probably needed it. She turned to Oswald. “How do you like your eggs?”

“I um …. You don't have to do that, really.” He said looking at the price. “That's … Really expensive.”

“I know how money works,” Kristen said, exasperated, before staring him down, indicating that this was not up for debate. Since she wasn’t getting anywhere with him, she looked up at the waitress. “Make those scrambled,” she said, since few people would object to that. “And two orders of coffee, please.”

The waitress looked between the two and grimaced. “Coming right up …”

Kristen shook her head, before looking back at Oswald. “You said yourself that if you were nice, good things would come your way … Can you please just accept this as an example of that and move on?”

“I … I guess.” He said, nervously playing with the napkin. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Kristen sighed, staring tiredly down at the table. She was quiet for a moment, before she asked, “Do you think Edward will be alright in there?”

Oswald was quiet for a moment. “The therapy is hard but … I think he’ll make it out okay. Hugo can fix him. Make him better.”

“Like he did with you?” Kristen said dubiously. The man couldn’t even take care of himself anymore, nor could he accept help from others. “Tell me … What you went through in there … Do you really wish that on Edward?”

“No … But … I don’t want him doing what he was doing either. It was wrong. And if it helps him then …” Oswald paused, looking conflicted.

“Oswald,” Kristen said firmly. “You know as well as I do that everything he did was either to protect me, to protect both of us afterward, or in the case of Leonard, to help you. Admittedly, the situation with Jim did get out of hand, and maybe he does need help but …” she shook her head. “How exactly is putting him through what they did to you going to help him?” Tears welled up in her eyes. “And … No offense to you if you’re happy like this, but … It just seems so wrong to break down everything a person was like that … I … I don’t want them to take away the man I love.”

“If you love him, Kristen, then you’ll love him no matter what he’s like. And he will come out better. I mean … You wanted to be my friend before. Now that I’ve changed, do you want to be my friend any less?” He asked.

“That’s … that’s not what I meant,” Kristen said, touching his shoulder reassuringly. She pulled her hand back once she realized it. “Of course I still want to be your friend, and of course I’ll still love Edward, whatever state he’s in when he gets out, but … It’s still wrong to drain a person of everything that makes them unique. I don’t care how good Hugo’s intentions are, no one has the right to do that.”

“No one has the right to kill people either. He’s taken people’s lives, as have I … And I won’t anymore. And neither will Edward.” He said nodding as their food arrived, surprisingly fast. “Thank you.” He said, smiling at the waiter.

“Um … you’re welcome,” the waiter said before making a quick exit, a little taken aback by the intensity of Oswald’s gratitude.

Kristen shook her head, tightly clutching her cup of coffee. There were a few choice arguments she would like to make, but couldn’t here. “So that makes it okay?” she demanded, looking back firmly at Oswald. “I can’t accept that.”

“There’s nothing you can do about it, Kristen. His other option would be life in Black Gate, and it wouldn’t be that long of a life. They’d tear him apart in there. That’s why I opted for the insanity plea.” He said with a shrug.

“I know,” Kristen said quietly, her voice suddenly small. She rested her head in her hands for a moment, feeling incredibly helpless. She’d considered coming forward. Confessing to Nelson’s murder. But it wouldn’t help Edward, not in light of his other crimes. He would still be facing the same sentence, but without her on the outside waiting for him and coming to visit him. Everything felt so hopeless. “I hate this,” she whispered, to no one in particular.

“I know … But everything will work out. You’ll see. When Ed gets out. He’ll be a better man.” He said with a smile as if he had every confidence in the world before his stomach growled and he realized just how hungry he was.

“Just eat your food, Oswald,” Kristen sighed miserably, before lifting her head up to take a scalding gulp of coffee, wishing it was something stronger.

Oswald flinched, wondering if he’d said something wrong. “Y-Yes. Okay …” He said starting to slowly eat his food.

“I’m not angry at you, Oswald,” Kristen said,noticing the way he jumped. “I’m angry at the situation. That’s all.”

Oswald nodded but didn’t say anything as he ate the eggs on this plate, feeling rather awkward now. It was clear nothing he was saying was helping.

“I just … want him to be okay,” Kristen said quietly, picking at her French toast with her fork. “He’s … he’s  been through a lot.”

“It’s Gotham …” Oswald said. “We all have.” 


	27. Chapter 27

A few days later, Kristen went to try to see Edward again, taking Oswald’s advice. That was one thing, at least, that he’d seemed to make sense about. She hoped he was right about this as she made her way back into the bleak little visiting room.

Edward sat at the table as she entered, surprised she was back after what had happened last time. He glanced up at her, looking more tired now than before. “Why are you here?” 

“Because I don’t believe you,” she said matter-of-factly, sitting down across from him, a hint of hurt still in her eyes as she looked back at him, watching for any sign that his callous hostility last time had been genuine after all. “And you shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Edward sighed. “Is this just false hope you’re harbouring? Get over it … You’re wasting your time.” He said though he sounded more tired than callous this time. 

“Don’t,” Kristen said firmly, though the hint of pain never left her. “Oswald already told me you spoke very differently earlier. It’s not working, so just … stop. I’ve been talked to like that enough, and you’re not doing either of us any favours.”

Edward tilted his head and looked away from her. “Why are you doing this?” He asked. “You shouldn’t be here … It’s dangerous here and I already told you I don’t want you seeing me like this. They aren’t going to let me go, you’re wasting your life with me!” 

“And I told you I love you,” Kristen said stubbornly. “And you’re not going through this alone.” She lowered her voice so that the guard couldn’t hear. “You said yourself you’re here because of me … The least I can do is be here for you.”

Edward groaned and rubbed his hands over his face, his handcuffs clinking as he lifted has hands. He shook his head. “No …” 

“Edward …” Kristen said, reaching out and touching his arm. “Please don’t shut me out. We need each other now more than ever.”

“No … You can’t … You can’t be here …” He said. “If he knows about you then …” He shook his head glancing back at the guard behind him. “You don’t know what he does. I don’t want him using you … Not like he uses …” He paused and looked away from her again. 

“What are you talking about?” Kristen asked quietly. She could see that he was clearly distressed. “He who? What have they been doing?”

“I can’t tell you, just …. Just please don’t come back. If you’re serious about staying with me then I’ll come find you when I’m released. If you’ve moved on then great, if not we can work it out then just …. Please …” He said quietly, sounding almost desperate. 

“Edward, please,” Kristen whispered. “Just … just explain to me what’s wrong. I don’t understand.”

“I can’t.” Edward said simply. “He’s listening. He’s always listening. I’ve already said too much, it’s why I tried ending it the way I had. If he thought … If you thought you were nothing to me then … Then he can’t use you against me … Just … Please don’t do anything rash.” He said, wondering if, with how quietly they were speaking, if Hugo’s microphones could pick them up. 

Kristen was quiet for a moment, then said in a low whisper, “Yell at me. I’ll be back in a couple days to check on you, but …” She looked back at him pointedly. “Give me something to read between the lines.” If there was some kind of coded way he could tell her what they were doing to him here … That would at least be something.

Edward sighed. “I’m not going to yell at you but … Can you do me a favour?” 

“Anything,” Kristen said with a solemn nod.

“I left something on the floor in front of the TV at my apartment. Can you just … Make sure it’s secured to it’s base?” He asked. “I don’t want the cat eating away at it.” 

Kristen frowned, and then nodded again. “Sure …” she said. They didn’t have a cat. But then, she supposed Dr. Hugo Strange had no way of knowing that. “I’ll check.” She looked back at him tentatively. “Is … Is there anything else?”

Edward looked down at the table. There was a lot more he’d like to say, but instead he shook his head. “Can you … Can you make sure the cat is okay?” He asked. “If you see him. I don’t know where he is, he comes and goes, but … If you see him.” 

“Of course,” Kristen said, immediately thinking of Oswald. He did seem a great deal like a half-starved stray lately. “I’ve been looking out for him … I’ll make sure he’s okay.”

“Thank you …” He said quietly as a guard came up to them. 

“Time’s up.” The guard said grabbing onto Ed’s arm. 

“I can stand, thank you.” Edward said standing up. 

Kristen looked back at Edward, having so many things she wanted to say but couldn’t. She settled on: “I’ll come back.”

“Don’t.” Edward said before he was hauled away by the guard. 

She wasn't sure whether he really meant for her to stay away, or only needed to appear as if he did … But she had never been more worried. He looked more lost and scared than she had ever seen him as the guard hauled him off down that bleak hallway filled with sounds of madness and despair. She couldn't leave him here … She would try to heed his warning for as much as a week, let Strange think Edward had bruised her feelings enough to push her away … But she had to check on him, no matter how hostile he needed to be. Maybe it was better not to let on how much Edward cared … But it would be a mistake to let Strange think no one would notice what was happening to Edward.

When she left, she went straight for Edward’s apartment, going to check the floor by the VCR … She found a VR headset, but nothing to ‘secure’ it to … Was this what Edward had meant for her to find, then? Another clue? Were they using some kind of virtual reality on Edward? Though it had to go beyond that … Whatever else it involved, it had Edward terrified. She didn’t know enough about what went on in Arkham to be sure … but she knew someone who might.


	28. Chapter 28

Oswald just finished putting the last of the dishes away when Kristen came in. “Kristen.” He said with a wide smile. “Hi! You’re home early.” 

“Hi,” Kristen strangely couldn't help smiling back. Once she got used to the initial … weirdness, there was something oddly endearing about just how glad Oswald was lately to see her … Or to see anybody, for that matter. “Well, there's no reason to hang around talking at the precinct anymore, so …” She shrugged. After Edward's arrest, Kristen was pretty much persona non grata to everyone there unless they needed something, and even then they were uncommonly rude. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you about something.”

“Sure … Anything, what can I do for you?” He asked. 

“It's…” Kristen felt bad asking this of him. Especially since he was so overly agreeable. “Edward was hinting about what they're doing to him in there, and … I need to know. Would … Would you be willing to talk about what happened to you? You don't have to if you don't want to.”

Oswald looked nervous as he sat at the table. “I … I don't know …” 

“You don’t know if you want to?” Kristen asked, careful to keep her tone non-insistent. If she wasn’t careful, this new, hyper-considerate Oswald might well force himself to discuss something that was too traumatic to bring up otherwise. And as much as she needed to know … she didn’t want to do that to him. “Which is fine,” she added. “Or … you don’t know what happened?”

“I …” Oswald stared at the table. How could he explain. “I don't know how to explain. He’d make me do things … Watch things that weren't happening … Keep doing it until I reacted appropriately … Until I learned …” He said seeming lost in thought. “I mean … I had to know right from wrong … Right?” 

“These … these things you saw that weren’t happening,” Kristen said quietly, watching the lost and haunted look on Oswald’s face. “Did they … involve other people? People you knew?”

Oswald nodded as if he didn't really want to. “Yes …” 

“That’s …” Kristen took a steadying breath, trying to keep calm. “That’s what Edward was worried about, when he said he didn’t want Strange using us against him … Isn’t it?”

“It wouldn't matter … Strange would know about us anyway. He’d be using us anyway. That wouldn't change no matter what he does ….” He said holding the seat of his chair like a child being lectured. He didn't like thinking about his therapy … He was done with it. It was over … He was sane now. 

“So … we should visit him anyway?” she said, fidgeting slightly, uncertain. “I mean … if Strange already knows, then we might as well … And Edward’s going to need help getting through this.”

“I don't know … I … I don't really like going back there but … Seeing him … Would be the right thing to do right?” He asked looking up at her. “I mean, he saved my life … He took me in … Took care of me … And when I was arrested … He … He took care of my mother's grave.” He said. “I mean … At least I asked him to. I … I haven't been to see her yet.” He said sounding like he felt a mass amount of guilt at that. 

Kristen reached out and put a hand gently over Oswald’s. “He went to take lilies a few times, like you asked … We were both worried about you.” She paused for a moment, then said, “Do … you want to go give her grave a visit?” He might still not be ready for that, though.

Oswald shrugged. “I … I should … Shouldn't I?” 

“What’s been holding you back?” Kristen asked quietly.

Oswald shrugged. “I guess … It's kind of final.” He said. “I mean I know I saw her die … Held her when it happened but … I keep thinking that I’m going to go home and she’ll be there. That what happened was just a dream or … A figment of my therapy …. But … Seeing her grave … That will make it real … And I can't pretend anymore.” 

Kristen nodded, silent for a moment, before she spoke. “You should only go when you’re ready. And … you don’t have to go alone if you don’t want to.”

Oswald looked up at her surprised. “You’d go with me?” He asked, almost confused as to why she’d say that. 

“If you want me to,” she said, meeting his eyes. “I mean … it’s a very personal thing, so if you’d rather go alone, that’s fine, but … if it helps, I’d be willing to.”

“Please.” He said quietly. “I … I'd like that.” 

“Alright,” Kristen said gently, patting his hand in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. Grief was something no one should have to endure alone. “Whenever you feel ready, we’ll go.”

“Whenever you're free …” he said. “I mean … It's been so long since it happened.” He said. “I wonder if anyone even went to her funeral. I couldn't … They were looking for me then … They had cops everywhere thinking I might show up. I tried but …” He shook his head, his eyes watering. 

“I’m sure she would have understood,” Kristen said. Admittedly, she’d never met the woman, but … if Oswald and his mother were that close, she probably would have cared about her son’s safety. “I’m … free right now, if you want,” she said, looking over at him. 

“Now?” Oswald asked sounding almost panicked. “I … Yeah. Sure …” He said shaking nervously. “Yes, of course.” 

“Oswald,” Kristen said, putting a hand on his shoulder. It was impossible not to feel bad for him. “It doesn't have to be now if you're still not ready.”

“I don't think I’ll ever be ready.” Oswald said. “Let's … Let's go.” 

“Okay,” she said softly, standing up and going to get her purse, and then holding the door open for him. There wasn't much she could do to make this any easier on him. The best she could do was try to accommodate what he needed.

Oswald grabbed his coat and followed her out to the car dreading the moment they would reach his mother's grave.


	29. Chapter 29

The drive to the cemetery was silent. There were no words that could contribute anything helpful. The walk among the graves was filled only with the sound of their footsteps on the path, the wind brushing softly through trees and grass, and traffic out in the road beyond, sounding somehow muffled, as if from a far greater distance than there actually was. Kristen walked quietly by Oswald's side, until they approached Gertrud's headstone. 

“We should have brought flowers.” Oswald said. He thought of it in the car but he had no money … And Kristen was already doing too much for him. 

Kristen nodded. “We can bring flowers next time,” she said quietly. “I’m … sure she already knows you care, though.”  Though she felt strange speculating on what the dead knew or didn’t know. As far as she was concerned, this was for Oswald, to give him a chance to do or say what he needed to.

“Oh, Hello.” A stranger said approaching then. Oswald rubbed the tears from his eyes. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt.” 

Kristen looked up at the approaching stranger. He was an older man, very tidy, with an overcoat that looked unassuming but clearly of good quality, probably expensive. What was most striking, though, was that he had incredibly kind eyes. “Hi,” Kristen said a little uncertainly.

“Not at all.” Oswald said before looking at the flowers in the man’s hand as he approached. Oswald laughed slightly. “Lilies.” He said. 

“Her favourite, if memory serves.” He said, as he placed them down on the grave. 

“Yes, they were.” He said watching him. “Did you know her?” 

The man looked down at the grave, seemingly saddened by the sight of it. “A long time ago. I found her again only in death, I’m afraid.” The man looked up at Oswald and switched his umbrella to his other hand. “I’m Elijah Van Dahl.” He said shaking his hand. 

“Kristen Kringle,” she said, glancing from Oswald to Elijah. There was enough similarity between them that she wondered if they might be related. “And this is Oswald.”

“Oswald Cobblepot.” Oswald said shaking his hand before Elijah paused in shaking Kristen’s. 

“Cobblepot?” He asked. That was very close to Kapelput … Americanized if anything. “Are you related to Gertrud?” 

“My mother.” Oswald said. 

“Mother?” He asked as Oswald nodded proudly. “You’re Gertrud’s son?” 

“I’m sorry but how did you know my mother exac-” 

“How old are you?” Elijah asked interrupting him. 

“Excuse me?” 

“How old are you?” Elijah asked again. “Gertrud left-” 

“I’m 31.” Oswald said confused. 

“31 years ago, yes ….” Elijiah looked as shocked as Oswald looked confused. He looked down to Gertrud’s grave as if processing the information he was given. “My God … She never told me.” 

Oswald glanced at Kristen confused before looking back at Elijah. “Told you what?” 

“That I had a son.” He said, Oswald’s shock reflecting Elijah’s own. 

Kristen gasped, her hands briefly going to her mouth in surprise. She felt as if she were somehow intruding by being here, that this moment should be just between the two of them. 

“My …” Oswald paused and shook his head. “You must be mistaken … My father died when I was a teen … I … I knew my father.” 

Kristen glanced from Oswald to Elijah, and shook her head. “Are… Are you absolutely sure?” she asked tentatively. “I don't know much about your family, Oswald, but … You do look a lot alike.”

Oswald looked lost to what to say as he looked between Kristen and Elijah. “I …. I don’t know ….” 

“It certainly seems possible,” Kristen said, watching both of them, and seeing two grieving men who desperately needed someone to connect with. Resemblance aside, likelihood aside … maybe it didn’t matter if it was true. It struck her that they needed each other. “From … what you’ve just said, Mr. Van Dahl, the timeline seems to add up.”

“But … Why would she lie to me?” He asked. “Why would she say that he …. That …. It just …. It doesn’t make sense.” 

“I don’t know,” Kristen said. “Maybe she thought it would be easier on you … Or maybe it was too much of an emotional topic for her to talk about?”

“I think I have an idea on what it might have been.” Elijah said sadly. “We can talk about it, you’re more than welcome to come to my home. We can talk there.” He said before looking at Kristen. “Forgive me, are you his girlfriend?” 

“Um … No, I … I’m a friend,” Kristen said, surprised to find herself blushing. It was a reasonable assumption, since they were out here together … Maybe she should have expected it, but it still took her by surprise.

“Oh, a shame, you'd make a cute couple.” Elijah said before Oswald cut in. 

“She's my friend’s girlfriend …” He said. “He's … Not here right now, and I don't really have anywhere to stay right now so she’s letting me stay with her.” 

Elijah looked saddened that Oswald had nowhere to stay. Nowhere to call home. “Well, you're both welcome to come to my home. In fact I'd be delighted if you would have dinner with me.” 

“That … sounds really nice,” Kristen said, smiling slightly. “Doesn’t it, Oswald?” She hoped Elijah’s intentions were as good as they seemed. Oswald needed for something good to happen to him for a change. But if she could go with him, she could be sure.

“Sure …” Oswald said looking down at his mother's grave wishing she was here so that she could tell him … “I … Yes. Thank you. That's very kind.” 

“I … might perhaps be able to explain some things,” Elijah said, a sympathetic, longing sadness in his eyes. “It’s been so long, I never knew …”

“So you said …” Oswald said. “Did you drive here? Where do you live?” 

“Not far,” Elijah said. “If you wish you can ride there with me, or I can give you directions.”

“I think we should take your car.” He said looking at Kristen. “That way your car isn't here and we have a way back.” He said turning back to Elijah. “We can follow behind you.” 

“That sounds like the best idea,” Kristen said. 

Elijah nodded. “I shall see you there,” Elijah agreed warmly, before going to  his car, a beautiful old classic with an air of elegance to it.

Kristen and Oswald got back into her car and followed after him. The car ahead of them moved slowly, considerate to make sure they could easily follow. “How do you feel about this?” Kristen asked, glancing over at Oswald.

“I don't know … I mean, he could be lying. But … You're right he looks like me. Or I guess I look like him. More so than I looked like … Like Tucker … It would explain why he favoured my older brothers over me … If he knew I wasn't his but … I don't see why he wouldn't have thrown that at me. It seems like something he'd use against me.” 

“Maybe he didn’t know for sure?” Kristen hypothesized. She didn’t know Oswald’s family, but she knew dysfunctional. “It’s possible he just suspected … Maybe that’s why your mom kept it to herself … She didn’t want him holding it against you?”

“Maybe … But he died fifteen years ago, she should have told me.” He said as they followed Elijah out of Gotham. “Where is he taking us?” 

“I don’t know …” Kristen frowned. “We’re far enough out of city limits, I think they may actually have fresh air out here.”

Oswald laughed slightly. “Yeah, lot of good that would do us if he's planning on locking us in his basement to torture us or something …” he said only half kidding. 

“Why Oswald,” Kristen said, only half-smiling. She wouldn’t pretend the idea hadn’t occurred to her. “That sounds almost like something the old you might say.” The Oswald who’d had some sense of self-preservation.

Oswald shrunk down slightly. “Sorry.” He mumbled before looking out the window again, Elijah’s car stopped outside a huge mansion. “Oh my …” Oswald looked at the huge building. “It's bigger than my house was before everything was taken away from me …” 

“It’s …” Kristen’s eyes widened as she stared up at the old manor house. “Bigger than Ed’s whole apartment complex.” She glanced over at him, feeling more than a little overwhelmed. “Are you ready for this?” she asked.

“Not really.” He said but got out of the car anyway and headed over to Elijah before Elijah’s car pulled around to a parking garage near by. Oswald realized that Elijah had a driver … Elijah noticed the look on Oswald’s face and smiled slightly, almost embarrassed. 

“It was my parents before they passed … They inherited it to me.” He said nodding. “Please, come in.” He said leading them up the front path, a maid opening the door for him. 

“It’s … a really beautiful place,” Kristen said as they followed him in, her eyes gazing over antique beautifully-carved wooden banisters … Everything here had a classic kind of elegance to it … It seemed like a place that would appeal to Oswald’s tastes completely. “How did you and Oswald’s mother meet?” she asked.

“Oh, that’s not much of a story really.” Elijah said. “My father found her in Germany. Her father had just recently passed away and she was alone … My father offered her a job. She sold her mother’s house to come here, gave up everything she had in hopes of finding a life here.” He said. “She became a cook for our family … She was good at it, in my opinion, but my parents weren’t fond. They took sympathy on her though …” He said nodding. “I wasn’t supposed to talk to her, I wasn’t supposed to talk to any of my father’s employees unless it was to ask for something but … I couldn’t help myself.” He said with a soft smile. “She’d been so beautiful. I had to talk to her.” He said his eyes unfocused as if he were seeing it all unfold again. 

“That sounds a little romantic,” Kristen said, smiling slightly at the way he looked dreamily off into some unseen moment in the past. It was sweet. “I … take it your parents didn’t approve?”

“Oh, of course not.” He said leading them into the parlour. “When they found out, they forbid me from seeing her. I threatened to run away with her but … They saw it for what it was. A spoiled child throwing a tantrum. She was gone the next morning, I didn’t even get to say goodbye. My parents wouldn’t tell me where she’d gone but they said she’d be taken care of.” He said looking at Oswald’s shabby appearance. “I take it, that was a lie?” He asked sadly. 

Oswald nodded, almost embarrased. “My mother struggled a lot … We scrounged for rent money, lived off of food stamps.” He said. “What little money my fa- …. Tucker, brought in was drunk away.” He said. “We didn’t have a lot but … We made it okay. We made things work. Or at least … She did. She was strong, for practically being a single mother to four children.” 

“Four?” Elijah asked. 

“Tucker had three sons. I’m not sure if they were my mother’s or not. I doubt it, if what you say is true … They’re all older than me.” 

“I’m so sorry my boy …” He said. “If I had known … I should have gone after her. Tried looking for her. I had been so naive to think my parents were telling the truth. If I knew I would have been abandoning you as well ….” 

“Why?” Kristen asked quietly, looking back at Elijah, seeing the deep regret in his eyes. “Why didn’t you look for her? Forgive me for presuming, but … it seems like you wanted to.”

“I did but … Then, my parents word was law … And I would never go against them.” He said. “I think my parents were also why she didn't tell me … I think she would have been scared that my parents would have taken you away from her.” 

“That’s … understandable,” Kristen said quietly. It sounded like Elijah’s parents had really had a hold on him. Elijah seemed like such a kind man … but not one who could easily stand up to others let alone his own parents. 

“Why would they take me away from her?” Oswald asked confused. 

“My parents didn't like your mother … They would have seen her unfit to raise a Van Dahl. And I doubt they would have let a ‘street hussy’ raise their grandson.” He said shaking his head. 

Kristen winced, quietly putting a hand on Oswald’s shoulder. “I guess it’s just as well they didn’t know about him,” she said. “But … you didn’t feel that way?”

“Of course not!” Elijah said. “Oswald, had I known … I wouldn't have let my parents take you away from her. I would have ran away with her … I would have wanted to be your father.” He said and Oswald finally looked up at him with a small smile. 

“Well … I … I'm glad we found each other at least …” He said nodding though he had a few choice words he wanted to say. He was angry and upset at the same time but instead he just smiled. Accepted the past as the past. 

Kristen couldn’t help wondering whether Oswald would be taking things this placidly prior to Strange’s brainwashing. Somehow, she doubted it. “It … seems like you have a lot of regrets,” she said, uncertain whether she intended it as a statement or a question.

“I do …” He said glancing at the time before going to the kitchen, Oswald following behind him. 

“Where was my mother from? Do you know?” Oswald asked. “I always thought she was from Gotham.” He said though he supposed that explained the accent. 

“She was from a small town in East Germany,” Elijah said, a fond look on his face as he remembered. “Life became difficult for her there, but she would often reminisce about it.” Elijah said as he started making dinner. A soup that he knew Gertrude had made. She’d taught him how to make it a long time ago, and he’d made it for himself on the occasion. 

“Do you want some help?” Oswald asked. Even though his mother always said it was a woman’s place to cook not a man's, she had taught him anyway. After all, a man should also be independent and know how to take care of himself. 

Elijah smiled. “That would be nice,” he said. Cooking with his son … If only Gertrude could have seen this. “Help me chop these vegetables, will you?”

“What can I help with?” Kristen offered.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Elijah said. “Why don’t you go and set the table, if you want to help?” He asked. “This doesn’t take long.” He said pointing to the cupboard where the bowls were. 

“Alright,” Kristen said, going to set the table and letting Oswald and Elijah work together.

Dinner went well, and Oswald had to admit, the soup was very good. “It tastes just like hers.” He said with a soft smile. “She used to make this all the time when I was sick.” He said, not mentioning it was a little out of their budget, but on special occasions his mother would make it for him. Oswald helped him with the dishes and when they were done Elijah turned to them both. 

“You’re welcome to stay here.” He said to Oswald. “Both of you, if you like, but Oswald, I’d like it if you would stay here.” 

Oswald looked at him confused. “You mean like-” 

“I’d like you to live here.” He said. “I’ve missed out on so much of your life, and if you have no where to stay … I’d like you to stay here.” 

“I … Yes. I’d like that.” He said with a soft smile. 

“That's very kind of you, Mr. Van Dahl,” Kristen said, delighted for Oswald. Maybe he wasn't entirely wrong … Something good had finally happened to him, and when he least expected it. Though … She realized she would miss having him around the apartment. It had been such a relief not to be alone with her thoughts, to have someone around who cared and worried about Edward the way that she did. Talking to anyone at work about Edward was out of the question.

“Yes, thank you … Father.” Oswald said as if he was nervous and excited to even say the word. 

“You’re very welcome son.” Elijah said with a smile. “Now, I’ll show you to your rooms, it’s getting rather late. My wife and her children should be home tomorrow morning, you can meet them at breakfast.” 

“Wife?” Oswald asked, his smile turning into a confused frown. The way he’d spoken about his mother … He hadn’t imagined Elijah moving on. “I … Yes, of course.” He said the smile returning, though it looked conflicted. He’d already had one bad experience with a step parent … He wasn’t sure how this woman would take to the news of her husband having a son all of a sudden. 

“Don’t worry my boy, she’ll love you!” Elijah said smiling. “How could she not?” 

Kristen was initially taken aback by the revelation too, but recovered quickly. “I’m sure if she’s your wife, she must be wonderful,” she said, smiling over the uncertainty. As kind and caring as Elijah was, he ought to end up with someone equally so … Or at least she hoped he had. This must be very strange for Oswald, though.

Elijah lead them up to their rooms, Kristen’s across the hall from Oswald’s. “This is Sasha, and Charles’ rooms.” He said pointing to each of their doors. “My room is down the hall across from Grace’s room.” He said. 

“She has three children?” Oswald asked. Elijah looked confused for a moment. 

“Oh, no.” He said with a smile. “Grace is my wife. She sleeps in a separate room. I tend to keep her up at night so we thought it best …” 

“Oh,” Kristen said a little awkwardly. It didn’t necessarily mean anything. But … it struck her as a little depressing somehow. “That’s sensible.”

“Well, you two have a good sleep. The maid should be back tomorrow morning to prepare breakfast.” He said with a smile before retiring to his room. 

Oswald stood in the hallway awkwardly. “Thank you, for bringing me here, Kristen. I … I appreciate it.” He said smiling. 

“I’m glad this worked out for you,” Kristen said, briefly touching Oswald on the shoulder. “It’s about time something good happened to you for once.”

“Thank you.” He said quietly, retreating to his room, leaving the door open.   
  
Kristen went into the other spare room, happy for Oswald, but still feeling strangely dejected. It had been nice having Oswald around … No one else cared about Oswald or was really there for her talk to. But this … this was for the best. She wondered if she’d see him as much again after this.


	30. Chapter 30

Oswald groaned as he turned over in bed. “Oswald!” He heard his mother say, watching another version of him walk up behind her. “What is wrong?” She asked as he watched himself stab her, blood spraying out over his own face, warm and wet and sticky and Oswald jumped awake, looking around the darkened room wondering where he was before he remembered what had happened last night. His father … His real father … He was at his real father’s home. 

“Oswald?” Kristen asked uncertainly, standing in the doorway, seeing the confused, frantic terror on his face. “I thought I heard … Are you alright?”

“Yes … I’m fine.” Oswald said turning slightly on the bed. “Did you need something?” 

Kristen shook her head. “No,” she said a little awkwardly. “I just couldn’t sleep, and I heard you yell, so I came to check on you. It … sounded like you were having a pretty nasty dream.”

“I'm sorry …” Oswald said. “I’ll try to be quieter.” He said sliding back down on the bed. 

“It’s alright,” Kristen said, hesitating in the doorway. He had looked so afraid. “Do you want me to stay? If it would make you feel better, I mean.”

“You don't have to.” He said. “Wouldn't that be inappropriate?” He asked sitting up and looking at her. “You have a boyfriend.” 

“I … I didn’t mean anything like that,” Kristen said, her face blushing profusely. “I just felt weird being alone here, and … It’s stupid. I’m sorry I bothered you. Goodnight.” She turned to leave.

“Kristen …” he said feeling guilty that he’d clearly upset her. “It's okay … you can stay if you like.” He said moving over in the large bed. 

Kristen paused, turning back to look at him. “Are … Are you sure it's okay?” she asked tentatively. 

Oswald nodded. “Yeah, it's fine.” He said. 

After a further moment’s hesitation, Kristen went over and climbed into bed. “Thank you,” she said quietly. 

“Sure.” He said nervously, laying back down on the opposite pillow.   
  
Kristen lay down, leaving plenty of space between them to avoid awkwardness as she settled under the covers. Yet, despite the apparent strangeness of it, she found herself relaxing much more easily than she had in the other room alone. Just knowing someone familiar was there seemed to take the edge off of her loneliness and worries. In very little time, she settled into a peaceful sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

Oswald groaned as he shifted in bed, still sleeping deeply as he held his blanket closer against his chest, his leg moving over it. 

As she emerged from sleep, Kristen felt very snug and comfortable. Someone was holding her, and … She frowned. And something was pressing into her. Something that Edward most definitely did not have was pressing into her, right against her ass. Her eyes shot open, and she quickly tried to dislodge herself.

Oswald jumped awake when his blanket suddenly moved and he realized it wasn't his blanket. He also became painfully aware of the erection tenting his pajamas and instantly knew why Kristen was trying to get out of his grasp. He let go of her, backing away himself. 

“I-I-I’m sorry, I didn't … I …” He didn't even know what to say. 

“It’s … It’s okay,” Kristen said, relieved when she was safely out of his grasp, sitting on the opposite edge of the bed. Though she was still blushing profusely. “It’s not your fault. It … it happens.”

“I … I suppose. Still, I am sorry. I hadn’t meant to do that.” He said unable to look at her. 

“Of course you didn’t mean to,” Kristen said, feeling bad that he seemed so guilty about it. “It was an involuntary reaction, we were both asleep. Let’s just … forget about it, okay?”

“I, yeah, sure.” He said glancing at her and forcing a smile onto his face. 

“Great,” Kristen said awkwardly, fumbling for her glasses before remembering she’d left them in the other room. She stood up. “I’ll … um… leave you alone now. Thank you, though, for letting me stay. I don't think I would have been able to sleep otherwise.”  
  
“Yeah, I'll see you at breakfast.” He said shyly escaping to the bathroom to take care of his immediate problem, which hadn't seemed to go away. 


	32. Chapter 32

Kristen had called in and taken her vacation time. She needed some time to process what had happened with Edward, needed a break from the stares and sneers at work, needed to get her life together. And she was concerned about Oswald, reluctant to just leave him in the home of a man who was still a stranger. Initially, she’d planned on leaving and just dropping by for frequent visits, not wanting to impose or make things awkward. Elijah, however, had insisted on her staying a few days longer. Of course he did. Elijah always insisted on doing the most generous thing possible. She could find no fault in the man, except for letting go of Gertrud all those years ago. His wife and step family were another matter. She was certain she detected a hint of snide condescension and passive-aggressive hostility beneath their polite veneer. But she didn't think Oswald or Elijah noticed. Elijah seemed too good-natured to see anything but the best in people, and after Hugo Strange’s mind-altering ‘therapy,’ so did Oswald. So she agreed to stick around. Maybe she was just imagining things, generating excuses not to go back to the depressingly empty apartment… But someone needed to keep a sharp eye out for Oswald's safety.

The past few days, they’d passed the nights in separate rooms, after that first awkward incident. Though to say that Kristen had slept since then had been inaccurate. Only tonight did exhaustion finally take over enough to drag her down into a fitful sleep, her dreams populated by relentless worries about Edward.

Oswald had been dreaming … if it could be considered a dream. It was more of a nightmare than anything. His mother lying dead on the floor while he watched helplessly, her wide smile reassuring him that all was alright.

He woke up sweating, and could hear Kristen groaning from the other room. He got up, wondering if he should go in. Maybe she was having a private moment … but the more he heard her the more he realized what it was. 

He entered her room quietly, gently sitting on the edge of the bed, careful not to startle her. “Kristen?” He asked quietly, his hand going to her shoulder. 

“Don't!” she flinched awake, pulling away. She looked up at him, confused, blinking a few times in the dark before she recognized him. There were tears running down her face, and she quickly wiped them away. “Oswald?” she murmured, still perplexed. “What… Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. You were having a nightmare I think.” He said quietly. 

Kristen nodded, sitting up shakily, pulling her knees in to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs, as if trying to protect herself from something. The tears wouldn't go away, as she thought of Edward in Arkham, all alone in that terrible, bleak place, except for whatever horrific visions Strange might subjecting him to. “I’m so worried about him,” she whispered, knowing she didn't have to say who. 

“I know … but … he'll be fine. I'm sure he will be. Once his therapy is done … he'll get out. Like I did.” He said nodding. 

Despair washed over her, and she broke down sobbing openly, her shoulders shaking. “But what if it takes longer? What if Strange never lets him out? What if …” She couldn't voice the rest again, not to Oswald. What if, when Edward finally did get out, there was nothing left of who he was?

Oswald moved closer slightly, and pulled her into an awkward hug. “Do you want me to stay with you?” He asked, not actually wanting to admit he didn't want to return to his own room. 

Without thinking, Kristen wrapped her arms  tightly around him, surprised by just how comforting his presence was. She nodded. “Please,” she said quietly. She couldn’t stand to be alone right now, when all of the despair she felt seemed to gather in the shadows of this old house, like a single oppressive force surrounding her.

Oswald nodded and climbed into bed next to her. “Is this okay?” He asked. 

“Yes,” Kristen said quietly as she moved over to make room for him, her tears starting to subside as she laid down next to him. “Thank you.”

“Do you want to talk about what your dream was about?” Oswald asked.

Kristen was silent for a long moment, then said, “They were hurting Edward and I couldn’t do anything to help him,” she said in a low half-whisper. “That … was pretty much the gist of it.” She didn’t want to go into any further detail.

“I'm sorry.” He said moving closer to her and hugged her. 

Kristen hugged him back, her breathing slowing as she grew calmer in his arms. “Thank you for being here,” she said gratefully. 

“Gladly.” He said with a soft smile. “To be honest … I didn't really want to be alone either.”   
  
“I can understand that,” Kristen said, pulling the blankets over both of them and relaxing against him, closing her eyes, not questioning why she suddenly felt safer and more at ease. 


	33. Chapter 33

Oswald woke up the next morning, sun streaming through the window onto the blanket. He looked up at Kristen who was still sleeping, her hair strewn over the pillow. 

Waking up gently to the sunlight streaming through the window and someone holding her, Kristen opened her eyes to see Oswald still there with her. She snuggled sleepily against him and, not yet awake enough to think about it, leaned in and kissed him.

Oswald froze as Kristen kissed him and pulled back slightly. “Kristen?” He asked softly. 

“Hmm?” Kristen mumbled, looking back at him. She was still barely awake, and was just glad he was still here with her, that she hadn’t had to wake up alone.

He didn't know what compelled him to do so, but he leaned forward and kissed her again, his lips gently moving against hers.

Kristen’s eyes closed as she leaned into the kiss, wrapping an arm around him and holding him close, still not thinking about what she was doing.

Oswald found himself deepening the kiss, his tongue nervously moving against hers. He should stop this … He wasn't even sure if she was fully awake … he shouldn't be doing this. 

In response to Oswald’s deepening the kiss, she slipped her tongue into his mouth too, her mouth moving against his, her hands moving over his thin shoulders.

His hand moved to her side, his thumb moving over the material of her pajamas, breaking the kiss a moment to catch his breath. “Kristen …” 

Kristen opened her eyes, looking back at him, more awake than she’d been before. What was she doing? This couldn’t possibly be a good idea … But for once, she definitely didn’t feel alone. “Yes?” she responded, blushing profusely.

“What are we doing?” He asked quietly. 

“I … I don’t know,” Kristen said, confused and nervous as she looked back at him. “I … didn’t plan on this.” But it was still happening, apparently.

“Are you okay with this?” He asked. 

Kristen hesitated for a moment, her mind racing. She should say no. This couldn’t be right. But … it was just a kiss, wasn’t it? And she felt a desperate longing not to go back to feeling so alone. She nodded slowly.

Oswald wanted to question why but found himself leaning forward to kiss her again, moving closer to her. 

The kiss seemed to cloud her mind, pushing back any doubts, suppressing any resurgence of her better judgement as she closed her eyes and deepened the kiss, her hands caressing across his back, needing to feel him here with her, to just stop thinking and worrying and agonizing, if only for a moment.

Oswald was surprised that she was taking it this far and his hand moved to the hem of her pajamas, his hips rolling against her hip, feeling himself starting to swell in his pants. 

A soft moan escaped Kristen's lips, muffled by the kiss, as Oswald's hips rolled against her, but she froze as she felt Oswald's hand at the hem of her pajama pants, everything in her mind suddenly at odds. It felt so good to be touched again; it had been so long … But what was she doing? This was starting to proceed beyond just a kiss. How far were they going to take this? Would she really be able to look Edward in the eyes after this?

Oswald’s hand slipped into her pajama pants, moving closer and closer to her heat as he pressed himself against her again, his cock fully hard inside of his pants. 

In a surge of panicked guilt, Kristen pulled away, breaking the kiss and pushing back at his chest. “Wait,” she stammered, upset, her eyes watering with the realization of what she’d done. She sat up, crossing her arms over herself. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, we can't … This is wrong.”

Oswald stared at her in shock as she pushed him away, his hand coming out of her pants as she moved away from him, her words hitting him like a bucket of ice water. 

He got up off the bed without a word and walked out of the room, going to his own bedroom and shutting the door harder than he intended. He knew what they were doing was wrong, she wasn't his, she was Ed’s. But he couldn't help the swell of rejection he felt in his chest. 

She flinched as the door slammed, and then buried her face in her hands. Great. Oswald was upset, and why wouldn't he be? She had effectively led him on. And now they both bore the guilt over what this would do to Edward. She groaned, thinking of how much this would hurt him … But she couldn't keep it from him. It would be wrong not to be honest over what had happened. But to find out in Arkham … God, what had she done? And no doubt Oswald would want nothing to do with the situation. Had she just lost her last friend? Edward's last friend? She’d been an idiot for hanging around here this long. Everyone at work was right. She was just a stupid whore.   
  
Getting up, she frantically started packing to leave, hurriedly getting dressed. If she knew one thing with absolute certainty, it was that she had overstayed her welcome. 


	34. Chapter 34

Oswald came down the stairs as he saw her putting her shoes on and saw her bags next to her. “Where are you going?” He asked nervously. 

Her red-tinged eyes met his with all the dignity she could still muster. It was clear she had been crying. “Back home,” she said she evenly. “I’ve done enough damage here, don't you think?”

“Damage? You've been nothing but helpful.” He said walking up to her, and looking up at her to meet her gaze. “Why would you think you have to leave?” He asked. It was clear she didn't want to. 

Kristen froze as he approached her, remembering his touch, how good it had felt to kiss him, and guilt washed over her anew. “No, what I did…” she shook her head, her ponytail swinging with the motion. “It wasn't fair to Edward, and it wasn't fair to you. Frankly, I'm surprised you're even talking to me.” She could tell he’d been hurt when she pushed him away. Maybe he hadn't said so, but his eyes spoke volumes. 

“I could have stopped you, and I didn't.” He said. “It's not your fault.” 

“Don't pretend I'm blameless, Oswald,” Kristen said firmly. “I started it. We both did what we did.” She glanced away briefly, before she said, “I love Edward. And I don't think you want to hurt him anymore than I do.”

“I know we both did it … and I know it was a mistake. Believe me, I'm used to rejection. It's okay.” He said. “I don't blame you for wanting him over me, he's your boyfriend.” He said nodding, before he stepped back slightly. “I think we should talk to him …” he said with a shrug. “I don't want to keep that from him anymore than you do.” 

Kristen winced slightly. Hearing that Oswald was ‘used to rejection’ didn’t make her feel any better about this. But she didn’t know how to address his insecurities without sending him mixed signals. So she simply nodded. “You’re right, we need to talk to him,” she said apprehensively. “I hate that he’ll have to hear about this in Arkham, but … it’s not fair to hide what happened from him.”

“I was planning on going to see him today anyway. Let's go together.” He said taking her hand in his. “Please.” He said kissing her hand. “Go put your stuff back …” he said. “You're still more than welcome here.” He said smiling up at her. 

“Thank you,” Kristen said, taken aback as she stared back at him, conflicted between gratitude and guilt. “I … would like to go together, but … If I stay, I’m afraid I might … we might …”

“We won't …” he said. “We’ll talk to Ed. And then we’ll talk when we get home. Okay?” 

“What are you two doing?” Oswald looked over at Grace as she came down the stairs. “Oh, you're leaving?” She asked smugly, looking at Oswald. 

“I was going to,” Kristen said evenly, looking Grace politely in the eyes, pretending the question was addressed to her. “But Oswald has persuaded me to stay awhile longer.” She had almost forgotten about Grace … Perhaps Oswald still needed her to look out for him after all.

“Oh.” Grace said nonchalantly. “And here I was hoping the house might actually get a good night’s sleep.” She said moving into the dining hall. 

“Now, now Grace. Be nice.” Elijah said coming down the stairs, his cane clicking on the floor. “Oswald.” He said happily. “I was thinking we should go out today. I have some errands I’d like to run.” 

“Oh … uh … well …” Oswald said nervously. 

“Oswald and I have an errand of our own we needed to run first,” Kristen said, glancing at Oswald. “But … I can bring him back to spend the rest of the day with you.” She didn’t want to get in the way of Oswald spending quality time with Elijah.

“Oh, well perhaps I can take you both?” He asked. “We can get some lunch after?” Elijah asked. 

“That sounds nice,” Kristen said, glancing over at Oswald nervously. “If you don’t mind stopping at Arkham. We were going to go visit someone there.” She avoided looking at Grace, but could feel her judgmental gaze nonetheless.

“Arkham?” Elijah asked. “Asylum?” He asked looking more concerned and confused than anything as he looked to Oswald. 

“One of my friends is there … He was unjustly imprisoned … We like visiting him. It wouldn’t be good for him to think if everyone just forgot about him.” He said hating that he was half lying to his father. 

“My boyfriend,” Kristen clarified quietly, getting that out in the open. They had already mentioned to Elijah that she was dating a friend of Oswald’s. He had to be wondering by now why Kristen was always hanging around here, while this friend was nowhere to be seen.

“I see. Yes, I’ll take you.” He said nodding. “Let’s go have some breakfast and then we’ll head into the city.” 

“You really don’t mind?” Kristen said, surprised. Elijah had struck her as a kind and accepting man, but this … was something most people would have had a few questions about.

“Yes. If he’s a friend of Oswald, and as you say, a loved one of yours then I am more than willing to take you to see him.” He said heading into the dining hall with Oswald behind him.


	35. Chapter 35

Kristen walked with Oswald into Arkham, her stomach twisting with worry as they neared the visiting room. No matter what, this wouldn’t go well. But they couldn’t undo what had already been done, and Edward had a right to know. 

Edward looked up as Oswald and Kristen came in, both of them looking more nervous than anything. “Hi.” He said flatly as they came in. 

“Hi,” Kristen said, feeling worse as she saw Edward looking up at her. He looked tired, but otherwise fine, as far as she could tell. She lowered her voice as they sat on the opposite side of the table from him. “How have you been?” she asked, glancing briefly at the guard.

“Fine.” Edward said quietly. “How have you been?” He asked, his voice sounding more scripted than anything. 

“I … well,” Kristen took a deep breath. “Something happened last night,” she said, making herself look back at Edward instead of down at the table. “Or this morning, really.”

Edward’s script broke and he looked concerned. “Are you alright?” He asked. “What happened?” 

“I’m fine,” Kristen reassured him quickly, feeling even worse now that Edward was worried about her. “I …” She looked back at Edward, hating how much this was going to hurt him. Part of her abruptly wondered if it might be better to keep her mouth shut and spare him the pain. But she couldn’t bring herself to deceive him. Edward deserved better than that. “I did something I shouldn’t have. We …” she glanced over at Oswald, before forcing the words out quietly. “I kissed Oswald,” she confessed, shame and guilt evident in her voice as she looked back at Edward to see if he was angry. “I’m sorry, but … You deserve to know the truth.”

“We um … It wasn’t entirely Kristen’s fault. We both are really.” Oswald said quietly. “We almost did more than that but … We stopped.” He said. 

“More than that?” Edward asked, his eyes remaining on Kristen though his face was unreadable, almost unemotional. 

“Almost,” Kristen said, her throat tight with emotion. She didn’t know what to make of Edward’s lack of reaction. He wasn’t revealing anything … which meant he could be feeling absolutely anything. It could be even worse than she’d imagined. “But it didn’t get that far … I promise, nothing like this will happen again.”

Edward was silent for a moment, his eyes moving down to the table. “It’s fine.” He said leaning back in his chair. “Go ahead.” He said with a shrug. 

“What?” Kristen said, stunned, alarmed by the defeated way that he just stared down at the table. “Edward, you don’t have to pretend it’s fine. You can be angry if you want.”

“But I’m not angry.” Edward said calmly. “I’m serious. It’s fine. You can if you want to. He can give you things I can’t. He’s there, I’m not. He has parts I don’t have … I understand.” He said nodding. 

“Parts you don’t-” Oswald looked confused. 

“I’m transgender.” Edward explained. “You have a penis, I don’t …” He said making Oswald flinch and looked like he had no idea what to say. “Thank you for that look.” He said sarcastically before he looked at Kristen again. “I mean it though … I’m fine with it. I’d actually feel better if you did.” 

“You’d feel better if …” Kristen shook her head in disbelief, conflicted. She didn’t  _ want  _ to just run off and mess around with Oswald while Edward was in Arkham, even if he said it was okay. The guilt of doing that while he was alone in here enduring God knows what … it would tear her up inside. But, if Edward said he would somehow feel better … None of this made any sense. “I told you before, Edward, that doesn’t matter to me. It never has. I love you.”

“I know it doesn’t matter, and I know you love me, but just because I’m locked up here doesn’t mean you should be as well.” He said looking up at her and speaking sincerely. “I trust both of you, and I care about both of you. I’d rather know you’re together, than alone and constantly wondering if you’re okay, if you have someone to care for you.” He said. “I’d rather know you have someone … And I know Oswald will be good to you.” 

“I would be.” Oswald said nodding shyly, blushing from the tip of his nose right up to his ears. 

“I know you would be. If I didn’t trust you, then yes I’d be mad. Or if this was some random guy, then yes I’d be mad. I’d consider that cheating but this …” He said shaking his head. “This … I’m okay with.” 

“I …” Kristen looked back at Edward, her eyes hinting at the morning’s previous tears. She wasn’t sure anymore if she felt relieved or upset or grateful or guilty or just confused. This was all happening too quickly and unpredictably. Before, she hadn’t even realized she was attracted to Oswald, just unusually protective, and now … Now this. She shook her head. “I think you’re handling this better than I am,” she admitted. Even if she didn’t understand Edward’s reaction, it was better than seeing him devastated. “But … Are you sure you’re not upset? You’re really just … okay with everything?” 

“I am.” He said, his lips a bit tight as he smiled. “Of course I’d rather be free and with you but since I can't … at least I know you … you both … will be okay.” He said. “You need someone … and I don't know how long I’ll be in here. I don't want you to be alone Kristen … I know you. It'll break you. And I don't want that to happen. I’d rather think about you safe in the arms of someone I care about than laying in bed alone.”

Kristen opened her mouth to protest, but Edward was right. Historically, she tended to be unhappy on her own … and lately, things had been lonelier than ever. “But what’s going to stop me from worrying about you?” she asked quietly, subtly reaching across the table, her hand briefly touching his, not long enough for the guard to say anything. She wanted so badly to hold him.

“I'm fine.” He said with an even tighter lipped smile. “The treatments aren't so bad anymore … they're getting better.” He said nodding. “You don't have to worry about me, even though I know you will. Really. Everything's fine. I'm getting used to it here. Getting to know how everyone works. I've even found a few … well I wouldn't say friends but … we get along.” 

It was a little eerie the way Edward nodded and smiled when talking about the treatments … Not quite the same way that Oswald had since he’d gotten out of Arkham, but the similarity was there. And that tightness to Edward's expression usually came from holding something back. Maybe he really was okay with Oswald and Kristen, but he was still unhappy here. At least the way he talked about figuring people out, as if they were all one intricate puzzle, sounded like the Edward she knew. Whatever Strange was doing, Edward was still himself. 

“I'm… glad things are getting easier, at least,” she said uncertainly. “But I won't stop worrying until you're out.”

“I'm sure you won't. But I wish you would. Stress isn't good for you.” He said, before looking at Oswald. “You too. Take it easy.”

“I will. We're both staying at my Father's house right now.” He said with a bit of a shy smile.

“Your fa- I didn't know you had a father.” He said. 

“Neither did I to be honest.” He said with a slight chuckle. “He's outside waiting for us. He was kind enough to drive us here.” 

“We found him by chance,” Kristen said. “And he's been very kind to both of us, so … We're doing okay.” Better to focus on that and avoid mentioning how things were going at work. Edward had enough to get through without worrying about her or Oswald on top of everything else. It was a miracle, really, that this had all worked out to set Edward's mind at ease instead of causing him pain. 

“That's good.” He said quietly. 

“Two more minutes.” The guard said abruptly, causing Ed to glance back at him. 

“I hate the stupid time limit,” Kristen muttered under her breath, before looking back at Edward. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I am.” He said nodding. “I’m better now. Now that I know you’ll both be okay.” He said with a soft smile. 

“Well, we’ll keep visiting to make sure you’re okay too,” Kristen said, relieved that he hadn’t been hurt by their thoughtlessness … Even if the whole situation was beyond weird. “Though I’ll feel a lot better when you’re out of here.”

Edward nodded. “Me too.” He said smiling at her as the guard came up behind him. He hauled Edward to his feet with a grumbled ‘Time to go.’ 

“We’ll be back soon,” Kristen promised, standing up, a worried look of longing in her eyes as the guard started to lead him away.

Oswald stood and said goodbye to Ed as he was almost out the door and glanced at Kristen. “Come on …” He said now that Ed was gone. “This place gives me the creeps.” He said heading towards the door.   
  
“Right,” Kristen said quietly, staring off in the direction the guard had taken Edward. She shook her head, and went to follow after Oswald, trying not to look too closely at their surroundings as they left this horrible bleak place full of hollow eyes and despair. She couldn’t help doubting that Edward was really as okay as he claimed. “Me too.”


	36. Chapter 36

Her time off was over far too soon, and Kristen was back at work again. She felt more eyes on her as she walked into GCPD, saw more disgusted looks and snide snickering. Maybe it was because she’d been away. No matter. She kept her back straight and her eyes ahead as she made her way quickly toward the records annex.

“Hello, Miss. Kringle.” One of the cops said smiling at her. “How's the missus?” He asked leaning against the pillar on the main floor before she could get upstairs. 

Irritated that he was blocking her path, Kristen glared up at him, before what he’d said sank in and she froze. “What did you just say?” she asked apprehensively.

“I asked you how the missus was.” He said. “I mean … you are a lesbian aren't you?” He asked chuckling slightly. “I mean don't get me wrong it's kind of hot.” 

“Hey, I got a cousin that's a lesbian. Maybe I could hook you two up. She might be better for you than the broad you got now.” Another said leaning against his desk, an amused grin on his face. 

Oh God. They knew. Someone had outed Edward … But who at GCPD had known? Recovering from her initial stunned silence, Kristen shook her head. “I don’t care what you think is hot, and I’m not interested in your cousin,” she retorted, though her face burned with embarrassed dread. “Where did you even hear that?” And who else knew?

“I heard it from Jimmy, who heard it from Ted, who heard it from Henry … Not sure where it originated but …” He said looking her over. “So it’s true then? Nygma’s got a pussy? Always thought he was rather feminine. Explains why he was so weak. Or … I should say ‘She’ I suppose. That’s going to be odd getting used to.” 

“He,” Kristen said forcefully, fury in her eyes, disgusted by the way his eyes slid over her. “Is not weak. Now will you move so I can go do my job?”

“Yeah.” He said with a smirk, a few others chuckling. “Sure.” He said stepping out of the way. 

“Can I have your number?” The other one asked. “Seriously, I’m sure my cousin would love a shot since you seem to love pussy so much.” 

“Stop talking about your cousin and pussy in the same sentence,” Kristen snapped, before darting around the man blocking the stairway and quickly heading up the steps, anger and fear pressing down on her. If Edward’s secret was that widespread … then the whole precinct probably knew by now. And some of them would be much nastier about it than these guys. 

Kristen quickly disappeared upstairs to the records annex, her hands shaking from the encounter. She didn’t know how everyone had found out, but there was no one left who would bother asking everyone to back off. Anyone who would have helped before would have no sympathy left now. The best thing she could do was keep to herself and focus on her job.

The day went quietly until Thomas Nelson came into the records annex. “Miss. Kringle …” he said looking none too impressed. 

Kristen stiffened. She'd never had any real confrontations with Thomas, but he looked so much like his brother that it was unnerving. And his hostility since Edward's arrest had been clear. 

“Do you need something?” Kristen asked evenly, sliding another manila folder of reports into the filing cabinet, silently praying that he was just here for paperwork. 

“I need a great many things.” He said closing the door behind him. “One of which your woman took from me.” He said approaching her. 

Kristen quickly backed away, putting the nearest row of filing cabinets between Thomas and her. She didn’t like the look in his eyes. “Nelson,” she said, trying to keep her voice calm. “I’m sorry for your loss, but I can’t do anything to change that.” Truth be told, she hadn’t thought about the bastard’s family when she’d gunned him down. She’d been too preoccupied with what he’d done to Edward. And now she saw the same undeniable vengeance in Thomas’ eyes.

“No, there is something you can do about it.” He said going around the filing cabinets and reaching her quickly enough that he could grab onto her wrist before she bolted for the door. He slammed her against one of the filing cabinets and pinned her there. “You could give your girlfriend a message for me.” He said his hand around her throat, squeezing. 

Panic overtook her as his hand clamped painfully around her throat. She tried to scream for help, but she couldn’t get enough air. Would it even matter if she could? Would anyone even bother to come help her? “Don’t,” she managed to gasp out, trying to pry his hand off with both of hers, struggling against him.

“Why?” He asked. “Do you think my brother begged for his life? Do you think Nygma listened?” He asked, his face inches from hers. 

She was going to die, right here at work, in the middle of GCPD, and no one could hear her to put a stop to it … Kristen stomped as hard as she could, slamming the heel of her shoe down onto his foot, before jerking her knee upward in a sharp blow to the groin.

Thomas twisted out of the way before she could get her knee up and pressed himself up against her, restricting her movements. “You think you’re so smart huh? Maybe if Nygma sent you after my brother, he’d still be alive.” He said. “I suppose it’s a good thing for her, she did it herself. You on the other hand … Aren’t making it out of here no matter the scenario.” He said. 

The cold metal filing cabinet pressing hard into her back, her vision starting to blur at the edges, Kristen stopped trying to pry his hand off of her throat, and instead slammed both fists as hard as she could against the metal filing cabinet, repeating the motion again before he could stop her, trying to make as much racket as possible.

Thomas pinned one of her hands, stopping her, but couldn’t stop the other as the door slammed open behind him. He instantly let go of her letting her drop to the floor. 

“What the hell is going on here?!” Barnes asked looking at him before looking at Kristen and instantly knew what happened. 

Gasping for breath and shaking, her throat burning, Kristen scrambled away from Thomas, staggering unsteadily to her feet. “He’s trying to kill me!” she tried to yell, but her voice came out weak and raspy. She felt tears stinging at the corners of her eyes. She was lucky Barnes’ office was this close. He might not give a damn about her, but at least he wouldn’t allow murder right in the middle of his precinct. He would put a stop to it … if he believed her, that is. 

“Nelson, get out of here. I'll deal with you later.” He said as Thomas tried making excuses. “Now!” He said before going over to Kristen as Thomas scrambled out the door. “Are you alright?” He asked reaching a hand down to help her up. 

Kristen nodded, wincing at the movement, and took his hand, but she still couldn’t stop shaking. “Fine,” she lied, stubbornly blinking back tears. “Just keep him away from me.” She wondered if Thomas would get anything more than a slap on the wrist for this. He hadn’t been arrested for attempted murder, and she doubted he would be. He probably wouldn’t even be fired. If anyone was losing their job over this … she was the one who drew far more attention.

“Come to my office Miss. Kringle.” He said after he'd helped her up and made his way to the door and waited for her, his hand on the door knob. 

Kristen looked back at him, her eyes wide. Was this it? She didn't even get a moment to calm down before Barnes pronounced his verdict for disturbing the orderly workings of his precinct? She should have seen it coming. He had to have heard by now how GCPD was buzzing with the news. She'd thought she had more time, but after this incident, she was probably more of an inconvenience than ever. Not trusting her voice right now, she nodded quietly and followed him out of the door.


	37. Chapter 37

“Miss. Kringle.” Barnes started, sitting down at his desk and looking at her across the hardwood between them. “I generally don't pry into personal business but it seems to me that you're still defending Nygma …” he said watching her as if he could read every inch of her, like a human lie detector. “Why?” 

“You're really asking me this now?” Kristen said, staring him down. There were angry red marks on her neck where Thomas had just tried to choke the life out of her, in some places already starting to tinge purple. She was still fighting tears just to hold herself together, and her heart was still pounding, as if it hadn't gotten the memo yet that she was going to live. Her adrenaline started to convert her shock and fear into anger. “I didn't say anything to provoke him. I’ve just been minding my own business, trying to do my job. Why am I the one being questioned?”

“This isn’t about Nelson, he will be dealt with accordingly. He won’t go unpunished, believe me. I don’t stand for that behaviour in this precinct or anywhere else for that matter. Had I not cared if you lived or died I wouldn’t have come barging in there.” He said sounding rather offended. “I’m inquiring about your relationship with Nygma …” 

“I’m sorry,” Kristen sighed, her hands still shaking. “Thank you, by the way, for barging in. If you hadn’t shown up when you did …” She shuddered, and removed her thoughts from that subject, before she said quietly, “What exactly do you want to know about my relationship with Edward?”

Barne’s sat back and sighed. “I know you’re still in a relationship with him … Why? He’s dangerous. You’re a nice girl … It’s not hard to see that. You should be with someone who deserves you.” 

“I don’t expect anyone to understand it,” Kristen said, uncomfortable with having to explain herself to Barnes on such a personal matter. Though she appreciated that he at least used the right pronouns. “But he’s been nothing but kind and respectful and considerate toward me … which is more than I can say for any previous relationships.” She shrugged, feeling incredibly exposed even having this conversation, let alone now. “He was there for me. So I’m there for him.”

“He's killed two police officers … and who knows how many he hasn't admitted to … and placed a man in jail in his stead for months … a man who lost his girlfriend and his child while he was locked away for your boyfriends crime.” Barnes said, his voice clearly showing his lack of understanding. “I know you've been asked this before but I need you to be honest with me … did you know what Nygma was up to …” 

Kristen winced at the reminder of what Lee had gone through. She regretted that, and what Jim had gone through as well. “Some of it,” she admitted. She was going to end up fired. She knew it.

Barnes sat back, extremely frustrated. “Why didn't you say anything? Tell someone! He's mentally ill Kristen, we could have gotten him help before anyone got hurt!” 

“Nelson was already dead,” Kristen said. In hindsight, she’d asked herself the same questions. There had to have been a better way. Though today, she didn’t feel like anyone would have helped them, even if they’d done things differently. “And the circumstances weren’t likely to be repeated. But then he got scared when Jim was too close to things, he was planning something to cover it up, but I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t think anyone else was going to get hurt…” She stopped talking. There just wasn’t a good way to make Barnes understand.

“You do realise this is grounds for arrest …” Barnes said. 

“I know,” Kristen said, sounding more resigned than anything else. After everything else that had happened today, why not this too? “Are you going to have me arrested, then?”

Barnes was silent for a moment before he sighed. “No …” he said. “Kristen, you're a good girl. I really think you should stay away from Nygma … find yourself a good man. A real man … one that can make you happy. One that isn't a criminal.” He said shaking his head. To be honest he saw her more as a victim than an accomplice. “Take some more time off … I'll see if I can get people around here to cool it a bit … I'll see you back here in two weeks.” 

“I …” Kristen stared back at Barnes, not sure which part of that to react to. She stiffened slightly at the ‘real man’ comment, and he didn’t even give her enough credit to be truly involved … But she was surprised at how lenient he was being. And after what had just happened, she wanted nothing more than to get away from here long enough to feel safe again. “Thank you,” she said, visibly relieved. “But I’ve already used my vacation time.”

“I'm fully aware of that.” He said. “I'll handle it from this end, go home. Take care of yourself … maybe go out and find a new boyfriend. One worth your time.” 

Kristen managed to refrain from letting out an exasperated sigh at his insistence on the boyfriend issue. “Thanks, I’ll … keep that in mind,” she said. She stood up to leave, then paused. “May I ask,” she said tentatively. “What you intend to do about Nelson?”

“Don't worry about Nelson.” He said. “Worry about yourself … And get some sleep, I don't mean to be rude, but you look awful.” 

“I’m sure I must,” Kristen sighed, not missing how Barnes sidestepped the question. “But I would rest easier if I knew he wasn’t going to attack me again.”

“I'll deal with it.” Barnes said dismissing his final decision which he had yet to make. 

Kristen's heart sank. Barnes would have a word with Nelson, would tell him this wasn't acceptable, she was sure of that. But he was well-liked by the other cops, and GCPD was short-handed lately. She doubted he’d get more than a suspension, which the others would notice. Even if Barnes talked to them as sternly as ever, they would see just how much they could get away with. She wasn't safe here anymore.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, forcing a neutral expression as she let herself out, not making eye contact with anyone as she strode quickly to the parking lot. 

She was torn between wanting a moment to herself to break down without anyone seeing, and desperately wanting to avoid being alone. The thought of retreating back to Edward's apartment was thwarted by considering just how easy it would be for Thomas to look up the address and come after her when she was alone, far from anyone to interfere this time. 

So she ended up steering the car over to Elijah’s house, taking a long moment in the winding driveway, trying to compose herself. Then she got out of the car, pale and red-eyed, dark bruises forming on her neck. She made her way to the grand solid oak doors and knocked. 

It was a few moments before Elijah opened the door. “Kristen …” he said surprised. “I thought you were going to work. I didn't think you'd be back.” He said. 

Kristen looked up at The Elijah, her eyes welling up as she tried to voice what had happened, as if that somehow made it more real. “I … Someone …” She choked up. “Something happened at work.”

Elijah tilted his head, a look of compassion came over his features and he stepped forward pulling her into a hug. “It's alright …” he said softly. “You're more than welcome here.” 

“Thank you,” Kristen said, barely above a whisper, her shoulders shaking with the tears she’d been holding in all afternoon. “I'm sorry.”

“Oh come now … you have nothing to be sorry for.” He said pulling away from her and leading her inside. “Beatrice, will you go fetch Oswald for me. Tell him his friends returned.” 

“Yes, of course,” Beatrice said, with an insincere sympathetic smile, her eyes betraying something closer to intense curiosity. She went up the stature to fetch Oswald. 

A few moments later Oswald cane hobbling down the stairs, a robe around him, his hair wet. “Kristen …” he said. “Are you alright?” He asked knowing she wouldn't be back in the middle of her shift without a cause. 

“I’m .. I'm okay,” Kristen stammered, trying to pull herself together. Somehow, just seeing Oswald made her feel incredibly relieved. “Someone attacked me at work, but I'm okay.”

Oswald came closer and flinched. “No, you're not okay.” He said, his fingers lightly moving to the hand shaped bruise around her neck. “I can take you to the hospital.” He said as his father looked down at the bruises with concern, not having seen them before. His son was observant, that was for sure. 

“No,” Kristen shook her head, wincing slightly at the movement. “I'm okay,” she reassured him. “I don't think I need a hospital. But thank you.”

“I'll make you some tea.” Elijah said before stepping out of the hall and into the kitchen, his slippers padding across the carpet. 

“Thank you,” Kristen said again gratefully, before she looked over at Oswald. She felt like she owed him an explanation for worrying him this much. “It was Nelson's brother,” she said quietly. “And I don't know how, but everyone at GCPD knows Edward's secret now.”

“I’m amazed they didn’t already. People tend to pry into anything that’s … Unusual.” Oswald said leading her into the dining room as Elijah came in with a tray with tea for all three of them. 

“Ginger tea with honey …” Elijah said handing it to Kristen. “It’s good for a sore throat.” He said as he handed a cup of chai spice to Oswald before sitting down with his own earl grey. 

“Thank you,” Kristen said, accepting the tea gratefully, glad to sit down. She was still visibly shaken, but starting to feel safer now that she was here. She was quiet for awhile as she sipped her tea, the act of swallowing still a little painful, but the tea felt soothing nonetheless.

“You're welcome.” He said, not pushing to ask what had happened. “I was thinking of going to the movies tonight. Grace and her children don't want to come, would you two care to join me?” 

Kristen looked up at him, surprised. “I would like that,” she said, smiling slightly. She wouldn’t have thought of it, but spending an hour or so in a movie theater in front of a big screen would be a welcome distraction from the day she’d had. “Did you have a movie in mind?”

“Oh I really want to see Dancing on Glass.” Elijah said pleasantly. “But if you want to see something else, I doubt it’s your type of movie. What would you like to see.” 

“Anything right now sounds good,” Kristen said honestly. All she wanted was to forget for just a little while that today had ever happened. “What about you, Oswald?” she asked, looking over at him.

“I’m fine with that.” Oswald said sipping his tea. 

“Then it’s settled,” Kristen said, her voice growing a little hoarse again from repeated use, and she returned to drinking her tea. Elijah had a remarkable knack for restoring a sense of normality in the middle of chaos. Every time she saw him, she was more convinced of how good it was that Oswald had found his father.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Oswald walked quietly through the house, it had been days since either of them had come to see each other during the night. He was nervous but, in the darkened old mansion and with his nightmares … He didn’t want to stay alone anymore. He made it to Kristen’s room, finding the door open and slowly approached, feeling much like a child approaching his mother’s door at three AM during a thunderstorm. 

 

“Kristen?” He asked quietly before glancing back into the darkened hallway at the old grandfather clock and see that it was nearing one AM. He bit his lip and shook his head. He shouldn’t be waking her up. He moved his hand away from the door frame as he turned to go back to his room. 

“Oswald?” Kristen murmured, an edge of nervousness in her voice, as if with fear that someone else might be lurking in the doorway. She rolled over in bed to face the door, her expression visibly relaxing when she saw him there. She hadn’t been very deeply asleep. Between the pain in her throat and the way she jumped at each creak in the old house, it had taken hours for her to doze off at all.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He said quietly, lingering in the doorway again. “I just …” He looked around nervously, not wanting to admit he’d had a nightmare. 

“You can come in,” Kristen said, seeing the troubled look on his face and sitting up in bed. “I was only kind of half asleep anyway,” she admitted. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes …” He lied. “I was just … Wondering if … If maybe you’d like some company. You know after … After today I thought-” 

Kristen looked back at Oswald for a moment, hesitating. Last time, things had gotten out of hand, and she still wasn’t sure how she felt about that. But Edward had been alright with it, and she doubted anything like that was going to happen tonight. She nodded, her expression grateful.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, moving over in the bed. “I’d … appreciate that.”

Oswald nodded, a slight smile tugging at his lips, though it looked nervous and he moved closer to the bed before climbing in next to Kristen. “I’m sorry for bothering you.” 

“You’re not bothering me,” Kristen reassured Oswald, settling in next to him. “Honestly, I’m grateful not to be alone tonight.”

Oswald looked at her, his eyes meeting hers. She sounded so sincere … that she actually wanted him here. He couldn't help himself. He leaned forward, hesitating a moment before he moved in the rest of the way and pressed his lips against hers. 

Kristen froze, stunned. She hadn’t been expecting that just now. They hadn’t even talked about this since the first incident. But … She felt so reassured and … And Edward had said it was okay. He had even encouraged it. After a moment, her eyes closed, and she leaned into his kiss, her mouth moving softly against his.

He was almost stunned as she returned the kiss and his mind instantly went back to what had happened last time. Her telling him that they couldn't … But she was … And even as he deepened the kiss he couldn't help but wait for her to pull away again. 

Slowly, Kristen started to deepen the kiss as well, gently sliding her arms around him. Even if Edward was okay with this, she didn’t know for sure how she felt about it … But if she pulled away again, Oswald would leave. And she dreaded the idea of being alone right now. The way he was kissing her, it was growing harder and harder to think about anything else. Tonight, being able to stop thinking felt like a blessing.

Oswald knew he should stop before she would … and he had no doubts that she would, but his hand was moving down her body as if of its own accord, down to her hip, his fingers playing over the soft silk material of her slip. 

A soft moan escaped Kristen’s sore throat, a shiver running through her as she felt Oswald’s hands moving over her. Her breathing quickened, and she remained still, not pulling away, letting his fingers trail over her, waiting to see how far they would go. She ran her hands over Oswald’s back, pressing slightly against him.

Oswald felt her breasts pressing against his chest through the material of their pajamas and he became bolder, moving his hand to the hem of her pajamas and slipping it under, stopping at the waist of her panties expecting her to stop him. He couldn't help the thoughts that were going through his head, about how hot and warm she would feel, and he felt his cock hardening again inside of his pants. 

Her breath caught in her throat as Oswald’s hand stopped abruptly at the hem of her panties. An involuntary pang of nervousness and guilt sprang up again, even with Edward’s blessing. She couldn’t help it. This was when she had stopped him last time. It was strange, realizing that there was no reason to now. And it had been so incredibly long … She shifted slightly, her hips pressing encouragingly against Oswald’s hand, as her hands ran down Oswald’s sides and over his narrow hips.

Oswald bit back his nerves as her hands explored him more than she had last time, and his hand moved nervously into her panties, moving slowly, allowing her time to stop him before he reached anything very intimate. 

Trembling, Kristen was still for a moment as his fingers trailed so slowly and lightly over her. Then, her legs parted slightly, her hands running experimentally over Oswald’s ass.

Oswald bit back a moan as his hand moved lower down, his fingers coming in contact with her hot center, and he felt his nerves rising again. He hadn't thought this far ahead, he thought she'd stop him. Now that he was here though he realised he had no idea what he was doing … he'd never done this before. 

With a soft whimper, Kristen rolled her hips forward into Oswald’s touch, one hand still on Oswald’s ass while the other began to move forward, around to the front.

Oswald breathed in as he broke the kiss, watching Kristen as he started moving his fingers clumsily against her. He was surprised to find he enjoyed her playing with his bum and despite the fact that her hand was moving towards the front of his pants he arched his back, pressing back against her hand. 

Noticing the way Oswald pressed back, she continued to run her hand over his ass, squeezing a little, while her other hand continued its journey forward, running lightly over the bulge in his pajama pants. 

Oswald gasped, his breathing coming a bit quicker as she touched him through his pants, and his hand froze on her, forgetting he was even doing anything. A woman, a beautiful woman at that, was touching him … privately … it seemed almost impossible to believe, but it was happening. 

Kristen looked up at Oswald, blushing slightly, surprised by the intensity of his reaction. It had to have been even longer for him than it had been for her … Unless … Unless he’d never had any experience with this at all. It seemed possible. In that case, she should go slowly and be careful not to set him off too early … Were they really doing this, then? How had circumstances brought them to a place where this made sense? And yet she didn’t want to stop. She kept her touch light for now as she caressed his cock through his pants, pushing her hips up against his hand in protest that he’d stopped.

Oswald opened his eyes again as she moved her hips and seemed to jump with realization. “I … I'm … I mean …” he stuttered nervously. “I'm not really sure what to do.” 

Looking up at Oswald, Kristen’s expression softened. Poor Oswald really hadn’t had any experience, then. She put a hand over his, and gently guided him to her clit.

Oswald swallowed nervously as she lead his hand. This was really happening, she was guiding him, not pulling away. He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to do but he experimentally moved his fingers against her, pressing against her and rubbed against her gently. 

Gasping as he rubbed against her, Kristen rolled her hips forward against him. Her hand slipped into the front of Oswald's pajama pants. 

Oswald jumped as she slipped her hand into his pants, her hand cupping his shaft, his fingers rubbing her harder as he shifted slightly. 

At his reaction, Kristen felt incredibly wanted. She moaned softly, her back arching as he rubbed harder at her clit, and she gently brought Oswald's cock out, stroking lightly at his shaft, the pad of her thumb caressing the tip.

“Kristen … I …. stop.” He whispered. 

Kristen paused, removing her hand and looking up at him, concern in her eyes. “What's wrong?” she asked. 

“Nothing, I just … you're going to make me …” He paused not wanting to voice that he was about to come so easily. 

“Oh,” Kristen said, realizing what he meant. “You want to slow down a little?” she asked, looking up at him.

“I … If … If you want to.” He said swallowing nervously. “We can do anything you like but … I … I won’t last long if you keep doing that.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said, moving her hands back to Oswald’s hips, giving his hardened cock a break. As gratifying as it was to see the way Oswald reacted, she didn’t want this over too quickly either. She leaned up and gently kissed down his neck.

Oswald shivered as her lips moved over his neck, still surprised that she even wanted to talk to him let alone do … well … this. His fingers moved over her again, rubbing against her. He’d never even attempted to touch a girl, let alone bring her to orgasm, he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to. But he was sure if he did something wrong she’d tell him. 

A soft moan escaped her as she moved under his touch, unable to keep still, surprised by how much she wanted him. She ran her hands over his ass again, and nipped lightly at his ear.

Oswald watched her as she moved against him, his eyes closed as she ran her hand over his bum and he was still surprised at how pleasant it felt, his fingers moving until he found her hot center and experimentally pressed against her, two fingers pressing inside slightly. 

Feeling his fingers push inside her, Kristen gasped, pleasantly surprised by his boldness. She squeezed his ass lightly as she squirmed under him, pushing forward against his fingers, encouraging him to press in deeper.

He looked up at her, fascination clear on his face as she gasped and squirmed against his hand, her hand squeezing his ass and pulling him forward slightly. “You like that?” He asked, watching her as he pushed his fingers in further, before slowly drawing them out again, and pressing back in deeper, watching her every response. 

“Y -yes,” Kristen gasped, a low moan of longing escaping her as Oswald moved his fingers so agonizingly slowly inside of her. She blushed, feeling incredibly vulnerable when she saw how intently he was watching her. Inexperienced or not, he seemed to have at least some idea of what he was doing to her. 

He pushed his fingers in as far as they would go before pulling out and adding his index as well, pushing into her, surprised he wasn't hurting her. This seemed like something that would be uncomfortable not enjoyable. 

“Oswald,” she moaned breathlessly, struggling to keep her voice down as she moved her hips against him, looking up at him with need in her eyes. “Faster, please …” Everything he did was amplified by how long her body had gone without it, and he was still going so slow she could hardly stand it.

“Fa- … okay.” He said moving his fingers faster, her hands going to his chest and clutching the material. He leaned forward a moment and hesitated … his eyes glancing up at her a moment before he moved the rest of the way and and kissed her neck as she had done to him. He was sloppy and inexperienced and he knew that, but he hoped she would know he was always willing to learn. He kissed downwards towards her collarbone as his fingers worked her faster, his palm pressing against her clit every time he pushed in. 

Whimpering, Kristen moved against him, running her hands over him feverishly, struggling to keep from moaning too loudly as she felt her pleasure and her need growing, his fingers working in and out of her over and over again.

“Like this?” Oswald asked, his cock throbbing as she stifled her moans and he wished he had the guts to touch himself. 

“Yes,” Kristen gasped, reaching down to stroke Oswald’s cock again, lightly at first, but her movements started to grow more vigorous as his fingers thrust in and out of her. “Is … Is this okay?” she asked, looking up at him. 

Oswald jumped and used his free hand to pull her hand away, shaking his head lightly. No, he wouldn’t … Not yet. If at all. He had no right to let her touch him, no matter how much he wanted her to. It was one thing for him to touch her, but for her to touch him … Even though she already had it … She would regret it later. 

“You … don’t want me to?” she asked, looking up at him, confused. She’d understood that he didn’t want to come too quickly, but … did he really not want her touching him at all?

“N-No … I mean … not yet.” He said. Once she'd finished he doubted she'd want to anyway. That was fine with him. He never stopped the movement of his fingers, and by her sudden lack of reaction he wondered if maybe she wasn't enjoying it anymore … if she even had been at all. 

“O- okay,” Kristen gasped, biting her lip slightly as Oswald’s fingers moved in and out of her. She reached up and ran her fingers lightly through his strange, choppy hair, kissing the side of his neck. “Just … just let me know when you want …” She trailed off, as if she had somehow lost track of the sentence.

A smile tugged at his lips and his shifted slightly, moving her onto her back and hovering over her, changing the angle of his thrusting fingers. He looked down at her, wondering if this was okay, ignoring the fact that his cock was now hanging down from where he was kneeling, his free hand supporting his weight beside her. 

Kristen looked up at Oswald, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. “God, Oswald,” she murmured, before covering her own mouth with her hand to stifle a louder than anticipated moan.

Oswald glanced at the door as he heard someone walking through the hall and was glad that he’d had the thought to close the door, he looked back down at her and bit his lip, a small smile tugging at his lips before he leaned down and kissed her, his tongue pressing into her mouth as he moved his fingers faster, rubbing her clit as best as he could, unsure if he was even hitting it at all but it was where he’d told her before so he hoped for the best really. 

Frozen for a moment while the footsteps passed, her eyes open wide, Kristen breathed a sigh of relief once they were gone, her eyes closing as Oswald kissed her, her body arching into his, a soft, restrained moan muffled by his kiss as she rolled her hips against his fingers in unbearable pleasure.

Oswald kept moving his fingers into her, wondering if it was normal for it to take this long. He really knew nothing about this. But at least she was enjoying it and … He had to admit. He enjoyed kissing her. It was strange and yet pleasant. 

Her pleasure built and built as she writhed underneath him, gasping and moaning as her hands gripped his ass again, her mouth moving passionately, hungrily against his. It was just as well now that his kiss was muffling her voice … She couldn’t silence the moans now if she had tried. With a muffled cry and a shudder, pleasure crashed over her, and she came, her inner walls clenching around his thrusting fingers. 

Oswald broke the kiss, feeling her clenching around his fingers which were becoming even more coated in her wetness, her body tensing under him. He'd … he'd done it. He made her come. He kept moving his fingers inside of her for a moment longer before he pulled his fingers out and moved to lay on his back beside her. “I … I hope that was satisfactory.” 

“S -satisfactory?” Kristen gasped, panting to catch her breath, her whole body blissfully relaxed now, though her heart was still pounding as she looked over at Oswald. “You have a talent for understatement, Oswald,” she said, rolling over onto her side to snuggle against him, her hand trailing down Oswald's hip and over toward his groin. 

“You don't … have to.” He said swallowing nervously. “I'm not … I mean … I'm not Ed.” He said quietly. 

Kristen’s face fell, and she glanced down, the sadness buried inside rising to the surface again. “I know,” she said quietly. She lifted her eyes to meet his again. Bright blue and wide and strangely innocent for the former King of Gotham’s underworld. They were nothing like Edward’s at all, but still striking in their own unique way. “And I miss him, and I worry about him and … I know you do too, but … He said he was alright with this. The question is, are you?” 

It occurred to her that maybe she had just made herself too accessible to Oswald to be desirable anymore. Maybe now, despite how far he had already just gone with her, he was disgusted that she had let him do it. Maybe now she was too much of a whore for him … and this was just the new Oswald’s kind and polite way of telling her so.

“I’m … I’m fine with it I just …” He shrugged nervously, his erection already starting to disappear. “I just … Don’t see why anyone would want to.” He said not looking at her. “I’m not exactly what anyone would consider attractive.” 

Kristen stared at him, shocked. “Not …” she started to repeat, and then shook her head. “Oswald, have you even … Did you not notice the way I was reacting to you?” Why did the only men who treated her decently inevitably suffer from crippling self- esteem issues? “I clearly find you attractive.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Kristen.” He said staring down at the sheet. “It’s fine, I’m aware of what I look like … Really. You don’t have to do that …” 

“Oswald …” Kristen gently reached out, touching Oswald’s chin with her fingertips, lifting his face up to look at her. “I know what you look like too. I’m looking at you right now … And I find you attractive.” She leaned in and kissed him.

Oswald shivered as she kissed him, tears pricking his eyes. He couldn’t understand why she did … He’d had it drilled into his head for so long that he looked like a sickly little Penguin that he couldn’t even imagine someone, let alone a beautiful woman like Kristen actually finding him attractive. Taking her pleasure from him was one thing but … To want to touch him? That was unthinkable, and Oswald had a hard time wrapping his head around it. “I … Thank you.” He said though he really didn’t believe what she said. 

She smiled softly back at him, though there was a slight sadness to her eyes. Oswald clearly didn’t believe her, clearly didn’t think he was good enough … He shouldn’t have to live with such an intense sense of inadequacy, especially after he had just made her feel so wonderful when she had so badly needed it. She ran her fingers lightly through his hair. “Will you let me show you?” she asked.

Oswald looked down and nodded nervously. “If you want to.” He said quietly. 

Once more, slowly, giving Oswald the opportunity to stop her if he really wanted to, Kristen gently wrapped her hand around Oswald’s shaft, and began to gently stroke his soft cock, her thumb running lightly over the tip.

Oswald hissed as she took his shaft into her hand again and looked down to watch her playing with his soft cock, feeling it already starting to slowly swell in her hand. 

Feeling his cock slowly starting to stir in her hand, she leaned in and kissed Oswald, her free hand running her fingers lightly through his hair as she gently stroked at his shaft, slowly reawakening it.

He groaned quietly as it got harder and harder in her hand until it was fully erect. He shifted slightly, moving his legs apart slightly allowing her easier access to him. He was surprised by how different this felt to his own hand, despite it pretty much being the same thing. 

Stroking more quickly as she felt Oswald’s cock grow fully erect once more, she kissed down his neck, her free hand trailing down his side and to his ass.

Oswald felt like he was coming undone in her hands, and already he could feel his orgasm building … it was pathetic really but he couldn't help it. 

Moving over him, Kristen continued her trail of kisses down his neck and over his chest as her hand continued pumping at his cock, steadily increasing the pace.

Oswald watched as she opened his shirt with her free hand, swallowing nervously but he loved every bit of it. “I'm … I'm going to come.” He moaned quietly, his breathing picking up speed. 

Looking up at him for a moment, Kristen continued to stroke at his shaft, but lowered herself over him, glancing up to make sure he seemed alright with this before taking the tip of his cock into her mouth and sucking gently, her tongue moving lightly over him.

Oswald tensed, his hands gripping the sheets in surprise, his legs flailing just slightly and his hips arched up a bit. “Oh, my god. Kristen I … You …” He stopped when he held his breath. 

Smirking slightly around his cock, Kristen took him a little further in as she continued to stroke, her tongue working over him as she sucked, and her free hand gave his ass a squeeze.

“Oh God, Kristen I … I can’t hold it … Stop …” He was going to come and if she did move he’d come right into her mouth. 

Kristen looked up at him again, trying to convey that she understood. And then, her hands on both of his hips, she took him further into her mouth, her tongue caressing over the underside of his hard shaft.

Oswald groaned, unable to keep himself quiet as he came hard inside of her warm wet mouth, his hips arching up against her as he tried to quiet his moans. “God … Kristen …” He said quietly, his cock twitched and pulsed inside her mouth. 

Still sucking gently as Oswald rode out his orgasm, Kristen swallowed as he came, watching the way his back arched, enthralled with the sight of him completely losing himself in pleasure.

He calmed as he felt the last of his orgasm and he relaxed against the bed, his chest rising and falling deeply as he tried to catch his breath. 

Pulling off of his cock, her mouth releasing it with a soft popping sound, Kristen quickly swallowed what was left, wiping a hand across her face, before she lay back down next to him, putting an arm around him. “I hope that was satisfactory,” she smiled up at him, repeating his own words.

Oswald looked at her confused before he laughed slightly. “It was more than satisfactory.” He said smiling kindly. “Thank you.” He said though he realised that may sound weird. “If … That’s okay to say after. I don’t know I’ve never-” 

“It’s alright,” Kristen said, kissing him on the cheek and settling down beside him. “I … think maybe we both needed that.” She felt a lot better than she had that afternoon, safer and less alone. Though this still felt weird in a way … She had to keep reminding herself that Edward had said he was alright with this … But it didn’t stop her from worrying about him.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

“Did you two have a good night?” Grace asked, sipping her champagne first thing in the morning as she read over the newspaper. Something she’d taken to doing since she’d found out about Oswald’s reputation. 

Kristen looked back at Grace questioningly, cautious, as she was in all of her interactions with Grace. “Yes, thank you,” she said, her expression polite but guarded. “Did you have a good night, Mrs. Van Dahl?”

“I’m sure it wasn’t as good as yours was.” She said with a forced smile as she set aside her newspaper. She smiled up at Elijah as he came in, Oswald following closely behind him. “Good morning, boys.” She said with a smile that was far to forced to be even an attempt at being genuine. 

Before Kristen could respond to that, Oswald and Elijah had entered, and Grace was back to her sickly sweet fake pleasantries. She supposed it didn’t matter … Grace could think whatever she wanted. It wasn’t as if she could understand half the things going on in their lives anyway … But then, she wasn’t entirely sure how well Elijah would understand either, if Grace chose to divulge it. “Good morning,” she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee … She was going to need it if she was going to be awake enough to deal with Grace.

“Good morning girls.” Elijah said happily as he sat down and took the paper from Grace. “I hope you all slept well.” He said as the maid served them all breakfast. 

“Quite well, thank you,” Kristen smiled brightly, in defiance of Grace’s venomous look. “And you?”

“Well, I found myself wandering in the basement again, sometime around three thirty but I made it back to bed alright.” He said with a slight smile. 

“That sounds like an eventful night,” Kristen said, shaking her head. “I can’t imagine getting so used to that.”

“Oh it’s not nearly as bad as the time I woke up in the garden …” He said. “I was covered in mud, you should have seen, I was quite the fright.” He said with a laugh. 

Kristen laughed a little at that, the image ridiculous in her head. “It must have been quite a shock waking up like that,” she said.

“Oh it was … Luckily I hadn’t wandered far. So …” He said. “What do you two have planned today?” He asked as Charles and Sasha came in. 

“They were actually discussing getting an apartment in the city,” Grace said looking at Kristen as if warning her not to argue. “Closer to work …” She said smiling at Elijah. “Weren’t you just saying last night how you wished you could go back to work Oswald?” She asked. “It must be frightfully boring here in this old house, when you ran such an interesting life!” She said faking interest. 

“Oh, well I uh …” Oswald was confused but didn’t want to contradict her. Had he said that? He didn’t remember saying that, but perhaps he was mistaken. 

“Oh, we were just throwing ideas around,” Kristen said, waving a hand dismissively, before fixing a polite smile on her face and meeting Grace’s stare head- on. It had been a nice try. But she wasn’t about to let Grace back Oswald into a corner and make him leave out of sheer politeness. “But I think Oswald’s been enjoying getting to know his father far too much to want to go anywhere anytime soon.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.” Elijah said. “I’m glad you two are enjoying it here, but there is no rush to find somewhere. You’re both more than welcome here. And if you like, when you’re reunited with your boyfriend, he’s welcome here too. We have more than enough room.” He said smiling. 

Kristen looked up at Elijah gratefully, surprised. He really was so accepting. It was one thing not to mind driving them to Arkham to visit him, but another entirely to welcome an Arkham inmate right into his home, without ever having met him. “Thank you,” she said sincerely. “That’s very kind of you.”

“Reunited?” Grace asked sounding annoyed but trying to hide it. “Is he out of town? Overseas?” She asked. 

“Something like that,” Kristen said, her stare daring Grace to keep questioning. But she didn’t see why she should feel obligated to assuage Grace’s curiosity. She seemed to fit the role of the gossipy type far too well.

“Kristen …” Oswald said as if he couldn't believe she’d just openly lied. 

Kristen sighed. “He’s in Arkham, if you must know,” she said, keeping her expression generally polite, though her eyes clearly communicated that one snide word out of Grace and she would leap over the table.

“Oh good.” Grace said. “We’re just letting all the convicts in here now are we Elijah?” She asked snottily. 

“Why, Grace,” Kristen said innocently. “You sound as if you don’t approve.”

“Of course I don’t approve. I don’t want murderer’s in the same house as my children.” She said. “Elijah, you can’t honestly be allowing this. It’s bad enough we have one murderer in our home, now you want to invite another?! Have you gone mad?” 

“Maybe if everyone was so kind and accepting, no one would have to worry about murderers,” Kristen said mildly. 

“You’re very naive if you believe so dear.” Grace said before placing her napkin down. “If you’ll all excuse me, I think I’ll go for a walk. She said before leaving before anyone excused her. Charles looked around the table, almost confused and slightly uncomfortable, Sasha looking at her plate as if she’d just sucked on a lemon. 

Kristen sighed and looked over at Elijah. “I'm sorry, Mr. Van Dahl,” she said. “I didn't mean to start a fight with your wife. I’ll apologize to her if you think it would help.”

“I doubt it.” Elijah said. “She can get her nose out of joint sometimes about the smallest things.” He said cutting up his food. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” 

“If you think so …” Kristen said, still feeling uncertain about it. She doubted there would be any pleasing Grace, but she wasn’t doing either Oswald or Elijah any favors by antagonizing her.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Going back to work had not made Kristen feel any better. Oh sure, Nelson the second had been suspended (whether with or without pay she hadn't heard) … for the exact same amount of time that she’d been sent home to recover. She wasn't even surprised. Barnes might be a by- the- book kind of guy, but GCPD was just stretched too thin lately to let a ‘good’ cop go over a moment of grief- induced anger. Still, she wasn't thrilled to be back working in the same building as him. He glared at her as she passed, and she tried to ignore him as she quickened her step, but her hands shook and she felt nauseous. A few others glared at her too, as if they resented her for still being alive. And despite whatever Barnes had said to them all, the snide comments about her sexuality didn't completely stop either. She didn't dare report it this time. Barnes might be a hardass, but he couldn't be everywhere at once, and trying would just make it worse. She spent the whole day on edge, jumping at shadows. 

By the end of it, she just needed to be alone for awhile, so she went back to Edward's apartment, nearly in tears. She wished she could see Edward right now, but Arkham’s visiting hours were well over, and they’d been refusing her entrance lately anyway. 

Flipping the light on and seeing the place empty, a deep sadness settled into her, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and fall asleep. She lay down for a moment on the bed, hugging his pillow to her, when she frowned, noticing something under it. Sitting up, she picked up a small green envelope and opened it, reading. Her eyes widened slowly as she took it in. Not a riddle this time. Just very clear, very specific instructions. When her eyes reached the end of the letter, she quickly let go, letting it fall to the floor just in time as the letter suddenly combusted into flames, before smouldering down to cinders, and she stomped it out before she could do any damage, staring down at it.

What the letter was instructing her how to do … It would wreak so much damage. But it wasn’t as if Lee was still at the precinct. And that place had done nothing but tear Edward apart and nearly get her killed and then try to sweep them both neatly under the rug. She could do it. And right now, the way she was feeling … She couldn’t think of a good reason not to.

\---

The next day, when Kristen went in, she was still on the fence about it. She hadn’t slept much last night, the whole thing running through her mind. But the longer she hesitated, the more chance there was that someone would find it … She could always remove it. It would be like nothing had happened. Life would just keep going on as if she had never found that note. But after everything that this place had done to Edward … She walked quickly on her way to the records annex, as if trying to move fast enough to leave her thoughts behind.

“Hey, Doll. Where you going so quickly.” Mason asked, catching up with her. “What’s your hurry?” 

“To do my job,” Kristen said flatly, tensing as he approached her. Why couldn’t everyone just leave her alone? Was that so incredibly hard?

“Well isn’t that a coincidence. I happen to need to check out a case file.” He said, following her into the records annex. “And to be honest … I wouldn’t mind if you checked out my case file.” He said looking over at her, clearly making a very bad sexual innuendo. 

“Think of that yourself, did you?” Kristen said scathingly, before realizing that sarcasm was probably lost on this man. And she was even more on edge, her chest tightening as he followed her into the annex … The last man who had come after her here alone had ended up trying to murder her. Unlikely as she wanted to think that was this time, this idiot was still making her incredibly uncomfortable. “Now, did you actually need one of the case files, or are you leaving?”

“I do need those case files but honestly. No one's going to come in here in the next bit. Everyone is in the lunchroom or working on their cases …” He said coming a little to closer to her. 

“Officer Mason …” Kristen said cautiously, stepping away from him, her stomach twisting with nausea. The scene felt all too familiar. “I’m really not in the mood for this. Will you please just tell me which case file you need, so that I can get back to going about my business?”

“But this is your business.” He took her hand in his and brought it to his crotch. “Come on baby. I know you want to have some fun.” 

“Stop it!” Kristen yelled, pulling her hand away sharply, something like panic starting to set in. And she knew in that moment, with absolute certainty, that she would never feel safe here again. “I’ve made it clear I’m not interested.”

“And yet you've let almost everyone else have a turn. Even Nygma … though I suppose he doesn't actually have the parts yet, but I'm sure you're just itching for him to have that surgery so he could have his turn.” He said. “Come on, I'll make it good for you.” 

“I said no!” Kristen insisted, moving away from him and trying to head for the door. She didn’t know where she was going; all she knew was that she needed to get out of this room.

“Fucking frigid bitch …” He said as she passed him. “You're lucky I'm such a nice guy. Any other guy wouldn't stand for your behaviour.” He said watching her leave. 

A cold feeling slithered down Kristen’s spine at his words, the threat implicit. If she stayed here long enough, sooner or later, something horrible was going to happen, when Barnes wasn’t there to do anything about it. She had to get out. She had to get as far away from here as possible. She had to leave nothing behind.

She didn’t stop once she was out of the records annex, but kept going, striding right out of the precinct, her steps carrying her to the parking lot, then to her car … Her hands were shaking as she started it, and proceeded to follow Edward’s instructions directly. She didn’t stop until she was on the other side of the bridge, far away enough from the precinct that she would be okay, but close enough that the package under Edward’s old desk would still receive the signal from the innocuous- looking little remote with its single button. She had found it exactly where the letter had told her to look, in a drawer near Dougherty’s badge.

She sat there in the car for a long moment. There was nothing unique about Edward’s setup this time. None of his signature calling cards. No riddles. No clues. No gimmicks. Nothing to tie it back to him … or to her. She pressed the button.


	41. Chapter 41

Oswald paced around the room, his hands running through his hair as his father sat on the couch staring at the TV. “She went back to work today …” Oswald said his hands dropping. “Had she stayed here just one more day …” He said shaking his head. “She … This …” He was at a loss for words and Elijah stood up, going to his son and placing a hand on his shoulder to stop him from pacing. 

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Elijah said, pulling him into a hug. 

Moments later, Kristen arrived at the door, looking paler than usual, her hands shaking slightly as the realization of what she’d done sank in deeper and deeper. There was no turning back from it now.

“Kristen!” Oswald said rushing to the door. 

“Oh good, she's fine.” Grace said sarcastically as she flipped the page of her book. At least Oswald’s pacing would stop, it was getting on her nerves. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, as his father joined behind him. “I was so worried.” He said pulling her into an awkward hug. 

“I-I'm fine,” Kristen stammered, a deep stab of guilt hitting her when she realized what he meant. Of course. It was probably all over the news. She should have called him immediately to let him know she was alright. “I was out when it happened … Have … Have they said anything on the news about who else made it out?” There were plenty of people that she wouldn't have felt the least bit guilty about blowing straight to hell … But a few … As far as she'd known, Barnes was out at the time, and she hoped anxiously that she was right. She had nothing against him, really, and he had at least tried to help a little, even if it hadn't been enough. 

“They aren't releasing any information at this time. Barnes made a brief statement but hasn't said anything else. I hope your friends made it out okay too.” He said as Elijah came forward and hugged her.

So Barnes was alright. That was a relief. Still, she should have made sure before she set it off … “I think they are,” she said shakily. No one who cared about her worked there anymore. The whole place could burn for all she cared … had burned because of her. Would Edward hear about this in Arkham, she wondered? Would it bring him any comfort? She didn’t know. But she knew that Oswald and Elijah wouldn’t be hugging her like this if they knew what she had done.

“That’s good.” Oswald said. 

“Come in,” Elijah said ushering her towards the living room. “You must be utterly shaken.” He said. “Olga, if you’ll be so kind as to make some tea please. For all of us.” 

“Da.” Olga said before leaving the room to make tea for them all.

“I’m fine,” Kristen insisted, but her trembling only got worse, despite her best efforts, as the full weight of what she had done began to really sink in. Edward had wanted this, she kept reminding herself. Everyone affected had either put them both through hell or stood back and done nothing about it. But she didn’t deserve to let herself feel shaken. She was the one who had caused all of this. “Really.”

“No, you’re not.” Oswald said sitting down next to her. “You’re trembling.” Oswald said taking her hands in his. 

“Maybe she’s cold.” Grace said. “You should run upstairs and get her a sweater.” She said waving him off. 

“Grace.” Elijah said and Oswald looked up at him. That was the first time he’d heard him say anything against her before. “Please … Not now.” Elijah said as Olga returned with the tea, placing the tray on the table. 

“Not now?” Grace said. “I was merely trying to help.” She said standing up and leaving the room, her tea remaining on the silver tray. 

“It’s fine,” Kristen said. She didn’t feel like she deserved anyone’s sympathy right now anyway. “She’s not bothering me.” Even if Grace’s ‘help’ was a little less than sincere.

“Kristen,” Oswald said, not really sure what to say. She could have died if she hadn’t left when she had. “You should try to contact Edward … Let him know you’re alright. They play the news sometimes in the rec room. Especially when it’s a major event like this. He’s probably worried sick.” 

Kristen winced slightly at the thought … If he had seen the footage, Edward probably knew exactly what had happened, and was just fine. He knew that Kristen had carried out his wishes … But then, he wasn’t the only one out there with motive to attack the GCPD. He had no way of knowing that it was his explosion, and not someone else’s …

“That’s … a good idea,” Kristen admitted. “I’ll go try to see him … Though they haven’t been letting me in lately.” And as far as she was aware, Oswald hadn’t fared any better in his attempts.

“Yeah, I haven’t been able to either, and he hasn’t even phoned. He has my number …” He said. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

Kristen paused for a moment, and then nodded. It would be good to have Oswald’s moral support … however undeserved it might be. She felt bad about deceiving him, as strangely innocent as he had become lately. “I … think that might help,” she admitted. “Though I might want a moment to talk to him alone while we’re there.”

“Of course.” He said nodding, “I’ll grab my coat.” He said with that absurdly friendly smile of his.


	42. Chapter 42

“Nygma isn’t allowed visitors,” the guard outside said, looking bored. “We’ve been over this before.”

It felt like the hundredth time they had been blocked from entering Arkham’s bleak, grimy walls. She had never once imagined that she would spend so much time trying to get into such a horrible place, nor that she would always feel so drained and defeated every time she failed.

“Please,” Kristen said urgently. “It’s … This time it’s important.”

“Yeah, it’s always something important.” The guard said. “Get out of here. Before I call the police.” 

“Please, Sir.” Oswald said. “It really is important.” 

“I said get out of here!” The guy said. “You got until the count of ten, I swear to God. You’re wasting my time.” 

“Until the count of ten or what?” Kristen said, crossing her arms and glaring up at him, not moving.

“Are you deaf lady, or just stupid? I’m going to call the cops.” He said shaking his head. “Honestly. You know what? Forget it. I’m calling the cops.” He said moving reaching down for the phone. 

“You haven’t seen the news today, I take it,” she said quietly, shaking her head. But, thinking better of it, they probably shouldn’t stick around. If anyone that was left finally did show up, it wouldn’t look good for her to be here today. And the guard had made it clear that he wasn’t letting them in. She turned, dejected, and said quietly, “It may be awhile before anyone comes.”

“Yeah whatever, get out of here.” The guy said again. Oswald joined her at the car as he looked up at the building. 

“This is wrong. There’s no reason they would stop someone visiting. They can’t legally do that unless …” Oswald paused looking down at the ground before getting into the car. 

Kristen got into the car, looking uneasily back at him. “Oswald …” she said slowly. “Unless what?”

“Unless the patient denies visitors.” Oswald said shaking his head. 

“No,” Kristen said quickly, though she felt a strange twisting feeling in her chest at his words. “Edward would never do that.”

“Well … it is Gotham. Perhaps they are doing it …” he said with a shrug. “It's not out of the realm of possibility.” 

“It isn’t,” Kristen agreed darkly, before turning the key in the ignition and starting the car. She’d heard plenty of accounts of doctors cutting off a patient’s communication with the outside world completely for ‘their own continued recovery,’ sometimes meaning well, and other times to cover up neglect. And that was in ordinary facilities … not Arkham. That thought only worried her more. She absolutely wouldn’t put it past Hugo Strange. Still, the suggestion of what Oswald had said lingered in her mind. Would Edward really deny their visits? He had pushed them away before.


	43. Chapter 43

Oswald found Kristen in the dining room shortly after supper and moved quietly to sit next to her. “Hey, I was going to go with my father and Grace and her kids to the theater. Would you like to come?” He asked. 

She shook her head, forcing a tight smile as she looked up at him. “No thank you,” she said. “You go ahead and have fun. I'm … not exactly up to it tonight.”

Oswald hesitated. “It's okay … I'll stay home too.” He said. “I'll go let them know.” He said standing up from the table. 

“Are you sure?” she asked, feeling guilty. “You don't have to do that, really. I'm fine.”

“It's okay. I didn't really want to go anyway.” He lied before leaving the room to tell them. As much as he wanted to go to the theater, he'd rather be here for her. He came back a few moments later, the front door clicking shut as he came back to the table. “Are you sure you're okay?” 

“I … I don't know,” she said honestly, looking over at him. “It just happened so quickly.” That was true enough. She had gone from discovering Edward's deadly plan to implementing it in a period of less than 24 hours. 

Oswald ran his hand over her back. “I know.” He said. “I’m sure they’ll find whoever did it. It’ll be fine.” 

She tensed slightly at his words, but she knew he was trying to help. “Thank you,” she said, forcing a tired smile as she looked up at him. He really had been so kind to her, and she was touched by his concern. 

“Did you want to do something tonight? Keep your mind off things?” He asked. “I can pull the chess board out or something.” 

“That might help,” Kristen said. Though right now, the idea of concentrating on chess seemed incredibly daunting, she knew it would probably be good for her.

“Was there something you would prefer to do?” Oswald asked. “We can do anything you like.” 

“Chess is fine,” Kristen said. “Or we could watch a movie, maybe.”

“I wouldn’t mind either.” He said. “There's an entertainment room downstairs … Father had a new telly put in the other day. I was going to show you last night but …. it slipped my mind.” He said with a nervous shrug. “Do you want to see it.” 

“Sure,” Kristen said, standing up and pushing her chair in. This house was so unbelievably nice that she always took care to keep things tidy. Better not to give Grace an excuse to use against her. “That sounds fantastic.”


	44. Chapter 44

Oswald sat on the couch watching the movie but he kept finding himself glancing at Kristen. It took him a while but he found himself moving a bit closer to her, his arm going around her. 

Surprised for a moment to feel Oswald's arm around her, Kristen relaxed and leaned against him, taking comfort in his closeness. 

He glanced down at her a moment his hand trailing over her arm before he turned back to the movie. 

It was just a simple touch on the arm, but it still sent a slight shiver through her. She rested her head against his shoulder while she watched the movie. 

Oswald looked down at her and smiled slightly, relaxing to watch the film. When it was over Oswald looked down at her, and hadn't even realised that some time during the movie she had moved to lay down with her head on his lap, his hand on her side. “Are you still awake?” He asked quietly. 

Kristen nodded, before rolling over to look up at him. “I’m awake,” she assured him, smiling more genuinely than before. She was grateful to him for being there with her. 

Oswald played with the tips of her hair, watching her. “Did you like the movie?” 

“I think it was exactly what I needed,” she said, looking up at him. He had such striking blue eyes. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” He said with a soft smile. “Did you want to do something else? It is getting pretty late. The play I think is three or four hours …. I don't think they'd be upset if we called it a night though.” 

“Did you have anything in mind?” she asked, starting to sit up.

“Not really.” He said. “I’d be fine with anything you wanted to do.” 

“You’re really sweet, you know that?” she said, kissing him lightly on the cheek before she could think about it. Really, though, he was so kind to her … and today she didn’t feel like she deserved it.

Oswald blushed up to his ears. “Am I?” He asked. “I'm just being nice.” 

“Well,” Kristen said, smiling a little at the way that he blushed. “I appreciate it.”

“Why are you smiling?” He asked, a slight smile tugging at his lips despite his confused question. “What did I do?” 

Before she could stop herself, she leaned in and kissed him gently, her hand running lightly through his hair. 

He was stunned at the kiss for a moment before he gave into it. He knew he should be questioning it … she was emotional after what had happened today and … “Kristen wait …” He said breaking the kiss. 

Feeling a twinge of disappointment as he pulled away, Kristen stopped and looked back at him, blushing slightly. Maybe he wasn’t in the mood for this right now. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I just … after what happened today … I don't think we should do anything … anything further than kiss … if you … I mean that is if you were planning on that. I just don't want to seem like I'm taking advantage of you after what happened today.” 

“Taking advantage? Oswald…” She shook her head, touched by his consideration. “I wouldn't think that about you,” she assured him. “You’ve been nothing but kind and considerate through everything that's happened… I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through all of this without you.”

Oswald smiled softly and looked down at the ground nervously. “I really haven't done anything. If anything you helped me, remember?” 

Kristen shook her head, her hand resting on his knee. “You’ve been here. That's enough.”

Oswald looked down at her hand before looked back up at her, and leaned in to kiss her again, his lips pressing against hers. 

Her eyes closed as she leaned into his kiss, her arms wrapping around him in a close embrace, pulling him close to her as her hands moved over his back. 

He moaned into the kiss as she moved closer to him, his hands going to her sides, roaming down to her hips. 

Her hand roamed upward to run her fingers through the back of his hair, and she pressed against him as she slipped her tongue into his mouth, her lips moving against his. 

Oswald groaned as he felt his cock starting to swell inside of his pants. He knew he shouldn’t be jumping at conclusions, or at least, his body shouldn’t be. But he wanted more than a kiss. Still, he kept himself under control as his hands moved back up her sides. 

Moving onto Oswald's lap, Kristen moaned softly into the kiss when she felt him starting to harden through his pants. She broke the kiss and began to kiss softly down the side of his neck. 

He groaned when she straddled his lap, her lips moving over the soft flesh of his neck. “Kristen …” He said, his hands moving up her back. 

“Yes?” Kristen asked, looking down at him, seeing the desire in his eyes, loving the way he looked up at her.

He didn’t answer her with words, instead he leaned up and kissed her, his hands moving up to her breasts, kneading them through the material of her shirt. 

A soft whimper escaped Kristen’s throat, and she leaned into his touch as she kissed him, her hands running down his sides.

He leaned into her, holding her close to him as he kissed her harder, his tongue slipping into her mouth, his hands running down her back and to her hips, pulling her closer against him and moaning when she brushed against his fully throbbing cock. 

Kristen’s hips moved forward against him on his lap as she moaned quietly into the kiss, her hands threading through his hair.

Oswald moaned again, bucking up against her, his lips moving to her neck down to her collar bone, leaving wet open mouthed kisses over her soft flesh. 

“Oswald,” she murmured, leaning into him, needing his touch so badly … She opened her eyes and asked, blushing, “Do … do you want to take this upstairs?”

“We can.” He said looking up at her. “Yes … Please.” 

The way he looked at her was just so endearing that she couldn't help but smile. “Let's go, then,” she said, hopping off of his lap and taking his hand in hers. 

Oswald got up, holding her hand and felt like a schoolboy being lead up the stairs to his room, but right now he honestly didn’t even care. All he cared was getting upstairs, and closing that door behind them. They reached the room quickly, and Oswald shut the door, ignoring it as it banged open again and pulled Kristen into a kiss, having to push himself up onto his toes to do so, but it didn’t bother him. 

Wrapping her arms around him, Kristen leaned down into his kiss, biting lightly at his lip before slipping her tongue into his mouth. Her hands moved to pull his jacket down over his shoulders. Oswald shifted to help her remove it and the material dropped to the floor as he pushed her back towards the bed. 

Kristen moved back as he pushed her, sitting back on the bed and pulling him along after her as she started unbuttoning her way down Oswald’s white shirt. He helped her tug it off and tossed it to the floor as well, his hands going to her sides and pushing her shirt up. He looked down at her as he pushed her shirt up. He sat back and pulled her shirt over her head and onto the floor before his hands went to her bra, tugging the hook free and he pulled it off of her and pushed her back onto the bed, his erection pressing against her hip as he kissed her. 

Moaning softly into Oswald’s kiss as he pushed her back on the bed, her skirt riding up over her hips, she fumbled to unbuckle Oswald’s belt, before undoing the front of his pants, slipping a hand inside to caress his firm cock.

Oswald broke the kiss as he breathed out a moan, rolling his hips against her hand. As much as he hated to pull away from her, he got off the bed and pulled her skirt down her legs, bringing her underwear down with it and climbed back on top of her. “How …” He paused, not sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. 

“What is it?” Kristen asked, tilting her head as she looked up at him. He seemed a little nervous. There was something inexplicably cute about it.

“How far did you want to take this?” Oswald asked, unsure of what she would be willing to do. 

“I …” Kristen blushed slightly as she thought it over, moving a little nervously. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “But,” she said, looking up at him. “I’d be willing to go a little farther than last time … if you want.”

Oswald looked more confused than anything. “And what's a little further?” He asked with a bit of a smile as he leaned down and kissed her. 

“What do you want it to be?” Kristen asked, kissing him back, her hands running over his sides. She liked how considerate Oswald was, but as timid as he’d become, it was hard to tell what he really wanted … and with the two of them like this, he must want something. 

He kissed her for a few moments before his lips trailed to her ear. “I want anything you’ll give me.” He said not caring if that sounded needy or pathetic. He wanted her, in any way she'd allow him to have her. 

A little shiver ran through her, and her hands moved to the hem of his pants, tugging them down. “Let's see where this goes then,” she said quietly. She wanted him so badly right now that it was hard to think of anything else. 

Oswald got off the bed again and kicked off his shoes and yanked off his socks. He shoved his pants down to his ankles and kicked them off along with his underwear and climbed back onto the bed, his cock hard, hanging between his legs angled towards her as if it already knew where it wanted to be. 

Kristen pulled him down into a kiss, her hips rolling forward so that his cock rubbed against her, and she moaned at the feeling of him against her, running her hands down over his back. 

Oswald moaned as her wet lips touched his cock and he wanted so badly to be inside of her, despite the nervousness that was tugging at him. He'd never done this before and he doubted he would be any good. 

Her hands trailed lightly down to caress Oswald's ass as she moved under him, remembering that he had seemed to like that before. She deepened the kiss, moaning with an increasingly intense need. 

He rolled his hips against her, his hand moving to her hip and pulling her up against him as he braced himself on the bed with his other hand. 

Kristen's back arched, her hands on Oswald's hips pulling him forward as he rubbed against her, wanting him more than ever. Oswald kept moving his hips against her, his cock rubbing against her clit over and over again. “Kristen …” He moaned as he broke the kiss. 

“Y-yes?” Kristen gasped as Oswald’s cock rubbed relentlessly at her clit, and her hands gripped his hips, pulling him hard against her. She looked up at him, need clear in her eyes.

“Please.” He begged, his forehead resting against her shoulder before he looked up slightly and kissed her neck. “I …” 

“What is it?” Kristen asked breathlessly, stifling a moan. Would Oswald actually tell her what he wanted? She was sure he needed her as much as she needed him, she could feel it.

“I … please. I …” He was struggling to voice what he wanted. 

Kristen kissed lightly at his ear, her hands caressing his ass, and she whispered, “Tell me.”

Oswald moaned as she moved her hands over his ass and he rolled his hips against her. “I want you …” He said again. “Please …” 

“God, yes,” Kristen murmured, looking up at him, increasingly desperate for him. “Go on,” she gasped, kissing down his neck. “I need you.”

“I … Really?” He asked feeling stupid for even saying that. He hadn’t expected her to give him permission. 

“Yes,” Kristen said, kissing around Oswald’s collarbone. She was trembling slightly. “Please, Oswald.”

Oswald licked his lips nervously before he nodded. He looked down between them and grasped his cock in his hand before he paused. “Uh .. We don’t … have any condoms.” 

“I … you’re right,” Kristen said, blushing profusely. This hadn’t exactly been planned. “If necessary, I can … um … take a pill afterward.”

“A-are you sure? We don't have to.” He said nervously. 

“I wasn't under the impression we had to do any of this,” Kristen said, looking up at him shyly. “But I want to … If you do.”

Oswald's cock throbbed at the thought. “Yes … God yes …” He said rubbing the tip of his cock against her entrance, rubbing it up and down her slit and against her clit before going down again. 

Kristen whimpered with frustration as Oswald's cock rubbed against her, even the slightest touch feeling incredibly intense, consuming her with need. She was incredibly wet already, and he had barely done anything to her … She couldn't help thinking about how long it had been since she had really done this. “Oswald, please,” she begged, her hands pulling his hips forward encouragingly. She wondered if he had any idea what he was doing to her right now. 

Oswald could feel her wetness against the head of his cock and he moaned at how good it felt. He pushed his hips forward, pressing his cock inside of her slowly. 

Moaning as Oswald pushed into her almost painfully slowly, Kristen rolled her hips forward against him, nonverbally pleading for more. She leaned forward and kissed down the side of his neck, wanting him so badly that it was unbearable. 

He moaned as he pushed farther and farther inside of her until he was fully inside of her, his hips pressing against her and pushing his hips harder, trying to get inside of her as far as he could. He started rocking his hips against her, his cock slipping in and out of her. “Oh my god …” Oswald moaned. He'd never felt anything like this before. 

“Oswald!” Kristen gasped, moaning as he thrust into her over and over again, her hands caressing his ass as she pushed back against him, driving him deeper, harder into her, and she kissed feverishly at his neck, down to his collarbone, as if expressing gratitude to have him inside her. 

He groaned, closing his eyes as her mouth moved over his skin, still surprised she even wanted to do that. “Kristen …” He whispered speeding up his thrusts, his balls slapping against her with each thrust. 

“Yes,” Kristen gasped, hands gripping his hips, pulling him hard against her as her back arched, and she moaned as his cock kept thrusting into her at just the right angle. “God, Oswald, yes!” She was glad it was just the two of them alone in the house … Right now, she couldn't have kept quiet even if she tried. 

Oswald was surprised at how much she was enjoying this, there was no way she was faking this. He ran his hand down her thigh to her knee pulling it up until her leg was over his shoulder allowing him to reach even deeper inside of her with each thrust. 

A loud, sharp moan escaped Kristen’s throat as Oswald thrust even deeper into her. After such a long time, feeling him thrust so deep inside her almost hurt, but it felt so intense that she didn't want him to stop. “Please, yes,” she gasped frantically, her hips rocking back against him over and over again as her pleasure built. 

He didn't slow as he kept moving into her over and over again. “Is it that good?” He asked. 

“Yes,” Kristen gasped breathlessly, her hands gripping the sheets. “Please, Oswald don't stop,” she begged, needing him so badly it was unbearable. 

“Don’t stop?” He asked keeping up the pace he was at. “You like this?” He asked, a slight smirk coming to his face.

“Y-yes,” Kristen stammered, stifling a moan, incredibly turned on by the way he smirked down at her. She pushed back against him, her back arching. 

Oswald smirked slightly before he sat back and pushed her other leg up over his shoulder and he thrust into her, putting all of his weight behind it, his hands on the bed beside her pinning her down as he fucked her. 

“God, Oswald,” Kristen gasped, moaning as he thrust into her over and over again, the intensity of his thrusting increasing more and more as he drove deep inside her. 

Oswald could already feel his orgasm building as she tightened around him in this position and knew he wouldn’t last long. He hoped he’d last long enough though. “Come for me, Kristen.” He whispered. 

Kristen moaned, the sensation inside her growing more and more intense as Oswald kept thrusting into her. She rolled her hips against him faster and faster, her back arching. She was so close already. If he could just keep doing this a little longer …

He rested his forehead against hers as he kept thrusting into her. He pulled back, moving up onto his knees and bucking his hips forward over and over again. “Kristen …” He whispered, sweat dripping down his pointed nose. 

“Oswald,” Kristen gasped, before she cried out in pleasure, gripping the sheets, her inner walls clenching around him as she came.

Oswald's breath sped up as she came around him and he thrust into her hard feeling his own orgasm building. 

She thrust her hips forward against him, moaning, as she wrapped her arms around him and ran her hands feverishly over his back, feeling how badly he needed her right now.

He felt his orgasm starting to peak and he pulled out of her sitting back and aimed himself down at the mattress and stroked himself, his eyes trailing over her body. 

Looking up at him questioningly, she reached out for him. “Why did you stop?” she asked breathlessly. He had seemed to be enjoying himself.

“I'm going to come.” Oswald panted, his hand pausing on his slick cock. 

“In your hand?” Kristen asked, rolling over onto her elbows and knees and pressed back against him teasingly. “Are you sure that’s all you want to do?”

Oswald watched as she moved onto her hands and knees. “I-I-I …” Oswald stuttered. “Kristen, I can't … I mean … we have nothing ….” 

She looked back over her shoulder at him. “There's a pill for that,” she reminded him. “Unless you don't want to?” He was more responsible and considerate than most men she'd been with … And that only made her want to do this for him more. 

“I … are you sure?” He asked his orgasm calming as he was no longer touching himself. 

Oswald really was sweet … She could hardly believe that he was still concerned about her at this point. She nodded. “I'm sure,” she said softly. “I want you, Oswald.”

Oswald nodded and moved forward pressing his cock inside of her. He moaned as he leaned over her and started thrusting into her again, once again no where near orgasm from the small break. 

Pushing her hips back against him, Kristen moaned as she felt Oswald drive deep inside her. “Isn’t this better?” she murmured.

He moaned as he thrust into her over and over again, his orgasm slowly building again. “Yes …” He practically hissed. “God yes!” He said. 

“Come for me, Oswald,” she moaned, rolling her hips back against him faster and faster as his cock slid in and out of her. 

“I-I-I'm not as close as I was before.” He said glancing up at her face, wondering if she was maybe growing bored. “I …. I'll try.” He said. 

“There’s no rush,” Kristen reassured him breathlessly as she pushed back against him, taking his cock deeper inside her. “I just really want to feel you come inside me.”

Oswald looked down at her stunned at what she said. He still couldn’t believe they were doing this never mind the fact that she actually wanted him to come inside of her. He leaned back as he thrust his hips against her over and over again. 

“God, Oswald,” Kristen moaned, her back arching as she felt him thrust into her. From behind, he was thrusting even deeper into her, and she could feel her pleasure building all over again. “Don’t stop.”

Oswald leaned forward his elbows on the mattress on either side of her, his chest pressed against her back as he shifted onto his feet and sped up his thrusts. 

“Yes,” Kristen gasped, her hands gripping the sheets beneath her as she felt him thrust even harder into her, and she pushed back against him, the sensation intensifying. “Please, yes.”

“Kristen …” He hissed into her ear though he was a little too short to reach it. 

“Oswald,” Kristen gasped as he thrust into her just right, hitting the perfect spot over and over again. She cried out as she shoved her hips back against him, pleasure trembling through her as her inner walls clenched around him again. 

He couldn't help the loud sound that came out of his mouth as he thrust into her one last time, holding himself inside of her as deep as he could when he came. 

Kristen moaned, gasping as he thrust into her, feeling him spill into her, loving the feeling of being so completely wanted. She pushed back against him for as long as it lasted, letting him ride out his orgasm, pleasuring him to the last moment.

Oswald panted as he pulled out of her, rolling onto his back beside her as he tried to catch his breath. 

Still trembling, Kristen collapsed onto the bed, breathing heavily as she curled up beside him. “God, Oswald,” she gasped.

“I've never done that before.” Oswald said wrapping his arm around her. “I hope I wasn't too disappointing.” He said kissing her head gently, his fingers playing over her soft skin. 

“Disappointing?” Kristen laughed breathlessly, resting her head against his shoulder. “I’m completely blown away.”

“Really?” Oswald asked tiredly. “You're not just flattering me?” 

“Couldn’t you tell what you were doing to me?” Kristen said with a weary smile. “You must have at least some idea.”

“Did you really come twice?” Oswald asked. “Or where you faking them for me?” He asked though he didn't sound offended if she did. 

Kristen laughed a little breathlessly. “No, that was definitely real,” she said, still a little stunned by it herself. “I … don't remember the last time that's happened to me.”

Oswald smiled and looked down at her. “Well, I'm glad I'm at least good at something.” He said with a slight laugh. 

“More than good,” Kristen said, settling against him with a satisfied, sleepy smile. 

(A/N - There we go, a nice long chapter. Anyway please leave us kudos and comments, we feed of them. They're like fuel. They keep us going! No matter how silly and incoherent they are! Throw them at us!)


	45. Chapter 45

Kristen quietly made her way downstairs, purse in hand, not wanting to wake anyone. She was up earlier than anyone in the household usually was, since she wanted a chance to make a quick run to the pharmacy and back for that all-too-necessary pill without any prying questions or snide comments from Grace. She was near the door when she paused, frowning. There was a light on in the drawing room, and she thought she heard movement … She peered in quietly, to see Grace with Elijah’s heart medication … and she froze at what she saw. While she watched, unseen, Grace took out what appeared to be a tin of mints. She emptied out the pill container, dumping its contents into the trash, and replaced it with the contents of the tin.

Very, very slowly, Kristen backed away, shaking, and silently fled from the scene. She didn’t know why Grace was doing this, or how long it had been going on, but she knew for certain that she needed to tell Oswald.

She crept back up the stairs and moved back into Oswald’s bedroom again. She closed the door quietly and moved back to the bed where Oswald was sleeping soundly. 

“Oswald.” She whispered quietly nudging him slightly. “Oswald.” 

“What?” He moaned tiredly, not opening his eyes. 

“Oswald,” she said, nudging him again. “I think … I think Grace is up to something. I need you to wake up.”

Oswald groaned as he rolled over on his back and rubbed his hands over his eyes. “What?” 

Glancing back behind her to make sure no one was in the upstairs hallway listening, she said in a low voice barely above a whisper, “I just saw Grace switching out your father’s heart medication with a placebo. She threw away the actual pills.”

“What?” Oswald asked. “No. Why would she do that?” 

“I don't know,” Kristen said anxiously. “But I saw her … She had his heart medication, and a little mint tin, and she dumped the pillow in the trash and replaced them with what was in the tin.”

“You must be mistaken. Why would she do that?” He said shaking his head. “No, she wouldn’t do that.” 

“But I saw her do it,” Kristen insisted, keeping her voice low, afraid that at any moment she would hear footsteps on the stairs. “Oswald, would I lie to you about something like this?”  
“I’m not saying you’re lying to me. I’m just saying you must be mistaken. Kristen don’t worry about it. She wouldn’t hurt my father.” He said. 

“Sasha, Charles!” Grace called from the hallway before there was a bang on Oswald’s door, not bothering to say either of their names. It was obvious she didn’t knock on Kristen’s. “Breakfast!” 

Kristen flinched at Grace’s voice, but shook her head. “Oswald,” she whispered urgently. “I know what I saw. You have to believe me.”

“Kristen. Calm down, I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding.” He said getting out of bed and grabbing his clothes to get changed. 

“What misunderstanding could there be?” Kristen asked. “What possible good reason is there for what she was doing?”

“Kristen, you’re wrong … I’m sorry.” He said refusing to believe her as he got dressed. Why would anyone, let alone his own wife, try to hurt him. 

Kristen sighed, shaking her head as she went to the door. “I hope you’re right,” she said quietly. “I hope there’s some perfectly harmless explanation for this … But I know what I saw, Oswald.”

“I’ve known a lot of things in my past and found out I was wrong … My father is a kind man. Why would anyone want to hurt him. He’s not a bad man … He never has been. He’s very caring, and … And his wife loves him.” 

“People aren’t all good, Oswald,” Kristen said, her hand on the door. “Even when they’re around good people. Though sometimes good people have trouble seeing that.” She let herself out, closing the door quietly behind her.


	46. Chapter 46

Oswald left his father’s room feeling a lot better than he had in months. He’d felt bad for lying to his father all this time, not telling him who he was … But … It was all out in the open now, and his father accepted him. He smiled as he made his way back into his room and paused when he saw Kristen standing there. 

“Kristen.” He said smiling happily. He wasn’t sure if she would come back after what had happened this morning. 

“You … certainly seem to be in a good mood,” Kristen said uncertainly. Of course, he was always so pleasant these days, no matter how he really felt, but … He seemed positively buoyant right now. She’d half expected him to be angry for her implied accusations against Grace … but then, when was he ever angry anymore?

“I just talked to my father.” He said. “I told him about my past. I didn’t want to keep anything from him, so I told him.” 

“And … he took it well?” Kristen asked, her eyes widening. From Oswald’s present high spirits, he must have, but … But it was still astounding. Certainly, Elijah was a kind, accepting man … But this was a new level of trust.

“He did. He said our lives together started the moment we met in the cemetery. Anything that happened before that doesn’t matter.” Oswald said smiling. “I feel like that was the best thing I could have heard. I need a fresh start.” 

“That’s really wonderful,” Kristen said, stepping forward and hugging him. “You must feel so relieved … I’m happy for you.” Though she couldn’t help worrying even more about what she had seen. If anything happened to Elijah now, it would crush Oswald completely.

“I am … I’d have understood if he didn't accept me after that though … I mean … I was a murderer.” He said clearly regretting it. 

“But you’re not now,” Kristen reminded him, looking into those expressive green eyes of his. “And whatever else you are or have been, you’re his son.”

“Yeah.” He said with a smile. “I am.” He said blushing slightly. 

“It’s nice to see something good happen to you for a change,” Kristen said warmly. She’d seen him end up so downtrodden for so long … It was about time, really, that things started going his way. She could only hope that when Edward finally got out of Arkham, there might be some brightness waiting in his future too.

“I don’t really deserve it, but thank you.” He said. “Would you stay with me again tonight?” He asked looking up at her. “I sleep better with you here.” He said blushing up to his ears. 

“I … alright,” Kristen said, smiling a little. The way he blushed was just so endearing. “I must admit … I sleep better with you too.”

Oswald smiled shyly as he took off his robe and hung it on a hook by the door. 

Kristen wrapped her arms around Oswald, pulling him to her as she kissed him, one hand reaching up to run her fingers lightly through the back of his hair.

“Kristen.” Oswald said nervously as she kissed him. “we .. that is … I don't expect anything like that. W-w-we can just sleep … if you want.” 

“Oh, I … Sorry,” Kristen said, pulling away, blushing as she realized that she had apparently misread his intent. “I didn’t mean to assume…”

“It's okay.” He said. “We can if you want to, I wouldn't mind but … I don't expect it.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said, kissing him on the cheek. “You’re just kind of irresistible sometimes.”

“Well now I know you're lying.” Oswald said moving to the bed and adjusting the pillows and pulling the covers down. 

“What?” Kristen said indignantly, though she was more hurt by his apparent lack of self-esteem than anything. “That’s quite an accusation,” she said, climbing into bed and cuddling against him.

“Accusation? There's nothing irresistible about me … I’ve told you that before Kristen. I honestly don't know why you’d want to stay with me. I'm disgus-” 

Kristen leaned down and kissed him before he could finish the world. When she broke the kiss, she shook her head. “I disagree,” she said firmly. “And I hate it when you say things like that about yourself.”

“I can't help it … it's been said so many times - how can it not be true?” He asked, his eyes tearing up. 

“Oswald, no,” Kristen said softly, wrapping her arms around him. “People say things that aren’t true all the time. You know that.”

“Yeah … I guess.” He said blushing up to his cheeks. “But after hearing it so much it's hard not to believe it.” 

“Well,” Kristen said, brushing back his hair lightly. “Maybe that just means I have to tell you you’re handsome, distinguished, and adorable enough times to balance it out.”

“Perhaps I'll just try harder to believe it the first time.” He said before leaning forward and kissing her, his hand moving to her side. 

Kristen leaned into his kiss, running her hands over his back as she pulled him close against her. Despite the way he talked about himself, he did seem to be slowly gaining confidence.

He broke the kiss a moment and looked at her before leaning in again, his lips moving against hers, his body moving closer to her. 

Moaning softly into the kiss, Kristen ran her fingers lightly through the back of his choppy hair as she pressed against him, slipping her tongue into his mouth.

Oswald moaned into the kiss, his hand sliding up under her long pajama shirt and smiled slightly into the kiss when his hands came in contact with her panties. 

Her hips moved slightly into his touch, her shirt riding up a little as she deepened the kiss. 

“Kristen …” Oswald said. “W-we shouldn’t do this again.” He said breathlessly. 

Kristen paused, looking back at him. “We don’t have to,” she said. “If you don’t want to. But … I bought protection while I was out, so …” She blushed, wondering if she was out of line in making that purchase, or if she came off as overeager. “So if we do, it would be safer this time.”

“You did?” He asked. That was precisely why he had said they shouldn’t. Taking the chance once was one thing but more than that was just asking for trouble. 

Kristen nodded. “I hope that wasn't presuming too much,” she said nervously. “I just thought it would be smart to have them.”

“No. I was actually worried about that … I didn't think we should take the risk again but if you have protection then …. then th-th-that's fine.” 

“Are you sure?” Kristen asked, watching his face carefully. He was nervous, that much she could tell. But if there was anything else wrong, he might be too polite to communicate it without prompting. “Like you said, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to.”

“No … I want to. I was just concerned about the risk … I don't want to get you pregnant.” He said his fingers moving up to her face. 

Kristen smiled gently back at him. “Thank you,” she said. “I’d rather avoid that too.”

Oswald moved closer to her, his lips moving against her as he leaned into her, spurred on a bit more now that he knew that it was safer. 

Moaning softly into his kiss, Kristen pulled him close against her, running her hands down his narrow sides, her body pressing insistently against him. Every worry that had been swimming around her head all day seemed to fade somehow, melting away into the background.

He moaned as he felt his cock swell and knew they had to keep it down, his father and step mother were in their rooms near by. 

Kristen deepened the kiss, which happened to muffle the moaning, as her hands trailed over Oswald’s ass. She could feel him hardening as he pressed against her. He bit back a moan as he backed up slightly, pulling her pajama pants down her legs before moving back up and kissing her again, tossing the pants down onto the floor. 

Her legs parted slightly under him, and she pulled him back down to her, moaning softly into his kiss, her hand moving lightly down his thigh.

Oswald moved between her legs and rubbed himself against her through the material of his pajama pants. 

Smiling up at him, Kristen slipped a hand into the front of Oswald’s pajama pants, gently caressing his cock, her hand moving over its hardened length.

Oswald leaned forward, his lips moving against hers and he shifted his hips against her hand, his hard cock pulsing with need against her palm. “Kristen …” He whispered. 

“Yes,” Kristen murmured, working her hand more firmly over his shaft, loving the way he pushed against her, how much he seemed to want her … She kissed down the side of his neck as she stroked him.

“I want you.” He whispered, careful of how much noise he was making with his family so close by. “Please.” 

Kristen nodded, kissing Oswald’s ear as she tugged down his pajama pants, her hips rolling forward to rub against him. He whimpered quietly at the contact against his cock and he rolled his hips forward towards her with a quiet moan. 

Her hands moved over his narrow hips to his ass, pulling him close against her as her hips rolled forward, and she kissed feverishly down the side of his neck, wanting him so badly it was all but unbearable. 

Oswald moaned quietly as he angled his cock towards her with his hand, the head rubbing against her entrance and he started pushing forward. 

“W-wait,” Kristen gasped, pushing a hand against his chest, reluctant to make herself stop him. But he had been concerned enough about protection earlier that she was sure he would regret it if they forgot and risked it again now. “Condom.” Abruptly, she found herself wondering if he had ever put one on before.

“Oh. Uh right … sorry.” He said blushing up to his ears. He'd been so carried away he'd forgotten. 

“It's alright,” Kristen said, reaching over for her purse, which had fallen somewhere on the bedroom floor. “I think we both got a little carried away.”

Oswald sat back on his knees, his cock hard against this stomach as he watched her grab for her purse. “Yeah.” He agreed. 

She managed to fish a condom out of the bag, and opened the wrapper. “Would you like help putting it on?” she asked, looking up at him.

“I uh …. I’ve never put one on before.” He said, suddenly nervous. 

Kristen nodded, and pinched the reservoir at the tip, then placed it over the head of Oswald’s cock and gently rolled it down over his shaft. “Now,” she said, looking up at him. “Where were we?”

Oswald looked down at her when she leaned back again. He had to admit, the condom felt strange, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it but it gave him more confidence that this would be safer. 

He leaned over her again, his hands braced on the mattress, his lips coming down to meet hers as he rubbed his cock against her again. 

Moaning softly into his kiss, Kristen pressed her hips forward against him, her hands caressing over his back. Oswald pressed against her before he slowly pushed inside of her. 

“Oswald,” Kristen gasped, her hands gripping his hips and pulling him forward against her as she felt his hard cock press into her. 

He breathed out a quiet moan as he started rocking his hips against her, pushing himself farther and farther inside of her until he was in all the way and he started thrusting into her. As much as he hated to admit, it didn’t feel as intense as it had the first time, but he supposed that was for the better … It still felt good but at least he might last a bit longer this time. 

Her hips rolled forward against him as he thrust into her, kissing feverishly down the side of his neck. “Harder,” she whispered breathlessly. 

Oswald nodded as he pushed himself up, bracing himself on his arms as he thrust into her harder, his hips slapping against her with each thrust. 

Stifling a moan, Kristen rolled her hips forward against him, her hands running over his back, gently nipping at his ear. 

He groaned as he kept moving into her, rolling his hips against her. “Kristen.” He moaned leaning back, his hands moving over her soft breasts. 

Her back arching as Oswald’s hands moved over her sensitive skin, Kristen whimpered softly, trying hard not to make too much noise. Her hands moved down to Oswald's ass, pulling him forward against her. 

He lowered himself down, feeling her clenching around him every time she rolled her hips, his hand moving away from her breast to be replaced with his mouth. 

Kristen moaned, rocking forward against him, one hand moving up into his hair, tugging lightly as she felt him thrust into her again and again. “God, Oswald,”  
she gasped. 

Oswald was panting with the effort of his thrusts but his leg had started hurting soon after they'd started and after a few more thrusts he pulled out of her. He moved over on the bed and laid back, holding his hand out to her.

Looking over at him in surprise, she thought for a moment that something might be wrong. But seeing him hold out her hand, she took it, going over to him. “Is everything alright?” she checked. 

“My knee …” He said quietly, enough of an explanation that she'd understand. 

Kristen nodded, saying no more for fear of embarrassing him. She should have thought of that sooner. Gently straddling him, she took Oswald's cock into her hand, angling it against her opening. “Better?” she asked. 

Oswald nodded. “Mhmm.” He licked his lips as she angled his cock towards her and shifted his hips up against her, the tip rubbing against her clit. “Kristen … Please …” 

Her eyes closed in pleasure as he rubbed against her clit, before she sank down slowly onto his cock, rocking her hips forward, taking him deeper and deeper inside her as she rode him. 

His hips pushed up towards her as she rode his cock moving faster with each thrust. “Yes …” he whispered. It felt so good. 

She leaned forward and kissed him, running her hands through his hair as she moved up and down his cock, pushing him as deep inside her as she could, letting out a muffled moan. 

Oswald ran his hands over her sides down to her hips, pulling her against him with each thrust. 

“God, Oswald,” Kristen gasped, her pleasure building as she rode him harder and harder. She kissed down the side of his neck feverishly, never slowing the pace as she rode him. 

Oswald whimpered as he felt his orgasm slowly starting to build. 

The sensation of him thrusting up inside her kept intensifying, until, stifling a cry, she came, her inner walls clenching around him as she kept moving up and down his cock.

Oswald bit her shoulder as she clenched around him and felt his entire body tense with pleasure as he came.

“Oswald,” Kristen gasped, riding him a little longer, letting him ride out his orgasm, keeping the sensation going for as long as possible, before she collapsed forward onto him breathlessly.

He grunted when she collapsed on him but said nothing as he ran his fingers over her sides. “That was amazing.” He said looking down at the mark he’d left on her shoulder and realized he’d bitten her a lot harder than he thought he had. He was surprised she wasn't bleeding. It would definitely bruise. “I'm sorry.” He said kissing the bite mark gently. 

“It’s fine,” Kristen said, running her fingers lightly through his hair. “I … I liked it,” she admitted, blushing slightly.

“You did?” Oswald asked looking up at her. 

Kristen nodded. “Yes,” she reassured him. “A little roughness, within reason, can be exciting. If it’s ever too much, I promise I’ll let you know.” Especially since he gave her the impression that he would listen. Oswald and Edward both were so considerate … and yet both seemed to think so shockingly little of themselves.

“Okay.” He said with a soft smile before he moved away from her. He looked down at the condom and licked his lips. “Um …. I’ll … I'll be right back.” He said blushing profusely. 

“Of course,” Kristen said, smiling slightly. It was a little endearing, really, how easily Oswald blushed.

Oswald put his robe on and made his way to the bathroom to clean up. He returned moments later, hung his robe back up and climbed back into bed. By then, Kristen had pulled her pajama shirt back on, and she settled against him as he climbed back into bed, her head resting comfortably against his shoulder. She was still worried, about Elijah, and Edward, and a number of other things, but she felt calmer just lying next to Oswald like this.


	47. Chapter 47

When Kristen came down for breakfast the next morning, Elijah was already sitting at the table by himself, picking at a plate of food that was already prepared. Only one other place was set, which was next to Elijah on the adjacent corner. 

“Good morning,” Kristen said brightly, joining him. Once again, she wondered what would be the best way to keep him safe from whatever Grace was doing … But if Oswald had been unwilling to believe her, how much more so would Elijah be? Until she had some kind of proof, or knew what Grace was up to, she would just have to keep an eye on her herself.

“Good morning, Kristen.” He said watching her sit down and placed his fork down, the pronged end resting on his plate. “Oswald went for a walk, and Grace took her kids out for the morning … I was wondering if we could talk.” 

Kristen looked over at him uncertainly. His face didn’t give much away, except that he seemed to have something weighty on his mind. “Of course,” she said.

Elijah was silent for a few moments before he spoke. “What are your intentions with my son?” He asked. 

“I …” Kristen stared back at him, her face suddenly serious. “You know, then?” she asked quietly.

Elijah breathed a silent laugh and nodded. “You two aren't exactly as quiet as you think you are … the walls in this old house are paper thin.” He said. “I’d appreciate it if you would answer my question though.” He said taking a sip of his tea. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you … Worries about you when you're not here. You should have seen him when that bomb went off, he was absolutely frantic.” He said. “He may not know it yet himself but … he loves you.” Elijah said watching her intently. “Which brings me to my question. What are your intentions with my son? I'm aware you do have a boyfriend … Where does that leave Oswald when he's freed?” 

“I … I don’t know anymore,” Kristen said honestly, clearly troubled. “Edward said he was alright with this, we’re not sneaking around behind his back or anything, but … I don't know where that leaves us after he’s out. This must seem strange, but … I love Edward, and Oswald cares deeply about him too. But I also care about Oswald, and I don't want to hurt him.”

“Do you love my son?” Elijah asked. 

Kristen opened her mouth to tell him no, not in that way, but paused, the affection and protectiveness she felt for Oswald rising to the forefront in her mind, demanding to be acknowledged. “I think I might,” she realized. She looked away, her eyes watering. “But … that's not possible, is it? You can't love two people, it doesn't work like that …” How had she let this happen? She didn't see any way forward without hurting either Oswald or Edward, or more likely both. 

“No … it doesn't work like that.” He said. “I would advise you decide quickly which you love more …” Elijah said. “I don't want you stringing my son along … Because if you wait until your boyfriend is free … The blow to Oswald will be much more devastating.” 

“You think I’m using him,” Kristen said quietly, looking back up at him, hurt that Elijah, who had been so kind to her all this time, could think so badly of her. “Don’t you?”

Elijah took a deep breath before he answered. “I think you're lonely … And afraid … And Oswald is here … And willing.” He said. “I have no doubt you care about him … There's no doubt there. But … people think I'm naive … I'm not … I know heartbreak … And I know what it feels to have someone you love walk away. And I don't know if Oswald will fight for you, or if he will follow in my footsteps but … I don't want him ending up like me.”

“That’s fair,” Kristen admitted, adjusting her glasses for a moment as she blinked back tears. She still didn’t know what to do. The thought of losing either of them at this point cut like a knife. “I’ll talk to Oswald, see how he feels about … about all of this.” But then, after how relentlessly agreeable Arkham had left him, could she really trust Oswald to be honest about how he felt? If he was hurting, would he even tell her, or just smile and go along with whatever happened to him? How could she be sure? 

“I think that would be for the best.” He said nodding. “I really do hope this works out for the best … I don't want Oswald winding up with someone like Grace.” 

Kristen stared back at him. She had never heard Elijah say anything negative about his wife the entire time they had been here. What could have happened to break his attitude of relentless positivity? “While we’re on that subject,” Kristen said quietly. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but … There’s something you should know. Yesterday morning, I saw Grace switching out your heart medication pills with a box of mints … I don’t know why she was doing that, or how long it’s been happening, but I swear that’s what I saw.”

Elijah smiled sadly, reaching into the inside pocket of his robe. He pulled out a small ziplock bag of pills. “I know …” He said placing them on the table. “I've always known. I may be old but I haven't lost my sense of taste.” He said. “For a long time I thought I loved her … I still like to believe I do but the only thing she ever loved about me was my money.” He said as if it weren't that important. “She wants me to die so that she can inherit my fortune. Which is no longer the case. As of yesterday, I signed everything over to Oswald.” He said watching her reaction. 

There was only the briefest moment of relief that he believed her before the shock took over. “But that’s horrible!” Kristen said, wide-eyed. “How can you be so calm about this? She’s your wife, she’s supposed to love you, not connive to inherit your fortune! Forgive me for saying this,” Kristen said, trying to restrain the anger she felt toward Grace. “But how can you stand to live with someone who would do that to you?”

“She's given me more than I can ask for … after Gertrud left, and my parents passed, I was alone … I did nothing but lay in bed all day. Grace gave me new life, if not for her I would have been dead years ago. And to be frank … I am getting old … She would never outright kill me, I have no fear of that … however she has no qualms about letting nature do the work for her. That I can easily avoid … I don't want to be alone again. I think that frightens me more than death does.” 

Kristen nodded quietly. She thought she understood. But what a sad and lonely existence that must be, even if there were other people around. “You deserve better than that,” she said quietly. “And you have your son now. That’s not a large family, I know, but … it’s one that cares about you.” 

“Yes, but I doubt he’ll be around long. He’ll either wind up with you or find another nice young woman, or man, whichever he prefers … He won't want to live with his father forever. And I won't fault him for it.” 

“Maybe,” Kristen admitted. Elijah had a point. “But I think you underestimate how grateful Oswald is to you for giving him a family again. I don’t think he would let you be alone.”

“Perhaps … but I wouldn't want to trap him here either.” He said. “He's free to come and go as he please.” 

“I’d be worried if that weren't the case,” Kristen said with a small smile. “I just meant that I doubt Oswald would ever be far away if you need him. Finding out you were his father… it's made him happier than he was in a very long time.”

“I'm sure he'd be much happier with his mother … And if I had been with him growing up. But I will do my best to be a father for him now … Which is exactly why I'm talking to you this morning.” 

Kristen nodded, worry and sadness gnawing at her. “Of course,” she said quietly, a kind of grief setting in. Elijah was right. Edward might have said he was alright with this, but she doubted he would be forever. But now she couldn’t bear the thought of losing either one of them. The more she thought about it, the more a twisted nausea grew in the pit of her stomach. “I’ll talk to Oswald, try to figure out how he feels about everything … and try to figure out what to do from there.”

Elijah nodded. “He’s down by the pond. If you want to go speak to him now.” He said turning back to his food which was growing cold. 

Kristen stood to leave, not really hungry. “Excuse me,” she said quietly and walked to the door.

Oswald sat quietly on the grass looking out at the pond that was on the large Van Dahl estate grounds. He didn't know why he hadn't discovered it sooner, it was so serene out here. Then again, other than to go try to visit Ed, which was still no use, he hadn't really left the house. 

“Hey, Oswald,” Kristen said, sitting next to him. She felt guilty now just looking at him. He looked so peaceful and carefree right now. She hated to ruin that.

“Kristen, hi!” He said looking up at her before she sat down. “Isn't it beautiful?” 

“It is,” Kristen agreed, looking out over the pond’s glassy surface. She was quiet for a moment, before she said, “Oswald … I think we need to talk about what’s going on between us.”

Oswald looked at her, his face going from happy to concerned within seconds. “Okay …” He said uncertainly. 

“It’s just …” she fidgeted slightly with the hem of her sweater. “I don’t know how you feel about all of this, or what, if anything, you want out of this … And I need to know.”

“What do you mean?” Oswald asked confused. 

“When Edward comes back,” Kristen said, looking back at him. “What’s going to happen? What would you want to happen?”

Oswald looked down at the ground, resting his chin on his knees. “I was always under the assumption you would go back to him.” 

“And …” Kristen asked quietly, closely watching his expression. “How do you feel about that?”

Oswald looked up at her and smiled slightly. “He’s your boyfriend. I’d be fine with you going back to him. I wouldn’t keep you from him.” 

“I didn’t ask you what you would be fine with,” Kristen said gently, not trusting his smile. He’d smiled that exact same way when he’d tried to bring Edward cookies while starving himself. “Or what you wouldn’t do … I asked how you feel about it. Please, Oswald, I need to know.”

Oswald was confused by her question. “I … Don’t know …” He said. “I’d feel fine with you going back to him.” 

“If you didn’t, would you tell me?” Kristen asked. “Or are you just saying that so I won’t feel bad about it?”

Oswald felt conflicted a moment. Lying was bad, but so was hurting people. “I’d tell you. I’d support any decision you’d make and I'd respect that. I never expected you to stay with me anyway.” He said with a slight shrug. 

“I wish I could believe you,” Kristen said quietly, looking back out over the pond. “This isn’t fair to you. It never was. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for …” Oswald said. “I could have stopped it. But … Whatever we have going … Can we … Keep it going until Edward is released?” He asked staring down at the grass, his fingers playing with the sharp green blades. “If you don't want to it's fine …” 

And there it was. The truth was in the way he looked down and away, the lowering of his voice, the way he asked for it to continue … Elijah had been right. Kristen felt tears pricking at her eyes as she shook her head. “Oswald,” she said, something in her chest feeling off, empty somehow. “If it’s hard for you to let go now … won’t it be even harder the longer this keeps going? I can’t keep doing this to you … to both of us. You deserve better.”

Oswald felt his body go numb. This was it then … She was breaking up with him. Then again, he supposed they were never really together. “I won't find better.” He said. He knew it was unfair of him to say but … he stood and smiled, though even he knew the smile was fake. “It's fine … I understand.” He said going back to the house and up to his room. 

She stayed by the pond’s side as he left, arms wrapped tightly around her stomach as the nauseous feeling grew, the picturesque landscape going blurry as she failed to blink back the tears anymore. This was the right thing to do, she was sure of it. Or the closest thing she could do after she’d let things get so out of hand … So why did it feel so completely, horribly wrong? She couldn’t have both Oswald and Edward, she should have known that, so why did losing Oswald hurt so much?


	48. Chapter 48

Charles leaned against the counter. “Do you really think this is going to work?” Charles asked. “Won't Elijah suspect when Oswald suddenly keels over after drinking it? That's some pretty potent stuff.”

Outside the door, Kristen froze. What she’d seen before with the medication was bad enough … But would Grace really go that far? It seemed outlandish, but if she really had been waiting around for Elijah to die for this long, and if she’d found out that Oswald was set to inherit it all instead ...

“He's not exactly bright. The coroner's already been bought off. They'll say it's a heart attack … Hereditary heart problems inherited from his father.” Sasha said. “Relax.”

Good God. Kristen backed away from the door, rushing directly to the cozy little living room where Elijah and Oswald were sitting, oblivious to the deadly treachery being their own family had in store for them.

“But … your health.” Oswald said from the sitting room.

“To hell with it. One drink won't hurt me.” He said raising the glass to his lips.

“Stop!” Kristen shouted as she ran in, panicked to see Elijah with the glass already at his lips. Afraid she wouldn’t be able to get the words out before it was too late, she knocked it out of his hand, spilling red sherry all over the carpet as the little glass fell to the floor. “It’s poisoned,” she said gesturing shakily to the doorway, realizing how wild she must seem. “I know it sounds crazy, but I heard them talking.”

Oswald stood as Kristen flew into the room. “Kristen! What are you doing?” He asked shocked. Why would anyone poison the sherry? “Kristen, calm down you must have misunderstood …” He said before he stepped forward accidentally bumping into the table as Grace rushed in at all the commotion.

“What is going on?” She asked before the teetering decanter finally fell over, liquid pouring out onto carpet which smoked as the liquid ate through it.

Elijah stared down at it, easily putting two and two together.

“That drink was intended for Oswald …” He said looking up at Grace who looked like a fish out of water.

“Elijah, I-” Before she could make any excuse Elijah straightened his back and cut her off.

“Grace!” He said angrily. “The pills I can forgive … You want me dead, that I could forgive … but my son … my ONLY son?!” He asked making Charles flinch. He had always gone with what his mother wanted, but Elijah had been the closest thing he’d had to a father since he was a kid. “I won't forgive you for that.”

“Elijah-”

“No …” Elijah said. “Enough excuses! Had Kristen not been here you wouldn't have ended Oswald’s life, you would have ended mine … It was me that was about to drink it, not him! You would have lost everything anyway!” He said shaking his head. “For years now I tried to pretend that I loved you … but the only woman I have ever loved was Oswald’s mother … I was raising your children while the love of my life raised our son alone … And you pull this?” He asks shaking his head. “After everything I've given you …”

“Elijah-”

“Father-” Charles said stepping forward but Elijah held up his hand to stop them both.

“You have one hour to pack up your things and ONLY your things … And get out of my house.” He said sternly.

“Where are we to go?” Grace asked.

“I don't care …” he said turning from them. “Just get out.”

Grace backed up slightly and turned towards her children. “We’ll be on the streets.” She said to Elijah trying to gain sympathy from him.

“I don't care.” Elijah said picking up the decanter and placing it on the table.

“Fine … We’ll have Braums drive us into Gotham.” She said snottily walking towards the door.

“Braums doesn't work for you Grace.” Elijah said. “I suggest you start walking.” He said knowing she had no money to her name for any mode of transportation.

“You can't do that!” Grace said.

“I can … And I have … And if you do not leave this house I will call the police.” He said holding up the decanter of evidence he had, some liquid still in the bottom.

Kristen stared, wide-eyed and pale. She had never seen Elijah so angry, had never even known he was capable of it. But then, he had never had greater cause. If she had arrived even a second later … She knew all too well what would have happened, and she shuddered to think of it. It was hard, then, to muster much sympathy for Grace and her offspring. They had all been complicit. Had they succeeded, she would have lost the one friend she had left. She put a steadying hand on Oswald’s shoulder, knowing how badly this must have stunned him.

Grace attempted one last shocked, plaintive look before she turned and stormed out of the room.

Once the three of them were gone Elijah sat down heavily in his chair, his hand over his chest.

“Are you alright?” Oswald asked.

“Yes …” Elijah said nodding. “I'm fine.” He said. “Just a bit of stress really.” He said before looking up at Kristen. “Thank you, my dear …”

Kristen shook her head. “I just wish I had gotten here sooner,” she said. “Instead of having to ruin your carpet.”

Elijah smiled. “The carpet can be replaced, it’s of no importance. My son wouldn’t be, had he drank it.”

Shuddering, Kristen looked over at Oswald. “Are you alright?” she asked him.

“I’m fine.” He said nodding. “I’m … I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.” He said, ashamed that he hadn’t. He looked at his father. “You knew Grace was switching out your medication?” He asked. He hated that he had dismissed what Kristen had told him.

“Apparently it’s been going on awhile,” Kristen said. “Though I wouldn’t have believed me either, to be honest.”

“It’s okay.” Elijah said standing up and going to hug Oswald. “She’s gone now. Or will be soon … I wanted to tell you tonight that everything has been signed over to you. But … I’m hoping for the best in my health improving.” He said with a smile which Oswald returned. “It’s a smaller family now but … It’s a family nonetheless.”

Kristen nodded quietly. “You’re both together now, after all this time,” she said. “And that’s all that matters.”

Oswald looked down at the carpet and nodded. As happy as he was to have his father, especially now that he was safe … He couldn’t help but wonder how much bigger their family could be if Kristen had chosen to stay with him. “Yeah …” He said smiling.

Oswald spent the night playing chess with his father, both of them ignoring Grace and her children who tried to make last minute excuses, tried to beg for sympathy, but his father moved towards the phone without saying anyway, dialed 9-1- before they left without any further fuss. Oswald felt no sympathy towards them as they left. When the door closed behind them Oswald moved his chess piece. 

“You told Kristen to come talk to me didn’t you?” He asked quietly. 

“I did,” Elijah told him, looking up from contemplating his next move. His son was such an impeccably skilled chess player. “Perhaps it was not my place to meddle, but you seem to really care for her. I was concerned about you getting hurt.”

Oswald said nothing as he moved another chess piece. “Why couldn’t you have waited?” He asked quietly. “Why today?” 

“What would you have wanted me to wait for?” Elijah asked, concern etched deeply into his features as he looked back at his son, an old sadness in his eyes. “Would it have been any easier on you later than it was today?”

“No … But at least I wouldn't be alone right now …” Oswald said moving another piece. “I knew it would happen eventually … but it didn't have to be so soon.” 

“So she broke things off with you, then,” Elijah said quietly, moving his knight. He had expected her to eventually, so he couldn’t blame her. She had only done the right thing as well as she could. “It would only have hurt more the longer you were with her,” he said.

“I don't think it could hurt more than it already does …” He said looking down at the chessboard, their game only half way through. “I think I'm going to go to bed.” He said pushing his chair away from the table. 

“Oswald,” Elijah said, looking back at his son earnestly. “Do you think you can forgive me?” 

Oswald smiled at his father and nodded. “There's nothing to forgive. I understand you were just wanting what's best for me.” 

Elijah shook his head, more concerned now than ever. “You don’t have to hide your feelings, my boy. I’ve caused you pain, and I am sorry for that.”  
  
“As you said … It would have happened eventually. There's nothing to forgive.” He said smiling before heading up to bed. He could already feel tears burning his eyes as he made it to his room and closed the door, the tears finally falling down his cheeks. He crawled into bed under his covers, curling up in a ball and for the first time since he'd found his father, felt completely and utterly alone. 


	49. Chapter 49

Kristen buried her face in her hands as she leaned against the bathroom counter, doing her best to keep the panic under control. One false positive was possible. Two, she wouldn’t rule out either. But three? It was time to accept just how royally she had messed up. It was her fault, really. She was the one who had convinced Oswald to take that risk the first time, relying on that morning after pill, even though she knew, everyone knew they weren’t 100% effective … She’d ignored the nausea at first, and the other signs, but there was no denying it now.

Her breathing came in rapid, sob-like gasps. What was she going to do now? She didn’t want an abortion, not really, but how was she going to raise a baby on her own right now? Her job at GCPD was in limbo until further notice, since they no longer (thanks to her) had a records annex, and there was no guarantee that they would hire her back on when they did. And even if that panned out, her job there had gotten dangerous and tenuous at best anyway. So far, she’d had no luck at all applying elsewhere. And she couldn’t very well expect Oswald to help after she’d broken things off with him. He might be the last friend she had, but even Oswald had to realize what an unfair burden that would be to place on him. And Edward … She still had no way of contacting him to warn him of what he’d be coming home to. How would it be for him to get out of Arkham and find her with Oswald’s baby? Edward might have said he was okay with everything else, but bringing another man’s baby into the picture was entirely different. She couldn’t do that to him.

The more she looked at things, the more her choices narrowed down to one. It was a choice she couldn’t burden anyone else with. But she didn’t see any way around it. Before long, it wouldn’t matter. She would be the only one who knew. She regained her composure as best she could, and headed downstairs.

Elijah looked up at Kristen as she came downstairs. “Are you alright dear?” He asked, it was clear she had been crying. “What’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing,” Kristen said, forcing a little smile into place, before realizing that she sounded eerily like Oswald did lately. All the more reason to get this over with before anyone else knew. “Just a few things on my mind, that’s all. I’m going to run a few errands, but I’ll be back this afternoon.”

“Alright. Has Oswald been out of his room yet this morning? I haven’t seen him yet.” He said putting his newspaper down on the table. 

“I don't think so,” Kristen said, an added weight of worry and guilt settling over her. So he had taken the other day harder than he’d let on. “I think he's sleeping in again.”

“Sleeping in? He’s barely left his room in three days.” Elijah said. “You go run your errands, I’m going to go talk to him again.” He said standing up from the chair. “I have something for him anyway.” He said picking up a long thin box from where it was sitting on the table. 

Kristen nodded. “That sounds like a good idea,” she said quietly, before she left.

Elijah watched her leave. There was something definitely bothering her. She usually wasn’t so abrupt. He moved up the stairs with the box in hand and knocked on Oswald’s door. There was no answer, but he pushed the door open slowly to find Oswald awake, but lying on his side on his bed under the covers. 

“Oswald?” He asked. Oswald looked up at him and turned onto his back, his hair sticking up everywhere. He sat back against the headboard. 

“Father?” He asked, wondering why he was here. 

“I brought you something,” Elijah said, holding up the thin box and handing it to him. 

“You didn't have to do that.” Oswald said turning to sit on the side of the bed. He opened the small top of the box and found something wrapped in bubble wrap. He pulled out a long sturdy stick and pulled the bubble wrap off. It was a solid black wood cane with a silver figurine head top. “A penguin.” He said looking at the intricately designed handle that looked as if it had been designed by hand. “Father, this must have cost a fortune, you didn't have to.” He said looking up at him. 

“On the contrary,” Elijah said with a slight smile. “You are clearly in need of a distinguished-looking walking stick. Much better than that umbrella I’ve seen you use on occasion.”

Oswald smiled and stood leaning on the cane. It was much sturdier than his umbrella. He’d already broken two from putting too much weight on it, and as a result he’d started putting more weight on his knee, if he used anything at all. “Thank you. It’s lovely.” 

“I’m glad you like it,” Elijah said, delighted to see how well the cane seemed to work for him. “Now, would you care to join me for a late breakfast?”

“Is Kristen downstairs?” Oswald asked timidly. 

“She went out to run some errands,” Elijah said mildly, watching his son’s reaction.

Oswald nodded. “Okay.” He said moving towards the door for breakfast. 

“Son …” Elijah said, looking at him intently, wondering whether he ought to say anything about it. “Are you avoiding her?”

“What? No of course not.” He said. That would be rude. “I've just been really tired lately. That's all. Maybe I'm coming down with something.” 

“Oswald,” Elijah shook his head. “If it’s painful for you to see her, anyone can understand that. Take the time you need. No one can fault you for that, Kristen included. But if it’s because you think she doesn’t want to see you, that is most assuredly not the case.”

“If you think so.” Oswald said. “It's fine … really.” 

\---

Kristen sat in a cold metal chair in the sterile, white waiting room of the abortion clinic, arms folded across her stomach in a strangely protective manner. She wished they would just call her name so she could go in and get this over with. Every moment that passed, she kept thinking about the ways that she had failed. She had failed to protect Edward, failed to do anything useful to keep him out of Arkham, failed to take care of Oswald and had instead just ended up hurting him … And now she felt like she was giving up on this baby before it even got here. 

If she was sure she wanted to abort it, that might be different, but she wasn’t sure about that. She just felt like she was backed into a corner with no other option. What if she was wrong? What if she wasn’t helpless this time? What if she wouldn’t fail? She could get another job in nine months, she could take care of a baby, make sure it had a good childhood, better than hers or Oswald’s or certainly Edward’s. Something good could come out of all of this mess. She could have at least one person she loved that she was actually able to protect and take care of …

A nurse came in and called her name. In a panic, Kristen realized she wasn’t ready. She needed more time to decide. Without a word, Kristen got up and ran out.

When Kristen got back Oswald looked up from the table where he was playing cards with his father. “Hello.” He said almost uncertainly. 

“Hi,” Kristen said, staring back at him. Out of nowhere, the thought hit her that the baby might have Oswald’s wide, blue eyes. She would have to tell him, she realized. Or she would if she ended up keeping it, anyway. It wouldn’t be fair to ask anything of him, but he had a right to know. “How are you feeling?” she asked awkwardly.

“Tired … but fine.” He said. “You?” 

What a question. “Fine,” she said, too overwhelmed right now to really know how she was. “When you have a moment, can we talk maybe?”

“Sure …” he said, wondering what it was about. The last private talk they had hadn't ended well for him. He followed her upstairs to his room so they could talk. 

Kristen closed the door. There was so much she was still uncertain of, but she knew she wasn’t ready for Elijah to hear about this just yet. She looked back at Oswald and took a deep breath. “There … isn’t really a good way to say this,” she said nervously. “And it’s my fault entirely, if I hadn’t …” She shook her head. Her thoughts were swarming in on her, everything about the situation too overwhelming.

“What is it?” Oswald asked, seeing her nervousness. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.” 

Pulling herself together as best she could, Kristen straightened, though the words still only came out barely above a whisper: “I’m pregnant.”

“You're …” Oswald paused thinking he may have misheard her. But no … he definitely heard the word ‘pregnant’. “You're … pregnant?” He asked stunned, unsure of how to react. Why was she even telling him? Surely she wouldn't want it. “Are you … I mean … What are you going to do?” 

The same question she'd been asking herself over and over since this morning somehow hit her differently when Oswald spoke it aloud. She looked back at him, as overwhelmed and conflicted as ever. She didn't want to get rid of it, but how could she possibly take care of it? “I don't know,” she said, her voice shaking.

Oswald looked upset a moment. She didn't want to keep it … How could she? It was his baby after all … He glanced down at her stomach where his baby was growing. Still obviously in its very early stages, probably smaller than a pea … But it was in there … had been for at least a week … “Keep it.” Oswald said glancing up at her. “Please …” He said. He knew it wasn't fair to ask her, it was her body after all. “Even if you don't want to keep it or or raise it or want anything to do with it … I-I-I-I … I want it … I’ll respect your decision if you want to get rid of it, I can't really expect you to do anything you don't want to do …. but …. This may be my only opportunity to have a child … I’d be fine being a single father … if … if you don't want it …” He said barely realizing he was shaking in nervous fear. 

Kristen stared back at him, stunned and grateful and relieved in equal measure. The tears pricked at her eyes as she shook her head. “I wouldn’t expect anything from you,” she assured him quickly. “That wouldn’t be fair to you, since we’re not … And after I’m the one who insisted that we …” She made herself stop talking, the realization settling over her of what she wanted to do.

“Kristen … No, please ….” he said getting unsteadily to his knees and taking her hand. “Please don't get rid of it … I-I-I’ll be a good father. I promise … She won't want for anything. She'd have a good life!” He said shaking even more. “Just … Please think about having her …” 

“Oswald …” Kristen whispered, before bending down and wrapping her arms around him, shaking. “You don’t have to do anything. I’ll keep the baby. I want to.”

“You … You're going to keep her?” He asked almost surprised that she said that. He was smiling before he thought about what she said and the smile disappeared from his face. “What do you mean … I don't have to do anything?” 

“Of course if you want to be in the baby’s life you can,” Kristen said, seeing the look on his face. “But you’re not under any obligation … Do you really want this?”

“Not under any obligation?” He asked struggling to his feet, but settled for sitting on the wooden trunk at the end of his bed. “That's my baby you're carrying and I'm not under any obligation?” He asked. “So … what? You're just going to take my baby … raise it with Ed? I get to be the part time dad she gets to see every other weekend?” He shook his head and looked away from her looking rather hurt. He licked his lips as he tried to keep himself from crying. He didn't know why he expected anything different. “Were you just using me?” He asked. “Your boyfriend can't have kids so … Was this the whole point?” He asked before he raised his hands. “Nevermind … don't answer that …” He said standing up. “I think I'm going to be sick.” He said heading towards the door. 

“Oswald, no,” Kristen said, stunned, the tears starting to run down as she clung to his hand. “Is that really what you think of me? I just didn’t want to put any burden on you after everything I’ve already put you through. You have no idea how relieved I am that you want to help. I thought I was going to have to do this alone, I was so scared …”

“Help …” Oswald said shaking his head. “I just got down on my knees … which isn't easy by the way …” He said pointing at his injured knee. “And begged you to keep it even if you didn't want it … I told you I'd be fine raising it alone if you didn't … and you came back at me with ‘well you can be involved.’?” He asked. “What else am I to think? Even if I was ‘involved’ this begs the question of where that leaves us …” He said. “I-I-I …. I don't want to be a part time dad … I want to be a dad …” he said his eyes pooling with tears. “Maybe it would be better if you raised her with Ed … I'll help … it's fine I’ll pay child support if that's what you want … It would probably be less confusing for her that way anyway.” 

“You think this is about child support?” Kristen turned away, trying to keep from sobbing. “Why wouldn’t I want you to be a dad? That doesn’t even … I don’t know where this leaves us, I don’t know where this leaves any of us,” she said, with a wild and incoherent gesture meant to indicate Oswald, herself, the baby, and somehow Edward. “I don’t have any of the answers, I don’t know what you want me to say, I just found out this morning, and I just want things to be okay for everyone, but I don’t know how.”

“I already told you what I want Kristen … I want to be this baby’s father … Full time. I don't want my child growing up the same way I did … With a struggling single mother living off food stamps … ” He said with a shrug. “I want you both to be my family … but … I can't take you away from Ed … That's not fair to either of you. So … I really don't know what to do. I don't know what you want …” he said. 

“I don’t want my child growing up the same way I did either,” Kristen said quietly, staring down at the floor. “Surrounded by bitterness and resentment.” She shook her head, thinking of the horrors Edward had told her. There wasn’t even one stable childhood among the three of them. “Why can’t we all just do this together? Nobody’s part time or more involved, just … just people who care about each other and don’t have to explain it to anyone.” She knew that was just dreaming, but everything was so overwhelming now that her thoughts bubbled out unhindered.

Oswald didn't think that would happen. He knew Ed better than Kristen thought he did … With Ed’s temper … This wasn't going to be a good idea. “I think … For now … We should focus on giving this baby what it needs … It may be years before Ed’s released. We’ll tell him as soon as we’re able to reach him, discuss it with him. But … I’d like it if you would move in here … With me.” He said. “If you want to leave when Ed’s released, that’ll be entirely up to you. I'll set you up somewhere … or you're both welcome to live here as well …” He said. “We don't have to get back together or anything, we don't have to call it a relationship but … I’d at least like her to have a stable home until we can figure things out with Ed.” 

Kristen nodded, slowly gathering up her thoughts. “I think that would be best,” she said quietly, before she looked up at him, fear and hurt and guilt in her eyes. “But … wouldn’t that be hard for you? You’ve been avoiding me for three days, I thought maybe … you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you because I didn't want to see you anymore … I was avoiding you because I want to see you.” He said knowing that didn't really make any sense. “It's just … I want to see you in a way I can't anymore.” He said quietly.

“That … doesn’t exactly make things easier on you,” she said softly. On either of them, for that matter. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah …” He said nodding. “I'm going to have to be, right?” He asked with a weak smile, lazily pointing at her stomach. 

Kristen smiled slightly in response, wiping back her tears. “We can make this work,” she said, as much to herself as to Oswald.

“We can …” He said with a lopsided smile. “We can definitely make this work … And this baby will be happy, no matter where it is or what you decide to do … we’ll make sure she’s happy.” 

“You’re really convinced it’s going to be a girl, aren’t you?” Kristen said, laughing quietly. “What are you going to do if it’s a boy and we’ve only brainstormed girls’ names?”

“Oh, well then it's yours. Get out of my house.” He said but was clearly smiling, joking. “If it's a boy I'll be just as happy. But I'm sure it's a girl.” 

Kristen shook her head, smiling almost as easily with him now as she used to. “And how can you be so sure? Have you been psychic all this time and never told me?”

Oswald shrugged, “You caught me.” He said with a smile. 

After a moment, Kristen's smile faded, worry overtaking her face again. “How is your father going to feel about this?”

“I really don't know.” Oswald said moving closer to her and sitting on the bed. “I think he'll be excited to be a grandfather … But scared of what's going to happen between us. I don't know what his opinion is on the matter … But it makes me wonder if he’ll try to make you pick one of us.” He said. “On the other hand I think he might be scared you won't pick me and might take his grandchild away … Just as I thought you were trying to keep her from me … I think we should wait until you're further along before we tell him. The first few weeks I think there's always risks and it might not even make it on its own …” he said sadly. “Once we know for sure it's there and healthy … We’ll tell him.” 

Kristen nodded, her hand briefly going to her stomach in an instinctual protective gesture. Now that they had decided to keep it, the thought of anything happening to it terrified her as much as anything else. “I think that's a good idea,” she said. 

“I’m going to head down to Arkham later today … See if I can get in to see him.” Oswald said. 

“I’ll come too,” Kristen said, hoping against hope that they could get in today. She wanted so badly to know how he would feel about this.

“Kristen …” Oswald said nervously. “I know you broke up with me yesterday … And that's fine, I understand. But … You don't have to be alone.” He said chancing a glance up at her. “Right now … if you don't want to be.” 

“Thank you,” Kristen said sincerely, with a strange, painful kind of longing in her eyes as she looked back at him. “Though I don’t want to risk hurting you any more than I already have.”

“You won't …” he said with a shy smile. “I'm tougher than I look.” 

“I know you are,” Kristen said quietly. But after all the kindness he had shown her, she didn’t want to make him feel used.


	50. Chapter 50

“-the masked assassin that attacked Gotham City earlier tonight happens to be former mayor 'Theo Galavan' now there were reports earlier today that Galavan had attacked the GCPD and had fallen right off the roof and lived ... Then stood up in front of all of us. Theo Galavan, alive. And from what we know he's responsible for three officer fatalities." Oswald stared wide eyed at the small black and white television, a glass of wine forgotten between his fingers on the table. 

“Galavan …” Oswald said. 

Kristen’s hand went to Oswald’s shoulder as she stared in horror and hatred at the screen.

“Oswald?” Elijah asked, seeing his son’s alarm. “What is it?”

“Galavan killed my mother …” He said quietly after a short pause, still staring at the screen as he watched Galavan … Actually Galavan … walk away from a ruined car. Oswald grabbed the back of his chair and stood up, walking towards the door. 

“What?” Elijah whispered, his eyes wide as they briefly fixed on the screen, face ashen, before he realized Oswald was leaving. “Where are you going, Oswald?” he asked. “If that man is on the loose, you should stay here where it’s safe.”

“Your father’s right,” Kristen said, beyond worried. The old Oswald might have been up to facing Galavan … But this new Oswald? When Galavan was apparently some kind of invulnerable immortal monster?

“I’m just going out for a bit … I’ll be back later tonight.” He said before leaving the room. Elijah got up to follow but paused … He knew from what he’d learned in the papers what his son was capable of … and if this man really did kill Gertrud then … 

Kristen paused as she watched Oswald go. There was something in his face, something in the quickness of his limping stride, a fierce purpose that she hadn’t seen from him in a long time. Maybe Oswald was prepared to handle Galavan after all.

\---

Oswald returned late that night, after midnight, nearly one, clearly tired and exhausted, a car pulling away from the house and back down the driveway. He shoved a cell phone into his pants pocket before he hung his jacket up on a rack by the door. He paused when he saw his father sitting in the living room, way past the time he usually goes to bed. Nearly four hours past. 

“Father?” He asked. 

“Oswald,” Elijah said, enormous relief in his tired, worry-stricken eyes. He got up quickly out of his chair and rushed over to Oswald, holding him tightly to him. “My son, you were gone so long, I was afraid that … it doesn't matter, you're here now. Are you alright?”

Hearing him, Kristen ran back into the room, her face pale and anxious, eyes both relieved and questioning as they met Oswald's. 

“I'm fine.” He said, though his usual smile didn't come to his face. He seemed to hold himself differently. He wasn't his old self again per se but … He was definitely different than what he was like this morning. Galavan coming back changed him in a way.

“And … Galavan?” Kristen asked quietly. She recognized something about the look in Oswald's eyes, and knew he wouldn't rest until Galavan was gone. 

Elijah looked back at his son, letting the question hang in the air, uncertain which answer he dreaded more. 

“He’s not coming back.” He said. “Ever …” 

Elijah nodded, accepting this with a grim relief. “Come, sit with us for a while,” he said quietly. “Olga was just making us some tea.”

Oswald nodded and joined them in the sitting room. He had a feeling his father would want to talk about this. 

“So … this man, Galavan,” Elijah said quietly. “He was responsible for Gertrud’s death somehow?” He looked anguished at the thought that violence had ever touched Gertrud’s life, let alone ended it. But whatever his son had just done, Elijah needed to fully understand why. 

Kristen winced at that. She remembered well how broken Oswald had been after his mother's death. 

Oswald nodded as he sat down on the couch. Him and his father had never talked about how she'd died. “Yes … Because of … Because I was a leading member of Gotham’s underworld Galavan used me for his own gains.” He said. “He kidnapped my mother, his sister tortured her for weeks while he had me doing things for him. He said so long as I complied she'd live. I found out where she was … Took Butch and two of my men to rescue her … Butch betrayed me. Killed them both, so I was alone …” he refused to look at his father while he talked, his eyes brimming with tears. “I begged them to let her go. And they did.” He said sniffing and wiping a tear from his face. “She ran to me … And they stabbed her in the back. She knew what happened … I know she did … but … she acted like nothing was wrong … I begged her to forgive me … it was all my fault … She said there was nothing to forgive … Said I’d always been such a good boy … we both knew that wasn't true … but …” He paused shaking slightly. “She was dying and she was still protecting me … Didn't want me to live with the guilt …” he said tears now streaming down his cheeks. 

“Gertrud,” Elijah whispered, looking away, his own eyes full of tears. How something like this could have happened to her, the single kindest person he had ever known, was unthinkable. If he had been there for her all these wasted years, none of this would have ever happened.

Kristen reached over and gently took Oswald’s hand in hers, not knowing what to say.

“That must have been beyond painful,” Elijah said quietly, looking back up at him. Just hearing about it was horrible enough, but actually being there … “I’m sorry you went through that.”

“Don't be … It was my fault … If it wasn't for me she’d …” He stopped that sentence right there. His mother wouldn't want him to feel guilty, he'd always been everything to her. He knew she wouldn't blame him … But he couldn't stop from blaming himself. 

“Galavan chose to involve your mother,” Kristen said firmly. “Not you.”

“Kristen is right,” Elijah said, looking sadly over at Oswald. “I know you blame yourself, but one could just as easily say it was my fault for not remaining in her life, for letting this happen.”

“He went after her because of who I was … If I hadn't been so … If I hadn't wanted to be somebody … if I had just been satisfied being Mooney’s umbrella boy … He never would have targeted her.” 

“She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for that,” Kristen said. “You said that yourself.”

Elijah nodded. “She loved you, Oswald. Nothing you did could ever change that.”

“I know that …” He said. “But I couldn't risk Galavan hurting my family … especially when …” He paused and glanced up at Kristen. They said they were going to wait to tell him and it almost slipped. 

Kristen’s hand tightened around Oswald’s in an involuntary protective gesture.

“Especially when?” Elijah repeated quietly.

Oswald sighed, burying his face in his hands. “Kristen’s pregnant.” He mumbled through his hands. 

“What was that?” Elijah said softly, eyes suddenly wide.

Oswald sat back, rubbing his hands over his face before dropping them into his lap. “Kristen’s pregnant.” He said again. 

“I see,” Elijah said, still clearly stunned. “How long have you known?”

“Since this morning,” Kristen said, her face reddening, but her hand stayed in Oswald’s. “Or that’s when I knew for sure, anyway. We were going to tell you later, once we had a better idea how things were going to go.”

“So you have chosen to keep the baby, then?” Elijah asked. Kristen nodded.

“Yes.” Oswald said. “I know it’s going to be complicated but … We want to keep her.” Oswald said glancing up at his father. “We’ll make it work somehow.” 

“Yes,” Elijah agreed, looking conflicted. “It will be complicated. But we can certainly provide a stable and loving home here. Though I hadn’t thought I would be a grandfather so soon,” he added with a small smile.

“So soon?” Oswald asked. “I’m in my thirties …” He said, relieved that his father was taking it so well. “It’s not like we’re sixteen.” He said with a slight laugh. 

“That's certainly true,” Elijah said, joining in with a slight chuckle that set Kristen just a little more at ease. “But from my perspective, I have only been aware that I was a father for a very short time. Though I'm sure this is all very overwhelming to both of you, it's good to know that you will at least have the joy of getting to see your child grow up.”

“Yes,” Kristen agreed firmly, making sure Elijah knew that, whatever happened, she had no intention of keeping the child away from Oswald. “Oswald has made it clear that's what he wants.”

“Yes … I’m nervous, but excited.” He said looking towards her and smiling, but it seemed more genuine than at smile he'd given her since his release from Arkham. 

“Me too,” Kristen said, a warm feeling in her chest at the way he smiled at her. “And I know that, whatever happens, the baby will have a good father.”

Elijah smiled, though he briefly wondered exactly who she meant … Oswald … Or her boyfriend … Either way … Elijah refused to make this a negative thing by bringing up possibilities. Not after what had just happened to Oswald, and not this late at night. 

“Well,” He said looking between the two. “I’m very happy with you both. I’ll have Charles’ old room cleaned out, it’s the closest to yours, and we’ll turn it into a nursery.” He said still smiling. “We’ll make it gender neutral, since we don’t know what you’re having yet. Oswald, I heard you say ‘her’ … Don’t get your hopes up, it might be a boy.” He said ruffling Oswald’s hair, wishing he’d had the opportunity to do so when he was a child. 

“Thank you,” Kristen said sincerely. “You’ve really set my mind at ease about this.” She glanced over at Oswald. “I suppose until we know, Oswald can brainstorm girls’ names and I’ll brainstorm boys’ ones.”

“If it’s a girl …” Oswald said, already knowing what name he’d pick. “Can we name her Gertrud?” He asked. “After my mother?” 

Elijah looked over at Kristen intently, waiting for her reply.

“Yes,” Kristen said, her hand tightening a little around Oswald’s. “I would be happy to name her after your mother.” She knew how much it meant to him, and left no doubt in her mind that their child would be loved and protected.

Oswald smiled and leaned over to hug her. “Thank you.” He said. 

“Now you’ve got me hoping it’s a girl too,” she said, hugging him back tightly. She knew Oswald must wish his mother had lived to see her grandchild. 

“It will be.” He said. “I know it will be.”


	51. Chapter 51

Elijah came to the top of the stairs, grinning from ear to ear as Oswald and Kristen came back into the house. “I have a surprise for you guys.” He said almost giddy with anticipation. “Come upstairs.” He said waving them up. It wasn’t really a surprise, he’d already told them he was doing it, but he doubted they’d expect it so soon. 

Kristen smiled at Oswald before heading up the stairs, her hand carefully on the railing. “I hope you haven’t gone to too much trouble,” she said, though she was grateful for Elijah’s enthusiasm. Despite how worried she had been about how he would feel about all of this, he had been nothing but supportive.

“Oh not at all.” Elijah said leading them over to where Charles’ room used to be. 

Kristen opened the door, peering inside to find the room transformed into a perfect nursery. 

Oswald came in behind Kristen and his eyes widened. It still had the same feel the rest of the house did, but it was filled with baby toys, a white dresser he discovered had neutral coloured clothes ranging from 1-18 months all sorted in drawers by age. There was a canopy crib with a mobile above it, little penguins in different forms hung from it. 

“It's perfect.” He said with a smile. 

“Oh, look at these!” Kristen said, delighted as she went over to the little penguins on the mobile. “They’re adorable.” She gazed around the room, a warm feeling settling over her as she clearly envisioned what it would be like to tuck their baby in here every night and sing her to sleep … Kristen realized she was tearing up slightly. “Thank you,” she told Elijah sincerely. “This couldn’t be any more wonderful.”

“I'm glad you like it.” Elijah said, lingering in the doorway. “This crib was mine when I was a baby. It should have been Oswald's … Now I want it to be hers.” 

“It’s in excellent condition,” Kristen observed. She doubted they would have found one as well-made as this if they shopped for a new one. And she liked the idea of passing down an heirloom to their baby. It was yet another sincere gesture of acceptance from Elijah, who she had no doubt would be the most loving grandparent a child could ask for.

“I had it refurbished … It was quite old and had been painted with lead paint … Not safe for a baby from what I hear.” He said.

“Good thinking,” Kristen said. She had been reading several books on the subject of infant care. “If it’s been refurbished, it should be safe now.”

“Yes, I thought a nice polished wood would be nice.” He said as Oswald sat on the floor picking through toys. 

Kristen went over to where Oswald was looking through the toys. “Were any of these yours too?” she asked.

“The train set was mine.” He said pointing to the small train set that was stationary on a track that lined the walls near the ceiling. 

“Oh, I have something to … I'll have to get it from my storage locker.” Oswald said knowing some of his and his mother's things were taken to a storage locker. 

“What is it?” Kristen asked curiously, looking up at him.

“Well, you'll see when I get it.” He said putting the toy he was holding down. He struggled on the floor, regretting sitting down here, before he managed to get to his feet. He picked up his cane from where he'd hung it on the side of the crib by its metal beak. 

After Oswald had left, Kristen looked over at Elijah. “I know you must still have a lot of concerns about this,” she said quietly. Possibly now more than ever. “But I can’t thank you enough for how supportive you’ve been.”

“I do have a lot of concerns.” Elijah said. “Namely, what happens when your boyfriend is freed. It was an issue before … Now there will be a child involved.” 

Kristen nodded, understanding. “I wish I could get word to Edward to find out how he feels about this,” she said, her own worry evident in a slight wince around the eyes. “But I promise you, whatever happens, I won’t ever take Oswald’s child away from him.”

“And if your boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with this child?” He asked. “What are you going to do in the event that he doesn't want this?” 

“Edward doesn’t have to be involved if he doesn’t want to,” Kristen said, though Elijah had voiced one of her most troubling fears. “But I’ve already made the choice to have this baby, and I’m not going to abandon my child for any reason.”

“I'm not worried you're going to abandon your child.” Elijah said. “I'm worried you're going to abandon my son …” He said. “Forgive my bluntness … But you have a boyfriend … One you already left my son for … You broke up with Oswald … It's very clear you love your boyfriend … So what if he asks you to leave Oswald?” 

“I don’t know,” Kristen said honestly, troubled. The pain of breaking things off with Oswald still didn’t sit well with her. “But as you just said, I already broke up with Oswald. We’re not romantically involved now. So how would Edward returning change things that much?”

Elijah tilted his head a moment before he shook his head. “I have to say, I'm rather disappointed…” He said. “I can't help but feel you're over simplifying this.” 

“Maybe I am,” Kristen said quietly. “But I don’t have all the answers, I don’t know how to make everyone happy. I’m just doing the best I can with what the situation allows.”

“I think, my dear … That you have to stop worrying about what makes everyone happy … And worry about what is best for this baby … And what is best … Is giving this baby a proper, stable home.” He said before quietly leaving the room, leaving Kristen with just that to think about. 

Left alone standing in the empty nursery, Kristen crossed her arms over her stomach. “I thought that’s what I was doing,” she whispered.

\---- 

Oswald came back into the house a few hours later, having a bit of difficulty accessing the lock box. They had to contact Arkham since he didn’t have his certificate on him. After getting the confirmation from Hugo Strange that he had indeed been released, he was granted access to his locker. 

He came in and saw his father in the sitting room again. He smiled. “Where’s Kristen?” He asked, placing the box down on the table. 

“She’s still upstairs,” Elijah said, looking up at him. “She needed some time to herself. I’m afraid I may have said something that upset her.”

“What did you say?” Oswald asked. 

“I told her that she should be more concerned about what’s best for the baby than with trying to make everyone happy,” Elijah said evenly.

“Father …” He said almost in a disappointed tone. “She's under a lot of stress right now … We’ll figure this out.” He said. “Edward’s my friend … He knew what we were doing, it's not like we were keeping it from him. He's a smart man, he'd know there are risks … as did we.” He said sitting down with his father. 

“I know,” Elijah sighed, shaking his head, though he didn’t seem reassured. “But what’s it going to be like trying to create a stable home for a child with three of you? How is that going to work? Things are bound to get complicated, whether you want them to or not, and I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore.”

“Parenting is complicated … Period.” Oswald said. “Whether there's one parent, two, three, a grandfather … All of us living in the same house isn't going to make a difference. Not to her … What she's going to know is that she’ll have four people that care about her … There's plenty of people in the world that have split families … Kids living with their mom and boyfriend, and then goes to dads every other weekend. The difference here is me and Kristen still get along, even if we aren't together, and we live under the same roof. It’s really the best option without separation …” 

“But how long will that last?” Elijah asked, leaning forward slightly in his chair. “How long before Kristen and her boyfriend want to go somewhere else to live their life together? How long before resentment sets in, on all sides? How is that going to affect your child?”

“So what are you proposing I do?” He asked. “Ask her to leave her boyfriend … or abandon my child, and let her be raised by my best friend?” 

Elijah winced slightly. “No one wants the second option,” he said gently. “I think Kristen knows by now that you would be the most reliable father, since you wanted this baby from the beginning, and we still have no idea how her boyfriend will react. But don’t you think either of those options would be a more stable environment to grow up in than what you and Kristen are proposing?”

“No. Because if I gave her an option between raising her baby with me, and raising it with Edward … She’d raise it with Edward … And I won’t take that baby from her, it’s hers too.” He said. “Them staying here will be the best option because unlike you, I’m not about to let her walk away with my child … If she does leave, and that’s entirely her choice … Then I will follow her if she allows. I intend to be a good father, and whether that’s here, or every other weekend living in an apartment close by … I’ll do what I have to. Because being a good father isn’t just about caring about your child … It’s about caring about its mother as well …” He said shaking his head. “I care about Kristen … I’m not putting her in that position to choose between us … She already chose Edward … I’m not putting a wedge in between my best friend and the mother of my child … That’s not an option.” 

“You’re right, I suppose,” Elijah admitted, looking back at him regretfully. “I’m just afraid of the ways this could go wrong. I just don’t want you to get hurt, or … to end up missing out on your family the way I did.”

“The only way I would miss out on my family the way you did … Is by pushing them away. And Edward is part of my family, whether by blood or not …” Oswald said. 

“I’ll stay out of it, then,” Elijah said reluctantly. “Just … try to be careful, please. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’s a little late for that … That already happened when you told her to choose me or Edward.” He said standing up from where he was sitting. “But I appreciate your concern.” He said, his fingers playing with the edge of the box. “I brought the stuff back, I’ll go get Kristen, she’ll want to look at some of it.” He said heading towards the door. 

“Of course,” Elijah said with a slow nod. “I … apologize. It seems that I have done more harm than good by meddling.” Admittedly, he was perhaps a few decades late to be an overprotective father.

“Yeah … well … Like you said, it was bound to happen eventually. But neither of us can be certain that when ‘eventually’ came … that she wouldn't have picked me.” He said with a shrug before heading upstairs to get Kristen. He came up to her door and knocked quietly. “Kristen?” He asked. 

“Coming,” Kristen called out. There was a brief sound of scrambling from inside before she opened the door, adjusting her glasses as she did. She smiled when she saw him, but there was still a telltale hint of redness around your eyes. “So, what’s in this mysterious box?” she asked.

Oswald, ever being the observer, wasn't fooled by her cheeriness. “Kristen … I know what my father said to you. I had a talk with him … I'm sorry he put you in that position.” 

“It’s okay,” Kristen said, quickly shaking her head. “He’s your father; he’s supposed to be concerned about you. I just … feel like maybe I’ve messed things up for everyone so badly that there’s no right choice anymore.”

“I don’t think there really is a right choice here. But for now I think what we have planned is the best bet. I’m not saying that won’t change once Edward’s released but … For now I think we should focus on what we have.” 

Kristen nodded. “I’m going to try to make Edward happy too, but … Oswald, you know that whatever happens, I’m not going to take her away from you, right? That’s not something you ever have to worry about.”

“I’m sure no matter what happens, you’ll choose to do what you think is best.” He said with a nod. “Come on, I brought that stuff back.” 

“What’s best involves you,” Kristen said firmly, noticing the vagueness of his words. If that was still worrying him, she wanted to put those worries to rest once and for all. “My baby has a father who wanted her, right from the beginning. I’m never going to deprive her of that, no matter what the situation is.” She followed him out, hoping he believed her, despite his insecurities.

“I know …” He said, though whether that meant full time, or every other weekend he had no idea. “Come on …” He said, heading back downstairs. 

Kristen followed him down the stairs, rejoining Elijah in the living room. 

“Kristen,” Elijah said, looking up at her. “I believe I owe you an apology.”

Kristen shook her head. “You’re a concerned father and soon-to-be grandfather,” she said with a small smile. “You’re just doing your job.”

“Okay, I think we need something a bit more positive. The day started out good ...” Oswald said pulling the box forward.

“Yes … you’re right,” Elijah agreed, though his expression showed that his feeling of guilt hadn’t abated. He leaned forward in his chair. “Let’s see what you have there, shall we?”

Kristen settled down on the couch, glad that the conversation was over for now.

“Well, the main thing I went to get was this.” He said pulling out a worn, brown, teddy bear with a blue bow on it’s neck. “It’s old but … My mom gave it to me when I was a baby. It was my first toy.” 

Kristen smiled immediately at seeing it. “It must have been very special to you.”

Elijah’s eyes widened slightly. “She … she kept it,” he whispered, staring at the bear.

Oswald looked over at his father, not hearing what he’d said. “Sorry?” He asked. 

“I gave her that bear,” Elijah said, a small nostalgic smile on his face. “We were at a carnival. I … had no idea she kept it all these years.”

“I never knew that.” Oswald said handing him the bear. “I had it sitting on our bed until I was a teenager … After that it sat on the dresser.” He said. 

“I’m glad,” Elijah said, taking the bear almost reverently. “If I’d known about you, I would certainly have wanted you to have it.”

Oswald kept his opinion to himself. Had Elijah come after his mother, then he would have known about him. It was one difference that he had from his father. Even if he hadn’t known Kristen was pregnant, had she left, he would have gone after her. He was a man of action, he wasn’t one to just wallow around the house. “Well, I’m glad she gave it to me then. At least I had something from you, even if I didn’t know.” 

Elijah nodded quietly.

“Well, I’m sure our baby will love it too,” Kristen said. Considering how loved it had been over the years, it was in pretty good condition.

Oswald smiled and jumped when he remembered he had some other things too. “Oh, I also have a baby blanket my mother kept, my old shoes, but I’m sure those are no good.” He said pulling them out. “A couple of toys, a rattle, and a photo album.” He said handing the photo album to his father. “That was more for you than the baby but ... I thought you might like it.” 

“Yes,” Elijah said, taking the photo album and carefully opening the cover. “I would very much like to see this … My goodness, is that little one you?”

“It’s a beautiful blanket,” Kristen said, unfolding it to look at it. “Did your mother make this?”

“Yes, that’s me.” He said. “And yes, she made it.” He said moving to sit next to his father. “That was my first birthday there.” He said. “They aren’t in any order, my mother kind of just threw them all in the album when she got it from a thrift … They were in a box previous to that and got mixed up.” 

“There’s you with the bear,” Elijah said, smiling, though his joy mingled with a deep sadness in his eyes. Kristen joined them, looking over Elijah’s shoulder at the photographs.

“I carried it around everywhere with me …” Oswald said fondly. “Mother had to fight it from me a few times, to wash it.” 

“Did you name it?” Kristen asked.

“You know, I don’t remember.” He said with a shrug. “I don’t think I ever did. If anything, I probably called it bear, or teddy.” 

“Looks like he went on a few adventures,” Elijah observed, looking at a picture of tiny Oswald at the park, the bear in his hand as Gertrud pushed him on the swing.

“Yeah.” Oswald said with a smile. “I lost him once, when I was five. I left him at a street carnival. Mom bought me a new one, even though we couldn’t afford it, but it wasn’t the same so she returned it when I refused to touch it. She spent weeks trying to hunt it down. She found it a few weeks later at a thrift store where the carnival had brought its remaining lost and found items. I swear I didn’t sleep a wink those few weeks it was gone.” 

“That certainly sounds like Gertrud,” Elijah said with a quiet smile.

“It’s lucky she was able to find it,” Kristen added.

“Yeah,” Oswald laughed. “I'm sure I would have developed chronic insomnia.” 

“What’s this one?” Kristen asked, pointing at another photograph of a very small Oswald looking up somewhat guiltily from the kitchen floor, surrounded by pots and pans.

Oswald laughed slightly. “I was two … and I decided on a whim that I wanted to be a drummer. So I pulled out all the pots and pans and started banging on them. I don't remember it happening, I was too young, but mother said she had been watching me for a while … I hadn't noticed her until she snapped the picture.” 

Elijah laughed. “I’m sure you were quite talented.”

“I was a troublemaker for sure.” He said with a chuckle. “Mother always said I was too observant and too smart as a child. I’d get up to all kinds of things, and more often than not got away with them because I never got caught … Well, except on the rare occasion.” He said. 

“Oh?” Kristen asked, smiling slightly. “And what occasions were those? That sounds like the beginning of a story.”

“Well it’s not, because the trouble I got into as a child is my own business, and let’s just say I got sick of one boy in my class bullying me …. Kristen, you should know me well enough to know that even back then he came out of it missing a few things.” 

Kristen laughed a little at that, and Elijah couldn't help a small smile. Just then, the doorbell rang. “Now, who could that be?” Elijah said, getting up. 

Oswald glanced towards the door, but didn’t think anything of it as he turned back towards the box. No one knew he was here, so he didn’t think it would be a threat, and if it was … They would have just burst in the door not knocked on it. 

“Hello,” a distinguished but somewhat weathered British gentleman at the door said. “We were hoping to speak with Mr. Cobblepot.”

Kristen looked out the sitting room door into the entryway, seeing the pair of visitors standing in the front doorway. “Is that Bruce Wayne?” she whispered.

Oswald held a toy in his hand as he stood up and looked to the window. 

“Yes, of course.” Elijah said stepping away from the door. “Forgive me but … Are you Thomas’ son?” He asked. “Thomas Wayne?” 

“Yes,” Bruce said, his inquisitive dark eyes looking up at him. “Did you know my father?”

“I did.” Elijah said smiling. “Our fathers worked together, he used to come here when we were younger. I haven't seen him in years, not since before you were born. How is he these days?” 

Bruce’s expression became suddenly very reserved for his age, though his eyes showed a lingering pain. “I … suppose you haven’t heard.”

“Heard what?” Elijah asked. 

“Thomas and Martha Wayne were killed by a mugger three years ago.” Oswald said from the doorway, though his words were more factual than anything. He knew it must still be hard for the kid to talk about it, just as it was hard for him to talk about his own mother's death. 

“Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry my boy.” Elijah said sincerely. “I hadn't heard.” 

“It’s alright,” Bruce reassured him quickly, stepping inside. “You have a lovely home.”

“Thank you.” He said. “Oh, where are my manners? My name is Elijah Van Dahl.” He said shaking Bruce's hand, before shaking his butler’s as well. “I'm Oswald’s father.” 

“Alfred Pennyworth.” Alfred said a bit tightly making Bruce look at him curiously. 

“Pennyworth …” Elijah said. “Not a common name I must say.” He said leading them into the sitting room where Oswald was back putting the toys into the box. “You wouldn't be related to Jarvis Pennyworth, are you?” He said gesturing for them to have a seat. 

“He was my father, yes,” Alfred said, his manner still even stiffer than usual.

“Your father?” Elijah asked, his eyebrows slightly raised. “Well, your father used to work here.” 

“That, I am aware of …” Alfred said. “We met briefly, when we were teenagers. I was enlisting in the army and you were busying yourself with secretly chasing after some blond strumpet, as I recall.” 

“That strumpet happens to be my mother.” Oswald said sounding a bit offended. Alfred didn't look away from Elijah, but his eyebrows raised slightly. 

“Oh, got lucky did ya?” He asked. 

“Alfred!” Bruce said strictly. 

“My apologies, Master Bruce.” Alfred said looking away from Elijah. 

“I’m sorry,” Bruce apologized to Oswald. “I don’t know why Alfred found it necessary just now to be rude …”

“I’m afraid I can think of a few reasons,” Elijah said regretfully. “My family could be difficult to get along with. I held onto some things of Jarvis’ though. If you like, Mr. Pennyworth, I could retrieve them for you.”

Alfred regarded Elijah but said nothing. He couldn't tell if it was a cruel joke or if he was being sincere. Oswald broke the silence. 

“Well, as fun as it's been catching up …” He said cheerfully. “I'm sure you're not here for a social call.” 

Bruce nodded, standing up. “I wanted to personally thank you, Mr. Cobblepot,” he said, handing him a large cookie tin. “For saving our lives. If you hadn’t shown up when you did …”

Kristen glanced over at Oswald, surprised. He hadn’t said much about what had happened that night with Galavan. 

“Ya, It was rather lucky that you showed up when you did with that bazooka …” Alfred said sarcastically, earning another glare from Bruce. 

“Honestly … That wasn't Galavan … that was a monster and shouldn't be on our streets.” Oswald said. 

“Oh, fancy yourself a vigilante now?” Alfred asked, amused. 

“Alfred …” Bruce said. “Please go wait in the car.” 

“I absolutely will not. If you think I'm leaving you alone with a notorious criminal, witnesses or not, you have another thing coming.” 

Bruce didn't look to happy but ignored him as he approached Oswald with a box he'd been carrying with him. “It's not much. But … I made them myself.” Bruce said handing them to Oswald. “It's just a small token of appreciation.” 

Oswald took the box from him and curiously opened the lid. There were two dozen cookies inside, not the best looking but it seemed as if his heart had been in it. “Thank you.” Oswald said. 

“Do you have a kid?” Bruce asked curiously. 

“Excuse me?” Oswald asked, surprised by the sudden change in topic. 

“The toys in the box … forgive me, I was just curious.” He said. 

“Oh …” Oswald said moving the box. “Uh, no … Not yet.” 

“Not yet?” Bruce asked before looking at Kristen and put two and two together. “Oh. You're having a baby?” Bruce asked with a wide smile. 

“Oh, that’ll end well.” Alfred said. “Congratulations …” He said though he sounded more sarcastic than anything. 

“Well, I can't think of a better way than to thank you then.” He said. “I'd like to throw a baby shower for you two … If that's alright.” 

“You don't have to do that, Mr. Wayne.” Oswald said. “We have plenty of money to afford anything the baby needs, and you wouldn't want to taint your reputation associating with a notorious criminal.” Oswald said glaring at Alfred a moment. 

“I want to,” Bruce said sincerely. “Besides, it seems like an excellent way to congratulate you both.”

“That's very kind of you,” Kristen said, touched. Though she couldn't help wondering who would even come to a baby shower for her and Oswald. Even if Bruce Wayne hosted it, they didn't exactly have many friends right now. 

“Yes, it's much appreciated.” Oswald said, glancing at Kristen. He really hadn't thought of a baby shower, and honestly really didn't want to go but … If Kristen wanted him to then he would go. 

“Great,” Bruce said, smiling. The cookies had been the first idea that came to mind, but this felt like a much better way to show his gratitude. “Let me know when would be a convenient time for all of you, and I’ll make arrangements.”

“Anytime is fine. None of us are working right now so … We’re almost always free.” Oswald said as his father left the room. 

“Would the 23rd work?” Bruce asked. “That should allow enough time to register somewhere if you want to.”

“That should work nicely,” Kristen said, a little amused about how uncommonly organized Bruce was for is age. She could understand why Lee had always spoken so highly of him.

“I look forward to it.” Bruce said standing as Elijah came back into the room with a small box in his hand. He came up to Alfred and handed him the box. 

“My father threw out most of his things when your father passed away … I managed to salvage this, though.” He said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save more.” 

Alfred took the box in both hands, staring at it quietly for a moment, before he nodded. “Thank you,” he said stiffly, but not without feeling. 

“Would you two like to stay for some tea?” Elijah asked. 

“No, thank you …” Bruce said. “I have a meeting that I need to get to soon. But thank you for the offer.” He said before turning back to Oswald. “Thank you again.” Oswald nodded kind of awkwardly, not sure how to react, it felt like the millionth time Bruce had thanked him and honestly, he hadn’t even expected one. 

“It was really nice meeting you,” Kristen told them both. Though it was certainly unexpected. 

Once they were gone Oswald took the box of toys upstairs and started setting them up around the room.


	52. Chapter 52

Four months in, and so far there had been no complications. Kristen had followed the doctor’s orders relentlessly, and he had reassured her at every appointment that she was on track for a healthy pregnancy. She’d had trouble sleeping the past few nights, though, and the general fatigue was getting to her. So she’d excused herself from Oswald and Elijah earlier than usual that evening and headed to bed, exhausted as she settled under the covers.

Shortly after Oswald could be heard in his own bedroom, moving around, the light in the hallway turning off as Elijah made his way to his own room down the hall. A few minutes later, in the dark, her bedroom door creaked open and Oswald made his way quietly to her bed. 

He said nothing as he pulled the blanket down and crawled into bed next to her. 

“Oswald?” Kristen murmured, surprised and uncertain. But she didn’t move. “You know we can’t,” she said. But it had been so long since she’d felt him so close to her, and the thought of pushing him away was painful.

“Why can't we?” He whispered before his lips pressed against hers. “Please …” He said, his tone begging, his hand running through her hair. “Please don't push me away tonight.” 

Tears pricked at Kristen’s eyes, and she turned toward him, her hands against his chest, her heart beating faster, so near him in the dark. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have,” she whispered.

“That's not possible.” He whispered sadly before he leaned in to kiss her again, his lips moving against hers. 

She melted against him, his touch throwing into sharp relief how alone she had felt for so long, her arms wrapping around him as she leaned into his kiss.

Oswald’s heart pounded in his chest as she returned his kiss, his hand moving down to her stomach which was starting to distend with his baby growing inside of her and he couldn't help the fierce protectiveness that came over him. 

He moved closer to her, his hand roaming over her body. “I missed you.” He said, even though they'd seen each other almost every day for the last five months, she knew exactly what he meant. He missed sharing a bed with her, even though he could count on one hand the amount of times that had happened. He missed being able to touch her … He missed having her. And the longer he spent away from her, the longer it took him to fall asleep each night. The colder his bed felt, the lonelier he felt … 

“Me too,” she whispered, pressing against him, feeling him warm and real against her as her hands moved over his thin form, holding him to her. She kissed at his neck, enveloped in an overwhelming sense of gratitude and relief that he was here with her. With every caress, she needed him more.

He pushed her gently onto her back, moving overtop of her, showing her with every touch just how badly he wanted her, hoping that this would be enough for him … This one time … And he knew it would only be one time, she, after all, wasn’t his. But for now, in this moment, she was. “Kristen.” He whispered into her ear as he pressed himself against her. 

Her hands caressed lightly down his sides as she looked up at him, affection and need in her eyes, her hair falling back on the pillow. “Yes, Oswald?” she murmured.

He let actions speak for him as he leaned forward and kissed her his tongue pressing into her mouth, moving against hers, his hands moving down to her hips. 

Moaning softly, Kristen closed her eyes, her mouth working against his as her hands caressed over his ass through the soft material of his pajama pants, her hips shifting slightly at his touch.

Oswald shifted over her, breaking the kiss as he moved his hands up her slip to find she wasn’t wearing any panties. He smiled slightly, though he knew she could barely see him in the darkness of the room. He moved back over her again, his hand going to the hem of his pajama pants and reaching in, pulling his shaft free and rubbing the underside against her before kissing her again. 

“Oh,” Kristen gasped as Oswald’s hard cock rubbed against her. It had been so long, and she was incredibly sensitive to his touch. Her hands gripped his ass, pulling him forward against her, and she leaned up and nipped at his ear.

He rubbed against her a few more times before he pressed the tip of his cock against her and slowly started pushing inside of her. 

Her legs parted to give him easier access as she kissed feverishly down the side of his neck. She rolled her hips forward, encouraging him to push in further.

“Do you want me Kristen?” He whispered in her ear, the tip of his shaft inside of her, though he was gently tugging away from her, still keeping inside of her. 

Kristen whimpered in protest as she felt Oswald start to pull away. “Yes,” she gasped, her hands on his hips, pulling him forward. “Please, Oswald, I need you.”

Oswald wanted to ask her if she would always need him but honestly feared the answer he would get. If she said yes, he knew it would be a heat of the moment answer … If no, he was afraid this would stop and he’d wind up going back to his room alone and frustrated. Instead he thrust his hips forward, shoving his entire cock inside of her, his hands on the mattress on either side of her as he braced himself over her, watching her in the dim light from outside. 

Moaning as she felt him thrust deep inside her, Kristen rocked her hips forward, pulling him against her, her back arching.

He felt, more than saw, her moving on the bed beneath him and he started moving inside of her, thrusting his cock into her over and over again. He thrust into her hard, a soft slapping sound coming from his hips connecting with her soft flesh. 

Thrusting her hips up against him as hard as she could, Kristen kissed him, biting gently at his bottom lip before slipping her tongue into his mouth, her hands running up over his back.

Oswald groaned as he bucked against her, his balls slapping against her before he leaned down, his back arched as he kissed her. 

Moaning into the kiss, Kristen ran her hands up over his thin shoulders, the back of his neck, and up into his choppy hair as she felt his cock drive deep into her again and again.

He lowered his body down onto hers, his hands moving over her hips, gripping her as he pulled her against him. 

Her legs pressed down against the mattress, pushing her hips up harder against him, her pleasure building as Oswald thrust into her over and over again. She tugged at his hair, kissing feverishly down the side of his neck.

He groaned into her ear, his hair becoming damp with sweat the more they moved and he could slowly feel his orgasm building. 

“Oswald,” Kristen moaned as the sensation inside her built relentlessly, her back arching, her hands roaming over him, and she bit lightly at his shoulder.

“I …” Oswald groaned as he kept moving into her, his arms starting to burn from holding himself over her for so long but he didn’t dare stop. “I’m going to come.” He moaned into her ear. 

Kristen’s hand went to cover her own mouth, muffling her cry as her inner walls clenched around him, her free hand gripping Oswald’s ass, pulling him against her as hard as she could, her hips bucking forward against him.

Oswald felt her clenching around him almost painfully before he came, thrusting himself as deep into her as he could, shooting his come inside of her. 

“Oswald,” Kristen murmured breathlessly, kissing his neck. Her hips kept moving against him, letting him ride out his orgasm as she felt him spilling out inside her.

“I love you.” He whispered in her ear before he even had a chance to stop himself. He knew he had no right too … He knew she loved Edward but … the words came out despite himself. 

Kristen froze under him. A painful longing welled up inside her, and she found herself silently clinging to him, her arms wrapped tightly around him as her eyes watered. 

Once he’d fully calmed from his orgasm, it registered in his mind that Kristen hadn’t said anything. He rested his head against her shoulder, knowing she probably didn’t know what to say. After all, she loved Edward … Not him. It probably just made her feel awkward. He pulled away from her and quietly moved to the edge of the bed, adjusting his pants. 

Kristen looked up at him as he pulled away, leaving her already feeling alone again. With his back to her in the darkness, she heard herself whisper, “I love you too.” And she hated herself for it, because she couldn’t love him in the way he deserved. She doubted that either he or Edward would be content to share indefinitely. She knew Elijah was right, that it couldn’t work. But it didn’t change that she still loved him.

Oswald was silent after she spoke, not knowing what to do. After a few moments he quietly said “Don't ..” He said before he got up off the bed suddenly feeling more alone than he had before he'd come here, and quietly went back to his own room.


	53. Chapter 53

Kristen emerged from her favorite book store, a bag under her arm, walking at a leisurely pace. She had needed to get away from the house, give herself some space to think, and this had seemed like as good a destination as any. Parking in this area of Gotham was always something of an adventure, to put it lightly, so her car was a good ways off, but it wasn’t a bad day for a walk. The weather was briskly cool, but not yet uncomfortably cold, overcast but not currently raining.

“Excuse me.” A man said, coming up to her. He looked around nervously, as if he were looking for someone, but there was no one else on the street. “Are .. Are you Kristen Kringle?” 

Kristen looked back at the man uncertainly. “Do I know you?” she asked, keeping her distance. The stranger didn’t seem familiar at all. She supposed he might have wandered through GCPD at some point.

“Um, yeah. I'm … I'm a friend of Edward’s. He asked me to find you. You fit the description so I was … Just kind of hoping …” He said, his hands in the pocket of his baggy hoody. “Um … He said he wanted to talk to you. In person. And … and to give you this.” He said taking his hand of his pocket with a folded up piece of paper and handed it out to her. “It's a kite. He sent it to me cause he knew I was getting out.” He said. 

Kristen looked up at him as she took the piece of paper, her eyes wide. “Is he alright?” she asked urgently. “Does he know I’ve tried to see him? What are they doing to him in there?” She started to unfold the piece of paper.

The guy nervously took another step closer to her. “Sh-she d-didn't tell me you were pregnant.” He said. 

“What?” She asked. There was a quick gleam of metal before a knife was plunged into her stomach. 

“I'm sorry …” He said and he was actually crying, tears running down his cheeks. “I'm not a bad person … I'm not … I’m sorry.” He said before pulling the knife out and running down a nearby alley. 

Kristen cried out, the sharp searing pain somehow worse when he pulled it out than when he stabbed her. The folded piece of paper fluttered to the ground, blank. She staggered back, reeling, her hand pressed frantically against the wound, but already blood was seeping through her shirt, the stain blooming outward at an alarming rate. She collapsed back against the rough brick wall of a nearby building, panic making her breaths come short and quick. She felt as if she weren’t taking in air at all, but breathing in just thick nausea and panic. The baby … Oh God, the baby …

She fumbled in her purse for her phone, hands shaking as she dialed 911, teeth clenched in agony, praying that he hadn’t hit the baby, that she was okay.

The ambulance came quickly, the operator keeping her on the line but she had stopped responding, the phone now useless on the ground. When the ambulance arrived there was a bystander who had walked by, who had removed his own shirt despite the chill outside to hold against the wound. She was taken to Gotham general. “Kristen, can you hear me?” The paramedic asked as she was being taken in. 

Kristen nodded weakly with an incoherent groan in response, her face alarmingly pale. Right now, she was just struggling to keep her tenuous grip on consciousness. She’d faded in and out a few times already, but the terror still didn’t subside.

“Do you have any family we can contact?” He asks already knowing they hadn't found anything on file for her, no next of kin. 

“Oswald,” she gasped, the pain in her stomach sharper when she spoke. “In my phone … ‘sthe father.”

The man nodded and waved one of them off, presumably the one with her things. Oswald arrived quickly enough, having been in the city already, his father was on the way. He hobbled into to emergency room and went straight for the desk. 

“I'm looking for Kristen Kringle.” He said. 

The woman at the desk looked up at him, as if she were rather bored and didn’t see the urgency of his visit. “Uh, yes … She's being looked after. And you are?” 

“I'm …” Oswald paused. “I'm her fiancé. I'm the only family she has.” He said. The woman handed him a clipboard.

“If you could fill these out please.” Oswald looked at the board as if it were some kind of strange foreign object and slapped the board across the room. 

“To hell with the papers, I want to see her.” The nurse looked up at him looking more annoyed than anything. 

“Mr. Cobblepot … If you want to see her, you will sit your ass down, fill out the forms … and wait for us to call your name. Alternatively … I can call security and have you escorted out.” Oswald looked as if he wanted to say something but knew she would do just that. He sneered at her as he turned towards where the clipboard had landed. 

He paused when he saw a little, blond haired girl, picking it up off the floor. She came up to him and he looked down at her confused. 

“Here you go, Mr. Penguin sir.” She said without an ounce of fear. 

“I … Thank you.” He said taking it from her. 

“Julie!” The little girl’s mother hissed. “Get away from him …” She said taking her arm and tugging her away. 

Oswald sat down with the clipboard and filled out what he knew on the forms. It was nearly half an hour later when his father arrived. 

“Oswald,” Elijah said, immediately pulling his son into a close hug. “How is she?”

“I don't know … They won't let me in to see her.” He said, his fingers playing over the head of his cane. “This is my fault.” He whispered. 

Elijah shook his head. “How could this possibly be your fault?” he said reassuringly. “None of us could have seen this coming.”

“I should have gone with her … I was in the city anyway … We could have driven together.” He said. “Maybe I could have stopped it.” Though how was beyond him. It wasn't like he carried a gun anymore. 

“I doubt there was anything you could have done,” Elijah said, putting a steadying hand on Oswald’s shoulder. “She can take care of herself as well as anyone can. You had no reason to think this would happen.”

“It's Gotham … I grew up here … I should have had every reason to think this would happen …” He said leaning forward and rubbing his hands over his face. “I think I've stayed outside of the city too long …” 

“This is not your fault,” Elijah repeated insistently, though he looked deeply worried.

“Oswald Cobblepot?” He jumped to his feet and moved towards the nurse, “Please come with me.” She said and paused when Elijah approached. “Just you.” She said to Oswald. 

Oswald looked back at his father and followed the nurse. Elijah watched through the circular window in the doorway, the nurse and his son stopped halfway down the hall. He saw her talking and Oswald looked stricken. He looked as if he were lost. The nurse brought back Oswald’s attention, and handed him a clipboard. He signed it and as she walked away Oswald fell back against the wall, sliding to the floor crying. 

Elijah went to join Oswald in the hallway, sitting down on the floor beside them without a care for anyone watching. He put a hand on Oswald’s shoulder, silently waiting for him to speak.

Oswald was shaking he was crying so hard, tears streaming down his face, he didn't care about the fact that there were people watching them. Didn't even notice the flash of a camera that went off, and he was sure there would be a few of them. It was quite a bit before he managed to calm down enough to talk. 

“They're both alive …” He said. “For now … They can save one. But not the other … They made me choose.” His voice cracking as he spoke. 

Elijah’s face went pale, his eyes saddened. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his hand tightening on Oswald’s shoulder. No matter what Oswald had chosen, this had to be unbearably painful for him. The choice really should have belonged to Kristen, but if things were that bad, she was probably unable to answer right now. And really, no one should have to make such a dreadful decision. “Who did you choose?” he asked quietly, preparing himself for either answer, determined to accept either choice without judgment.

Oswald was silent for a moment, wiping the tears from his face. He could have chosen the baby … Edward wouldn’t want anything to do with it, it wasn’t his, and if Kristen was gone then he could be the full time father he wanted to be … It had been his only chance at being a father … Before he got locked up in Arkham, perhaps he would have chosen the baby over her. Taken what he wanted of what he could have, rather than life with what he couldn’t. 

“I chose her …” He said quietly. “I chose Kristen …” He said though he didn’t sound convinced it had been the right decision. He loved them both … But he couldn’t have them both. 

Elijah nodded quietly, and pulled Oswald into a tight hug. “I think it was the best decision you could have made,” he said. “Given the circumstances.” He honestly didn’t know what he would have done, if it had been up to him. There was no completely right choice Oswald could have made. But Elijah knew he cared about her.

“I didn’t choose though …” He said. “I mean, I did. But … I couldn’t decide. I thought what you would have done if that were my mother and me in there …” He said tilting his head back against the wall. “I didn’t know what to do.” 

“No one could know what to do,” Elijah said quietly. Though if that had been Gertrud … What wouldn't he have given to keep her safe? But there was no choice to be made either way that wouldn't result in grief and regret. He wouldn't wish this situation on anyone. “Just take care of her after this.”

“If she’ll let me.” He said. Without the baby she really had no connections to him. She could easily go back to Edward after this … Things would be less complicated for her. 

“She’ll likely need you,” Elijah said quietly, though he knew what Oswald meant. “This will be very hard for her.”

“Yeah … I know.” He said running his hands through his hair.


	54. Chapter 54

Kristen stared up at the blank, fluorescent-lit white ceiling, half-dried tears still not quite subsided at the corners of her eyes, arm sore from the IV, one hand resting over the bandages on her abruptly flattened stomach, though not touching the wound. Despite the steady stream of pain-killers they had her on, it still hurt. Everything was an awful mixture of pain and numbness that just left her feeling achingly empty. The doctors had already told her that the baby was gone. Oswald was right. She would have been a girl.

Oswald knocked quietly on the open door, peering into the room nervously. “Hey …” He said quietly, stepping inside but remained by the door. “Um, they finally let me in. My father’s here too, they’re getting him from the cafeteria.” 

Kristen nodded, her eyes watering again as she looked up at Oswald. She wondered again if their daughter would have had his eyes. They would never know now. “Hi,” she said quietly. Silence hung in the air for a moment. “Did the doctors tell you?”

He came further into the room and moved closer to her bed. “Yeah.” He said. “They uh …” He paused as he sat down in the chair next to her. “You were incoherent so … They … They made me choose.” He said nervously, “They could only save one of you and you … So they asked me …” He said rubbing his hands together, unable to look at her, his eyes watering. 

Kristen's eyes closed, blocking out the room, trying to hold back tears. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “They shouldn't have made you … I’m so sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for … There wasn’t anyone else to make that decision.” He said. “When they asked me, I honestly didn’t know what to do …” He said shamefully. “I’m so sorry.” He said. 

Kristen shook her head as she broke down sobbing, despite how badly it hurt her knife wound. “Our baby,” she whispered. “I know how badly you wanted her … I’m so sorry …”

“It’s okay …” He said quietly. “I mean, it’s not okay but … It’s not your fault.” He said looking up at her. “Did you see who did it?” 

Kristen nodded. “This twitchy little guy, I didn't think … he didn't seem like a threat, but …” the details emerged and reformed together in her mind. “It wasn't random. He was looking for me specifically. He pretended he had a letter from Edward. I was so stupid …” She frowned, remembering. “Someone else sent him … a woman.”

“A woman … Who knew about Edward?” He asked. The first thought that came to his mind was that Edward had hired someone, a woman to get someone to kill her. Maybe he’d found out about the baby. But the thought was fleeting. Edward loved Kristen, he would never hurt her … So who. “I swear, I will find out who did this.” He said taking her hand. “I’ll make them pay for what they’ve done.” 

“Good,” Kristen said fiercely, feeling a hatred and helpless rage unlike anything she had ever experienced. Her hand closed tightly around Oswald’s, and she realized she was trembling. “They can’t get away with taking our daughter away from us.” After all of the panic and worry and planning and compromise, after all the months of looking forward to raising their child, after how careful she had been to follow the doctor’s orders with absolute precision … Having that all taken away, knowing that she would never even be able to hold her baby was too much to bear.

“They let me see her, you know.” He said silently. “She would have been very beautiful. Like you …” He said with a sad smile. “She had blond hair … Probably explained why your heartburn was so bad.” He said with a slight chuckle that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Blond hair,” she repeated quietly. She recalled from the pictures of Oswald’s mother that she’d had blond hair. Their little Gertrud. She held Oswald’s hand tightly, knowing this had to be so horribly painful for him. The grief weighed heavy on them both. “You know … I always hoped she would have your eyes,” she said. What a bright, happy future she’d imagined for their little girl … Even though Kristen knew she and Oswald wouldn’t have been able to be together this way forever, they’d at least had a future together raising their child. Now that was gone too.

Oswald couldn’t hold his tears back as he started crying again, Elijah coming in the door and lingering as Oswald kissed her hand. “I’m so sorry …” He sobbed, unable to hold it back any longer, his hands shaking where they were holding hers. 

Kristen broke down crying too, one hand clinging to his, the other still lingering over her stomach, as if trying to find something that wasn’t there anymore. She didn’t know what to say. There weren’t any words left.

Walking over quietly, Elijah put a hand on Oswald’s shoulder, tears gathering in his eyes too.


	55. Chapter 55

(2 months later) 

Oswald came into Kristen’s room with a quiet knock on the door. “Hey … How are you feeling?” 

“Fine,” Kristen said, forcing a smile as she looked up from where she’d been sitting on the side of the bed, reading. Her stab wound had healed some time ago, but she had been subdued and withdrawn for the past two months. 

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be leaving for a press conference soon … With the election coming up next week I’m going to be pretty busy. But after the conference, do you want to maybe go try to see Ed?” He asked. “We haven’t tried since …” 

“Yes,” Kristen said quickly, the ache of their loss intensifying at the mere mention of it. “You’re right, we need to try again.” The thought of trying to explain to him what had happened was still so daunting, though. Especially after her attacker had used him against her.

“Okay …” Oswald said leaning down and kissing her head. “I’ll pick you up after.” He said heading towards the door. He paused in the doorway, his hand on the edge of the door. “Kristen …” He said glancing back at her. “Can I …” He paused biting his lip nervously. “Can I ask you a question … Something that’s been bugging me for a while now.” 

Kristen looked up at him uncertainly. “Of course,” she said. “You can ask me anything.”

“Please don’t feel like I’m questioning your decision or anything … I don’t want to make you feel guilty about it and I will always respect any decision you make regarding your own life but I’ve just been wondering …” He said looking as if he were struggling to actually ask the question as his hand moved over the side of the door before gripping it again. He looked down at the floor. “I was just wondering … Why you chose Edward over me.” 

Kristen felt a pang of guilt and longing and sadness all rolled into one. She closed her book and stood up. “It’s …” she hesitated, struggling to find the words to express it all. “I love you both, but I can’t be with you both, and … I loved Edward first. And he’s trapped in Arkham, with no family or anyone else to go to. I don’t want to hurt either of you at all, but … I can’t just abandon him like that.”

“It’s been almost a year Kristen, since he’s allowed us in to see him … He’s had no problems abandoning you …” He said regretfully, before stepping out of the room and heading for his press conference. 

Kristen flinched as if he’d slapped her. She stared after him as he left, without saying a word, then got up and closed the door behind him

\---

The drive up to the asylum felt tense, if Oswald could say so himself. They drove in silence, neither of them knowing what to say after what had happened this morning. They pulled up to the gate and Oswald stopped the car. “Do you want me to wait here?” He asked. 

Kristen shook her head. “Do what you want,” she said, not sounding angry or even upset so much as tired. She got out of the car, closing the door behind her and started the trudge up to the bleak gates of Arkham, letting him either follow or not as he saw fit.

Oswald watched her for a moment, trying to discern what she meant by her tone. He shook his head slightly, wondering if she was mad at him for his question earlier, or if she was just stressed by the situation. He followed her up the path to the gate, allowing her to do the talking, not wanting to invade her space. 

“We’re here to see Edward Nygma,” she told the guard, as she had countless times before. Already, a defeated sense of despair hung around her. A dragging, hopeless certainty that they would be turned away again, as they had been so many times before. What was the point of it all? Or of anything, for that matter?

“Nygma?” The guard asked with a raised eyebrow. “He isn’t here anymore. Got released two weeks ago. Seemed a bit confused by it actually. Questioned the decision on the way out but … He’s gone.” 

Kristen stared at the guard, unbelieving. “Two weeks?” she asked. Her mind was reeling. Edward was finally out! He was free! But … why hadn’t he called her? Had he really been out for two weeks and not contacted her at all? “Do you know where he went?” she asked, confused. “Was he given his phone back when he was released?”

“All personal effects are returned upon release, ma’am … And I don’t know where he went. He headed in that direction.” He said pointing in the direction he’d gone, which couldn’t have been more vague. 

“Right,” Kristen said, shaking her head in confusion as she turned to leave. “Thanks.” She pulled out her phone as she started to walk away, selecting Edward’s number and waiting anxiously while it rang in her ear, her eyes meeting Oswald’s as they started to head back toward the car.

‘We’re sorry. Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number, and try your call again. Or-’ 

Kristen hung up, shoving the phone back into her purse, disbelief giving way to fear. “The number’s disconnected,” she said, stunned. “But … he doesn’t even have anywhere to go.”

“Maybe he does …” He said following her to the car and getting in. “Maybe he’s staying with someone. A friend or … Someone else?” 

Kristen shook her head. “There’s no one else,” she said, getting into the car, troubled. “We’re the only people he knows who still want anything to do with him.”

“Then where would he go? Why not come back to us?” He asked. He couldn’t help but think that Edward was bothered by her being with him … That he wasn’t really okay with it … He’d started thinking it a long time ago but now … Now that he was released and he’s out there somewhere and hadn’t even called … Who knew what would happen to him. 

“I don’t know,” Kristen said, her expression tight with worry. Even if Oswald was right, if Edward was shutting them out intentionally, would he really avoid contacting them when he had nowhere else to go? What if something had happened to him?

“I’ll set out a search for him.” Oswald said. “We’ll find him.” He said pulling away from the asylum and heading back home. 

“I hope so,” Kristen said quietly, staring out the window as if Edward might suddenly materialize outside.


	56. Chapter 56

Elijah padded towards the door as a second knock came. He opened the door to see a rather large man standing on his doorstep. After the last few weeks of Oswald’s campaign he was used to people being around his home, it honestly filled him with pride that Oswald was being considered for mayor. But no one ever came this late at night … 

“Hello. You are …” 

“Butch Gilzean … I'm looking for Oswald.” 

“You’re involved in the campaign, I take it?” Elijah asked. There had been people in and out of the house to see Oswald all week.

“Yeah … I’m his campaign manager. I’ve been here before but I didn’t see you or his broad here … You’re his father I take it?” He asked. “Pleasure to meet you sir.” He said holding out his good hand to shake. 

Elijah shook his hand warmly. “Well, if you’re his campaign manager, you’ve been doing some excellent work,” he said. Even if Oswald didn’t win, Elijah was enormously proud of how much effort he was pouring into this and how far he’d come, especially overcoming the kind of reputation he’d had. “Oswald’s in the livingroom.”

“Thank you.” He said nodding and heading towards the living room. “Hey boss.” He said glancing at Kristen who was sitting on the couch. “This your girl? She’s cute.” 

“It’s complicated,” Kristen said mildly, looking up at him and catching sight of his metal hand. The connections came together in her mind, and she recognized him from a few GCPD files. “Butch Gilzean, I presume,” she said a little uneasily. “Oswald didn’t mention that you were working for him again.” It hardly seemed like a wise move on Oswald’s part, after everything that had happened before.

“Yeah well, beggers can’t be choosers.” He said as Elijah came in with a tray with four cups of tea. Elijah looked down at Butch’s hand curiously. 

“What happened to your hand?” He asked, noticing it was a fake. 

“Yeah, Boss … What happened to my hand?” Butch asked Oswald. Oswald stared at him for a moment as Butch sat down and took his cup of tea without being offered. 

“I take it you’re here for a reason?” Oswald asked blandly. 

“Yeah … I found out who killed your kid.” He said. “I thought you’d be interested …” 

Kristen stood up off the couch, looking intently at Butch. “Who?” she demanded.

“Sit down, lady.” Butch said, looking back to Oswald. “It’s a guy named Johnny Greenfield … Twitchy little drug addict that was desperate for a few bucks. Was hired by a woman named Grace Van Dahl.” He said looking over at Elijah as his cup shattered on the floor in front of him. 

“You’re sure?” Kristen said, pale and shaken. But it made sense. Grace had already tried to kill Oswald, after all. And because Kristen had interfered, she lost everything. With nothing left to lose, was it so hard to imagine that she would be this vindictive?

“Lady, would I be here if I didn’t have an answer.” He said. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He snapped. 

Elijah looked beyond devastated. In that moment, he looked far older than he ever had before. Kristen went over and helped him to a seat. 

“Thank you Butch …” He said as Butch finished off his tea. 

“Yeah, no problem boss.” He said standing up again. “Hey, I heard some guys talking, said they saw Nygma too … Down around first street but it was nearly a week ago.” 

Kristen looked up at him. “Around first street?” she repeated. “Did they say what he was doing?”

“No. They didn’t … Just said they saw him.” 

Kristen nodded. “Thank you,” she said quietly. Despite how stunned she was, how stupid she felt that she hadn’t seen this coming, and how awful she felt for Elijah … She felt more alive now than she had these past two months. They finally knew who had done this, instead of just helplessly wondering. And though it wasn’t much to go on, she finally had word on Edward.

“Have some men look over the area again. Call me as soon as you find him.” 

“Do you want us to bring him here?” Butch asked. 

“No … Just let us know where he is.” Oswald said as Olga started cleaning up the broken ceramic on the floor from Elijah’s shattered teacup. 

“Are you alright?” Kristen asked Elijah, concerned. His face was paper-white, his hands cold and trembling. 

Elijah shook his head. “I should have called the police back then,” he said, his eyes haunted. “This never should have happened. She never should have had the chance.”

“The police wouldn't have done anything … and they won't do anything now, either. Not without proof.” Oswald said heading towards the house phone. He dialed a number and waited for someone to answer. “Gabe.” He said cheerfully. “How would you like your old job back?”


	57. Chapter 57

Kristen glanced around, hyper-aware of her surroundings as she approached the grocery store. She was still far too jumpy anytime she left the house alone, but she hated the idea of staying scared forever. On the other side of the parking lot, she saw something that made her freeze.

Slumped against a nearby building, there was a homeless man in bad shape. But he didn’t look like he’d always been. He was wearing a dirty green sweater, a dress shirt under it but no tie, his pants torn as if he’d gotten into a fight. His hair hung into his face and he was a few weeks out from a shave, and he had a black eye. He was holding a dirty cardboard sign that said simply: “Anything helps.”

As she drew nearer, she saw a passerby stop and hand the man a hot beverage from the nearby coffee shop. The man looked up, and she finally had a clear view of his face.

“Edward,” she gasped before rushing over to him. By then, the passerby had moved on. Relief mixed with further worry at seeing him like this, and it was all she could do to hold back tears, but it was definitely him. “Edward,” she repeated when she was within hearing distance. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Edward looked up and saw Kristen, his eyes widened and he stood, his cup falling to the ground, hot chocolate splattering everywhere. He backed up away from her. “Kristen?” He asked glancing up at her before looking back down at the ground. “I … N-no … No no no …” He said before walking away and moving into a nearby alley. 

“Edward, wait, please!” Kristen said, alarmed at how timid and fearful he seemed. She went after him, taking hold of his hand. “Why didn’t you call? I was so worried when I found out you were out but didn’t know where to find you.”

Edward pulled his hand away from her, backing into the wall behind him. He didn’t look at her as she spoke, in fact he seemed to be looking everywhere but at her. “Why?” Edward asked quietly, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. 

“What do you mean ‘why’?” Kristen asked, blinking back tears. Why wouldn’t he even look at her? “Of course I had to find you. I’d been trying to get in to see you for so long, I didn’t know what was happening to you.”

Edward didn’t say anything as he inched away from her. “Just …” He looked as if he were struggling to find words to say, as if he didn’t want to say anything. “Just stop.” He said quietly, walking away from her again. 

“Stop what?” she said, the hurt clear in her voice. Even if he was angry, he should have something to say about it. What had Hugo done to him? “Please, Edward, just talk to me.” She put a hand on his shoulder, trying to stop him.

Edward pulled away from her again and was silent a moment, his nails still digging into the palms of his hands which were raised slightly as if he were ready to protect himself at any moment. “Why?” Edward asked again, still not looking at her. “You don’t ….” He said took a deep breath looking around the alley. “You don’t need me … Just …” He felt his nails starting to cut into his skin but he didn’t pay it any attention. “Just leave me alone.” He said walking away from her again, nearly reaching the other end of the alley. 

“Of course I need you!” Kristen protested, getting ahead of him and standing in his way. “Please, if you’re angry with me, we can talk this out, but please don’t walk away from me! I do still need you, Edward.”

“THEN WHERE WERE YOU?!” He practically yelled wincing at the own volume of his voice and he seemed to shrink back. He was breathing heavily, but still refusing to look at her. “The last time you came to see me, you told me you kissed my best friend …” He said fidgeting. “After you left … They … They found out … They found out what I am ...” He said. “They put me in isolation for three months ‘for my own safety’. They refused me to see my lawyer, refused me my phone rights … After the three months when they let me back into general housing they told me you stopped trying to see me …” He said shaking. 

“No, Edward,” Kristen whispered, her voice shaking, tears gathering in her eyes. “I never stopped trying, no matter how many times the guards turned me away, I kept coming back, on the off chance that this time might be different, and they might finally let me in to see you … I started to think that maybe you didn’t want to see me.”

“Don’t …” He said shaking his head. “Don’t lie to me …” He said. “How long was I released before you noticed?” 

“I was recovering,” Kristen said quietly, struggling to piece the words together, her arms unconsciously crossing over her abdomen in a protective gesture, something in her chest tightening as she tried to talk about it. “From an injury … I hadn’t been by to visit in a while.” She didn’t know how to put into words why, how hopeless and pointless everything had felt, how hard it was to leave the house, to even leave her room. “I’m sorry. By the time I came back, you had already been out for two weeks. If I’m lying, though … how did I know you were out at all?”

Edward scoffed a slight laugh. An injury and for the first time since she’d seen him he looked up at her, meeting her eyes. “I tried looking for you, you know.” He said. “The first day I was released, I came to your apartment. Came back the second day. And the third. Before some kind old lady that lived across from you said the apartment had been sublet months before …” He said biting his lips. “I tried coming to your for help because I had nowhere to go … I had no one to turn to.” He said with a shrug. “I had no idea where you, or Oswald were, I had no idea where you were living, I had no idea what your phone number even is because I had nowhere to charge my phone, and even if I had it had been disconnected, also which might I add got broken a week after I was released …” He shook his head again and looked away from her, fidgeting with his glasses with shaking hands. “But I guess you were too busy fucking my best friend to know that … Or was it his baby that was taking up so much of your time? I’m unsure which ...” 

She looked at him as if he’d slapped her, her hands clenching into fists as her arms crossed tighter around her, rage and pain and grief in her eyes. She didn’t even know where to begin to tell him how wrong he was. “I don’t know how you heard about that,” she said when she could finally speak, her voice shaking. “But … there’s no baby.”

Edward actually laughed at that. “You really think I’m an idiot.” He said moving away from her. “Go home to your boyfriend …” He said moving towards the other end of the alley. 

“He is not my boyfriend!” Kristen shouted, catching up to him and blocking his way again. “If you’re going to turn around and hold that against me after you said it was okay, then fine! But you do not get to laugh at this.” She pulled up her blouse slightly, showing the ugly scar on her stomach from the knife wound. This time, she was the one who looked away. She couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t stand to see the disdain and resentment on his face. “There’s no baby,” she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, and she turned away, shaking, trying to get herself back under control.

Edward actually flinched when he saw the scar, still raised a pink but for the most part healed. So she had been pregnant … But by the looks of the scar it had to be at least three months old … So she couldn’t have been fully to term yet. “I …” He honestly didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t had an issue with her sleeping with Oswald on occasion … But he hadn’t expected her to move in with him … Have a baby … Let alone lose it. He was mad about it, he couldn’t help how he felt. But it was clear she had wanted it … He remembered the emotional state he’d been in when he’d lost his baby and he hadn’t even wanted it … He couldn’t even imagine … “I’m sorry.” He said, his voice sounding sincere as he stared at the ground. 

“The attacker,” she said quietly, still not looking at him. “He pretended he had a message from you. That’s how he got me to stop, how he confirmed it was me …” She shook her head, trying to suppress a shudder. “I was stupid, but … don’t you dare accuse me of lying about trying to see you.”

So she had been telling the truth then … He honestly shouldn't have been surprised with how many illegal things Arkham had done during his time there. Edward nodded, staring down at the ground. “So what happens now?” He asked. “You say you aren't with Oswald, but yet you're living with him, were planning on having a child with him …” He said his chest clenching at the thought. “Even if you had come to see me … Where does that leave me now?” 

Kristen turned to look at him again. “I don't know,” Kristen said honestly. “I can't exactly move out of his father’s house until I find another job. And Oswald's been there for me through all of this, even when I was pushing him away. I still feel the same way about you that I did before, and he knows that. But … I have gotten more involved with Oswald than we’d ever planned.”

“Do you love him?” Edward asked. 

It sounded like such a simple question. But it didn't feel like one. Yet she still owed him an honest answer. “I love both of you,” she said quietly. “I know that's not how it's supposed to be, but … that's how I feel.”

Edward stared down at the ground. “So what do you want then?” He asked. 

“Ideally,” Kristen said, her throat tightening as she spoke. She hated that she would have to lose one of them, that she was already hurting both of them, that she couldn't make this easier for Edward to hear. “I … would want us all to be together,” she confessed, tears gathering in her eyes. “But I don't think either of you would be happy with that. If I have to choose, I want to be with you, if you’ll still have me. And even if you're too angry for that, I want you to come in out of the cold and stay with us, at least until we figure things out. Please, even if you hate me now, you shouldn't have to be out on the street like this.”

Edward crouched on the ground, leaning against the dirty wall as he ran his hands over his face. Whatever this was between her and Oswald it had started before they'd even talked to him in Arkham. “So you just want us all to be one big happy family?” He asked. “You just want to date both of us? How is that fair to either one of us?” 

“It's not,” Kristen admitted, slumping down against the wall next to him, hating how miserable he looked. She wanted so badly to hold him. She had missed him for so long, worried about him for so long, taken everyone's judgment for loving him for so long … but she knew he would just push her away again. “Not if it makes either of you unhappy. But you asked.”

“I asked because I needed to know.” He said. “I still love you Kristen … It's the only thing that kept me from shattering in there.” He said shivering slightly, his arms wrapped around himself. “Hugo assigned a doctor to me who believed in conversion therapy. He tried it on me for a few months … Before Hugo was arrested, and half the staff removed …” he said quietly. “Between everything, the withdrawal from the testosterone was …” he couldn't even think about it. “I kept thinking when I got out you’d be there for me … But then I found out you and Oswald were having a baby … those last few months were …” He said stopping again fighting to find the words. 

“I’m sorry,” Kristen choked out. Tentatively, she put a hand on his shoulder, her touch light in case he needed to pull away, in case he didn't want her of all people comforting him right now. “If you hadn't said it was okay, I never would have …” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. You should never have had to go through that. I'm here for you now if you still want me.”

“What else was I supposed to say?” He asked. “Wait for me? How long? I could have been in there for the rest of my life for all I knew …” He said. “I honestly didn't know what else to do, because even though I was mad that you kissed him I couldn't do anything about it … You came to me when I was completely out of control of my life and told me you kissed my best friend … What else should I have done?” 

Kristen shook her head, tears running down her face. “You could have told me I was hurting you,” she said. “And that would have been the end of it. Neither Oswald or I would have wanted that … I told you because I needed to be honest with you about what happened, and I needed to know what you wanted me to do.”

“What I wanted you to do was out of my control.” Edward said. “Tell me … with how you feel about Oswald … Would you have actually waited for me?” He asked still staring at the ground but in her direction. “If the baby had lived … Would you be raising him together, still waiting for me? How many years would it be that you haven't talked to me. As much as you claim to love me Kristen, people don't work that way. You could love me to the ends of the earth but if I wasn't there, and there was a good chance I wouldn't be … You’d start gravitating towards Oswald as you already had been … It would have only gotten worse as the years passed. You’d remember me sure … Probably miss me on occasion … But you would have wound up with him. Had I said no … You would have wound up alone … I couldn't do that to you.” 

Kristen took his hand in hers, something in her chest twisting with guilt and regret. “You couldn't do that to me, but you expect me to do that to you?” She shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I love you. But please, from now on, if I hurt you, I need you to let me know.”

Edward pulled his hand out of hers but nodded, still not looking at her. 

It stung that he pulled away from her, but she understood. She was silent for a long moment, before she said quietly, “I found your instructions. About GCPD … I did what you wanted.”

“Really?” Edward asked though the thought of it made him nervous. “Why?” 

“I couldn't get in to see you,” Kristen said, thinking back to how desperate she had been at the time. “I was afraid you were in there, alone, thinking I didn't care anymore … So I thought that if I did it, there was a chance you might hear about it, and you would know …” She stared down at the ground. “Though honestly, I don't think I would have been able to go through with it for that reason alone. Nelson's brother tried to strangle me at work. Barnes walked in and stopped him, but he barely got more than a slap on the wrist for it. I … didn't know what else to do.” She had felt so utterly helpless about everything. “And it didn't help that somehow they found out about your gender identity and … They handled it about as well as you would have expected.”

“One of the staff at Arkham must have told them. ALL showers are supervised, and only two staff were informed of my ‘condition’. They were required to allow me to shower alone, but one of the staff decided to throw me into the group shower and everyone found out.” 

Kristen looked horrified. “That's awful,” she said, her hand going to his shoulder again without thinking about it. What a completely sick thing to do to a person. “What was the staff member’s name?” she asked, seething with anger. “Is he still working at Arkham?” It had to have been hell for Edward there, and she suspected what he'd told her only scratched the surface of what he'd been through. 

“It doesn't matter … it's not the worst that's happened. Oswald can attest to that.” He said. “No one will do anything anymore. Especially now that Dr. Quincy took over.” He played with a rock on the ground as he spoke. “I think the only reason I was released was because when he took over the place turned into … well … a mad house. He had no control, no organization … Even though I was placed as a higher risk inpatient, he ‘evaluated’ me and deemed me sane … Probably to reduce the amount of bodies.” 

“Oswald … told me some of what Strange did,” Kristen admitted, glancing over at Edward. The change wasn’t as day-and-night as it had been with Oswald, perhaps because his anger with her ran so deep, but he did seem different. “I’m glad you’re out now, at least,” she said sincerely. “Whatever the reason.”

 

“Yeah … Whatever that's worth.” Edward said quietly, seeming to deflate as he played with the rock in his hand. 

Kristen was silent for a moment before she said, “Will you come home with me? If you can’t forgive me right now, that’s … understandable. But you don’t have to be out here on the street.” She hated the thought that he’d been living like this since he got out.

Edward was silent and for a moment Kristen thought he wasn't going to answer. “Does Oswald love you?” He asked seemingly out of nowhere. 

She looked up at him, taken aback by the question. But after a pause, she nodded. “Yes,” she confessed. “He does.”

“Are you still with him?” Edward asked. 

“No,” Kristen said, wishing she could keep the tone of regret out of her voice. But she remembered the hurt on Oswald’s face far too clearly. “Not really. I realized I wasn’t doing him any favours by drawing it out.”

“So you hurt him …” He said simply. 

Kristen winced. “Yes,” she whispered, looking away.

“Why did you leave him?” The rock hit the ground when he accidentally dropped it, and from the way he was talking and acting he almost seemed like a disappointed child more than a grown man. 

“Because I realized I would have to eventually,” Kristen said, her throat tight. “And I thought ending it sooner would hurt him less than if I ended it later. It would have been better if this whole thing had never started, but it was already too late to undo that.”

“Why leave him at all?” Edward asked glancing in her direction but not at her. 

Kristen stared at him, confused. “You … said yourself you don’t think it’s fair for me to try to be with both of you. And I don’t think Oswald would be on board with that either. I had to leave someone.”

“It didn't have to be him.” He said quietly. “I'll come home with you … on a condition.” 

“What condition?” Kristen asked in quiet apprehension, not sure what to expect from Edward anymore.

“If you get back with Oswald …” Edward said still not looking at her. “You both deserve better than me, and you'd be good for each other. You deserve to be with a real man …” 

“What?” Kristen shook her head, her eyes watering. “Edward, no. Don’t say that. I told you before that doesn’t matter to me. I … I chose you.”

“And I want you to choose him.” He said. “We’ll figure this out. I’ll still be there for you, I’m not going anywhere I’ll still be in your life. But … That’s my condition.” He said glancing up at her face but it was only for a second before he looked back down again. 

“Is that really what you want?” Kristen asked quietly, looking directly at his eyes even as he evaded hers. She should have known that after everything she’d put him through, all the pain she’d caused him, Edward wouldn’t want her anymore.

Edward didn’t say anything but nodded. 

Kristen wiped the tears away on the back of her hand. “Alright,” Kristen whispered. She hadn’t liked either option before, but at least she’d made her decision. And now, she was having to come to terms with that dilemma all over again. Either way, someone she loved would be hurt. Either way, she gave up half of what she wanted. But at least this way, Edward would be safe with them. “Just come back with me. Please.”

He nodded and stood, the rock dropping from his hand clattering to the ground. 

Kristen led the way back toward her car, not walking too quickly, since Edward was in such rough shape. Even though their reunion hadn’t gone as she had hoped, she was still so relieved that she’d found him. “Are you hungry?” she asked, not knowing how long it had been since he’d last eaten. “If you want, we can stop and get you a bite to eat before we go.”

“No.” Edward lied as he followed her to the car. He looked back to where he had been sitting when Kristen first approached him, realizing he'd forgot his bag in his haste to get away. It was gone now. He wasn't surprised. 

“Okay,” Kristen said uncertainly. If Edward changed his mind about food, they could certainly get him something back at the house. She unlocked the car, waiting for him to get inside, looking at him as if afraid he would disappear.

Edward got into the car, his arms wrapped around himself, embarrassed about the situation. He knew how badly he must smell, even he hadn’t gotten used to it over the past 5 weeks on the streets. 

Kristen got in and started the car, driving in silence. Finally, they pulled into the drive, reaching the house. Pulling to a stop, she looked over at Edward. “Shall we?” she said awkwardly.

Edward was silent as he got out of the car and waited for her to lead the way. He didn’t recognize where they were, but he assumed it must be Oswald’s father’s house. Unless Oswald had purchased a new one since the GCPD had taken everything from him. Either was a possibility. 

She led the way into the house, knowing Edward must feel out of place. She had, when she’d first walked in here, and she’d at least had access to a shower. The house was quiet at the moment. Elijah was likely taking his afternoon nap, and she wasn’t sure whether Oswald was home or not. 

“Let’s get you something to eat, okay?” Kristen said, leading the way to the kitchen. Edward might not have admitted to being hungry before, but she suspected he would still feel a little better with some food in him.

Edward followed her nervously into the kitchen, pausing when he saw Oswald sitting at the table sipping his tea, the raven haired man not having looked up yet. He backed up slightly, almost like a shy child hiding by the door frame. 

“It's okay, Edward,” Kristen said gently, with a light touch to Edward's arm. He seemed so painfully timid, and she wondered how much of it was the situation, and how much was Hugo Strange’s doing. “I’ll make you a sandwich, alright?”

Edward stepped into the room and Oswald looked up hearing the name. “Edward!” Oswald said loudly making Edward jump. Oswald scrambled to get out of his chair and hobbled over to him, pulling him into a tight hug. Edward stiffened, his eyes tightly closed as the man grabbed him, not sure what to do.

“Oswald, let him breathe,” Kristen said, seeing the discomfort on Edward's face. Though Oswald was doing precisely what she would have done if Edward hadn't so quickly made his anger known when she approached him. 

Oswald pulled back, trying to hide the look he got from Ed’s smell. “Are you okay?” He asked. “Where were you? We’ve been looking everywhere.” 

“He’s been on the street,” Kristen answered for him, seeing that he still looked so taken aback. She headed to the fridge and started compiling sandwich toppings, hoping to set Edward a little more at ease by acting as naturally as possible. “He lost my number, and I wasn't in the apartment anymore,” she added guiltily. “So we weren't exactly easy to find.”

“You had your phone didn’t you?” He asked and Edward shook his head, moving away from Oswald nervously. 

“Why don’t you have a seat, Edward?” Kristen suggested, gesturing to the kitchen table. He might be more comfortable, perhaps, if he had the table between him and any more impromptu hugs. She gave Oswald a concerned glance, trying to wordlessly communicate that Edward wasn’t quite himself right now. She was sure Oswald would be able to understand. He of all people knew what Strange was capable of.

Edward shook his head, staying where he was, backed against the wall by the door, staring at the floor. 

“Edward?” Oswald asked. “It’s okay. You can have a seat, have something to eat?” He asked and Edward shook his head again. “Do you want a shower or something?” Edward shook his head and Oswald seemed to clue in. “A bath then?” Edward seemed to think about that a moment before he nodded, not looking at either of them. 

Kristen’s face paled as she made the connection. She nodded. “Okay,” she said, keeping her tone light. “I can show you where the bathroom is, alright?”

Edward pulled his hand closer to his chest as she came closer to him towards the door and nodded, following her at a safe distance towards the bathroom. 

She kept out of his space the whole way. His discomfort was outright painful to watch. Showing him to an elegant bathroom upstairs with a large bathtub, Kristen quickly set out fresh towels for him. “Hang on, let me get you some clean clothes,” she said, disappearing briefly, before returning and setting out a shirt and pants for him on the counter. “I … managed to save some things from your apartment,” she said, hoping she hadn’t overstepped a boundary. But given the circumstances, it was lucky that she’d had the foresight to grab some clothes for him. “I’ll leave you to it,” she said a little awkwardly. “Take as long as you want, and you can come join us whenever you’re ready.”

Edward looked at the clothes that she placed on the counter and was grateful that she had grabbed some of his things. From what he could determine, the apartment building he’d owned had been sold along with his things and was now under new management. So whatever Kristen had taken for him … It was all he had left. 

Not knowing what else to say, Kristen left, giving him his privacy. She doubted he’d had much of that in Arkham, especially from what he’d told her. Just readjusting to life out here would likely be a struggle for him. She was glad at least she’d found him and gotten him off the streets. Heading back down the stairs, she rejoined Oswald in the kitchen. “He’s … been through a lot,” she said quietly.

“I know.” Oswald said putting some saran wrap over his sandwich. “It’ll be a while before he adjusts to living outside of Arkham … And probably even longer to adjust to not living on the streets. It’s only been five weeks, but that was five weeks of adjustment to not being in Arkham that he probably was starting to get used to …” Oswald said from his own experience. He’d only been on the streets for a few days before Kristen found him and he’d already come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t going to be going anywhere any time soon. He couldn’t have imagined five weeks of it. Especially in this weather. 

Kristen nodded, going to make some more tea. “He seems to be responding to everything that happened in there differently … He was angry enough at me to snap out of it for a little bit, but mostly he seems too timid to willingly interact with other people. I think it will help if we give him his space whenever we can.”

“I think that would be good for a while, but I think slowly getting closer would be best for him.” He said. “If we give him nothing but space he’ll withdraw more. If we slowly try to push a bit it should help him come out of his shell, help him get more comfortable.” 

“I think you’re right,” Kristen agreed, looking over at Oswald with a strange mixture of feelings. Between the two of them, maybe they could help Edward together. It was awful to even think about what either of them had gone through, but at least Oswald had some idea of what Edward needed right now.

Once Oswald had finished the tea Kristen had given him Elijah had come downstairs, dressed in a casual suit, yawning. “Oswald.” He greeted as he went to the counter to make some tea. “Oh, hello Kristen, I didn’t see you.” He said. 

“Hi,” Kristen said with a polite smile. “Did you have a good rest?” she asked, wondering whether there was any natural way to transition the conversation to: ‘and by the way, we found Edward and he’s upstairs now.’

“As restful as it ever would be.” Elijah said sitting down at the table. “You look troubled Oswald. Is something the matter?” 

“No, quite the opposite actually.” Oswald said. “We found Edward. He’s upstairs.” 

“Oh?” Elijah said, his eyebrows raising in surprise as he glanced from Oswald to Kristen. “That must be quite a relief to you … And where did you find him?”

“He was living on the street,” Kristen said quietly. “It turns out that after he was released, he had nowhere to go and no idea where to find either of us.”

Elijah nodded, looking uncertain. “I assume, then, that he will be staying with us for the time being?”

“If that’s alright, Father.” Oswald said. “Please, he’s a good friend. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go.” 

Kristen tensed as she watched Elijah’s face, not knowing what to expect from him. He had a history of being abundantly kind, but that had burned him before. And she knew how concerned he was about Oswald getting hurt.

Elijah looked deeply worried, but he shook his head. “I’m not about to throw your friend out on the street, Oswald,” he assured him. “And we certainly have room here for one more. It is a strange situation, though, you must admit.”

“Strange how?” Oswald asked. “You mean … Because he’s Kristen’s boyfriend?” Oswald asked. 

“It complicates things don’t you think?” Elijah asked. “With him living here. It would make things easier to work things out but … In the long run … I think him being here would be more damaging than do either of you any good. That is, if you intend to stay here.” He said to Kristen. 

Oswald heard a quiet sound, like something shifting against wood and looked to the door to see Edward standing there, staring at the frame where his hand was. “Edward.” Oswald said shocked and Elijah looked back but before he could see him, he was gone. “Edward, wait.” He said scrambling to get up from his chair. 

Kristen quickly followed after him. “Edward, it’s alright,” she tried to reassure him. “He’s just worried about Oswald, that’s all. I’ll explain things, just don’t leave.”

Edward paused as she asked him to stop. He wasn’t sure what to do and that made him extremely uncomfortable. 

“He didn't mean anything by it,” Kristen said, approaching Edward and gently putting a hand on his shoulder. “I haven't had a chance to explain the new situation yet, and he's worried about Oswald getting hurt. We both want you here. Please stay.”

Edward pulled away from her, his hands still loosely close to his chest as Elijah came into the hall. Edward wasn't what he was expecting. He looked lost and terrified, not at all like the homeless insane man he had been picturing. Not someone who would pose a risk to his son, even if there was an issue in their relationship. He looked like he needed help. 

“Edward …” He said stepping a bit closer but respecting his space. “I apologize, I’m just worried of my son. It wasn't so long ago that we met for the first time so I'm a little overprotective … You're more than welcome to stay.” 

Edward just appeared confused by Elijah's kind manner, not quite looking at him. 

“See?” Kristen said gently. “Nobody wants you to go. If you leave, we’ll be so worried about you. Will you stay with us? At least for awhile?”

“Stop that …” He said quietly, so quietly Oswald barely heard it, and Elijah didn't hear it at all. 

“Stop what?” Kristen asked quietly, looking at Edward in confusion. 

“Talking to me like I'm stupid …” He said quietly, his eyes darting away from her. “I'm not five.” 

“I … I’m sorry,” Kristen stammered, his words stinging. It seemed like no matter what she did, she just kept making things worse. “I swear I don't think of you like that. You're the smartest man I know, I just … I’m sorry.” Did he really think that was how she thought of him? She didn't know what to say anymore.

“Edward … We want you to stay here. It's not safe out on the street. At least until you're back on your feet.” Oswald said in his regular tone as if nothing were wrong. Edward nodded his hands going down to his sides. Oswald’s eyes drifted down to Edward’s hands and noticed for the first time this his palms were bleeding from where his nails were digging in. “Edward … You're bleeding.” He said going up to the bathroom where Ed had bathed and found everything spotless, as if Ed hadn't bathed at all, even though he clearly had. He grabbed the first aid kit and brought it back downstairs. 

Kristen set about helping to clean the cuts on Edward’s hand, hoping she wasn’t encroaching too much into his space. She felt guilty for not noticing the bleeding before.

Edward tried pulling his hands away but after a few moments relented and allowed her to clean the wounds. 

Elijah came into the sitting room where they were sitting, and handed Edward a small pair of nail clippers. “If you'd like to cut your nails … so you don't hurt yourself when you do that.” 

Edward looked at the clippers a moment before he slowly reached out to take them. 

Giving Elijah a grateful look, Kristen finished up cleaning his hands and withdrew. Better to let Edward handle the clippers himself. He was uncomfortable enough already with just having his cuts tended to. But approaching him with something sharp would likely be a complete disaster.

Edward cut his nails but not too far down. When he was done he gave the clippers back and took the mess to the garbage. “Thank you.” He said quietly when he returned. 

“Are you hungry?” Kristen asked, following Oswald’s lead by trying to speak as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

Edward was going to deny being hungry but he couldn't help it. He did feel hungry. Starving actually, and he couldn't remember the last time he ate. He nodded. 

“There's a sandwich in the fridge. You can have that. And we’ll be having dinner soon.” Oswald said. 

Kristen went back into the kitchen to go get the sandwich out of the fridge for him, setting it out on a plate on the table. She realized she would just have to accept that Edward was going to need a lot of time to adjust after everything that had happened.


	58. Chapter 58

Having once again woken to find himself wandering the house, Elijah made his way quietly back upstairs. Everyone else must be sound asleep by now; they had been quiet in their rooms for hours. As he walked by the room they had set aside for Edward, Elijah paused, seeing that the bed was empty, still perfectly made, as if no one had slept in it at all. At first, he thought Edward wasn’t in the room, but then he saw him huddled in a corner, still with that uncertain, frightened look on his face.

“Edward?” Elijah said hesitantly, hanging back in the door frame. “Is everything alright?”

Edward’s hands moved down into his lap between his chest and his legs that were pulled up. He nodded, though he didn't feel alright. 

That seemed like an oversimplified answer, given the situation … Though, admittedly, Elijah had asked an oversimplified question. If he wanted to gather some understanding of why Edward was apparently reluctant to sleep in a bed, Elijah supposed he would have to do better than that. “May I come in?” he asked politely, making no move yet to enter. After all, they had designated this room as Edward’s space while he was here, and if Elijah expected him to feel safe, he would need to respect that.

Edward shrugged slowly, staring at the dresser in front of him, muttering something he couldn't hear. 

Elijah hesitated briefly before stepping into the room, sitting down against a wall a few feet away from Edward, not too close to him. For a moment, he just sat there, before he asked amicably, “Difficulty sleeping, I suppose?”

“It's very quiet.” Edward whispered. For a year he'd fallen asleep to people screaming, doctors walking the halls … All there was here was the occasional creak of the old house. 

“It is,” Elijah agreed, thinking perhaps he understood. “There’s an old radio I could bring in here, if that might help,” he suggested. “You could set the volume to your liking, and have a little background noise that way.”

Edward shook his head. Elijah seemed to be a very kind man, but he wouldn't understand. 

“Wrong kind of noise, perhaps?” Elijah asked, looking back at the young man. “Or is there something else wrong?”

“Everything's wrong …” Edward said. “Everything went wrong.”

Edward looked so completely lost and alone. “I … might know a little about that,” Elijah said. “Would you like to talk about it?” 

Edward opened his mouth to reply and paused. He couldn't tell Elijah … “I …” He stopped again, not sure what to say. 

Elijah waited patiently, prepared to listen. After all, Edward had been away in Arkham for a year. It was all probably quite overwhelming to sort through mentally, let alone try to put words to any of it. When Edward was still silent for awhile, Elijah said, “I don’t mean to pressure you. You just seem to have a great deal on your mind. You don’t have to talk about all of it. Perhaps try to pick just one thing that’s keeping you awake tonight, and start there.”

“I can't explain …” Edward said. “You wouldn't understand.” 

“Maybe I wouldn’t,” Elijah admitted, watching Edward’s face intently. “But you seem to be carrying around so much. Even if I can’t understand, it might alleviate some of that burden just to talk about it.”

“The crime I went to Arkham for … I didn't do it … I just … I took the fall for it.” He said quietly. 

“Why?” Elijah asked. As far as he could tell from watching Edward’s face and posture, he was honest and in earnest. And he had no discernable reason to lie about that; Elijah had already agreed to let him stay, and was growing more sympathetic toward him by the moment.

“Because it was my fault.” Edward said. “Sh- they were just protecting me.” 

Elijah caught the little slip, and his eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t comment on that for now. “She was protecting you?” Elijah questioned, though his voice held no judgment. “Yet she let you go to Arkham?”

Edward realized he'd caught his slip and moved closer into the corner. “No.” he said simply. 

“No?” Elijah repeated, confused and looking for clarification. His voice was still calm, soft-spoken, without hurtful intent. “You mean it wasn’t quite like that?”

“She didn't let me go to Arkham.” He said. “I … I covered it up. I got caught …” 

“So,” Elijah said slowly, processing through what Edward had said. “You would have gone to Arkham anyway for the cover-up, and thought you might as well take the fall for the initial crime as well?” He was quiet for a moment, then said, “There is a certain amount of practicality to that decision, but … I imagine most people in your situation would still feel at least a little resentful.”

Edward was silent for a little while. “I'm not … I wouldn't want her to go through what I did.” 

“Of course not,” Elijah said quietly. “But … you would probably rather not have gone through it either.”

“I didn't have a choice.” He said. 

“No,” Elijah agreed. “But just because you don’t have a choice about something doesn’t mean you have to like it. You’re allowed to feel upset or angry or betrayed or even just confused.”

Edward nodded, his fingers playing with the material of his pants. “Thank you.” 

“What for?” Elijah asked with a small, sad smile. “I don't seem to have been terribly helpful.”

“For treating me like a person.” He said. It had been a long time since anyone had done that, and when he'd heard Elijah in the kitchen earlier he thought he of all people wouldn't be accepting, wouldn't want him there. But he was very kind. 

“That hardly seems deserving of thanks,” Elijah said, shaking his head. Though it spoke volumes about what Edward had been through. “But perhaps you will forgive me, then, for making you feel unwelcome earlier?”

Edward blinked, looking down his hands and nodded. Even if he didn't, what choice did he have? He was staying in the man's home. 

“Thank you,” Elijah said, a little relieved. It had, in hindsight, been rather rude of him, especially as Edward’s host, when the young man had nowhere else to go. “May I ask,” he said after a moment’s contemplation. “I know you are having difficulty sleeping for other reasons, but … is there something wrong with the bed?” He still couldn’t help but find it strange that Edward was huddled in the corner like this, and he wanted to understand.

Edward just shook his head. There was nothing wrong with it. It was a fine bed. 

“But you feel safer in the corner?” Elijah asked, though he was only guessing. He didn’t know how to make Edward comfortable, or if it was even possible to do so at this point.

Edward shook his head again. “The …” He paused, shifting where he was sitting, his hands running over his legs. “The room’s very big.”

“Ah,” Elijah said, seeing what Edward meant. “And the bed is rather centrally located,” he observed. So if that much unoccupied space around Edward made him uncomfortable, trying to sleep could be a difficult endeavor. “Would it help, perhaps, if the bed were in a corner?”

Edward shook his head again. Putting it in the corner would only make the room look bigger. Not to mention it would be a bother for Elijah. “I'm fine.” 

“Not being able to sleep hardly seems fine to me,” Elijah said, frowning as he got up to examine the bedposts. “I believe this one has a place to hang curtains, but they’ve been taken down since it hasn’t really been cold enough to warrant it … Do you think that might help?”

Edward shrugged, his hand rubbing over his neck. “Maybe.” 

“Let’s try hanging them up and see if it works,” Elijah said, getting up. “I’ll be right back.”

He went out into the hallway to find the nearest linen closet, found a set of bed curtains, and returned, setting about hanging up the curtains. He didn’t know whether it would work; it was a rather flimsy barrier, after all. But it would at least allow Edward to visually make the space around him smaller, which might be all he needed.

When Elijah started putting up the curtains Edward slowly got up and moved to him, taking the curtains. He had seen Elijah’s medication bottles and knew the man was in poor health. It wouldn't be fair of him to expect him to put them up for him. 

“You have this under control, I see,” Elijah said, stepping back and letting Edward do it. As much as he wanted to do something helpful, Edward might feel more in control if given the chance to do things for himself. “I expect I’ve bothered you enough for one night … Is there anything else you need?” he asked.

Edward was standing on the bed putting the curtains up and he shook his head, focusing on what he was doing. 

“Alright,” Elijah said, heading toward the door. “If you wish to talk again another time, let me know.” Edward had been so unwilling to speak before, that this conversation had probably been rather draining on him. “And have a good night.”


	59. Chapter 59

Oswald came into the dining room, yawning as Olga placed plates of food down. It looked as if he was the first one up. 

A few moments later, Kristen came down, taking her seat not far from Oswald, and mumbling a sleepy good morning as Olga poured her a cup of coffee.

“Morning Kristen.” He said as he stabbed his fork into his eggs. “This looks delicious Olga, thank you.” Oswald said smiling at her. 

“Da.” She said before going back to the kitchen. 

Kristen thanked Olga as well, taking a quiet moment to sip at her coffee before looking back at Oswald. “Thank you,” she told him. “For knowing how to help Edward when I didn’t.”

“I don't know how to help Edward any more than you do.” Oswald said. “I just listened to what he wanted.” 

“Well,” Kristen said quietly, stirring her coffee. “It seems to work when you do it.”

“He’ll come around.” Oswald said. “In time. Just like I did.” 

Kristen nodded. “I worried about you for a long time, you know,” she said, then frowned. “Of course, now you’re running for mayor in Gotham and doing other dangerous things, so … I just worry about you in different ways.”

Oswald laughed slightly. “Well, the election is tomorrow. And I have plenty of trustworthy people … I'll be fine.” 

“I know,” Kristen sighed, shaking her head. “What was most worrisome before was that you’d forgotten how to take care of yourself … That’s not the problem anymore. Just be careful.” She frowned, then voiced something that had been bothering her for awhile. “So … Everything’s alright now with you and Gilzean?”

“Yeah … The enemy of my enemy is my friend right?” He asked. “We worked things out.” 

“I guess,” Kristen said, shaking her head. “Look, I don’t know him or this business the way you do, and he’s definitely been helpful so far. Just … don’t forget that he’s betrayed you before.”

“After I cut his hand off.” Oswald said with a shrug. 

“And you think he’s forgotten that?” Kristen said, shaking her head. “He kind of has a constant reminder of it wherever he goes. And who knows, maybe he considers things even now. But you can’t ever let your guard down.”

“Kristen … I’ve been doing this for years. I spent over a year playing Falcone, Maroni, Mooney … I know how to play this game. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.” He said reassuringly. 

“I know you're good at this,” Kristen said, looking down into her coffee. “But anyone can miscalculate. Even you.” She looked back at him again. “Just promise me you're being careful. That's all I'm asking.”

“I’m always careful Kristen.” He said continuing to eat his breakfast. 

“That seems like as good an answer as I’m going to get,” she said, smiling slightly as she picked up a piece of toast. 

“I’ll be careful Kristen … Don’t worry so much.” He said with a soft smile. 

“I can’t help it,” Kristen sighed, before taking a bite of her toast. “But I really do trust your judgment, I promise.” But she’d had quite enough of the men she loved being sent off to Arkham. 

Oswald finished off his breakfast and Olga came in too take his plate away. Once she was gone Oswald looked at Kristen. “Will you be watching the election with me tomorrow?” He asked. 

“Of course,” Kristen said, meeting his eyes. “I wouldn’t miss it.” Oswald had worked so hard for this. She really hoped that he won, but either way she would be sure to watch.

“How was Edward’s last night?” Oswald asked. He had a meeting late last night and he’d been in bed already by the time he’d come home. 

“He’s … doing as well as can be expected, I guess,” Kristen said, troubled. “He’s still really afraid and withdrawn, which isn’t surprising, really. The most he’s said was when I’d just found him, and … I think he’s still pretty angry. He …” She hesitated.

“He what?” Oswald asked. He knew Edward had a wicked temper, and it didn’t look like Kristen had any marks on her, but that really didn’t mean anything. “He didn’t hurt you did he?” 

“What?” Kristen shook her head vehemently. “No,” she reassured him. “Edward wouldn’t do anything like that. All things considered, he was pretty understanding, but … he doesn’t want me anymore,” she said quietly.

Oswald actually flinched at that. “Doesn’t …” He paused as if processing what she said. “Bollocks … Did he actually say that?” He asked not believing her. 

“Not in so many words,” Kristen said, glancing down at the tablecloth. “But I told him that I chose him, and he didn’t want that.”

“What did he want?” He asked. “Why would he come home if he didn’t want you?” He didn’t think Edward was the type to use someone, and if that were the case he would be using Kristen and himself as a place to stay, but in the state Edward was in he doubted that was the case. 

Kristen looked back up at Oswald nervously. “He … said that he would only come back if you and I got back together.” Though after all the pain she had caused Oswald, she wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted no part of that now.

Oswald looked shocked by what she said. Edward wanted them to get together? He let that process for a moment before he shook his head out of confusion. “He wants us to get back together?” He asked, his eyebrow raised. 

“That’s what he said,” Kristen said quietly. “He … seemed to think we’d be better off together. After everything that happened to him in Arkham, he doesn’t seem to think very highly of himself anymore, and … despite how quiet and subdued he’s being, I think he’s still going to be angry for a long time.”

“He has every right to be angry.” He said glancing towards the door. “He was in Arkham for over a year … That place changes you whether you want it to or not. And what we did while he was in there … Even if he gave us permission after what we did the first time … I can’t imagine he’d be happy about it. But wanting us to get back together makes no sense.” He said. “You’re not going to give up on him, are you? I mean … You don’t seriously want to get back with me.” 

“I still love both of you,” Kristen reminded him quietly. “So I don’t know what I want. But … it seems like it would be for the wrong reason, regardless. And the way Edward is now … I can’t give up on him. Even if he wants me to.”

Oswald laughed slightly, though it sounded almost sarcastic and a bit bitter. “So … Your boyfriend tells you it’s okay to sleep with me, and you do. You break up with me, and find out you're pregnant, and despite your boyfriend's permission to be with me you still say no … And now that he wants you to still be with me … You’re still saying no.” He said glancing towards her. He understood where she was coming from, in both situations, Edward couldn’t be trusted to be in the right frame of mind to be making those kinds of decisions. “I’m thinking you love Edward … Possibly just confused about me.” He said standing up from the table. 

“I’m not confused,” Kristen said, her hands tightening around her coffee mug. “I’m just trying to do what’s right … Though maybe you would both be better without me.” She wished Oswald were right, that she could dismiss it all so easily, that she loved only one of them … Loving them both, knowing that no matter what happened she would lose at least one of them, it just hurt so much all the time. And she hated that she was hurting both of them. Maybe she was the one who needed to be removed from the picture. Maybe then, she could stop doing so much damage and the two of them could heal together.

“Somehow, I doubt that’s a solution to the problem.” He said. “So what do you plan on doing?” 

“Just try to help him,” Kristen said, frustrated with the situation as a whole. “That’s all I really can do.”

“And if he finds out we’re not together?” Oswald asked. “Do you think he’ll leave?” 

“I don’t know,” Kristen said honestly. She winced slightly at the way he said ‘we’re not together,’ but that couldn’t be helped. “I don’t really know what to expect from him anymore.”

“I doubt pretending we're together would help the situation for anybody. Maybe I should talk to him.” He said looking up as his father came into the room looking rather tired. “Morning.” Oswald said. 

“I think that would be best,” Kristen agreed. If Oswald wasn’t interested either, it would be better for Edward to hear that from him. They weren’t going to get anywhere by being dishonest with each other now.

“Good morning,” Elijah smiled tiredly to both of them, before sitting down and pouring himself a cup of coffee. “What would be best?” 

“Nothing.” Oswald said smiling at him. “We were just talking. Anyway I have a busy day ahead … I should get going.” 

Kristen nodded, looking down at her coffee. “Take care,” she said, leaving a world of other things left unsaid. 

“Have a good day,” Elijah smiled. 

When Oswald left Elijah sat down where Oswald had been sitting. He pulled his plate of food to his spot and put Oswald’s empty plate to the side. “You seem stressed.” Elijah observed. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine,” Kristen said with a smile that came out more like a wince. “I’m just worried about Edward. Thank you,” she added. “For letting him stay. I know you have your own worries about all of this.”

“Yes well, I’m sure it will all be sorted out.” Elijah said. “Is that all that’s on your mind?” 

“That's most of it,” Kristen said. It was all so tangled up and complicated. “That and the election. Oswald's worked so hard in his campaign. I really hope he gets it.” And that he avoided putting a target on his back in the process. 

“As do I.” Elijah said. “But I believe there is more to your stress then you’re letting on.” 

Kristen stirred her coffee absently before looking up at him again. “All I seem to do,” she said, half-surprised to hear herself putting it into words. “Is wreck people’s lives. I keep trying to do the right thing, but the more I try, the harder it is to even figure out what the right decisions are, and the more damage I seem to do.”

“That sounds like a dilemma nearly every person in the world has, my dear.” Elijah said kindly. “I take it this has to do with Edward and Oswald.” 

“Yes,” Kristen admitted. Elijah knew that well enough regardless. “Though I doubt most people have managed to do quite as much damage as I have, even if they tried.”

“Well, this is Gotham … I’m sure people have done much worse.” He said. “I take it things haven’t worked themselves out yet? Where do you all stand as of now?” 

Kristen stiffened slightly. She had gotten judgment from Elijah before. But then, who else was she going to talk to? “Edward … wants nothing to do with me romantically right now. If he had anywhere else to go, he probably wouldn’t have anything to do with me at all. We … talked some things out, but he’s still angry, for a number of good reasons. He …” She glanced down into her coffee. “He said he wanted me to be with Oswald, though the reasons he gave …” She shook her head. “Were all based in self-loathing … That seems like a poor reason to abandon him. And Oswald … doesn’t really seem interested anymore either, but seems upset anyway, and who can blame him?”

“I can tell you Oswald hasn’t lost interest, and I doubt Edward has either. He came for a reason … If, as you say his choices were based on self-loathing, then it isn’t likely anything to do with you.” He said. “Both of them are currently under the impression you want the other … And from the sounds of it, both of them care about each other enough to allow you to be with the other.” 

“I don’t know about that,” Kristen said quietly. “But if that’s the case, it doesn’t seem to be doing either of them much good.”

“Would leaving them both do any good either?” He asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Maybe,” Kristen sighed, before shaking her head. “Probably not.”

“I think you should stop worrying about who is with who, and focus on the election, and helping Edward get better … Once he’s had time to adjusted, the three of you can sit down and have a chat.” He said cutting his waffles into small pieces. 

“That sounds like it would be best,” Kristen agreed, relaxing slightly. “Do you think they’ll understand that?”

“Oswald will.” Elijah said. “I’m sure of it. I can’t answer for Edward however. Though I think he has other things on his mind right now rather than relationships.” 

Kristen nodded. “Like just coping day to day,” she said, glancing down at her watch. “Do you think someone should check on him? Tell him breakfast is ready? Or just let him sleep?”

“He was up rather late last night … I think it would best if we let him sleep.” Elijah said, glad that at least things had eased up a bit, the focus brought back to the matter at hand. Things would be worked out later. Relationships however, was not Oswald or Edward’s main focus right now. 

“He was up late?” Kristen asked, looking up at him from listlessly picking at her food. “Did you talk to him?”

“I did. Briefly. He didn’t want to talk much.” He said, “He was quiet as he was yesterday. He was sitting in the corner of his room. I asked him what was bothering him. He said the house was too quiet, and the room was too large. He isn’t comfortable here …” He said sitting back in his chair. “Do you think it would help any if I got you two an apartment?” He asked. “He’d have a smaller room, somewhere he can control, call his own … I’m asking you because I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him off on his own.” 

“That … might help,” Kristen said thoughtfully, though she felt an intense pang of loss at the thought of leaving here. But then, every moment she stayed here was a reminder of loss anyway. She was afraid of remembering if she stayed, or forgetting if she left. “And I agree he shouldn’t be on his own. I should talk to him about it first, though. That’s incredibly generous, but we should definitely consult Edward before making any decisions for him.”

“I think that would be-” Elijah paused as he heard a crash from upstairs. It was quiet from all the way down here in the dining hall, but it most definitely came from upstairs. Another crash came, and another and Elijah looked to Kristen before he got up from his chair, and headed towards the hallway. 

Kristen got up quickly and joined him, rushing up the stairs, following the sound of the noise. “Edward?” she called out tremulously. “Edward, are you alright?” As they reached the upstairs hallway, it became clearer where the sound was coming from … the unused nursery. 

Elijah was only halfway up the stairs by the time Kristen was already up, and he heard Edward scream followed by another loud crash. He sounded angry … Though what could have caused it he was unsure. 

Reaching the nursery door, Kristen pushed it open, a sick feeling of dread twisting in her stomach. She froze, her chest hurting, unable to process what she saw. Everything was wrecked. Everything, The crib was in disjointed pieces, the mobile smashed on the floor, the dresser smashed, the rocking chair broken and upended, the baby blanket in tatters, Oswald’s teddy bear thrown on the floor …

“What did you do?” she whispered, not able to get enough air into her lungs to shout. The devastation sent her reeling, panic flooding her just like when she’d been attacked, just like when she was rushed to the hospital, just like when she’d woken up and found out the baby was … Tears blurred her vision. “What did you do?”

Edward was standing in the middle of the room, absolutely livid, his stance stiff and he was breathing heavily. At the sound of her voice he seemed to freeze. He looked around, his expression going from anger to confusion … “Wha-” He paused mid word and looked up at Kristen who looked mortified and scared and Elijah who had no expression on his face but was staring at her. “I didn't ….” He was still breathing heavily but he seemed frightened before he moved out of the room. Elijah stepped out of the way and Edward moved downstairs and ran out the front door slamming it behind him. 

Left standing there in the wreckage, Kristen collapsed on the floor, sobbing inconsolably, her breathing too fast and shallow between sobs as she clutched the teddy bear uselessly, her chest burning more and more, and she couldn’t get enough air, couldn’t calm down, couldn’t think. Everything was destroyed. Everything.

Elijah struggled a moment to sit down next to her, his hand going to her back. “It’s okay …” Elijah said, though he knew it wouldn’t help. It was really the only thing they had of the baby … “We can repair most of it, I’m sure.” He said rubbing her back. 

Kristen flinched when she felt someone touch her, but recognizing Elijah’s voice, she shook her head. The trembling and the tears still wouldn’t stop, and she managed to choke out, “Why? Why would he …” She couldn’t voice anything more coherent. She felt pathetic.

“I don’t know …” Elijah said, though by Edward’s reaction, he didn’t seem to realize he was doing it at all until they had shown up. He looked as lost and scared as Kristen did. 

“I’m sorry,” Kristen cried, not sure what she was saying anymore, or who she was apologizing to. “I’m sorry …” She broke down into incoherence again.

“It’s not your fault.” He said. “It’ll be okay. We’ll have what we can repaired, and replace anything that can’t.” His hand moved over her back comfortingly. He had an idea of what had set Edward off … But what confused him the most was the confusion and fear on Edward’s face. 

Kristen nodded, trying to pull herself together. She focused on her breathing, thinking if she could just get her breathing back to normal, she might be able to handle this somehow. But what good would repairing or replacing any of this do? It was all just a memorial for a life that never started. What really mattered couldn’t be fixed, and everything in the room reminded her of that. After who knew how long, she looked up at Elijah. “Where did he go?” she asked shakily.

“I don’t know … I heard him go out the front door. But he doesn’t have a vehicle, so I doubt he would have gone anywhere, or if he did, he didn’t get far.” 

“Should we try to go after him?” she asked, though she hadn’t gotten her breath back enough to go chasing after anyone. “Or wait for him to come back?” And when he did, would she be ready to see him, or would she just break down into a pathetic mess of fear and grief again?

“That’s entirely up to you.” Elijah said. “You can go after him when you feel ready …” 

Kristen nodded. “Maybe give him a moment …” she murmured. “He … didn’t seem like himself.” He’d looked almost as shocked by what he’d done as she was … He probably needed to retreat and wrap his head around it too. She started trying to stand up, unsteady on her feet, still cradling the teddy bear. “Need to clean this up …” she said, her eyes welling up again as she looked around, and she had to close them again, trying to gain her composure. “Oswald shouldn’t have to see this.”

“Kristen.” Elijah said shifting on the floor and trying to stand up. “Okay, first before we do anything. Please help me up.” He said blushing in the same way Oswald did when he was embarrassed. 

Kristen opened her eyes, mortified to realize she’d left Elijah on the floor like that. “Yes, of course,” she said quickly, bending down to help him up. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He said as she helped him up. “I’m an old man, but I got myself down there. I should be able to get myself back up. For now, let’s go downstairs and have a cup of tea. I’ll have someone clean this up in the meantime, and have things sent out for repairs.” He said leading her towards the door. 

Kristen nodded quietly, trying to wipe the tears back as she followed him out. It wasn’t until they were out in the hallway that she realized she was still holding the bear. She considered putting it back down in the room, but for some reason felt anxious to leave it unattended. So she carried it with her as she closed the nursery door behind them, trying to shut the pain away again.

Elijah led her back downstairs and started making her some tea. Once it was done he set the tea before her before grabbing his own. 

Her trembling hands steadied somewhat as they wrapped around the teacup, and she murmured her thanks, staring down into it, trying to focus on what was in front of her, to block out the grief and anxiety, or at least dull it somehow. She worked to just focus on the tea, the warmth of it, the taste, eventually calming down enough to think. After awhile, she took a deep breath and made herself stand up again. “I have to go find him,” she said quietly. It was possible he’d wandered off, or even that he was trying to walk to Gotham.

“Would you like me to go with you?” He asked quietly. 

Kristen shook her head. “Thank you,” she said. “But I think I should be fine finding him on my own.” If Edward hadn’t gotten far, she wouldn’t need help locating him. And if he had … Elijah had exerted himself enough today already. It wouldn’t be good for him to be trekking around the countryside with her.

She made her way to the front door, which had slammed when Edward fled, resolving to check the grounds and garden first before venturing any farther. If she was lucky, he would be huddled somewhere nearby hiding.

True to her prediction, he was hiding … Well, not so much hiding, he was in plain sight, beside the large stone banister of the main stairs, his arms wrapped around his knees which were pulled right up to his chest and he was trembling, though whether it was from the cold, or from something else, Kristen couldn’t tell. 

“Edward?” Kristen asked tentatively, approaching carefully, uncertain what to expect from him. Everything inside her felt twisted up and wrong. At seeing him, the directionless fear gripped her again. But she also felt an intense pang of sadness at seeing him like this. He looked exactly how she felt.

Edward didn’t respond as she spoke. He just became a tighter ball, his shaking getting a bit worse as if he was afraid she’d attack him. Which he wouldn’t blame her for after what he did. The problem was she didn’t know he existed … And he had no idea how to even begin to explain to her. He doubted she would even listen now. 

“Edward …” Kristen repeated, the pain of how terrified he looked intensifying, even as her own fear almost faded. She couldn’t be afraid of him, not when he was like this. After hesitating for a moment, she sat down near him, and waited.

Edward heard her sit down beside him and braced himself for the hit, but after a few moments of silence … He realized it wasn’t going to come. Why wasn’t she lashing out at him, screaming … Something? 

She looked at him, and said quietly, “You didn’t mean to.” It wasn’t a question. He’d been as stunned as she was, and without Elijah next to him to talk him through it, he seemed even worse off now. “What happened?”

“I-I-I-I-I …” Edward looked up, but just barely, his eyes peeking over his arms. “I … He …” He was starting to hyperventilate and could barely get the words out. 

Kristen put a gentle hand on his shoulder, her touch too light to possibly register as a threat, easy to pull away from if he wanted to. “Breathe first,” she said. “You have plenty of time to tell me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I … I can’t …” He said trying so hard to breathe. “I just … I can’t … You … I …” 

“Slow,” Kristen said, strangely calm now that Edward needed her to be. “Deep breath in, and count to five.” When he didn’t pull away, her hand ran soothingly over his back in slow circles.

Edward became aware of her hand on his back and he moved away from her out of her reach. “Why?” He asked, though he knew she had the same question though for a different reason. 

She let him pull away, though her expression tightened slightly. “That, back there …” She shook her head, unable to repress a noticeable shudder. “That’s not something you would do to me … I don’t understand what happened, but I know you weren’t in control.”

Edward seemed to relax a bit as he glanced towards her, still not meeting her gaze. He leaned back against the wall again looking away from her. “I …” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have …” He said trying to calm his breathing enough to talk. After a few minutes he managed to control his breathing enough to get out a quiet “I shouldn’t have come here.” 

“That’s not true,” Kristen said firmly. “You need a safe place to stay, and I wouldn’t want you to be anywhere else.”

“No … You …” He paused looking flustered as he looked around the yard. “You don’t understand.” 

“Help me to understand, then,” Kristen said, tears pricking her eyes as Edward looked so lost and afraid. “You can tell me what happened.”

‘Yeah Eddie …’ Edward looked over towards the wall where that damn hallucination was standing, leaning against the rough stone bricks. ‘You can tell her what happened. Help her understand.’ Edward shook his head and moved his hands over his ears, as if he were trying to block out the voice. His other self walked towards him and crouched down next to him. ‘Well … What are you waiting for? Tell her? Speak …’ 

“Leave me alone!!!” Edward practically yelled, his hands in tight fists, his nails digging into his skin despite cutting them earlier. 

Kristen flinched back, eyes wide for a moment. “Okay,” Kristen said, giving him his space. “You don’t have to talk about it right now. It can wait. Just … please come back inside. You can go into your room and I promise no one will bother you.”

Edward saw her back away and grabbed onto her hand. “Don’t … Don’t leave …” He said on the verge of tears again. 

She stared back at him, astonished. This was the first time he’d willingly touched her since she found him … but now she was more bewildered than ever. “I won’t,” Kristen promised, her hand tightening reassuringly around his. “Not unless you want me to.” Even if he did, she probably shouldn’t. Whatever was happening to him, he shouldn’t be out here on his own right now.

Edward shook his head. “Don’t … Don’t leave me alone with him.” He said quietly, tears now starting to fall down his face as the hallucination got closer to him. Mocking him, calling him a coward as it had before. 

“I won’t leave you,” Kristen promised, putting her free arm around his shoulder. “But …” she hesitated, wondering whether she should press the question now. “Don’t leave you with who? Is there someone else here?”

Edward shook his head. He knew there was no one else here, not that she could see anyway. But what was he going to tell her? “I … No.” He said. 

‘Oh, now that hurts Eddie boy.’ 

“But …” Kristen said, trying to get a grasp on things. She looked around. There was no one else here that she could see, but Edward had distinctly said ‘with him.’ “But you feel like someone is?” she guessed. “Or there’s someone you’re afraid of?”

Edward shook his head again and the hallucination laughed. ‘Oh, lie to her some more Eddie, let's face it. You’re terrified of me … Of yourself. Of what you might do.’ 

“It wasn’t me!” Edward said pulling his hand away from Kristen and putting his hands over his ears. 

Kristen put a hand on his back, steadying him, trying to stay calm for Edward. “No one blames you, Edward,” she tried to reassure him. “It’s okay.”

‘Yeah, Eddie … It’s okay. No one blames you.’ The hallucination laughed. 

Edward shook his head and tried to calm, muttering something quietly under over and over and it took Kristen a few moments to realize what he was saying. ‘Please make him go away.’ 

Kristen paused when a memory suddenly hit her. “I have this voice inside my head … A sort of stronger version of me that keeps this me in line because I'm such a klutz.”

“Edward …” Kristen said slowly, the realization pulling at her heart. “Do you see someone else here? Or … hear someone else, maybe?”

Edward was silent, his eyes clenched shut as he nodded, his breathing slowing but still coming heavily. 

A sense of dread crept over her. “Is … that who wrecked the nursery?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Edward nodded again. “I don't … I don't remember any of it. I went to sleep last night … I don't remember waking up … I came to standing in the middle of that room and you were …” He didn't need to finish his sentence. She knew the rest. “I'm sorry … I shouldn't … I knew … I knew he was mad at you and … and Oswald … I shouldn't have come here.” He said standing up and starting to rush away. 

“Wait,” Kristen said urgently, taking his hand. “Don’t leave, Edward. Please.”

Edward paused when she grabbed his hand. “I … I have to.” He said pulling his hand out of hers. 

“You can’t,” Kristen said frantically, getting in front of him, her eyes pleading. “You’re not safe anywhere else, and now that you’ve told me, now that we know what we’re dealing with, we can handle this safely. We can help you cope with this.”

“I don't know how.” He said, his voice breaking. The medications they'd put him on … They made his head feel fuzzy. Like he couldn't think … Made him lose his train of thought, made him confused, couldn’t sleep, made him sore. 

“We can be here for you,” Kristen said, holding out her hand to him. “Watch out for when you’re not yourself, give you your space when you need it, and stay with you through it all.” She looked back at him, tears in her eyes. “Just please, don’t go.”

“Why do you even want me here anymore? After what I did?” He asked. 

“You know I love you,” Kristen said, her voice shaking. “What you’re going through, what you’ve done … None of this changes that.”

“That's starting to become an illogical reason to keep me around …” He said. “You're so accepting of everything … Like … Like you just excuse everything … This isn't okay … This isn't going to go away.” 

“Maybe not,” Kristen admitted. This was far beyond anything she’d been prepared for. “But you need a support system to help you live with it … Though …” She was quiet for a moment before she asked, “Was this going on before Arkham?” If it was, she hadn’t known about it. He had given no indication. But all those times he had wanted to be alone … What if there was another reason?

Edward stared at the ground, leaning against the wall banister and nodded. 

“Well …” Kristen said, after a deep breath. If that was true, then Edward was probably right; it wasn’t going away. “You seemed to manage it better back then. We can figure out ways to accommodate that now, if you can help me to better understand what you’re going through.”

“I was … Stronger then …. After what Dr. Gantz …” He stopped, his hands going to his head and he hunched slightly groaning in frustration. “I can't.” 

“It’s okay,” Kristen said quietly, tentatively putting a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to be strong all at once. And maybe things won’t ever be quite the same way they were before. But now that you’re somewhere safe, if you give yourself time to heal, I know we can figure this out.”

“You’re not … Mad?” He asked, chancing a glance up at her before looking back down at the ground. 

Kristen shook her head. “No,” she said quietly. Scared, shaken, grief-stricken … There was barely even room for anger, even if there were any reason to blame him. “You couldn’t control it. There’s no one to be mad at.”

“That makes it worse …” Edward said. “What if I do something else … Something worse that I’m not in control of. He’s still mad at you! And I can’t always stop him from …” He shifted uncomfortably. “You know …” 

She looked back at him steadily, though everything about this conversation was painful. “You think he would attack me?” she asked.

“I don’t know …” He said nervously. “I never know what he wants … I just know he’s mad.” 

“But now that I know about him,” Kristen said, pushing back the fear for now. That wouldn’t lead anywhere constructive. “I can be prepared for any future … appearances. And it’s not just you and me alone here.” Though moving out to an apartment with him, as Elijah had suggested, seemed out of the question now. “If we’re careful, we can work out a system to keep everybody safe. Are there any … signs you know of? Something that would tell me when you’re not yourself?”

Edward shook his head and shrugged. He didn’t know what could identify him. “He’s cocky … And mean.” He said. “But I don’t know how to tell when we switch, or if he can act like me either.” 

Kristen took his hand into hers, looking up at him. “We’ll have to figure things out as we go, then,” she resolved. “We’re both scared. But we can get through this together.”

“Is everything okay out here?” Elijah asked from the top stair, looking over the banister. “You’re welcome to come back in Edward, if you like. It’s cold out here.” 

“I think things are going to be okay,” Kristen called back up to him, before turning to Edward with a questioning look, silently inquiring if he was ready to go back in.

Edward nodded quietly and followed her up the stairs. He paused in front of Elijah, who didn’t seem to be judging him at all. “I’m sorry, Mr. Van Dahl.” He said quietly, staring at the stone stair he was standing on. 

“You seemed quite as shocked by it as we were,” Elijah said, understanding in his kind eyes. “Perhaps you should get some rest.”

Edward shook his head. “I’m not tired.” He said, his voice just loud enough for Elijah to hear him. “I’d like to help clean up the mess I made.” 

“We would appreciate the help,” Elijah agreed. He suspected it was the only way Edward could feel any better about this. “Perhaps I could convince you to eat something first?” 

Edward shook his head. He didn’t deserve to eat. He didn’t deserve their kindness … Not after what he did. 

“Alright,” Elijah said, not forcing the issue. “Let us know if you change your mind later.”

“I’ll help,” Kristen said quietly, moving to go with Edward. “I don’t want to leave it like that.”

Edward slowly walked up the stairs, feeling like he was taking the worse walk of shame of his life. He made his way to the room to see the door open, three maids already cleaning up the mess. 

“We can take care of it from here,” Kristen told the maids as calmly as she could. As much as she appreciated their help, it felt strange having people she didn’t know that well going through all of the baby’s things.

Edward moved slowly around the room, almost mindlessly putting things back where he thought they belonged, cleaning up feathers and ripped material before he stopped, his hands still on a baby quilt that looked older than Oswald was. He stared down at the material and stopped moving, staring at it blankly. 

“Edward?” Kristen asked tentatively, approaching and moving to gently take the blanket away. “Are you alright?” It seemed like a stupid question.

Edward nodded, though tears were coming to his eyes and he picked something broken up off the floor and shoved it into the garbage bag in front of him. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Kristen said, putting a hand on his shoulder, fully expecting him to pull away, desperately wishing to just hold him.

Edward jerked away from her, moving across the room and started putting more feathers in the garbage bag, focusing on what he was doing despite the tears that were now falling down his cheeks. 

“Edward, I can take care of all of this,” she told him, pained to see him like this. “You don’t have to.”

Edward ignored her as he continued cleaning up the mess, putting the things that were irreparable into the bag along with the feathers. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kristen asked lamely, picking up the mobile.

Edward still said nothing as he continued putting things in the garbage bag before it was too full and he tied it up, taking it to the hall before opening another bag. He continued picking up broken things until there was nothing left that could be picked up by hand, before he moved on to picking up toys. 

Kristen sighed, and went back to silently picking up the wreckage. Nothing she could say was helping, so the best they could do was clean this up together.

It took almost a full two hours to clean up the entire mess, and when Edward took the second garbage bag into the hall he saw the first one had been taken away. He nearly jumped when he heard the front door open. 

“Father?” He heard Oswald call out and knew Oswald was home. When Oswald saw what had happened, he knew he’d be livid. He of all people knew Oswald’s temper. He placed the bag against the wall and stood beside it, his back against the wall as he heard footsteps near the bottom of the stairs. 

Kristen stepped out into the hallway with him, briefly putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. She was sure she would have to do some damage control. “Hi Oswald,” she said as he came up the stairs. “Was your day alright?”

“It was fine.” He said hobbling up the stairs and paused, looking between the two. It was obvious they were both nervous. “What’s the matter?” 

“Just something that happened earlier today,” Kristen said. “We’ve fixed everything, though.”

“Fixed what?” Oswald asked, still looking between the two and he could tell Edward was near tears. He looked back at Kristen before Edward went bolting for his room, the door slamming behind him even though he hated being in the room with the door closed, he put the door between himself and Oswald. “Kristen … What is going on?” 

Kristen sighed. “Edward had … a kind of episode earlier,” she explained, starting with what happened to Edward first, rather than the result. If she could make Oswald understand that it wasn’t Edward’s fault, she might be able to alleviate the situation. “He blacked out, and … something else took over.”

“What do you mean took over?” Oswald asked, that didn’t make any sense. “What did he do? Did he hurt you?” 

“No,” Kristen said quickly, shaking her head. “He didn’t hurt anyone. And it was like an … alternate personality, almost. That’s what I could gather from him afterward, anyway. But what I need you to understand is that it wasn’t his fault. Edward wasn’t in control. He wasn’t even aware of where he was or what he was doing.”

“Kristen … You’re avoiding the question.” Oswald said, anxiety starting to take him over. “What did he do?” 

Reluctantly, Kristen said, “He trashed the nursery.” Quickly, she added, “We cleaned it up, though, after he recovered. He really feels awful about it, Oswald.”

Oswald didn’t hear anything beyond he trashed the nursery before he moved forward, limping towards the nursery door to see the majority of it’s contents gone. “EDWARD!” Oswald screamed angrily heading over towards Edward’s door. 

“Oswald,” Kristen said insistently, taking a hold of his shoulder. “Listen to me. Edward had no control over this, it’s not his fault! This just happened to him, and now he’s scared and confused and he blames himself.”

“He should be!” He yelled pulling away from her and going to Edward’s door and wiggling the handle to find it locked from the inside. “EDWARD!” He yelled banging on the door.

“Oswald, stop!” Kristen yelled, pulling him away from the door. “He blacked out, he didn’t know what was happening, he might as well have been asleep!” Tears gathered in her eyes. “This is already traumatic enough for everyone. Just leave him alone until you’ve calmed down, please!”

“He blacked out? And he just magically got up and destroyed our daughter’s room?” He asked angrily. “I don’t believe it. You know as well as I do he lies almost as good as I do, don’t pretend he hasn’t covered things up before.” He said turning back to the door and banging on it again. “EDWARD OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR!” He yelled before kicking it and groaned when he realized he’d kicked it with his bad leg and fell to the floor with a thud. .

“Oswald,” Kristen said, running to him, her hands on his shoulders, her voice shaking. “I saw him. I saw him when he came to. He really didn’t know where he was, he was horrified and confused … I know what I saw. Don’t you think I’m as upset as you are?” She couldn’t keep the tears back now. “Can you please just trust me on this?”

Oswald looked away from her angrily before he struggled to stand up. It took him a few moments but when he finally stood he moved away from her towards his bedroom saying nothing. 

Kristen was left standing in the hallway, closed doors on either side. With no one left needing her to hold them together and be the voice of reason, she retreated to her room, shaking uncontrollably as she closed the door and then sank down to the floor, burying her face in her hands, trying to shut everything out.

Hours later Edward heard Oswald leave his room and go downstairs, a few minutes after he heard Kristen leave her room and come to the door. She asked him a few times to come out, but he just sat in his corner staring at the dresser in front of him. He couldn't come out … he couldn't face Oswald. 

He knew sometime later some kind of fight broke out downstairs, Kristen and Oswald were yelling at each other while Elijah seemed to be trying to calm them down to no avail. Somewhere in the argument Elijah had given up and Edward heard him come upstairs. Heard him lingering in front of his closed door before heading to his own room, the fight still continuing downstairs. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he knew it was about him. 

What felt like forever later, he heard Oswald go to his room, his door shutting with a loud bang that he knew would have woken Elijah if he'd even managed to fall asleep. It also made Edward jump and look towards his door as if the door that had been slammed was his own and he'd see Oswald standing there. 

But he was still alone, the house now silent and he didn't think he heard Kristen come up. Not unless she came up with Oswald anyway … Which after that fight he doubted. 

After sitting downstairs alone for an indeterminable amount of time, Kristen slowly trudged her way up the stairs, still unable to suppress a physical shudder as she passed by the nursery door. She paused briefly, lingering between Oswald's door and Edward's, before drifting on to her own, quietly closing the door behind her as she sank into bed, feeling spent and empty. Maybe if she could just get to sleep, this awful hollow feeling would just go away. She kept telling herself that, even though that had never worked before. The dreadful emptiness wasn't new, only intensified. It had been there since the attack, and she was starting to despair that she would ever be rid of it. 

Edward sat in silence, not bothering to put his lamp on in the darkness, the only light coming in from the moon outside. He hated this … He hated being here but he knew he had nowhere else to go. Everything here was so unfamiliar, and he couldn't deny he was scared. 

He was shaking as he stood and quietly moved out of his room, made his way to the bathroom which he hadn't used all day. Hadn't even realized he'd had to until he moved. Once he was finished he moved to go back to his room again but froze in the hall. He didn't want to be alone in that big dark room again … He knew he had no right to, but he slowly padded over to Kristen's room, cracked the door open slightly, and gently pushed the door open. It was darker in here than in his room, he realized and he hoped that Oswald wasn't already in bed with her. 

He moved quietly across the room, his heart racing before he quietly crawled into bed beside her, still trembling despite his attempts to stop. 

“Edward?” Kristen murmured as she turned over to face him, stunned to recognize his figure in the dark. After how many times he had pushed her away from him, it was hard to believe that he really wanted to be with her now. Unless, of course, she considered with a sudden chill, it wasn't really Edward. She hadn't forgotten what he'd said earlier. “Is it …” She hesitated, unsure how to ask the question. “Really you?”

Edward nodded before he realized she probably couldn't see him. “Mhmm.” He mumbled laying down next to her. “I'm sorry.” He whispered quietly. 

Without another moment’s hesitation, she wrapped her arms around Edward and pulled him close against her, holding him tight as she'd been longing to since the moment she found him. Tears gathered in her eyes again as she clung to the reassurance of feeling him near her, pained at how badly he was trembling. “It's going to be okay,” she whispered. 

Edward said nothing as he clung to her, his entire body shaking as he took deep steady breaths trying to calm himself. 

Kristen just held onto him, her hand running over his back in slow, soothing circles. “I love you,” she murmured, leaning in and kissing his cheek gently. “We’re going to get through all of this somehow. I promise.”

Edward was silent for a few more moments before he snuggled closer to her. “I’m scared.” He whispered quietly, not sure what else to say. He felt so lost and confused, like he didn’t know how to go forward and he was embarrassed that Kristen had to see him like this … That Kristen had found him at all. In a way he wished he was still back on the street. At least then Kristen would have had a chance at a relationship with Oswald, she would have gotten over him, eventually … 

“I know,” Kristen whispered, gently running her fingers through the back of his hair as she held him. She didn’t know what else to say. Maybe what she said wasn’t important, as long as they just kept holding each other and didn’t let go.

They laid in bed in silence, Edward trembling still under the blanket. Neither were sure how long it took him to stop shaking, but as well, neither of them noticed the shadowed form of Oswald standing in the doorway that Edward had left open. Oswald watched them, cuddling in bed as if nothing had happened today … As if the man hadn’t destroyed the only thing they had left of their daughter … He shook his head before turning back to his bedroom. He’d come to apologize to Kristen for the fight earlier, but by the looks of it, it wasn’t necessary.


	60. Chapter 60

The next morning, Kristen slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb Edward. It had taken him so long to fall into an uneasy sleep, that she didn’t want to wake him now. She doubted he had slept well the night before either. Quickly getting dressed, she headed downstairs, not knowing whether anyone else would be awake yet.

Oswald sat in the dining room, with a newspaper and a cup of tea as Kristen came into the room, his plate already empty. 

“Good morning,” Kristen said nervously, looking over at him plaintively as she sat down across from him.

Oswald said nothing in return as he turned the page of his newspaper. He was silent for a few moments before, without even looking up, he said “I want you and your boyfriend out of my father’s house.” 

Kristen froze, as stunned as if he’d just lunged across the table and slapped her. She looked devastated. Her throat felt tight as she drew in a shaky breath, and nodded. Tears pricked at her eyes. “I’ll … tell him,” she managed to say. She stood up, her hands trembling. She wasn’t hungry, and she couldn’t sit here sipping coffee with Oswald when he was kicking her out. It would be too painful. She turned, hesitating in the doorway, a question that had been gnawing at her for so long rising to the back of her throat. Her hand gripped the doorframe. “Do you …” she started, but couldn’t finish the question. “Nevermind,” she muttered, quickly rushing out of the room.

She made her way up the stairs, hating that Oswald didn’t want her here anymore, not knowing where either of them would go. When she got upstairs, though, she couldn’t bring herself to wake Edward up and tell him. Better to start packing quietly then, for now, give herself time to pull herself together … Her eyes fell on the teddy bear, where it lay on the nightstand. It had been in here since she’d pulled it out of the wreckage of the nursery. She picked it up, resolving to give it back. But right now, she couldn’t face Oswald, and didn’t feel like she had a right to go into his room. So she went, clutching the bear in her hands, back to the nursery.

Seeing the bare remains of what was left, her eyes flooded with tears. This was really it, then. The last goodbye to all the hopes they’d had, everything they had shared. She sank down to the floor and buried her face in her hands.

It was nearly an hour later and still he hadn’t heard them leave. His father had come down, eaten, had his morning tea and was out in the back for a strole. He glanced at the clock, wondering what was taking so long. He got up and headed up the stairs to her room to find Edward still sleeping, but no Kristen. He checked Edward’s room, but she wasn’t there either. On his way through the hall again he paused, the nursery room door was cracked open just slightly. Kristen was sitting on the floor where his father’s crib had been. 

“What are you still doing here?” He asked flatly. 

Kristen looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. “I …” She didn’t even know how to explain it. Not to him. Not when he was looking at her so coldly. “Needed to say goodbye.” Under other circumstances, he of all people would at least understand that. Now … she didn’t know anymore.

“We both said good bye when she died months ago … And again last night when your boyfriend destroyed everything else.” He said angrily. “And then you go and take him back like nothing happened? After everything he’s done to you … You take HIM back?” 

Kristen shook her head despairingly. “You don’t understand,” she said quietly, resigned to that by now. She looked down at the floor. “You regret it, don’t you?” she heard herself ask, the question slipping out at last. But a sick feeling in her stomach insisted that she already knew the answer. “Choosing me over the baby. Over Trudy.”

The room was silent, the only noise coming from the ticking grandfather clock from the hall. He looked away from her, trying to calm his anger, his body numb from her question. He was losing everything now. He’d lost his baby, now he was losing Kristen and his best friend not long after … With this streak, he’d likely lose the election tonight as well. He looked back at her, his breath coming heavier as he tried to steel his answer. “Yes.” He said quietly. 

Kristen was silent for a moment, her expression unchanging, before she nodded, unsurprised. “Me too,” she said quietly, before she stood up, still not looking at him. She paused to set the bear gently on top of the dresser, grimacing as if in physical pain as she turned away from it and headed for the door.


	61. Chapter 61

Elijah came in the door and paused when he saw Edward crouched on the floor by the stairway next to a suitcase before he looked up to see Kristen coming down with another. “Kristen?” He asked. Her eyes were read from crying, and tears were still pooling in her eyes. “Is this about the fight last night?” 

“Oswald doesn’t want either of us here anymore,” Kristen said as evenly as she could. “So we’re going.” She forced a weak smile. “Thank you for everything. You’ve been so kind through everything … I’m sorry it turned out this way.” Elijah had been more welcoming than any parent of hers had ever been. This place had started to really feel like home for her too. She realized she was going to miss the kind old man terribly.

“Kristen …” Elijah said stopping her. He looked her in the eyes caringly, his hand on her cheek to stop her from from leaving. “This isn’t Oswald’s house … It’s mine. And you’re more than welcome to stay here. I mean no offense to Edward at all, but you can’t be alone with him, not right now … And you have nowhere else to go.” He said quietly with a slight sigh. “Why is he making you leave? Because of the fight last night?” 

Kristen nodded. “That’s part of it. But … Mostly he can’t tolerate that I’m not angry with Edward about what happened.”

Elijah nodded. “I see.” He said looking down at Edward. “Go put your stuff away, go and eat the both of you, Edward you hadn’t eaten all day yesterday, you must be starving by now … I’ll have a word with my son.” He said patting the side of her head gently as a father would do their child. 

“Thank you,” Kristen said, looking up at him gratefully. “I don’t know if he’ll listen. He’s just so angry.” And he had a right to be. She couldn’t deny that.

“Oh, he’ll listen if he knows what's best for him.” Elijah said heading up the stairs and going to the nursery where he saw the door open. Oswald was sitting on the floor where the crib had been, his teddy bear in his hands. He was staring down at it, his thumbs rubbing over the worn fur. Elijah didn't even have to say anything. He could see the regret on his son's face. 

“I told her I wished I'd chosen my daughter over her.” He said quietly, not looking up at him. 

Elijah winced. He was quiet for a moment, processing that, before he said gently, “You should apologize to her for that. I suspect she thinks you meant it.”

“I don't know if I didn't.” He said quietly finally looking up at him. “I really don't … I know I didn't mean to hurt her but …” He shook his head, his mouth open as if he were fighting to find the words to say. 

“That girl,” Elijah said quietly, but with a great deal of intensity under the surface. “Has been there for you through so much already. She deserves better than this and you know it.” He shook his head. “She’s been taking the loss harder. Have you noticed?”

Oswald looked away from his father, his hands clenching on the teddy in his hands as if he weren’t even noticing what he was doing. “I told her not to go out that day … We had plenty of people here that would have done it for her.” 

“I hope you’re not saying you somehow blame her for it,” Elijah said, a hint of sternness to his voice.

“No, I blame myself … I should have stopped her. I should have sent someone with her … Something …” He said shaking his head and pulling his knees up to his chest despite the pain in his leg. “I know what this city is like, and all I did was make an offhanded comment … I was too naive … Too stupid to even think that something would happen.” 

Elijah’s expression softened, and he went over to sit next to Oswald, his old bones aching as he gingerly sat on the floor. “That’s no more reasonable than blaming her,” he said gently, putting a hand on his son’s shoulder. “She’s a person, Oswald. Not some fragile vase that you keep on the high shelf so it won’t break. Neither of you had reason to suspect she would be a target. And even if you did, she still has to go about her business and live her life.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been sent to Arkham … If I still had been in the same mindset …” He said shaking his head. What Hugo did to him was unforgivable but … If this had been before then … He would have known to protect her … He wouldn’t have so blindly trusted people enough for her to be safe out on her own. 

“You’re dwelling on the past, which is … understandable,” Elijah said sympathetically. “But that’s not something you can change. What you can still change, however, is the situation now. She’s hurting, Oswald. She’s been hurting deeply for a long time now, just as you have.” He suspected more so. “If you think she is insensitive to what happened here,” he said, gesturing at the room in general. “You are very much mistaken.”

Oswald shook his head looking away from him again. “Yeah … She’s hurting, just like I am.” Oswald said almost sarcastically. “Which is why she’s been pushing me away since she died, and decided to go back with her boyfriend …” He said. “I saw them both last night, cuddling in bed after our fight like nothing happened … Like he didn’t do anything …” He said. “If she wants him, then what the hell is she still doing here?” 

“You really blame them for seeking comfort after what happened?” Elijah asked, his eyebrows raised slightly. “You didn’t see the state they were both in before, the panic attacks between the two of them …” He shook his head sadly. “It was painful to see. And if you really question, even for a moment, how much losing her baby has hurt her, you haven’t been paying attention.” He looked steadily back at Oswald. “And the reason she’s still here seems rather obvious.”

“Yes, I’m perfectly aware of how much losing our baby hurt her, in case you hadn’t forgotten I lost her too … I know how it felt, I had to make the bloody decision …” He said. “And guess what, I don’t have a tall handsome boyfriend to go running to.” He said before sighing. “Call me selfish, but honestly … I should be used to comforting myself by now anyway.” He said struggling a moment to stand up. He knew he should apologize, he really hadn’t meant to hurt her. 

“Run to?” Elijah said, shaking his head sadly. “Have you seen the man lately? He's in no state to help anyone. I imagine she's been doing more comforting than being comforted. She hasn't been taking care of herself, and though you've managed to focus your energy on this election, I’m worried that you're not looking after yourself very well either. You need each other, Oswald. Even if you don't think she does.”

He started gingerly trying to get up. It might have been inadvisable, he realized, for either of them to try to sit on the floor. 

Oswald sighed as he moved over to his father and helped him up. “She doesn't need me … She never did.” He said before leaving the room and heading towards the stairs. 

Kristen was still too preoccupied to be really hungry, but knew Edward needed to eat, and so she had ushered him into the dining room in accordance with Elijah's directions, leaving the suitcases waiting in the hallway. She sipped quietly at her coffee, glad of the caffeine at least. 

Oswald quietly came into the room to see Edward picking at a plate of food, and Kristen sipping on some coffee. He was silent for a moment, awkwardly lingering in the doorway, his hand fidgeting on the head of his cane. “You should eat something.” He said quietly. 

Her shoulders tensing, Kristen looked up at him, her expression guarded. “Thank you,” she said, as evenly as she could. “I will take that into consideration.”

Oswald opened his mouth to say something and paused, really not sure how to proceed. “Look, what I said upstairs … I didn’t mean it. I was hurt and I lashed out at you, you didn’t deserve that, I’m sorry.” 

Kristen shook her head, turning back to her coffee. “I asked you a question, and you gave an honest answer,” she said quietly, sounding almost numb. But it still hurt her to the core to think about it. “I’ve suspected it for awhile anyway … Though maybe it wasn’t a fair question to ask you in the first place. I’m sorry for that.” There was no good decision Oswald could have made, she knew that. She was certain that he would have regretted his choice either way.

“No, I didn’t give you an honest answer. The honest answer would have been “I don’t know” … Because really I don’t know …” He said his eyes watering. “And I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I really don’t … Of course I regret not saving her … But if I had, I’d regret not saving you … It wasn’t an honest answer, Kristen … It was a hurt one. And I had no right … I just … I’ve been so alone since then and when I came to apologize about the fight last night … I saw you with Edward and I just …” He looked away from her. “I went through this when I lost my mother, and I’m trying my best to keep myself together now, I’m pouring myself into this campaign keeping myself too busy to even think about it but when I stop … When I have nothing to do … All I can picture is her face … I should have been able to do something and I couldn’t … I should have gone with you … Something …” He said looking away from the two of them as his tears started to spill over. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save her, Kristen … Every night since then I’ve laid awake all night wishing to God that I was the one who died.” 

Kristen looked up at him again, tears gathering in her eyes. “I know how you feel,” she said, her voice faltering at the tightness in her throat. “Believe me, I do. I … used to be able to feel her move sometimes, and now …” She drew a shuddering breath. “Every time I wake up, and there’s just nothing there, and I’m reminded that she’s gone … I’ve never felt anything like this, and I don’t know how to move forward.” She glanced down at the table, before making herself look up at him again, meeting those vivid green eyes that she’d so hoped their daughter would inherit. “I’m sorry if I’ve been distant. It’s just … I see you and I can’t stop thinking about everything that we lost.”

Oswald actually flinched at that before he looked down at the ground. He nodded slightly. “I … I understand.” He said hesitantly. “I’m sorry for trying to kick you out this morning, I was angry … You’re welcome to stay.” He said though he doubted that were the case. “But if you don’t … I understand. I’ll find you an apartment or something in the city.” 

At the look on his face, Kristen immediately regretted voicing those thoughts. But she didn’t want Oswald thinking it was because she’d stopped caring about him. The reality was so incredibly far from it. “I don’t want to leave now,” Kristen said quickly, pained at the thought of being separated from Oswald after everything they had been through together, and leaving him lonely here. But … she knew Edward still wasn’t comfortable here. There was no telling if that would change anytime soon. It might be better for him if they left. “We’ll talk it over.”

Oswald nodded, looking at the handle of his cane where his thumb was playing over the metal. “Okay … Um … Okay.” He said nodding with a confidence he didn’t feel. “I have some stuff I need to do today … The um … The elections tonight so … Take all the time you need. You don’t have to leave … Ever.” He said the last word so quietly he wasn’t sure if it was even audible. He looked like he wanted to say something else but instead turned and headed towards the door. Before he reached it though he paused. “Kristen …” He said not turning back around. “Can I ask you a question.” 

“Yes,” Kristen said quietly, her eyes intent upon him, even though his back was to her.

He turned halfway towards her, his eyes meeting hers. “If you had to choose … My life or hers …” Oswald paused, not knowing if he should finish that question. “Who would you have chosen?” 

Kristen froze, the idea horrifying to her. “I …” She didn’t know. Oswald shouldn’t have had to make such a terrible choice to begin with. But she knew Oswald. And she loved him. “You,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I would have chosen you.”

“Would you have regretted it?” He asked. “Feeling the way you are now … Felt like you made the wrong decision.” 

“I … don’t know,” Kristen said honestly. “I would have regretted losing her, though. I know that much.”

Oswald nodded before he quietly left the kitchen, not really feeling any better than he had earlier, but one thing had changed … He wasn’t mad at Kristen anymore. He was more angry at himself now … He had no right to be mad at her for being with her boyfriend … She’d never left Ed … And he certainly had no right to lash out at her. He pulled out his cell phone as he put his shoes on and called Gabe’s number before he left the house. 

Kristen looked over across the table at Edward. “It … seems like things are alright again for now,” she said tentatively. At the very least, Oswald had been in a room with Edward without shouting and going on a rampage.

Edward nodded slightly as he finished off his food. “Do you think he’ll win tonight?” 

“I hope so,” Kristen said, refilling her coffee cup. “He’s worked so hard for it, and I think his chances are good … It’s time something goes his way for a change.”

Edward looked up as he heard footsteps in the hall to see Butch appear in the doorway. “Hey, have either of you seen Oswald?” He asked as if he’d jogged all the way up the driveway … Or at least up the front stairs. 

“He just left,” Kristen told him. “He didn’t say where he was going.”

Butch looked extremely annoyed. “Look, he isn’t answering his phone, hasn’t been since last night. If you see him, can you tell him everyone got their money, as instructed?” He asked. 

Kristen frowned slightly. “Yes,” she said, mulling that over. “I’ll tell him. And I’ll let him know you’re trying to get a hold of him.”

Butch nodded. “Thanks toots.” He said before he turned and almost bumped into Elijah. “Mr. Van Dahl.” He said politely. Elijah didn’t look to amused, he’d never liked the giant gorilla Oswald kept around. 

“Mr. Gilzean.” Elijah said politely before Butch left. Elijah came in and sat next to Kristen. “You know I never liked that man.” 

“And I could do without being called ‘toots,’” Kristen said with a wry smile, relieved that Elijah shared her irritation. “But he’s been helpful to Oswald.”

“Yes well …” Elijah said pulling out a napkin. “Certain bacteria can be helpful to people as well.” 

Kristen chuckled slightly at that, surprised to hear herself laugh. “That is certainly true.”

((A/N - Alright now that I've made myself cry ...... ahem .... Please leave a comment, let us know what you think. I honestly feed off comments. I don't care if it's incoherent jibberish. Tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, you're favourite parts, your favourite lines. Anything! I'll take it all!))


	62. Chapter 62

Oswald paced back and forth nervously, the ancient black and white tv tuned in to the election as they waited for the results. Elijah quietly moved over to Kristen. “You should go get Edward, see if he wants to be here to.” He said. He hadn't seen Edward all day since he'd went up to his room this morning. It wasn't good for him to be up there all day. 

Kristen nodded. “I think he’ll appreciate being asked either way,” she said, grateful that Elijah was reaching out to him. She stood up, with a reassuring touch to Oswald's shoulder before she headed upstairs. 

“Edward?” she called out softly, tapping on his door. “Elijah was wondering if you wanted to come down and hear the results.”

She paused for a moment, listening, but no response came. For that matter, she couldn’t hear any sound inside at all. “Edward?” she repeated, a little louder. She wondered if he might be sleeping. It had taken him a long time to get to sleep last night, and then it had been fitful and frequently interrupted by night terrors. He could very well have just dozed off from exhaustion. She tried the door and, finding it unlocked, quietly opened it to peer in.

Not immediately seeing him, she stepped inside. On further inspection, he wasn’t huddled in a corner anywhere. The bed curtains were drawn but when she checked, she saw that he wasn’t in bed either. Something like panic began to set in. Edward was gone.

Quickly, she checked around upstairs. He wasn’t in her room, or any of the other bedrooms or spare rooms, and the bathroom was empty. Where could he have gone? Could he have left out of guilt? Could he have hurt himself? Could he have blacked out again? She went downstairs, but thought better of telling Oswald right now. He was anxious enough over the election. Instead, she came down to the living room and asked, “Elijah, could I talk to you for a minute?” in as calm a tone as she could manage.

Just as she spoke Edward came into the room, in a green suit with a black tie, looking far more confident than he had this morning. 

“Edward.” Oswald said with a smile. Despite what had happened recently, Oswald couldn’t forget that Edward was indeed his friend, and on such an occasion, he was happy that Edward came down. 

Kristen's eyes turned toward Edward, both stunned and relieved. “Never mind,” she stammered, her shoulders relaxing. She looked up at Edward. “You're looking nice,” she said. Maybe he had gone out to buy this suit … but with what money?

“Thank you.” Edward said looking right at her, before turning to Oswald. “I was worried I wouldn't make it back in time for the election.” 

“Yes, but where-”

“YOU FOUR EYED SON OF A BITCH!” Butch yelled coming into the room, so mad his face was red as he grabbed Edward and slammed him into the wall. 

“Butch!” Oswald said in surprise. “What are you doing?!” 

Kristen ran up and shouted at Butch, “You get off of him right now!” Though she knew she couldn't very well force Butch off of him, and it terrified her. 

Butch let him go but stepped back and aimed a gun at Edward’s head, though Edward looked surprisingly calm. “He just cost you the election, boss.” Butch said taking the safety off the gun. “He took back all the money. All of it.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kristen demanded.

“Ed?” Oswald looked at him, betrayal and shock clear on his face. “Wh-why?”

“You don't need it Oswald …” Edward said. “If you had paid them off to win the election … it would be cheap. Meaningless. You wanted to do this to make your mother proud … How do you think she'd feel knowing you bought the election?” Oswald said nothing as he grabbed the gun out of Butch’s hand. 

“You just cost me everything Edward!” Oswald screamed. “I've worked hard for this, and you took it away from me!” 

“Oswald,” Kristen said as calmly as she could, though her eyes were wide with fear. “Put the gun down. Please.”

“Oswald … I haven't taken anything from you.” He said. “I can't be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance. I'm worthless to one, but priceless to two.” 

Oswald looked down at his hands as he formed a heart. “Love.” He said glancing at the tv as the winner was called … He'd won … Even without the money. 

“You'd have never known …. I believe in you, Oswald … Even when you don't believe in yourself.” 

Kristen stared, looking back and forth between Oswald and Edward. He hadn't been this coherent or confident in so long … and it was all for Oswald. Oswald had poured all of his effort into this campaign, but only now could he see that he'd truly earned it. “You won,” Kristen said. “All on your own.”

Oswald dropped the gun to the floor as he stared at the television. “They love me …” He seemed more confused than anything. 

“Of course they do,” Kristen said. “They can tell how much you care about this.” But then, she realized, Oswald had been so unlucky with love in his personal life, that perhaps he had been unable to hope the people of Gotham would be any different. Only now that the proof was before him could he realize the effects he'd had on Gotham. She looked up at Edward admiringly. 

“It feels good doesn't it?” Edward asked, seeing that Oswald was near tears and for once in a long time they seemed to be happy tears. Oswald turned on Butch, his smile fading. 

“You … You never believed I could win this election on my own.” He said his voice becoming more gruff than it had been before. “I'm starting to think you're not cut out for this after all.” 

“WHAT?!” Butch asked loudly. “Are you kidding me?! This guy-” 

“Relax Butch, I still need hired muscle ….” Oswald said flatly. 

Kristen glanced over at Elijah, who had seemed incredibly tense as this all played out, but he seemed to approve of the direction events had taken. “Oswald,” he said quietly, finally speaking.

Oswald turned towards his father, as if he'd forgotten he was even there. “Yes?” 

A little misty-eyed as he looked intently back at his son, Elijah said simply, “I’m proud of you.” He hoped that had never been in question, but he needed to say it. After everything the young man had been through, every loss, Elijah’s son was the mayor of Gotham. He couldn’t be prouder.

Oswald smiled and moved forward to hug his father. “Thank you.” He said quietly. 

Hugging his son tightly, Elijah smiled and asked, “Do you have your victory speech prepared?”

“I do, yes!” He said happily, though he’ll have to revise it a bit before tomorrow. “Will you be there?” He asked Elijah before looking at Kristen and Ed. 

“Of course,” Elijah said, beyond delighted.

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Kristen assured Oswald, looking back at him earnestly. She didn’t think she had ever seen him this happy in the entire time that she had known him.


	63. Chapter 63

Later on that night Oswald came to Kristen’s room in his pajamas, his teddy held tightly in his hands before he knocked quietly. 

“Kristen?” He asked softly. “Can I come in?” 

Kristen hesitated for a moment, surprised that Oswald was here. “Yes,” she said, looking up toward the door. “Come in.”

Oswald came in and quietly flicked on the lamp next to her bed. 

“What is it?” Kristen said, looking up at him, surprised to see him holding the bear. “Mr. Mayor?”

“Please, call me Oswald …” He said uncomfortable with her calling him anything else. “I uh … I want you to have this.” He said handing the bear to Kristen. “I mean … You're more likely to have a kid one day than I am and … I'd like for someone to actually have a use for it.” 

“Oswald …” Kristen said, her throat tightening as she felt the bear in her hands. “This was your mother’s, I couldn’t …” She took his hand in hers. “And I don’t want you giving up. I know how badly you wanted …” She looked down at the bear, wishing so badly that things could have turned out differently.

“I'm not giving up, I'm being realistic.” He said. “I'm thirty one years old Kristen … I'm not far away from being too old to have a kid. I'm not doing this to guilt you Kristen … I'm not … But … You're the first woman that hasn't looked at me like I'm infected or something … I don't see that changing anytime soon. At least … Not in a way that matters. Lately if a woman looks at me … they aren't looking at me. They're looking at a title … They're looking for someone of power, if I didn't have that …. They'd look at me the same way they always have. But you … You're with Ed and even though you two can't have kids together, I'm sure you'll adopt one day …” He said nodding. “I want you to have it.” 

Kristen nodded quietly, tears in her eyes as she lifted her gaze to meet his again. “Thank you,” she said seriously, her hand still on his. “This means a lot to me. I … still don’t agree. I don’t think it’s too late for you to find someone you’re happy with again, and for things to work out better. I want you to be happy, and I hope … I hope you never give up on that. So … I’ll accept this for now. But if you ever want it back, all you have to do is ask.” Even as she sincerely wished him the best, the idea of Oswald having a baby with someone else inexplicably pained her. Which was ridiculous, since she had ended up exclusively with Edward, and unfair, since she was still in love with two men. 

“You're welcome.” He said quietly before looking nervously around the room. “I uh … I also came to talk to you about Ed.” 

Kristen nodded, uncertain what to expect. “I appreciate how civil you’ve been toward him again,” she said seriously. Edward needed that right now. “Well … with the exception of that um … brief moment downstairs. But that seems to have been sorted out.”

“I can't say I'll forgive him for what he did to Trudy’s room … But you said it wasn't him … so … I'm going to find him a suitable psychologist to come to the house, try to help him. And after what he did for me today … He's shown he's capable of handling himself in a manner of speaking so … I wanted to ask your opinion … I want to make him my chief of staff. He helped me in one day more than Butch had my entire campaign … I think he'd be perfect.” 

Kristen’s eyes widened slightly, and her hand briefly tightened around Oswald’s. “I think he would be honoured,” Kristen said honestly. “I can’t say I’m sure how well he’ll be able to handle the pressure, but … the way he conducted himself tonight is definitely promising. Maybe it will be just what he needs, to help him rebuild his life outside of Arkham. And if you could really find him a suitable psychologist he’d be comfortable with, that support might be enough.” 

She was extremely grateful at the idea. As much as Kristen wanted to help, she just wasn’t qualified to handle all of this on her own. But taking Edward to just any psychologist after his ordeal could be worse than nothing. Oswald, however, knew Edward, and knew Arkham. He would know exactly what to avoid when seeking the professional help Edward needed.

“I'm glad you approve. I'll announce it tomorrow.” He said with a smile. He took her hand and kissed the back of her knuckles. “I don't know what I'd do without you.” He said quietly. He hesitated a moment before he leaned forward and kissed her before he abruptly pulled away realizing what he'd done. “I …. I'm sorry.” He said quietly. 

Kristen froze, his touch evoking a powerful longing that pulled at her heart, and she didn't even have time to react to the kiss before he pulled away. The tears welled up in her eyes as she looked back at him, her hands shaking. “Don't be,” she heard herself whisper. 

Oswald looked at her a long time before he leaned forward and kissed her again, this time lingering longer than he had before. 

Tentatively, she returned his kiss, her mouth moving softly against his, her fingers lacing with his as she gently took his hand. She wanted so badly to stay in that moment, without complications or consequences, but found herself breaking the kiss all too soon. 

Oswald sighed, his eyes still closed as she pulled away, giving himself a moment, as if he waited a second or two she'd kiss him again, but he knew that she wouldn't. He slowly opened his eyes, meetings hers and he pulled back slightly looking away from her. “I uh … I should go practice my speech for tomorrow.” He said rubbing his hands on his pajama pants nervously. 

“Right,” Kristen said awkwardly, her hands going to rest on the teddy bear in her lap. The feeling of his kiss still lingered on her lips. “I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully tomorrow … And congratulations again on winning the election.”

Oswald smiled and nodded. “Thank you.” he said before he quietly left the room. As he moved into the hallway he nearly ran into Edward who was heading towards Kristen’s room. 

“Oh …” Edward said looking curiously towards the room. “Were you two … Um …” Oswald looked confused a moment before he realized what Edward meant and was surprised to see that Edward wasn’t upset at all at the prospect. 

“Oh, no … No, no. I just wanted her opinion on something that couldn’t wait until morning.” He said looking up at Edward with that nervous smile of his. “How are you feeling?” 

“Fine.” Edward said. “Just a bit tired.” He said before moving around Oswald. “Have a good sleep, Oswald.” He said heading towards Kristen’s room. Oswald went back to his own room as Edward tapped lightly on Kristen’s door. “Hey …” Edward said stepping inside, the side lamp still on. 

“Hi,” Kristen said, smiling up at him. “That was a very bold move you pulled off today … but you ended up making Oswald really happy.”

Edward shrugged nervously, his hands in the pants of his pajamas. “He deserved to have something good happen for him … He needs to know how much people care about him.” He said nodding before coming over to the bed and sitting on the edge, leaning back against the poll of the footboard. “Can we talk?” He asked quietly. 

“Of course,” Kristen said, looking over at him, setting the teddy bear over to the side. He’d been so bad off before, that it was a relief to see him communicating this much.

“I’m just … A little confused on where we all stand right now, because Oswald’s under the impression you’re with me, but I was under the impression you’re with him, and I’m starting to question if you’re with either of us right now.” He said. “I think it would be best if we cleared the air … And whatever you choose is entirely up to you. I know I told you to be with Oswald but … The reality is I still love you … You kept me as sane as I could be in Arkham and I was mad before, and lost and … But he loves you too and I know you feel the same way about both of us so … Things are just lingering right now and I don’t want it to be that way anymore …” 

Kristen nodded. “I know,” she said quietly. “I’m not doing either of you any favors by being indecisive, but … you both mean the world to me now. No matter which of you I choose, I’ll be losing the other, and maybe that’s greedy, but I can’t help feeling that way.” She looked up at Edward, whom she’d missed and worried about for so long. “At first, I tried to choose based on which choice would do the least damage, but that blew up in everyone’s face. And now …” she glanced down at the old teddy bear lying on the bedspread. “I’m afraid to get too close to either of you, because it would hurt the other … I honestly don’t know what I want anymore.”

“You do know what you want …” Edward said. “You want both of us.” 

“But you wouldn’t be happy with that,” Kristen said, looking up at him. “So it’s pointless to talk about it.”

“But you want to talk about it.” He said quietly. 

“Yes,” Kristen admitted, watching his face with uncertainty. “But you gave me the impression before that it wasn't really an option. And if you're going to be unhappy with that situation, then it's not really a solution.”

“No, but it doesn't hurt to talk about it.” Edward said. “So ideally, how would you want this to work?” 

“Well,” Kristen said, thinking it over. “Communication would be important. If anyone involved doesn't like something that's going on, they’d need to feel comfortable speaking up about it. And we’d all need to be willing to talk things out so that expectations are clear, and no one feels neglected or secondary, and that everyone feels comfortable with the way things are going.”

“So since me and Oswald are just friends … Your time would just be split up between us?” He asked. He'd never even thought about anything like this but … He was considering it. Especially since Oswald can give her things he can't. Sex being one of them. 

“Pretty much,” Kristen said, nodding. “And it might take awhile to figure out exactly how that would work, but … that's the general idea.”

Edward rubbed his hand over his face with a slight sigh. “I don't know how I feel about that … But … I'll think about it. And I'll talk to Oswald. Though I don't fully trust his judgement in this, he may just agree to it if he feels it's the best he'll get …” 

“That's what I’m afraid of,” Kristen agreed, surprised that Edward was even giving the matter this much consideration. “And I don't want this to happen unless you're both honestly comfortable with it. I’ve hurt you both enough already as it is. I don't want to add to that.”

“We’ll figure something out.” Edward said. “I’ll talk to him after his speech tomorrow. I don’t want to give him any stress before that … It’s important to him.” He said standing up from the bed. “Do you want me to talk to him first, or do you think we should all sit down and talk?” 

“You can bring it up to him if you want, since you've known him the longest,” Kristen said. “And let me know if you think he's really comfortable with the idea or just saying he is. But I think we should all sit down and talk about it, if we're seriously considering this.”

“I’ll think about it in the meantime but … I will talk to Oswald about it.” He said going over and kissing her forehead. “Have a good sleep.” He said quietly before heading back to his room. 

“Edward,” Kristen said as he was leaving, looking up at him. “You … seem to be doing much better this evening. Can I ask … what changed?”

Edward shrugged. “Nothing’s changed …” Edward said. “I’m just …” He looked away from her, his toe playing with the ground. “I’m good at acting …” He said with another slight shrug. “Things needed to be done today so … I just … Pretended everything’s fine.” 

Kristen nodded, understanding. “But you know you don't have to pretend with me, right?”

“Yeah, I know …” He said with a slight nod. “Good night, Kristen.” 

“Goodnight,” Kristen said quietly, watching him go. She doubted all of their problems would immediately resolve, but for the first time in awhile, she felt as if they were making progress, and things might eventually be alright.


	64. Chapter 64

“-and it is with my great pleasure to announce, my Chief of Staff.” Oswald saw Butch stand up straighter, straightening his jacket and knew this would anger him. It didn’t matter. Oswald had made up his mind. “Edward Nygma!” He said the entire room falling into applause as Butch stared at him wide eyed. 

Edward's eyes nearly bugged out of his head in surprise, before a delighted smile lit up his entire face. Had he misheard? He wouldn't put it past himself to hallucinate something like this, though the scenario was admittedly far more positive than anything his overwrought psyche would normally concoct. He turned to Kristen for confirmation. 

“Did he just-?”

Kristen nodded enthusiastically, not appearing the least bit surprised. She had known about this then. “Congratulations,” she said. 

Oswald held out his hand for Edward to join him up on the stage and Edward moved forward almost numbly. He joined him on stage and prayed that Oswald wouldn’t expect him to say anything. Luckily for him, Oswald didn’t. He held his hand up as if he had just won a fight in a boxing ring. 

Clapping ecstatically with Oswald's other supporters, Kristen could barely contain her excitement, all but bouncing where she stood, so glad to see them both up there, sharing this victory. The sour look on Butch’s face concerned her, though, and she suspected it would bring trouble later. 

\---

Later that night, after the acceptance speech and celebrations and press conferences, after the visitors and well-wishers had all gone home, and Elijah had gone to bed, Kristen sat down in the living room, with Oswald and Edward both looking exhausted but elated. “I’d say that was a success,” she said.

“It was.” Oswald said and Edward nodded in agreement. 

“May I ask, Oswald … You were going to choose Butch to be your chief of staff … Why choose me?” Edward asked. “After what I did, I would have thought the last thing you'd want me doing is working beside you.” 

“What you did,” Oswald said, looking back at Edward with those vivid eyes of his and a knowing little smile. “Paid off. You believed in me more than I believed in myself … and at some personal risk, I might add.” If the results had come in differently, he imagined Edward knew all too well how he would have reacted. “More importantly, you understood why this election mattered so much to me in the first place, while Butch … was just willing to follow along. He never really thought my running for mayor was a good idea in the first place.”

“Honestly, when I heard him on the phone the other day I thought he was trying to rig the election against you.” Edward said. “I'm glad he hadn't but … You deserved to know you could do it honestly.” 

“I’ll admit, if it weren’t for you …” Oswald shook his head. “I always would have wondered.” And it was an incredible feeling, knowing that the people of Gotham actually wanted him. Of course, now that left him with the daunting prospect of living up to their expectations. But with Edward at his side, he was confident that he could manage it.

“I’m glad you chose Edward,” Kristen agreed. “Butch really isn’t as much of a long-term planner, and nowhere near as detail-oriented.”

“I agree … I thought he'd be the one but I can see now he'd just drag me down.” He said with a slight nod. “He can't do things legally … And I have every intention of running an honest office.” 

Kristen smiled slightly at that. “Does that mean you're giving up the empire?” she asked, knowing very well that he wouldn't. 

“Of course not.” Oswald said. “Just because I'm running an honest office, doesn't mean I can't still run Gotham’s underworld.” 

“Just checking,” Kristen said, slightly amused. “Let's not go overboard.”

“Well, I’m thankful you chose me, even if I am a nervous wreck. I promise I’ll do my best. You won’t be disappointed.” Edward said, confident that he wouldn’t mess this up. He was actually rather excited to have a job again. Have something he could focus on. Even if it was something new. 

“Oh, I have absolute faith in that,” Oswald said, smiling. “There is no one I would trust to do a better job than you.”

Kristen couldn’t have hoped for things to go better between the two of them, after everything that had happened. She had assumed that it would take so much longer to get Edward and Oswald to even speak civilly to one another again. This was beyond anything she could have hoped for.

“Oswald …” Edward said quietly. “I know we’ve had a lot going on today, and you’ve had a lot on your mind. But I think we should also talk about … Well …” 

“About all of us,” Kristen supplied, looking a little nervously from Edward to Oswald. “And where we all stand with each other.”

“Why do you two need me here for this?” Oswald asked. As far as he knew, he’d been long since out of the picture … He’d never really even been in the picture. 

“Oswald,” Kristen said quietly, looking back at him across the living room. “You know I still have feelings for you. They haven’t just gone away.”

“I know … But we were never together … Not really. I mean, you were always with Ed, so there really isn’t any discussion here.” He said looking between the two. “I’m happy just being your friend.” He said though that wasn’t entirely true. 

Kristen shook her head. “You’re willing to accept it,” she said, not at all harshly. “But that’s not the same thing as being happy. Maybe there hasn’t been more than that between us before now, but … if we all respect each other, there’s no reason we can’t at least talk about it.”

“To sum it up, Oswald.” Edward said looking over at Oswald. “She wants to date both of us. I said I’d think about it, and we’d discuss it today. So … I thought about it, and I think I would be okay with it … If you are … It’s not conventional in the least but … We’re best friends and we care about each other, and she loves both of us as we do her … I don’t see a reason she shouldn’t date both of us. Especially seeing as how you can provide her something I can’t ....” He said sounding a bit annoyed as he glanced down at Oswald’s pants. 

Kristen’s hand closed around Edward’s at the sound of the annoyance in his voice. “I’ve told you that last part isn’t an issue for me,” she said, worried. She didn’t want Edward agreeing to this just because he felt inadequate.

“I know it isn’t … But it is for me.” Edward said before looking at Oswald. “How do you feel about this?” He asked, since this would be entirely up to Oswald as well. 

“I don’t know.” Oswald said quietly. On the one hand, he would get to be with Kristen again … They could start over with no worries about what Edward would think. But at the same time … Oswald would always be worried what Edward thought .... Not to mention what would happen if they ever changed their minds down the road. 

“What are your concerns?” Kristen asked, seeing the worry behind his hesitation. Whether they were going to do this or not, it would be better for all of them if they could communicate openly.

“I’m just worried … What if you change your minds in the future or … What Edward would think if we were together …” He said uncertainly. 

“That first one’s a risk in any relationship,” Kristen admitted. “Edward, do you want to take that second concern?”

“Oswald, If I wasn’t fine with this I wouldn’t even consider talking about it. Who Kristen wants to be with, whether it be me, or you, or both, is entirely up to her. And I care about you too Oswald … I feel comfortable enough with it, and trust that you won’t try to take her away from me … So long as it is an equal relationship on both sides, and we don’t keep things from each other … I think it could work in a way that makes everyone happy.” 

“You don’t have to make a decision tonight,” Kristen added, looking back at Oswald. “We’ve had a little more time to think about this, and I know this is a lot to process, especially after such a crazy day … But if you think this might be an arrangement you’re happy with, let us know.”

Oswald nodded. “I'd be fine with that.” He said a little too quickly. 

“Oswald … Take some time, at least tonight to really think about it.” Edward said. “Don't rush into it if you're not sure.” 

“I have some concerns, and you've addressed them both … So long as we all communicate with each other … And voice if anything is making you uncomfortable … I’d be fine with it.” 

“While we’re communicating …” Kristen said, watching Oswald’s face carefully, her eyes meeting his. “Is this something you would really be happy with, or just something you’re settling for?”

“Kristen … I wouldn't be happy with you if I took you away from Edward. I'm happy with this scenario.” 

“Okay, then,” Kristen agreed, nodding. While she felt a little relieved to have that worry out in the open, she wasn’t entirely convinced. But the best any of them could do was trust each other to be honest about this, and wait for time to show if this would work out for all of them. “Just … like you said, we all need to voice if anything is making us uncomfortable, and … maybe this can work.”

“Maybe.” Edward said nodding. “So I think this is settled, by the sounds of it?” He asked more than said. 

“I guess so,” Kristen said, surprised that, once they all sat down and talked about it, everything seemed so … simple. After telling herself for so long that she couldn’t have this, she could hardly believe it was really happening. If this worked out … she could really be with both of the men she loved. “Thank you,” she said seriously. “Both of you. This means a lot to me.”

Edward nodded and stood from where he was sitting. “It's getting late.” He said quietly, picking up his whiskey and finishing it off. He put the glass back on the coaster to be collected later, before he moved over to Kristen and kissed her on the forehead. “I'm going to go to bed. You two have fun tonight.”

Kristen blushed profusely, looking up at Edward. “You’re sure?” she asked, hardly able to believe that he was really comfortable with this.

“Yeah, I'm tired … so, I'm just going to go to sleep.” He said glancing at Oswald whose face was red right up to his ears. “It's fine. You two have a good night.” He said before heading towards the door. 

“Edward,” Kristen said, watching Edward go. “I love you.” It seemed almost too good to be true, that Edward would just accept this so easily. However Edward really felt about this, Kristen wanted to be sure he didn’t doubt for a moment how she felt about him.

“I love you too.” He said quietly before he headed upstairs to get changed for bed. 

Kristen hesitated for a moment, looking across the room to Oswald, before she got up and went over to him, taking his hand in hers. “It’s … been awhile,” she said softly.

“Yeah …” Oswald said nervously. “We don't have to do that tonight if you don't want to. It's all a bit sudden.” 

“It really is,” Kristen agreed, sitting down on the couch next to him, still holding his hand. “Maybe we can just … spend time together. There’s no pressure.”

Oswald smiled, a little bit of disappointment flashing on his face before it disappeared. He threaded his fingers with hers. “Is this really happening? I'm not going to wake up and find out this is just a dream?” 

“I can hardly believe it too,” she said, leaning in and kissing him gently on the cheek. “But this is real … We can all be together and be happy.”

Oswald leaned forward and kissed her gently, almost expecting her to pull away, despite the reassurance. 

Her eyes closed as she leaned into Oswald’s kiss, softening against him, her hand resting gently against his chest.

When Oswald broke the kiss he looked up at her, his hand still holding hers. “Will you stay with me tonight?” 

Kristen nodded, a smile spreading across her face. “I’d like that,” she said.

“Are you sure you're okay with this?” Oswald asked softly, still a little concerned. This was a very unconventional situation. 

“Very,” she said, taking both of his hands in hers. “This is all I wanted … I just never really thought it could happen.”

“How is it going to work then?” He asked. “What if we both want you? I mean … If we wanted you to stay with us the same night …” 

“I … guess we’d have to talk it out,” Kristen said. “But I think we can handle any problems we come across when they happen.”

“That sounds like the best option.” Oswald said standing up and taking her hands again, helping her up. “It is getting late.” 

Kristen nodded, smiling up at him before she stood. Oswald could be such a gentleman … and a real one at that. Even when all his hopes of being together had been dashed, that had remained. She kissed him softly before, his hand still in hers, she headed for the stairs.

Oswald nervously followed her upstairs, his hand held in hers. They passed Edward’s room and entered his, the door closing quietly behind them. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Kristen quietly went to a corner of the room, and set about undressing for bed.

Oswald stood quietly by the door, watching Kristen undress. He couldn’t help himself. It felt like ages since she’d been with him … And here she was. He watched as the material slipped over her hips, his fingers rubbing nervously against his palm, his eyes trailing over her body. 

Once Kristen had slipped off the dark-colored evening dress, leaving her in a thin lacy slip, she turned over her shoulder, with a smiling blush at the way he watched her. “Well, this is hardly fair,” she said, gesturing to his elaborate tailored suit. “You're still fully clothed.”

“I am …” Oswald said quietly, his eyes still trailing over her. “I must admit, there's a bit of a disadvantage.” He said slowly moving towards her, his hands moving to her hip before he pulled her into a kiss. 

Kristen moaned softly into the kiss, wrapping her arms around him, her body pressing against his, melting into his familiar touch that she had missed so much.

He deepened the kiss, his tongue sneaking out to meet hers. His hands moved down her hips, pulling her slip upwards. 

Her hands moved down over Oswald’s back as she held him close against her, slipping her tongue into his mouth as her lips moved against his.

Oswald pulled the slip further up until he broke the kiss, pulling the slip off of her, the material slipping from his fingers and falling to the floor as his eyes trailed down over her bare breasts, the bulge in his pants more prominent than it had been when they first got into the room. 

“Clearly I have some catching up to do,” Kristen smirked, her hands going to pull the pin out of Oswald’s cross tie and placing it inside his jacket pocket, slipping off the tie before she began unbuttoning his vest and shirt.

Oswald watched her as she unbuttoned his shirt, before he removed his own jacket and hung it over a nearby chair, pulling his vest free to join it as she tugged his shirt out of his pants. 

Without further hesitation, Kristen’s hands were undoing the front of Oswald’s pants, tugging the hem down over his narrow hips as she leaned forward to kiss him again.

His mouth moved over hers as he moved them towards the bed, stepping out of his pants as he walked forward. He shifted his hips forward against her, rubbing his shaft through his underwear against her. 

Kristen moaned into the kiss, her hand slipping into the front of his underwear to stroke gently at his cock as he moved her toward the bed.

Oswald pulled back from the kiss, hissing as she stroked her hand against the underside of his shaft and he moved his hands down to remove his underwear before pushing her back onto the bed and climbing on top of her, his mouth coming down on hers once again. 

Her hands running down Oswald’s sides to his hips, Kristen shifted restlessly under him as she feverishly returned his kiss, needing him even more than she had realized.

He moved himself between her legs, rubbing himself against her as his mouth moved to her neck and down to her collar bone. 

Whimpering, Kristen rolled her hips forward against his hard length, shivering slightly as he kissed down her neck, and she reached up to run her fingers affectionately through the back of his hair.

“Kristen …” He moaned as he felt her warm heat against the length of his shaft, rolling his hips against her again, his hands braced on the bed on either side of her. He wanted to be inside of her so badly. 

“Oswald, please,” Kristen whimpered, rubbing up against his shaft as she looked up at him longingly. “I need you.”

Oswald didn't need any further prompting as he reached his hand in between them, grasping his hardened length and used it to guide himself to her, slowly pushing himself inside until he was far enough in he could pull his hand back again, a moan escaping his lips as he rested his head against her shoulder. 

Kristen kissed down the side of his neck, moaning, as her hips rolled forward, feeling him push deeper inside her.

Oswald's breathing became heavy as he thrust all the way into her before pulling out again, repeating the motion as he started to kiss her shoulder. 

Moaning, Kristen pushed her hips up harder against him, her hands trailing down his back and down to his hips, gripping his ass and pulling him hard against her. Oswald’s mouth moved back up to hers as he started a steady motions of his hips, biting her lip gently before kissing her hard, his tongue moving into her mouth and against her tongue. 

She closed her eyes, leaning into the kiss, her mouth moving fervently against his, her tongue slipping into his mouth as she pulled him down close against her again and again, muffled moans escaping into the kiss as he thrust into her.

Oswald groaned as he sped up his thrusts, pushing himself into her harder, his hands gripping the sheets on the bed as he broke the kiss, his eyes closing in pleasure. 

Gasping for breath, Kristen bucked her hips against him, gripping his ass as his cock drove harder and harder into her, the sensation building to the point where it was almost unbearable. “God, Oswald,” she panted.

Oswald gently bit her shoulder as he paused in his thrusts, slowing for a few moments, his arms shaking slightly. He braced himself again, his knee starting to hurt as he sped up his thrusts again. 

Moaning, Kristen leaned forward and nipped at his ear, her back arching, as she ran her hands over his back.

He panted loudly as he felt his orgasm already slowly building, his breath skimming over her shoulder and he dimly became aware of something. “We’re …” Oswald moaned as she felt him clench around him as she arched against him. “We’re not using protection.” 

“I-it’s okay,” Kristen gasped, biting her lip, having a hard time focusing on stringing words together. “I’m on the pill now.” Ever since she’d lost Trudy. She didn’t want to try to explain why right now.

Oswald nodded, his forehead moving against her from where it was resting on her shoulders and sped up his thrusts, trying to ignore the pain in his leg as he kept moving, groaning with the effort of each thrust. 

“Oswald,” Kristen moaned, her hands running down his sides, body trembling, hips pushing back against him in time to each thrust, kissing down the side of his neck.

Oswald could really feel his orgasm coming closer and closer to the edge, and he tried calming himself, despite the fact that he was still moving inside of her over and over. “Kristen … I …” He moaned, his eyes closing again. 

Her hands caressed down to Oswald’s ass, pulling him harder against her as she moaned, her back arching, hips pushing forward against him.

“Ung …” Oswald groaned as she grabbed his ass. “Kristen I .. I'm … I'm going to come.” He said thrusting into her faster and harder. 

“Go on,” she whispered, kissing feverishly at his shoulder before leaving a light bite mark. “Come for me, Oswald.”

The sharp pain from the bite, her nails digging into his cheeks was enough to send him over the edge and he came with a loud moan, pressing himself deep inside of her and holding himself there as he tensed, shivering with pleasure. 

Kristen put a hand to her own mouth, stifling a cry of pleasure as Oswald thrust so hard and deep into her, and she pushed her hips forward as hard as she could, her free hand gripping his ass as she felt him spill out inside her.

Oswald moaned, shivering against her, his chest pressed up against her as he slowly relaxed, his breathing starting to calm. 

Panting, her chest rising and falling rapidly beneath him, Kristen kissed him softly on the cheek, her hand running affectionately over his back. “I missed this so much,” she murmured.

Oswald mumbled an agreement before he pushed himself up slightly to look down at her. “You didn’t finish though.” He said his fingers playing with her hair. 

“I’m fine,” Kristen reassured Oswald, smiling up at him. “I promise.” It was the closeness with him that she had missed more than anything else, and now that they were doing this again, there would be plenty of opportunity later.

Oswald shook his head slowly and moved down, forcing himself not to wince as he moved his aching leg. 

“Oswald?” Kristen lifted her head to look at him, and realized what he was doing as he moved down her body. “You don't have to do that,” she assured him, blushing. And after he had just finished, she doubted he would want to. “It’s really alright.”

“No it’s not.” He said moving between his legs, his leg hurting even more in this position, but he ignored it as lowered his mouth onto her. He could taste his own come leaking out of her, and at first he had to refrain from pulling back by instinct. He’d never tasted his own come before, or anyone's for that matter. It definitely didn’t taste good … But … It wasn’t that bad. He licked over her clit, before he pushed his tongue inside of her. 

Kristen gasped, her eyes closing, head resting back on the bed as she felt his tongue press into her. “God, Oswald,” she moaned, amazed that he was really doing this. She would have expected this to be distasteful to him, but he really didn’t seem to mind.

Oswald moved his hands to her hips, pulling her slightly as he delved his tongue deeper into her, but this position was really hurting his leg and he couldn’t hold it anymore. He pulled away from her, and sat up before moving to the edge of the bed and moved down onto the floor, gesturing for her to move her hips to the edge. 

Looking down at him, Kristen nodded, and quickly moved to the edge of the bed. “Is your leg okay?” she asked, concerned. 

“It’s fine.” He lied as she moved closer to him, her hips on the edge of the bed. He moved his mouth back onto her, his tongue and lips moving over her. 

Kristen whimpered, her eyes closing again as she felt his tongue move over her, her breath quickening at the sensation. “God, that feels good,” she whispered.

Oswald mumbled something, but didn't pull back enough for her to understand what he said, his tongue circling around her clit before delving inside her again. 

Gasping, Kristen rolled her hips ever so slightly forward, her hands gripping the sheets beneath her, the sensation building unbearably.

Oswald hummed quietly, his hand moving to her slick entrance before pressing three fingers inside of her, his tongue and lips moving back to her clit again. He could feel the mixture of his come and her juices on his fingers as he moved them inside of her. 

A low moan escaped her, her back arching, hips pushing forward against his fingers as they delved into her, the sensation impossibly intense now. “Please …” she gasped, unable to formulate anything more coherent.

Oswald wasn’t sure what she was asking for, but didn’t stop as he kept moving his tongue and lips over her, his fingers moving inside of her. 

Moaning, she reached down and ran her fingers through his hair feverishly. The sensation was completely overpowering now. “Don't stop,” she gasped, trembling. She was so close now it was unbearable. 

He moaned as he thrust his fingers into her faster, his tongue and lips moving over her clit trying to coax her to orgasm. 

Her back arched as she moaned incoherently with need, her hips rolling forward into his touch as the sensation built, and she cried out, her inner walls clenching around his fingers. 

Oswald moved his mouth away from her, watching her as she writhed on the bed with the force of her orgasm, clenching around his fingers as she kept thrusting them into her. 

“Oswald!” Kristen gasped, her hips bucking forward against him, driving his fingers further into her, waves of pleasure crashing over her as she moved against him, until she finally went still, her chest rising and falling as she gasped for breath.

Oswald slipped his fingers out of her, wiping them off on the edge of the blanket before he struggled a moment to get off the floor, wincing as the pain got worse from the movement. 

“Are … are you alright?” Kristen murmured, concerned. She rolled over on the bed and held out a hand to help him up.

Oswald got up onto the bed, his hand reached down towards his knee. “I'll be fine.” He said panting slightly with the effort to get up.

She collapsed next to him, putting her arms around him. “You were amazing,” she murmured. 

“I'm glad.” Oswald said quietly, shifting uncomfortably on the bed before putting his arm around her.


	65. Chapter 65

Edward sat quietly at one of the tables, paperwork around him as he quietly made up Oswald’s day and evening schedule. 

“Hi,” Kristen said, entering the study, bringing Edward a cup of coffee. “How goes it?” She hadn’t really seen Edward all day. He always seemed to be busy.

“Fine.” He said simply, not pulling his eyes away from what he was doing. “I'm just finishing up Oswald’s schedule for tomorrow.” He said turning to another page. 

“Okay,” Kristen said awkwardly, bothered that he wasn’t even looking at her. “Do you maybe want to get lunch together later?”

“I'm uh … I'm kind of busy actually. Raincheck?” Edward asked flipping the bundle of papers closed and going onto the next one. 

“Um … okay,” Kristen said, seeing that he didn’t even touch the cup of coffee she’d just put down, and she didn’t think he’d eaten breakfast either. “Do you want me to bring something, then?” she asked. “You should really eat something.” 

“I'm fine. I have to go soon, I'll grab something on the way.” He said flippantly. 

“Alright,” Kristen said, turning to leave, before pausing. “Are you angry with me?” she asked.

“Why would I be angry?” He asked, though it really wasn't a yes or no to her answer. 

“I don’t know,” Kristen said, frustrated. She hadn’t done anything that he hadn’t expressly said he was okay with. “But I feel a little like you’re avoiding me.”

“I'm just busy. As is Oswald …” Edward said glancing up at her before looking back down at his papers. “We’ll have lunch another day, okay?”

“Right,” Kristen said, before asking, “But if something were bothering you, you would tell me?”

There was hesitation as Edward paused on his papers. “I-” 

“Morning.” Oswald said cheerily as he came into the room and kissed Kristen on the cheek, oblivious to the conversation that was going on. 

Edward flipped the papers he was holding closed and put a paperclip in the corner. He stood and moved to Oswald. “You schedule for tomorrow. Both day and evening.” 

Oswald looked at it stunned. “I hadn't expected this so soon. Thank you Ed.” He said as Ed nodded and left the room. 

“I … don’t think Edward’s as okay with this arrangement as he let on,” Kristen said quietly, looking back at Oswald with worry in her eyes. “Either that or something else is bothering him.”

“What do you mean? He seemed himself when I came in.” Oswald said looking to where Edward had left. 

“He’s covering it up well,” Kristen admitted. “But he wouldn’t even look at me most of the time I was in here. He hasn’t eaten, and he didn’t even touch the coffee a brought him,” she said, gesturing to the abandoned cup on Edward’s desk.

“It seems like he's behaving the way he had since his release. He’s trying to act normal, Kristen. But with what he went through … That's not going to happen overnight as he made it seem.” Oswald said. “I doubt his behaviour had anything to do with us, and everything to do with his experiences at Arkham … Look how long it took me to change, and I'm not the man I was before I went in and likely never will again. Just … Give him some time to figure his head out.” 

“Maybe,” Kristen sighed, shaking her head. “But I really think it’s something more than that.”

“If it was, he'd tell us.” Oswald said looking up at her. “Kristen …” he said nervously. “You're not …” he paused licking his lips nervously. “You're not thinking about breaking up with me again … are you?” He asked worriedly. 

“No,” Kristen reassured him quickly, her eyes pained with the realization of what he was thinking. Poor Oswald must still feel as if his part in the relationship was hanging by a thread. After all the uncertainty she had put him through, it was going to take a lot of reassurance to make him feel more secure. She took his hand in hers. “I’m not going to do that to you,” she promised. “Whatever this is, whether it has to do with you or not, we can all work through it together.”

“And if Ed says he's not actually comfortable with this?” He asked. 

“We’ll try to figure out a way that he will be,” Kristen said. “He agreed to the idea, so that's not the part he's uncomfortable with. There may be something more specific in the arrangement that he objects to. But I’ve made a commitment to both of you now; I’m not going to just abandon you.”

“And if he decides he'd rather leave? I doubt you’d stay with me over him.” Oswald said. After last night he thought things were finally starting to go his way but … If Ed really was uncomfortable with this … 

“I’m not leaving either of you,” Kristen said quietly but firmly. After Edward had said he was alright with this, it felt unfair to make her choose again. And it certainly wasn't fair to Oswald to treat him as secondary. She couldn't choose the way she had before, based on who needed her most. At this point, all three of them were too involved for that. 

“Okay.” Oswald said. “I have to go into work, will you be okay?” He asked quietly.

Kristen nodded, before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. “I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “I’m probably just worrying about nothing. You have a good day, alright?”

“You too.” He said before kissing her gently, going to the front door.


	66. Chapter 66

Edward came quietly into the house, closing the door behind him and made his way up the stairs to change for bed. He was out a lot longer than he'd thought he would be, and he felt exhausted. At least maybe he'd sleep tonight. 

He was so quiet that she barely heard him come in until his door clicked closed. After a moment’s hesitation, she padded down the hallway and tapped on the door. “Edward?” she said softly, half-wondering if she should just leave it until morning.

Edward was in the middle of changing, just about to take his binder off when he heard her knock. He wrapped it back around him, clipping it back in place before he moved to the door without his shirt on. He opened it a bit, looking down at her. “Yes?” 

“If this isn’t a good time,” Kristen said, catching a glimpse of him through the crack in the door. He was more undressed than he was usually comfortable with her seeing. “That’s okay. But I was wondering if we could talk?”

Edward sighed slightly and moved away from the door, leaving it open for her to enter. 

She looked up at him as she came in. “You got interrupted before you had a chance to answer my question earlier,” she said. “Would you tell me if something were bothering you?”

Ed grabbed his shirt he'd been wearing before and pulled it on. Slowly doing the buttons up as he regarded her question. “If I knew what was bothering me … Of course.” He said cryptically. 

“So …” Kristen frowned, watching him. “You don't know what's bothering you?”

“It's just … I heard you and Oswald last night …” Edward said with a shrug staring down at the floor. 

“Oh …” Kristen said quietly. She should have suspected as much. The walls in this old house were thin, and she hadn't exactly been focused on keeping quiet. She tentatively put a hand on his shoulder. “And it upset you?”

“Yes.” He said quietly staring down at the bed. “I mean, I'm fine with you and Oswald, I get it … It's just …” He shook his head. “I don't know … Maybe it's just something I have to get used to.” 

“Maybe we should have been quieter,” Kristen pointed out, her face reddening slightly as she looked up at him. “Are you maybe feeling neglected?” she suggested. Though Edward had so many insecurities and fears in that department that, if he was feeling left out, it was hardly an easy matter to resolve. 

“I don't know … Maybe …” Edward said with a slight shrug. 

“I’m sorry,” Kristen said, wrapping her arms around him. “You know I love you, right?”

Edward nodded and wrapped his arms around her as well. “Yeah.” He said quietly. “I'm sorry, it's just … I'm not used to this. It's strange … And I really don't know how to feel … About anything really, not just you and Oswald.” 

“What do you mean?” she asked, looking up at him as she held him. “About anything?” Maybe Oswald had been right, to an extent. Maybe there was more bothering Edward than just this new arrangement.

“I don't know how to explain it …” Edward said. “Just … Being released from Arkham, I have no home to call my own, I'm in a job that I'm decently good at but I have no qualifications so I feel like I'm constantly grasping at straws, and I just … It's like … It's like if people had a center, and it kept them together … I feel like I'm missing that center. It's … Hard to explain.” 

“It might help to talk to someone who can understand some of what you’re going through,” Kristen said quietly.

Edward pulled away from her suspiciously. “What do you mean … Someone?” He asked. 

“I just meant Oswald,” she said, surprised that he pulled away. “But if that’s not what you want right now, you don’t have to.”

Edward seemed to relax slightly after her clarification. “Maybe … But it's not really the same, he found his father, he has a home that's as good as his … He found his center after his release …. What if …” Edward paused and shook his head staring at the floor. 

Kristen took his hand in hers gently. “You’ll find yours,” she said quietly. “And if it takes time, that’s okay.”

“What if I don’t?” Edward asked. “What if this job doesn't work out? What if I can't find another? What if you realize you're better off with Oswald? Without me? I just … I feel wrong … Like I shouldn't be here. Like I'm just inconveniencing everyone by existing.” 

“Edward,” Kristen said, hurting to see him so uncertain. She reached up, gently touching her hand to his cheek, looking steadily up at him. “No one feels like you're inconveniencing them. You're brilliant at this job already, and you’ll only get better. But if it's not what you want, you're resourceful. You’ll find something else eventually. And as for me …” Her voice went quiet as she thought back to all those months worrying about whether he was safe, whether he thought she'd abandoned him. “I missed you every day that you were gone. How could I possibly be better off without you?” She leaned up and kissed him. 

Edward didn't respond to the kiss, and instead gently pulled away, looking down at the floor. “Because you deserve better than being with a fr-” Edward stopped knowing she would hate what he was about to say, but even what he'd said was enough … He couldn't take it back. He should really learn to keep his thoughts to himself. 

“Don't talk about yourself that way,” Kristen said firmly, her eyes tearing up a little. “Because I have no respect for anyone else who puts you down like that. You're so much smarter and better than any of them, so why should you believe them? I love you … And nothing is going to change that.”

Edward nodded though he didn't look convinced. “Okay …” he said quietly. “You should go, I'm sure Oswald’s wondering where you are.” 

“Would you rather I stay with you tonight?” Kristen asked, meeting his eyes. “I’m sure he'd understand.” Edward seemed to need some reassurance right now, but it was also possible that he would want to be left alone. 

Edward shook his head, “No, I'll be fine.” He said softly, torn on whether he wanted her to stay or go. 

“Are you sure?” she asked gently, taking his hand in hers. 

Edward pulled his hand out of hers and stood up from the bed. “Yeah.” He said going back over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of pajama pants. 

“Okay,” Kristen said uncertainly. “Just let me know if you change your mind or … or if you need anything.”

“Of course.” He said pulling out a t-shirt and putting both onto the bed. “Have a good sleep.” 

Kristen nodded, going over to kiss him on the cheek before she headed toward the door. “You too,” she said. She quietly closed the door behind her before heading back to Oswald’s room.

When Kristen came into the room Oswald looked up at her, already in his pajamas. “Kristen. I figured you were staying with Ed tonight.” 

“I asked if he wanted me to,” Kristen said, shaking her head. “He said he was fine … I’m not sure if he wants to be alone tonight to think, or if he was just saying that.”

“Well, if he wants his space that might be good to leave him be.” He said, going over to her and wrapping his arms around her. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Kristen nodded, hugging him back. “Just worried about Edward. I suggested that maybe he should talk to you about some of what he’s going through since Arkham … I don’t know if he actually will, though.”

“I'll try talking to him.” He said leaning up and kissing her. “Before work tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Kristen said, kissing him back. “I think he’s just overwhelmed right now … And he wasn’t telling me everything, He’s still bottling so much up. If he’ll talk to you … I think it may help.”

“Hopefully.” Oswald said moving over to the bed and pulling the blankets back. “Hey, I was wondering …” He said getting into the bed. 

“Wondering?” Kristen repeated, looking over at him as she climbed into bed next to him.

Oswald cuddled up next to her before pulling the blankets over them. “I have a dinner tomorrow evening. I was wondering if you'd be my plus one?” He asked looking up at her shyly. 

“I’d love to,” Kristen said, delighted, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek, before snuggling up against him. “What time?”

“Seven. So you'll have to buy a dress before then.” He said before looking up at her worried. “I-I’ll pay for it, of course. I just meant unfortunately I cannot go with you.” He said with a nervous smile. 

“Thank you,” Kristen smiled, a little amused. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I can pick out something you’ll like without dragging you along shopping.”

“You wouldn't be dragging me, I'd go willingly. But I have things I need to do tomorrow.” Oswald said with a slight nod. 

“What with being mayor and all,” Kristen agreed. “It’s a good thing you have Edward working out your schedule.”

“Yeah … I already know I'd be lost without him. Butch wouldn't do nearly as good of a job.” Oswald said snuggling into his pillow. “We should get some sleep. It's a long day tomorrow.” He said with a slight yawn. 

Kristen nodded, kissing him on the cheek and closing her eyes, settling close against him contentedly. She couldn’t help worrying about Edward, though, and whether he really wanted space tonight, or whether he was just covering up more pain … “Goodnight, Oswald,” she murmured.


	67. Chapter 67

Oswald slowly approached Ed’s bedroom, wondering just what to say as he stood outside the door, his hand raising to knock before he hesitated. He could hear his father moving around in his room, likely getting ready for the day. He took a deep breath and quietly knocked on the door. 

“Ed?” He asked quietly. “It's Oswald.” He said before closing his eyes and shaking his head. Of course he’d know who it was … Stupid. 

A few moments later, he could hear Edward stirring inside, before he called out groggily, “Come in.”

Oswald quietly stepped into the room, almost a bit nervously. “Hey Ed.” Oswald said closing the door behind him. “How are you?” 

Edward sighed. “What did Kristen tell you?”

“She just said she was worried about you. We both are, it wasn't really a secret.” He said. “She didn't tell me anything else, but suggested it might be a good idea for us to talk.” 

Edward was quiet for a moment, looking down at the bedspread before he nodded. “Okay,” he said.

Oswald stood there awkwardly, not really sure what to say. He was expecting more than just an ‘okay’ … Edward really didn't seem like he was in a mood to start anything himself. 

“Okay …” Oswald said awkwardly. “Is there anything specific that’s bothering you?” He asked. 

“It's …” Edward's hands opened and closed aimlessly, as if grasping for something he couldn't quite get a hold on. He looked up at him. “I just feel like I'm drifting. I don't have anywhere I belong, anything that's mine anymore, any purpose, I’m just … here. I don't really feel like I'm putting my life back together, I don't even know where to start.”

“You've already started, Ed.” Oswald said. “You belong here. This house is as much yours as it is mine. You’ll be making a steady income soon, so you can start building your life again. And you have family to help you. We’re your family now Ed …” 

Edward shook his head. “I want that to be true …” he said. “But nothing feels stable. I just feel like I’m holding everyone back.”

“You're not Ed …” Oswald said. “Just last night I was telling Kristen I'd be floundering right now if it wasn't for you … Butch is great muscle but when it comes to this job … You were made for it Ed. Sure it’s taking some time to get used to, it's a change …. But … We all need you here.” Oswald said. “Not just for work but … In our personal lives as well. You couldn't be more where you belong. You're just in a transition of change … I understand that.” 

“Do you … really think things will work out?” he asked quietly. “What if they don’t, what if …”

“Ed, I had a lot of the what if questions too … I was on the street for a long time before I found Kristen and because of her I found my father. Just like you … Kristen found you and brought you to us. I felt weird when I first got here too and it took me awhile to get used to but … it helps if you start thinking of it as your home, not my father's home. He’s welcomed you here too, and has no intentions of making you leave. And if he did, which he won't … Then me and Kristen would go with you. You wouldn't be alone.” 

“But …” Edward was quiet for a moment, trying to make the worries coalesce into words. “What if something happens again, and I can’t control it? Like when I …” he didn’t want to finish the thought. 

“That's actually something I wanted to bring up as well.” He said. “I've been in contact with a psychologist, my father's, actually. He's fully trusted by both myself and my father, I've spoken to him on occasion as well. I was wondering if you would consider speaking with him. He'd come to the house, he's entirely discrete. But I think you would benefit greatly by speaking to him. He's helped me a lot too. But the decision is entirely up to you.” 

Edward stiffened, his shoulders tensing, and he shook his head vehemently. “I can’t,” he murmured. “I can’t have someone picking my mind apart like that, not again.”

“I felt the same way when my father brought it up with me. But he doesn't pick. He helps you understand your feelings … He helped me a lot.” He said gently putting his hand on Ed’s arm. “Believe me, after what Hugo did to us … I would never do anything to harm you, nor would I put you in a situation I didn't think would be beneficial to you.” He said pulling his hand away from him. “Nor would I lightly refer you to someone blindly. Believe me when I say, this man has no ill intentions. And you know, I don't trust easily. Would you trust me though, and at least consider it?” 

Edward looked over at Oswald, his expression pained. As much as he hated it, he needed someone to help him understand what was going on in his own brain, to figure out how to hold himself together. He couldn’t stand for something like what had happened in the nursery to happen again. And however much Kristen and Oswald said they cared about him, if he kept putting them through that, their patience wouldn’t last forever.

He nodded. “I’ll … think about it,” he said, his voice low and a little hoarse. He wouldn’t have trusted the recommendation from anyone else, even Kristen. But Oswald … Oswald had walked this shaky ground before him, and come out on the other side.

“Thank you.” Oswald said. “Can I ask … Why you didn't want Kristen to sleep with you last night?” 

Oswald could be so observant. “I didn’t want her to worry,” Edward said, hoping that made sense.

“Sending her away made her worry more.” Oswald said. 

“But she had you there,” Edward explained. It had seemed to make sense last night. “If she’s worried about trying to be there for me, then she needs someone stable to be there for her too.”

“I think she can make that decision for herself, Ed.” Oswald said. “But since we made the decision of this triangular relationship, you've kept sending her away, pushing her to me. The thing you brought up when we talked about this the other night, was communication. And that's not just between me and Kristen and you and Kristen. That between us as well. Even though we aren't dating each other, that communication needs to extend to ourselves. You shouldn't push her away unless you actually don't want her there. Stop making your decisions based off of what you think we want, and start listening to what she actually wants, and to what you want.” He said not sure if that even made sense. “I know you're thinking of yourself as an outsider invading someone's relationship, that's the way I feel about dating her while you two are together, but this needs to be an equal thing … and that can't mean you keep pushing her away. If you do that, she may start to think you don't want her anymore.” 

Edward thought about that. “I hadn't really realized I was pushing her away,” he said tentatively. “But does she really even need me anymore?”

“Of course she does.” Oswald said, his eyebrows furrowing. “We both do.”

Edward nodded quietly. He still couldn't shake the feeling that Oswald was better for her. “Thank you,” he said. 

“Something's still bothering you.” Oswald observed. 

Edward sighed, looking down at his hands. “I don't understand  _ why  _ she still needs me,” he said. “You're clearly better for her, you’ve been with her through everything…” And, when they were both ready to try again, she could have children with Oswald. Edward could tell they had both wanted that baby so badly, planned or not. Thinking about it tore him up inside. “Just … why stay attached to me when she could have a normal life with you?”

“She can have a normal life with the both of us.” Oswald said. “She still needs you because she loves you … She wouldn't have wanted to be with you in the first place if she didn't.” 

“How can she have a normal life like this?” he muttered. “Nothing about me is normal.”

“Everything about you is normal Ed … You feel strange and lost and I get it … But you are normal Ed …” 

“Am I?” Edward demanded, looking over at him. “What about me was ever normal?”

“I don't see anything abnormal about you.” Oswald said confused. 

“Really,” Edward said, gesticulating in frustration. “My mind is wrong, my body is wrong … How do you not see anything abnormal about me!?”

“Your mind isn't wrong Edward ….” Oswald said. “If yours is, then so is mine. And your body can be fixed, if that's something that you want.” 

Edward laughed bitterly at that. “And if the doctor delayed it before, I’m sure they’ll accommodate me now that I'm so mentally stable,” he said sarcastically. 

“I can try to help if you’d like. I have connections. Remember?” Oswald said more than asked. 

Edward stiffened, his body very still for a moment as he processed what Oswald had just said. Then he straightened, turning to look at him. “You would really do that?” he asked softly. 

“Of course.” He said. “What were you wanting done?” He asked. 

Just like that, the impossibility of feeling like himself in his own body was within reach. Unexpected emotion flooded his mind, and he hesitated, nervous. He’d never really talked about this with Oswald before. “Um … full transition,” Edward said, his face reddening slightly. “Upper and lower … Most doctors insist on doing the surgeries separately, so you're not recovering from both at once, though.”

“I'll make some calls.” Oswald said. “I'll see what I can do.” 

Abruptly, before Edward even knew he was going to do it, he turned toward Oswald and pulled him into a tight hug. “Thank you,” he said, his voice a little hoarse with emotion. “This means a lot to me.” Realizing he had possibly overstepped a boundary, Edward started to pull away.

“It's not a problem.” Oswald said smiling. He was glad to see Edward so happy. 

“But you have no idea how long I’ve …” Edward shook his head, overwhelmed. And after what had happened with the nursery. He was beyond amazed that Oswald would do this for him. “You're a good friend, Oswald,” he told him seriously. 

“You are too.” Oswald said standing from the bed. “I'm going to go talk to my father, let Sandra know I'll be a bit late in today.” 

Edward nodded. “I’ll tell her, and modify today's schedule accordingly.” He hesitated, then asked, “Would your father he accepting of all of this?” Elijah was an uncommonly kind and forgiving man, but he was still a bit old-fashioned in his ways. And this was a lot for many people to accept to begin with. 

“I don't know … I don't think he knows yet.” Oswald said. “But I'll find out. I doubt he’d have anything against it.” 

Edward nodded. “Thank you,” he said again. “He … seems very kind, but he’s put up with so much from me already. You all have.”

“It'll be fine.” Oswald said. “But I want you to know … No matter how you are, what you look like. You're accepted with us.” Oswald said, something he himself had always feel he'd needed to hear, and he felt Edward needed to hear it too. 

“I …” Edward was taken aback by that. His expression tightened slightly, as if he were trying to remain reserved, but his eyes teared up slightly in spite of himself. “That’s good to know,” he said quietly.

Oswald nodded, his lips tight as he moved to the door. “I'll uh … I'll see you at work.” He said his hand tapping on the doorframe before he went over to find his father. He went over to his father’s room and tapped lightly on the door.

“Come in.” Elijah said, standing in front of his mirror and fidgeting with his tie. 

“Good morning,” Oswald said, opening the old oak door and letting himself in. “Do you maybe have a moment to talk?”

“Of course, son, of course.” He said with a bright smile. “What's on your mind, my boy?” He asked turning to look at him as he smoothed out his jacket. 

“I wanted to explain some of what’s going on with Kristen, Edward, and me,” Oswald said a little nervously.

Elijah watched him a moment before going to sit on the bed and motioning for Oswald to sit next to him. “What is there to explain?” 

“Well,” Oswald said, thinking of how best to word this as he went and sat down on the bed next to him. “We all sat down together and talked things through the other night, and we’ve agreed on an arrangement in which we're both with Kristen now,” he said, glancing over at his father with uncertainty, knowing that he must have his concerns about this. “I know it's far from conventional, and it's going to take a great deal of communication, we all want to make this work.”

Elijah was silent for a few moments, thinking about what Oswald was saying. “Oswald, are you just settling for this because this is what she'll give you? Or is this what you actually want?” 

“So far,” Oswald said, mulling the question over carefully, unsure of the answer himself. “I have been happy with this arrangement. I want to be with her, but I don't want to take her away from Ed either. And I don't doubt that she truly loves both of us.”

Elijah sighed and shook his head. “I don't see this ending well for any of you … But if this is what you want, I will support your decision. But only if this truly  _ is  _ what you want.” 

“It is,” Oswald said, looking up at him seriously. “Thank you for being supportive. I know you're worried, and this can't be easy for you, but I really appreciate how kind you’ve been to the people I care about.”

“It's the least I can do. After all I wasn't there for you and your mother when I should have been.” He said sounding and feeling quite guilty about that fact. 

“You need to stop blaming yourself for that,” Oswald said quietly. “If you’d known about me back then, things would have been different, but we're a family now.”

“Yes, you are right. But I can't help dwelling on all those missed years.” Elijah said his hand lazily waving out towards the photo album Oswald had given him and the picture of Gertrud and a very young Oswald framed on his bedside.

“I know,” Oswald said quietly. He couldn’t help thinking how different his life would have been if Elijah had been there. Maybe he would have turned out differently … maybe his mother would still be here too. “But I’m glad you’re here now.”

“Me too. It seems fate had brought us together.” He said with a smile. “Or perhaps your mother had led us together, knowing we needed each other.” He said his smile kind but his eyes saddened. 

Oswald returned a small, wistful smile. “Maybe,” he said. “It’s hard to believe we could have found each other like that just by chance.”

“Yes …” Elijah said. “I like to think she was watching out for you, and knew you needed someone … You may be an adult Oswald … But she’d feel better knowing you still have a parent.” 

Oswald nodded quietly. “I was fortunate to have her,” he said. “And now to have found you.” He was quiet for a moment then said, “There’s something else I want to talk to you about too.”

“Oh?” Elijah asked. “What is it?” 

“It’s about Edward,” Oswald said. “He’s going through a lot of turmoil right now, and there’s something I want to do to help him.”

“Yes, you already said you wanted to help him in seeing a psychiatrist. You already know I support it.” He said wondering just what Oswald was getting at. 

“Yes, there’s that,” Oswald agreed. “I’ve just broached the topic with him, and he seems to be opening up to the idea. But … I’d like to also put him in touch with another doctor who can help him feel more like himself. You see, Edward is transgender.” He tried to say it in a way that sounded as normal as it felt to him, but he really didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect. He didn’t know whether his father would approve of or accept this initially … or even if he fully understood what it meant.

Elijah was silent a moment. “I see.” Elijah said not displaying any type of reaction, at least not outwardly. “And what doctor exactly did you have in mind?” 

“I … thought I might find a surgeon who would be willing to work with him,” Oswald said, uncertain what to make of his father’s outward reserve. “Edward wants to transition fully … It’s my understanding that he’s wanted it for years. To the rest of us, he’s Edward, and has been as long as we’ve known him, but to Ed … he doesn’t see himself the way he wants to be. He’s uncomfortable in his own body. I think … it would really go a long way toward giving him the stability to put his life back together.”

Elijah took a deep breath and nodded, suddenly understanding why Oswald was talking to him at all about this. “And you want to help him pay for it, but have no money of your own, so you're asking me?” 

Oswald’s expression tightened slightly, not quite a wince, before he nodded. “Yes,” he admitted, a little guiltily. “I want to help him, but … I don’t know how you feel about that. I would pay you back of course, once I start profiting off my assets again.”

“I don't know Oswald …” Elijah said. “It's a lot of money. Which really isn't an issue, but … Oswald I'm scared they're using you. What happens if Edward does have the surgery, we pay for it … And Kristen decides that now that Edward’s a man she doesn't need you anymore?” 

“I understand why you would have that concern,” Oswald admitted, looking up at him with a somewhat pinched expression. “And I’ll admit, the possibility has occurred to me … But I don’t think you need to worry about that. Edward risked everything just to prove to me that I could win this campaign, and Kristen took me in when I had nowhere to go … I believe that they care about me. And however things turn out, I want them to be happy.”

“And what about you?” Elijah asked. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Maybe,” Oswald said, shaking his head. “But I’m not prepared to keep them miserable to ensure it.”

Elijah licked his lips and nodded. “If you want to help them … Then I will help pay for it. On the condition you find him a good surgeon. I will not be held responsible for paying for a cheap quack who doesn’t know what he’s doing.” Elijah said, knowing a good surgeon would cost a lot more than the average, but if they were to do this … The least he could do was allow it to be done right, and well. 

“Thank you,” Oswald said, looking up at him in surprise. “This means a lot to me. I’ll make sure Edward gets the best surgeon I can find.”

“Don’t restrict yourself in your search. Your find someone good.” He said. 

Oswald nodded. “I will,” he said seriously. “I’ll make sure Edward has the best.” 

“Now, would you like to have some breakfast before you leave for work?” He asked as he stood from the bed, a kind smile on his face. 

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Oswald said, returning the smile as he stood. Just like that, his father was so accepting … Oswald wondered if he even knew how rare that was, how much it meant to him.


	68. Chapter 68

The day turned out to be a busy one, which Oswald didn't know how he would have managed without Edward's precise organization. Still, that made it very difficult to find a moment to take Edward aside and speak with him alone, until the end of the day. And he knew Edward would want absolute privacy when discussing this. So as soon as they had both arrived at home, Oswald pulled him into a side room and, seeing no servants about, said, “You have a consultation with a surgeon on Friday. It would be sooner, but he’ll have to fly in from Europe, and I thought it would be best if he's not jet-lagged when he first meets with you.”

Edward actually flinched, blinking in shock. “That …” Edward was fighting for words to say. “That quickly?” He asked. “Europe?” He asked finally clicking in on that. “Why is someone coming here from Europe? There's at least three surgeons in Gotham that can do it. And it'll be cheaper.” 

“Well, there are a few surgeons in Gotham who  _ could  _ do it,” Oswald agreed with a little shrug. “But this is too important to trust to just anyone. So I took the liberty of doing a little research and found the best in the business.” Seeing how taken aback Edward seemed, he asked, “Unless this is too soon for you?”

Edward was at a loss for words. “No, it’s not but …” He shook his head, more confused than anything. “I know you said you were going to help, but I expected it would be months, and … Flying in the best from Europe? That’s going to cost a fortune. There’s more than one surgery, it’s a whole process …” 

“I know,” Oswald said, unperturbed. “But why settle for anything less than the best?”

“Because I can’t pay you back for it. That’s a lot of money Oswald …” He said. “It’s one thing helping me when it’s a surgeon here but this … This is too much.” He appreciated it, and God did he want it. The concept of getting the best when just yesterday getting the surgery at all wasn’t even thinkable … It was hard to believe. But he couldn’t use Oswald like that, and that’s exactly what he’d feel like he was doing. “I can’t … I can’t accept that.” 

“But you’ve waited so long for this,” Oswald said, reaching up and putting a hand on his shoulder. “And I want to do this for you. You're … You’re my best friend.”

Edward licked his lips nervously, his nails digging into his palms. “And …” He knew Oswald didn’t make enough money in a year to do this himself, and he had yet to fully take back Gotham’s underworld from Butch, everything was still in the works, so there really was only one place that Oswald could get the money from. “Your father agreed to this?” He asked disbelieving. 

Oswald nodded. “I was a little surprised myself at how accepting he was,” he admitted. “But he insisted that if we were going to do this, it needed to be done right.”

Edward was shaking slightly, but he nodded. “Thank you.” He said pulling Oswald into a hug. “You have no idea how much this means to me.” He said his eyes tearing up. 

A little surprised, Oswald froze for a moment, before returning Edward’s hug with a tight embrace. It felt nice, somehow … Maybe because he couldn’t recall the last time he’d ever seen Edward this happy. “Don’t mention it,” he smiled. “This is important to you, and I wanted to put your mind at ease that you’ll be in capable hands.”

“Thank you.” He said pulling away from him. “If there’s ever anything I could do to repay you … And your father …” 

Oswald shook his head, smiling up at him. “You don’t have to. And anyway, you’re already an excellent chief of staff.”

“I shall strive to do my best.” Edward said. 

“I don’t doubt that for a minute,” Oswald said with a nod, though he suddenly felt a little awkward, for some reason he couldn’t quite place. “I’ll let you tell Kristen the good news.”

“I will.” Edward said smiling before turning to move towards the stairs. He paused in the hall as he saw Elijah sitting in the sitting room, reading a book. He glanced over to where Oswald was standing to find him gone, likely in the dining room to go over some of the paperwork he'd given him at the office. He slowly moved over to the doorway and tapped on the frame. “Hello Mr. Van Dahl, can I come in?” 

Looking up from his book, Elijah smiled slightly. “Why of course,” he said. “Please, come in.”

Edward awkwardly came into the room, his hands in his pockets. “I talked to Oswald … Just now …” 

“And he told you about the surgeon that he found?” Elijah guessed, understanding Edward’s awkwardness.

Edward nodded slightly, stopping beside a chair across from Elijah. “Yeah … I just …” He took a deep breath. “I just don't understand why you would do that … It's a lot … You just met me not long ago, you don't know me … Most people, especially people in your generation would hate me when they found out … My own parents couldn't even accept it and you're …” he pushed his glasses up on his nose more out of nervous habit than anything. “I just … I don't understand.” 

“Oswald doesn’t have many friends,” Elijah said after a moment’s pause. “He seems to be good at making connections, but …” He shook his head. “You can have all the best connections in the world and still be completely alone when it counts. A real friend is harder to come by, and I believe Oswald knows the difference.” He looked back at Edward. “You both seem to need each other, and helping you was important to him. Just … don’t forget how much he cares about you. That’s all I ask.”

“I won't … Oswald is my best friend … I’d do anything for him.” Edward said with a nod. 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Elijah said, a hint of worry lingering in his eyes. 

“Thank you … for doing this for me. Like I said to Oswald … if you ever need anything …” He said. “I'll do what I can.” 

“Just continue to be there for Oswald,” Elijah said seriously. 

“Of course.” Edward said. “I'm not going anywhere.” 


	69. Chapter 69

Edward stood nervously in front of his mirror, shivering slightly with nerves. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his hands smoothing out the front of his pajama shirt and moving nervously to his pants. 

“It's okay … It's your decision …” He reassured himself. “You want to do this …” He said. And he did … But … What if she didn't? He'd been thinking about it for a while now, and he’d made up his mind earlier today but … That didn't mean she'd want to. 

In comparison to Oswald, his penis was rather pathetic, he didn't need to see Oswald’s to know that … But with the toy. His hand moved to the toy in his pants, the tip held against his stomach by the elastic of his pants, held in place by the strap on around his hips. 

With the toy it might be different. He could please her that way … He wouldn't be entirely useless to her then. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and before he could change his mind he moved into the hall and towards Kristen’s room hoping she was there. He reached the door in a few quick strides, and knocked quietly on the door. 

In a moment, the door opened, and Kristen smiled up at him, surprised to see him standing there. “Edward,” she said, stepping aside to let him in. “Are you spending the night with me?” 

“I was hoping to.” Edward said. “Unless, you wanted a night to yourself.” He said nervously, still shivering slightly. She usually came to one of them, if she was here maybe … Maybe she wanted to be alone tonight … 

Kristen shook her head quickly, taking his hand in hers. “I want you to stay,” she said, leaning up and kissing him softly.

Ed was surprised she didn't notice his hand shaking in hers, and he tried to force himself to calm down, but it wasn't really working. He responded to her kiss gently, his free hand going to her hip.

Wrapping her arms lightly around him, Kristen deepened the kiss as she leaned into him … And she felt the toy press against her through the fabric of Edward’s pajama pants. That was strange; he didn’t sleep with it on. She looked up at him questioningly as the idea formulated, and she recognized the nervousness in his eyes, felt the way that he was shivering … “Edward?” she asked quietly.

Edward's shaking got a bit worse as she looked up at him. Did he make a wrong assumption that she would want to … Maybe he had. “I …” His voice broke as he looked down at the ground. “I was … I mean …” He hated being so nervous he always turned into a gibbering loon when he was. “I was hoping we could … If you want …” he said knowing he wasn't making any sense but he knew she knew what he meant. “I mean, I know you have Oswald now and … This isn't real …” 

“Edward …” Kristen said. “Just because this isn't real …” She said her hand going to the toy in his pants, feeling its firmness. “Doesn't mean that this isn't.” She said bringing her hand up to his chest. His eyes darted up to hers at her words and his shivering settled slightly but didn't stop. She leaned up and kissed him gently, before taking his hand and leading him to the bed. 

Edward followed her, starting to shiver a bit more again. “Kristen … I … we don't have to do this. If you don't want to.” 

“Edward …” Kristen said quietly, looking up at him. “You don't have to do this either, if you don't want to, or you're not ready. But … I hope you don't doubt that I want you?”

“I just don't see why. It's just a toy … I'm not … it's not the same, and you can have Osw-” 

“I want  _ you _ ,” Kristen repeated firmly. “We don’t even have to use the toy; I’ve told you before that doesn’t matter to me.”

“We don’t … I … What do you mean?” He asked. 

“I mean I want you to enjoy this too,” Kristen said. 

“I know but … It’s …” He looked even more nervous now. “It’s not big enough for that.” 

“You know I’ve seen it before,” she said gently. “We can do it with the toy if you want, but … I promise you don’t need it.”

“You’ll barely feel it.” Edward argued as she pulled him onto the bed, his pajama pants moving in a way that they tightened around the toy in his pants, making it more prominent. 

“Let me be the judge of that,” Kristen said, before kissing him again.

Edward nodded before he leaned forward and kissed her, his hands moving to her sides. 

Kristen ran her fingers lightly through Edward’s hair as she kissed him back. 

His hands moved up, tugging at her clothing before he pulled her shirt up over her head, his eyes trailing down to her lacy bra. 

Smiling up at him, Kristen’s hands went to the hem of Edward’s shirt, tugging it up slightly. “May I?” she asked.

Edward licked his lips nervously before he nodded. “Yes.” 

Kristen pulled Edward’s shirt off gently, before she pulled him close against her, her hands running lightly over his back.

Edward moved his hands down her arms before he pulled them away from his back and took her hands in his. He held them nervously before he brought her hands to his chest before he kissed her gently again. 

Her hands moved gently over his chest through the fabric of his chest binder, and she kissed down the side of his neck.

He tensed slightly as she moved her hands over his chest, old memories making him fearful, but he forced himself to calm. This was Kristen … He trusted her. This was fine. 

“How are you doing?” she asked gently, feeling him tense. Her hands ran gently down his sides.

“I'm fine.” He said, and that question alone calmed him quite a bit. Kristen actually cared about how he felt … About what he wanted … “Thank you for asking me that.” He said awkwardly. 

Kristen nodded. “Don’t be afraid to let me know if you’re uncomfortable with something, alright?” she said seriously.

“I won't.” Edward said, his fingers moving gently over her sides before moving to the back of her bra and unclasping it. 

“Good,” Kristen murmured, kissing his cheek softly, before moving to slip off the bra, her hands returning to trail over Edward’s chest again as she lightly nipped at his ear.

He wasn't shivering anymore, he noted, as she nipped at his ear. This all felt so normal. At least … For now. He kissed her neck his hands moving down to her hips.

Kristen smiled slightly as Edward seemed to gain confidence, and her hips shifted slightly under his touch as her hands moved over his shoulders, her fingers threading lightly through the back of his hair.

Edward pulled away slightly, looking down at her, swallowing nervously as his hand went to the waist of her skirt, his fingers tugging down the small zipper on the side. 

Her legs parted slightly, her hands going down to the front of Edward’s pants. “May I?” she asked.

Edward swallowed nervously again before he nodded. 

Looking up into his eyes, watching for any sign that he was uncomfortable with this, Kristen tugged the hem of Edward’s pajama pants down over his waist.

He licked his lips nervously as she tugged his pants down revealing the toy strapped around him. He didn't know why he was so nervous about this. It was just a toy. But it felt much more intimate than that. 

Seeing Edward’s nervousness, Kristen realized that, even with just the toy, he was sharing something with her that was important to him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t seem so vulnerable. The toy was flesh-colored, realistically shaped. She ran her hand lightly over the shaft as she would with an actual cock, before wrapping her hand around it, her thumb running lightly over the head as she watched his face, wondering if he got anything out of this. Later, she wanted him to actually be able to feel it, but … maybe right now, the validation was more important to him than that.

Edward watched her, wondering what she was doing. She knew he wouldn't be able to feel this, and yet … He found himself growing wet watching her do it. Though the straps sort of ruined the effect. He had an idea as he pulled away from her slightly, pulling his pants back up. He pulled the button on the front of his pajama pants open, before reaching in and pulling the toy through, the appendage almost looking like a real cock sticking out of his pants. Almost.

At first, Kristen thought Edward didn't like this. Maybe the inability to feel it was just another reminder that his body still wasn't what he wanted it to be. But then she realized what he was doing, and she smiled, a new idea formulating as she went to him and bent down, taking the tip of the toy into her mouth and sucking. She glanced up at him to see if he got anything out of watching this. 

His mouth opened slightly in surprise before his tongue rolled between his lips, his eyes watching her as her lips wrapped around his cock … toy … Still …. God she looked so beautiful like that. 

Judging by the look on his face, Edward was definitely turned on by this. Still watching him, she took the toy further into her mouth, as far back as she could.

Edward could feel himself growing wet as she sucked on his toy …. Fuck, cock. Just call it a cock, Edward internally scolded himself. Pretend. Edward watched her sucking on him and despite the fact that he couldn't feel it, the strap between his legs rubbed against his large engorged clit and he bucked forward slightly trying to rub it a bit harder and in doing so he pushed the toy a bit further into her mouth. 

Surprised at how much Edward was getting into this, Kristen began to suck vigorously at Edward’s “cock,” the shaft disappearing into her mouth over and over again. Her hands went to Edward’s hips, pulling him forward against her as she went down on him.

Edward watched her for a few more moments before he pulled away from her. “That can’t be comfortable for you.” He said. From kneeling on the bed, his own legs were starting to fall asleep a bit and he wasn’t hunched over as she was. He got up from the bed and stood by the edge, moving his legs a bit as he tried to get the blood flowing again. 

“Much better,” Kristen agreed, going over to him. “Shall we continue?” she smiled up at him, before licking along the length of the toy’s shaft.

“If … If you want.” Edward said nervously again. With the slight break the reality of what they were doing came to him again. He was standing in front of her, and she was sucking on 

‘A toy.’ Edward glanced over at the hallucination that was leaning against the side dresser. ‘She’s sucking on a toy because she thinks you like it … You really think she’s enjoying this? Please.’ Edward ignored it as he looked back down at her. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to …” 

“Edward,” Kristen said, her hands going to his hips. “Have I done anything to give you the impression that I don’t want to?”

“It’s just …” He took a deep breath as that hallucination walked around him, taunting him. “It’s … Weird … Isn’t it?” 

“It doesn’t feel weird to me,” Kristen said, looking up at him. “Is it weird for you?”

“No.” Edward said softly. ‘It is …’ The hallucination said and once again Edward ignored it. It wasn’t weird. It was fine … “No, it’s not.” 

“I’d like for you to be able to feel it though,” Kristen said tentatively, watching his reaction. “If you would be comfortable with that.”

“I …” He took a deep breath. “If … if you want.” 

Kristen’s hands went to the hem of Edward’s pajama pants again. “But is that what you want?” she said, looking up at him seriously.

“I ….” Edward seemed to think about it a moment before he licked his lips nervously. “I don’t know … But I trust you to stop if I don’t …” 

Kristen nodded. “You can tell me to stop anytime you want,” she assured him. “You’re in control.” She tugged down his pajama pants a little further, pulling down the straps of the toy as she did, but just a gentle tug at first, giving him the opportunity to change his mind if he wanted to.

Edward took a quiet deep breath as she tugged the strap down slightly, and he brought his hand to pull the little buckle loose so she could pull it down further. 

She slipped the straps down over his hips as she tugged his pants down, before she looked up at him, checking to see if he still felt alright with this.

Edward backed away slightly, feeling a bit more embarrassed than he really should, standing there with his pants and strap on around his ankles, and nothing but his binder on his chest. He rubbed his hand over his upper arm before he stepped out of his pants and strap and pushed them to the side, his hands shaking just slightly. 

Her hands resting gently on Edward’s hips, she leaned forward and lightly licked Edward’s enlarged clit, watching his reaction. She knew she needed to be careful now, to stay aware of how Edward was doing, or she might unwittingly set off a panic reaction and ruin this.

Edward jumped, a noise of an intaken breath escaping him as she licked lightly at his small swollen shaft. He swallowed nervously, his hand falling away from his arm as he watched her. It was such a pathetic small looking thing, but when she did that … He couldn’t deny it felt good. 

Smiling up at his reaction, Kristen slowly took the shaft into her mouth, sucking gently as her tongue caressed over it.

He moaned quietly at the feel of her mouth on him and was surprised by the pleasure he got from it. The feeling, he could only describe as foreign. Something he'd never felt before and without even thinking about it, his hand went to her head, his fingers threading through her hair. 

Thrilled to hear him moan like that, Kristen moved her tongue over the base as she continued to suck. It didn’t take much movement to get a reaction as his shaft disappeared into her mouth again and again.

Edward moaned again as he bucked his hips forward against her mouth. It felt so amazing but within minutes he started to feel strange. Like something was building up inside of him. 

Kristen’s hands went to Edward’s hips, pulling him forward against her as she sucked, increasing the pace the more she heard him moan.

He couldn't explain what was happening to him. All he could describe it as was a strange feeling. As if a spring were coiling inside him and the more her mouth moved over him the tighter it wound. 

From the way he reacted, Kristen was evidently doing something right. She had some idea what would feel good on a cock or on a clitoris, but Edward’s wasn’t quite like either. It was too large for a clit, though she imagined it would be just as sensitive. And it didn’t enlarge or harden like a cock, so she couldn’t use that as a reference for how much he was enjoying this … but from the way his breath quickened, the way he pushed against her, she could tell that he was definitely aroused. As her tongue continued to work over him, she could taste the gathering wetness on the underside of his shaft. She looked up at him, watching him as she sucked, hardly able to believe that she was finally doing this, that she could really bring him this kind of pleasure.

Edward closed his eyes, panting as her mouth moved over him and in one single shot that spring inside him sprung lose as and his entire body exploded in pleasure. He groaned, his mouth open slightly and in seconds his knees gave out and he fell to the floor still panting. 

Surprised when Edward suddenly collapsed like that, Kristen wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her as she gently kissed the side of his neck, feeling his chest rise and fall against her as he panted. “Are you alright?” she murmured.

“Mhmm.” He mumbled, nodding as he leaned back, looking up at her. “Is that …” He felt stupid for asking this. “Is that what an orgasm feels like?” 

Kristen smiled down at him, running her fingers affectionately through his hair. “From your reaction, I’d say yes.” And a pretty spectacular one at that. But then, if he’d never come before, even on his own … “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that for you.”

Edward looked confused a moment. “Why?” He asked. She got nothing out of it. Though after what she'd just done for him, he'd be more than willing to do anything she wanted. 

The question saddened her a little, and it showed in her eyes. “Because I love you,” she said simply.

He leaned up and kissed her, his lips moving over hers before he pulled back, looking up at her. His hand moved to her neck just below her ear. “If you like … I can put the toy back on.” He said, wanting to do the same thing for her as she did for him. 

“Or,” she said, her eyes meeting his. “We could try it without.” Another time, maybe, they could do this with the toy. But tonight, she’d gotten to see the look on his face while he was overcome with pleasure, and there was nothing more intoxicating. She wanted to see him like that again, to hear him moan and know that she was able to do that for him.

“You think we could? I doubt you'd feel much. It's … Rather small.” He said his cheeks tinting red. 

“I want to try it,” Kristen insisted, kissing him on the cheek. “We can do it with the toy another time, but … the first time you’re inside me, I want you to feel it.”

Her words sent a shiver down his spine. “We can try … But if you want to switch, I won't be offended.” He said. 

Kristen nodded, but she doubted she would want to. Tonight, she just wanted Edward. She stood up, offering him a hand, glancing over at the bed. “Shall we?” she asked. 

Edward took her hand, but got up on his own from the floor. He nodded before he pulled her to him, her breasts pressed against his chest before he kissed her again. 

Moaning softly into the kiss, Kristen ran her hands over his shoulders and down his sides, before starting to pull him toward the bed.

He pushed her back onto the bed, climbing over her before he moved in between her legs. 

Kristen smiled up at Edward, surprised to see him this confident. She leaned up and kissed down the side of his neck as her legs parted.

“Are you sure about this?” Edward asked shyly. 

“Completely,” Kristen whispered, kissing just below his ear.

Edward bit his lip nervously as he moved forward, pushing his small penis into her. It didn't take much to get it all the way in, but he could feel her, slick and wet around him. 

Looking up at Edward, Kristen felt an intense connection with him. Though he wasn’t very deep inside her, this moment was so overwhelmingly intimate. She leaned up and kissed him as her hips slowly rolled forward.

Edward slipped out of her as she moved. “You'll … have to hold still. It's … it won't stay in if you move.” He said shyly. 

“Okay,” Kristen said, nodding. “Sorry.” She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him again.

Edward shifted slightly, pushing himself back into her. He kissed her gently as he started moving his hips slowly, before he broke the kiss and looked down, paying attention to what he was doing. With how small he was, he had no doubt she would barely be able to feel him and the more he moved the more self conscious he became. It felt good to him but … 

Kristen's hands ran over Edward's shoulders, down his back, and down to his hips, gently pulling him forward against her, kissing lightly down the side of his neck. 

He moaned as he pressed himself against her as hard as he could, trying to get as deep inside of her as he could with each thrust. 

A little shiver ran through her as she heard Edward moan, and it was so hard to keep still underneath him. She held him close against her, nipping lightly at his ear. 

Edward kept moving against her, keeping his thrusts short and quick, careful not to pull himself out of her, though that left him very little room to move. 

“God, Edward,” Kristen moaned softly, her excitement building as she tried to keep still, loving the closeness, her need for him growing as he thrust into her. 

Edward looked down at her as she moaned his name and he pulled away from her. “Please stop that.” He said quietly. 

“Stop what?” Kristen said, looking up at him in confusion. As far as she was aware, she hadn't been doing anything.

Edward suddenly seemed nervous. “Just …” He licked his lips nervously. “You don't have to pretend you're enjoying it.” 

“Edward,” Kristen said softly, reaching her hand up to his cheek. “I’m not pretending. I promise.”

“How could you possibly like this?” He asked, confused. 

“It’s …” Kristen tried to think of the word to describe it. “Intimate,” she said. “I like feeling this close to you, knowing that you’re enjoying it … Also, you keep rubbing against my clit, so that’s part of it too.”

Edward watched her for a moment before he nodded. “I'm sorry … I thought you were …” 

“I wouldn’t do that with you, Edward,” Kristen said seriously. “What we have here is real.” She leaned in and kissed him, running her fingers affectionately through his hair.

Edward kissed her back, moving back to her and he continued the same rhythm he'd had before, focusing more now on moving against her clit as best as he could, wanting her to feel as much pleasure as he could provide. 

Moaning softly into the kiss, Kristen found that holding still was an even greater struggle than before, and her hands moved feverishly over Edward's back as she deepened the kiss. 

Edward couldn't believe they were doing this. That not only was she allowing him to fuck her, like a regular guy would, but she was actually enjoying this. 

The sensation just kept building as he rubbed against her with each thrust, but she felt something more than that, a kind of euphoria that they were finally doing this, that she could finally show him how much she wanted him. 

He moaned again as he nipped at her ear. “You like that?” He asked. 

“Yes,” she gasped, nodding as she looked up at him. “Please, Edward. Harder.”

Edward slowed down his thrusts slightly but pushed harder against her. He wasn't sure if it was the feeling of thrusting into her, or simply the act alone, but he was once again feeling his orgasm starting to build. That in itself was strange, that he had his first orgasm today, and was going to have another. “I love you.” He whispered. 

“I love you too,” Kristen murmured, holding him close against her, feeling her pleasure start to build as he thrust against her. She was trembling as she kissed fervently down his neck. “God, Edward, I love you so much.”

He moaned as he quickened his thrusts again, a few times having to adjust himself but he was right back inside her again. “Oh god.” He moaned. 

“Yes,” Kristen gasped as she clung to him, before her hands wandered down his back to his hips, pulling him forward into her with each thrust. “Please, Edward, don't stop!”

“I'm not.” He said, keeping up the pace she seemed to be enjoying though it was a bit difficult. He kept slipping out of her, but he was doing the best he could with what he had. 

She moaned as he moved against her, the friction feeling unbearably good now. Leaning up to kiss him again, she held him close against her, overwhelmed by the emotion welling up inside her as much as the physical sensation.

Edward's breath fell heavier and quicker on her neck, his body tense, his arms starting to hurt from holding himself over her, but that feeling inside of him kept building. 

“Edward!” Kristen cried out, clinging to him as her inner walls clenched, pleasure crashing over her. She ran her hands over his back, gasping for breath.

Just her moaning his name sent a wave of pleasure over him, and he closed his eyes focusing on the movement of what he was doing. The rocking motion of his hips, the fact that he was thrusting his cock into her, ignoring for the moment what it really was. 

“Yes, Edward,” Kristen moaned breathlessly. She nipped at his ear and whispered, “You feel so good inside me.”

Edward’s breath hitched in his throat as her words sent him over the edge and he thrust against her as hard as he could, his entire body shivery as he came once again. When he calmed, he collapsed against her a moment before rolling onto the bed next to her. 

Kristen lay panting next to him in exhausted bliss. They had really just done this. They’d both felt this together, and it was better than she could have imagined. She cuddled up next to him and kissed him on the cheek, the affection she felt for him right now too intense for words. After a moment, she asked, “How do you feel?”

Edward was silent for a few moments. “I don't know.” He whispered before sitting up on the bed and moving to sit on the edge. “I liked it … It's just … I don't know …”  

Looking up at him, worry crept in. “What is it?” Kristen asked. “It wasn’t what you wanted?”

Edward played with the edge of the sheet. “I liked it. I was the one that came to you, it was my idea. It's just …” 

“What’s wrong?” Kristen asked, sitting up. She put a hand on his shoulder. She had really thought this would make him happy.

“I don't think anything is wrong I just … I don't know if I was ready.” He said. “I got some news today and it got me wondering … If you would even want me like this. I’m just wondering if I did it for the wrong reason.” 

Kristen winced at that. This was their first time together … Edward’s first consensual time with anyone. It should have only happened because he was ready, not because he felt that kind of pressure. “Of course I want you,” she said quietly, wrapping her arms around him. “You don’t have to prove anything, you never did ... I … would never have wanted to do anything before you were ready.”

“I know … I know. I don't regret it. I never would, not with you. I just had to know.” He said. “But now I don't know how I feel about it. It's just strange. I feel emotional but I can't explain how I'm feeling.” 

Kristen nodded. “It’s … okay if you don’t feel the way you expected to,” she said, not sure if this was at all helpful to him. “And it’s okay if things are complicated, and it takes you awhile to work it all out.” She was quiet for a moment, then asked, “What was this news you’re worrying about?”

“I have a consultation at the end of the week … For my surgery. Oswald found someone and Elijah is fully supportive.” He said. “I think that might be adding to how  feel. I'm nervous and scared …” 

“You have a consultation?” Kristen said, looking up at him in surprise. “Edward, that’s amazing! But … also very sudden.” Which would explain his nervousness. Even if it was something he’d wanted for a long time, it was still a major change. It was still surgery that would have a significant recovery time. “I think it’s natural to be nervous,” she said quietly.

Edward nodded. “Will you stay with me? When I talk to him? I don't want to do it alone.” 

“Of course,” Kristen said, taking his hand in hers. “If that’s what you want.”

Edward nodded before he wrapped his arms around her, suddenly feeling less alone in this. “I know it's a lot to ask but … You'll be with me? While I'm going through all this?” He asked. He couldn't do this alone and while he knew he had three people's support … He felt like he needed reassurance. 

“I’ll be with you through everything,” Kristen promised, hugging him back tightly. “That’s one thing you’ll never need to worry about.”

“Thank you.” He said before leaning forward and kissing her. “I mean it … I don't deserve you … You're the most amazing person I have ever met.” 

“I feel the same about you,” she said after kissing him gently back. “You have no idea how glad I am that you’re in my life.”

“I still can't fathom why, but I'm glad.” He said with a soft smile before he pulled away from her. “Sorry, I'm really bad at pillow talk apparently.” He said clearing his throat. “Can I stay here tonight?” 

“I’d like nothing better,” Kristen said, kissing him on the cheek.

“I'm just going to put my pajamas back on, first.” He said gently pulling away from her and going to the other side of the bed to collect his pants. He put the toy into the side dresser drawer just in case someone came in in the morning, and pulled his pants back on. He picked up his shirt and turned away from her. Even though he knew she'd seen him shirtless before it still made him nervous. He quickly unwrapped the binder and pulled his undershirt over his head. 

Kristen set about pulling her nightgown back on, not looking in Edward’s direction, since she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, before she pulled back the sheets and climbed into bed.

Edward smiled slightly as he got into bed next to her and pulled her into his arms. 

(A/N - I swear to you, the fact that Ed and Kristen have sex for the first time in Chapter 69 was entirely unintentional! xD )


	70. Chapter 70

Elijah stood silently staring at the television set as the morning news played, the images on the screen familiar faces as the newscaster’s voice matter-of-factly reported high-society figure Grace Van Dahl and her children found murdered in their current residence. After a moment, he sat down in his chair, eyes still never leaving the screen, a deep sadness and certainty settling over him.

Oswald laughed as he came into the room with Gabe who had a slight smile on his face. “Tomorrow will be great. I can't wait to-” He paused when he saw his father sitting so seriously in his chair, a strange look on his face.”Father? Are you alright?” 

Looking up at him with watering eyes, his face alarmingly pale. He didn’t know what to say. He just pointed at the television screen.

Oswald glanced at the television and saw Grace’s face just as it disappeared onto the next bit of news. He glared at Gabe who stepped back slightly. Oswald tilted his head in the direction of the door and Gabe didn’t even hesitate in leaving. 

After a long moment of silence, Elijah said shakily, looking straight ahead, “Oswald … My son, what have you done?”

“Well … I mean technically I didn’t do it.” Oswad said. “I was at work.” 

Elijah looked up at him, the pain in his eyes unfathomable. “But you gave the order,” he said quietly. It was not a question.

Oswald sighed heavily and moved to sit in the chair near his father. “I did.” He said, not denying it. He didn’t break eye contact with him either. This was something he’d hoped to avoid … He’d told Gabe to get rid of the bodies … and for whatever reason they’d been found. 

“I … I understand why you did it, after … after what happened to Kristen,” Elijah said, trying to speak calmly through more emotions than he could comprehend. “Believe me, I understand, I do, but … This wasn’t the way.”

Oswald shrugged, his hand gesturing in a questioning way. “And what way should it have been?” Oswald asked. “Were we going to suddenly come up with proof that she tried to kill you, or me … or my girlfriend … Actually succeeded in killing your granddaughter?” He asked looking like he wasn’t sure what Elijah had wanted. “Even if we had proof … Do you honestly think the police would do anything?” He asked. “She’d get maybe five years, if that, her children would likely get off, acting under duress … And that would be if we  _ had  _ proof, which we don’t … Other than our word against theirs.” Oswald said shaking his head. “And no offense, mayor or not, the GCPD doesn’t exactly trust me, so they wouldn’t exactly take my word. So … Should I have just let them go for killing my child?” 

“You could have run them out of town!” Elijah heard himself shout, but he couldn’t seem to do anything about it, the tears welling up in his eyes. “You were capable of this, so you were more than capable of scaring them away for good! I know what they did, I know they didn’t deserve to get away with it, but Grace and I were married for years! I watched those children grow up in my house! That doesn’t just go away!”

Oswald laughed slightly, though it sounded more bitter than anything. “You know … This city used to be run by three people … Not one. Three. Carmine Falcone was the top dog, so to speak, Sal Maroni second, and then there was Fish Mooney. I worked for her, and for reasons I won’t get into … Falcone wanted me dead.” He said. “He ordered someone to take me down to the pier, and put a bullet in my head. Obviously he didn’t … He told me never to come back to Gotham, and shot the gun off next to my head and dumped me in the bay.” He said knowing his father would be confused as to why he was bringing this up. “I was effectively run out of Gotham, by Gotham’s most powerful, feared human being. Do you know how long I stayed out of Gotham for?” 

“Not long, I take it,” Elijah said furiously. “But that’s not the point! You think Grace had your kind of strength!? She wasn’t part of that world and you know it, she couldn’t stand up against that kind of pressure! The point is that they were the only family I had for a very long time, and you just … you …” Elijah just shook his head, as if there were no words left. 

“Your family?” Oswald asked in disbelief. “Have you learned nothing from what had happened. They weren’t your family, they didn’t care about you! They cared about your money, and they didn’t care who they hurt to achieve it. They tried to kill you! They tried to kill me! And they tried to kill Kristen. You may have thought they were your family, but they weren’t. They tried to kill your  _ real  _ family, and succeeded in killing one of them.” Oswald said angrily. “And you very much so misjudge her, just as everyone had misjudged me … At the time I was run out of Gotham, I had attempted to kill no one, had not killed anyone. So right there, Grace is a stronger person than me. You say she wasn’t part of this world? In killing a child, she made herself a part of this world whether you want to admit it or not. Because the reality is, running her out of Gotham would not have done anything. It would have strengthened her resolve to get back at us just as it did for me … I was gone for a whole three weeks at that time, and in the year following, managed to take down three of Gotham’s most powerful people, and took their place at the top. I took everything from them …  _ I _ did …” He said. “That was all of their mistakes … They thought me incapable, they saw me as a weak, jibbering, stuttering, umbrella boy, a freak who knew his place. I won’t make that mistake … Not when it comes to  _ my  _ family. You can be mad at me all you want, but if I had to do it again I would … I hope one day you’ll understand that, and realize who your real family is.” He said pausing as he looked away from him. “You know … I have to say … People call me a monster …” He said shaking his head. “But I never killed a child before.” 

“No,” Elijah said, all the life drained out of his voice. “You just killed my wife, and you never intended to say a word about it to me. I had to find out from the news.” He turned away from his son and buried his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he broke down sobbing.

“Your right. I never intended to tell you, just as I never intended for you to find out at all. I didn’t do it to hurt you … I did it to protect the people I love … I’ve killed for less.” He said. “You knew who I was, I was truthful with you from the beginning, and I never kept from you that I took my place as kingpin again …” He was silent for a few moments. “Though I suppose this changes things, doesn’t it?” He asked. “It’s easier to accept a murderer in your home when you don’t actually have to face what he does. My mother was the same way …” He said becoming silent again for a moment. “Do you remember what you said to me … That day when Grace tried to kill me and nearly killed you instead?” He asked. 

Each word only made the pain worse. Elijah didn’t say anything, didn’t even look up. He just shook his head.

“You told me about your father … About what happened to him. About how you don’t understand the dark impulses he felt, the evil thoughts of violence. How many in his family have the same affliction. You said you believed that I do understand …” He said. “You knew I have the same affliction your father did, but you told me that I wouldn’t be alone … Told me not to give in to the pain as he had.” He said. “Maybe I should have handled this differently … But I don’t know how.” 

“No. You didn’t know how,” Elijah agreed quietly as he finally looked up at his only son, tears still streaming down his face. “I never taught you any other way to handle things, I wasn’t there.” And only now did he understand how completely he had failed him.

“This isn’t your fault.” Oswald said. “By that reasoning, you may as well be blaming my mother for not teaching me better. She tried … She did.” He said shaking his head and looking away from Elijah. “And I wish I had listened. If I had … Maybe she’d still be alive. But my choices were my own … The compulsions are my own … Not yours, or hers … Mine.” 

Elijah shook his head. “Things are never so simple,” he said, the pain still heavy in his voice. “Perhaps the compulsions were there, but you wouldn’t have sought out influences that encouraged it if you’d had everything you needed growing up.” He put a shaking hand on Oswald’s shoulder. “I can’t go back and change that, or be the kind of father that you needed, but … Can you forgive me?”

Oswald looked confused as his father spoke. “Forgi- …” Oswald looked at him unsure of what to say. “You didn’t even know about me, you’re not at fault. And I refuse to allow you to beg me for forgiveness when moments ago we were discussing how I killed your wife.” 

“No,” Elijah said firmly. “That’s no excuse. I should have gone after Gertrud and made things right, all those years ago. Then none of this would have …” He shook his head. “I need to know, Oswald. Can you forgive me?”

“Father …” Oswald said, taking his hand away from his shoulder and holding it in his hands. “There is nothing to forgive.” 

Elijah’s eyes teared up again. “Thank you,” he said quietly. He was silent for a moment, before he finally said, “You should have told me directly. You understand that, don’t you?” Oswald nodded. 

“I should have.” He said. “One of the biggest mistakes I made was keeping things from my mother. I thought I was protecting her, but … It just put her in danger. I promise I won’t keep things from you anymore.” 

Elijah nodded. He hesitated before asking, but he needed to know. “Was … was it quick?”

Oswald was silent a moment before he looked down at the floor. “You don’t want me to answer that.” 

After a deep shuddering breath, Elijah said simply, “I see.” He met Oswald’s eyes and said, “You know I’ll always be proud that you’re my son, that this doesn’t change that … don’t you?”

Oswald nodded. “I know.” He said. “Charles and Sasha … It was quick for them. Charles didn’t even see it coming.” He said, giving him at least that. 

“That’s … that’s good, at least.” Elijah shook his head, a feeling of dread building. “And … and Grace?”

Oswald licked his lips nervously and sat back against the back of the couch. “Um …” He wasn’t sure how to word exactly what he’d done. “Have you ever read Titus Andronicus?” 

Elijah went white as a sheet. “I … think perhaps I am done asking questions,” he said, before he shook his head wearily. “I don’t know how to feel about this. It’s all just mixed up into pain. But thank you for being honest with me.”

Oswald nodded. “I know.” He said quietly. “And it’s likely not going to stop in the future, I do have an underworld to run but … I promise I’ll be open with you.” 

Elijah’s expression looked deeply saddened, before he pulled his son into a tight hug. “I don’t want you to ever feel there’s something you can’t tell me.”

Oswald nodded again and hugged his father back. “Of course …” He said quietly. 

“Will you promise me something, though?” Elijah asked, some of the other things Oswald had said beginning to sink in. 

“What is it?” Oswald asked nervously. 

Elijah pulled back from the hug enough to look at him, his eyes deeply troubled. “Whatever else you do,” he said seriously. “Promise me that you will never place yourself in unnecessary danger. Promise me that my son will always come home safe.”

Oswald was silent again for a moment. “I can't promise that.” Oswald said softly.

“Please,” Elijah said. “I know you can't be completely safe, but … Think how it would have broken your mother's heart if you had never come back from that pier? Think how it would break mine if that were to happen now? I know you're ambitious, but please be cautious.”

“I'm always cautious … But I can't promise I'll always be safe. I'm not working a 9-5 job at burger barn …” Oswald said. “I can promise you I know what I'm doing.” 

“And you know whom to trust?” Elijah asked seriously. 

“Not always …” Oswald said. “I don't trust very many people. I trust you, Kristen, Ed and Gabe … Though Gabe is more like a trained Labrador, he's not very smart, but he's loyal. I always watch my back with the people I work with.” 

“Be careful not to underestimate anyone, as you were underestimated before,” Elijah said, concerned by Oswald's simple description of Gabe. He could very well be right, of course, but at the very least, he seemed to take the man for granted. “And be sure that you're never far from those few people you really can trust. Their loyalty does you little good if they're unable to help you.”

“I've been doing this for years. But don't worry. I learned from the best.” Oswald said. 

“You learned from the best,” Elijah repeated, unconvinced. “And what happened to them?”

“She's around.” He said with a shrug. “Last I heard she was looking for Hugo Strange. Apparently she's sick.” 

“I see,” Elijah said, shaking his head. In that moment, the years seemed to weigh very heavily on him. “Just … please be careful. More careful than you have ever been before.”

“I'm always careful.” Oswald said. “Relax, I'll be fine.” He said with a small smile. 

“I hope so,” Elijah said seriously. “You mean the world to me, son.”

Oswald felt his eyes tearing up at hearing that. That’s all he’d ever wanted to hear. And since his mother died … He thought he’d never hear it again, but to hear it from his father … To have that acceptance after only knowing him for such a short time and after what he’d done … “Thank you.” Oswald said sincerely. 

“It will always be true,” Elijah assured him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Nothing you do will change that.” He stood up. “I believe it will be dinner time soon, and it sounded as if you had business to attend to before … before this conversation.”

“No, it’s fine. It was done. We were just talking about it.” Oswald said looking up at Edward who came in, his glasses low on his nose as he looked over a file in his hands. He paused when he realized that Oswald and Elijah were in the room. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Edward said, seeing that they seemed to be in a very deep conversation. “I’ll uh … I’ll come back later.” He said awkwardly. 

“It's alright,” Elijah said with a weak smile. “We just … had some things to talk about.”  

“Okay.” Edward said. “When you have a chance Oswald, can we talk?” He asked holding up the file which had a black tag on the top. 

“That’s alright, you boys go ahead and talk business,” Elijah said, patting Oswald on the knee a few times as he stood up. “I think I’ll go for a walk.”

“Okay.” Oswald said looking up at him. “You're getting up a lot easier I see.” Oswald said with a smile. “And walking a bit quicker I noticed.” 

“Yes,” Elijah said, returning Oswald’s smile tiredly. “I suppose I have felt a bit more lively lately.” He had been taking his medication more regularly in the past few months, and admittedly he had been more active since Oswald and his friends had come to live with him. “I’ll see you two at dinner,” he said, before leaving them to their business, worry and pain weighing heavy on his heart as he left.

Before he went out he headed upstairs, grabbed the blue bound photo album off his side dresser and made his way back downstairs and into the yard. He held it under his arm as he walked before he came to a tree by the pond. He gingerly sat down, better he may be but he was still getting up in age, and leaned against the thick trunk. 

The photo album rested in his lap, his fingers playing over the binding before he opened it, looking through pictures of a life he had missed out on. Thirty one long years, nearly thirty two … All those nights he could have been with them … He’d robbed Oswald of a father he should have had … if only he'd been braver. 

Awhile later, Kristen came walking down the garden path, needing to clear her head and get out of that big, intimidating old house for awhile. She was surprised to see Elijah sitting out under a tree by himself, a large book on his lap, when it was already beginning to get dark outside. As she grew closer, she recognized Oswald’s photo album, and saw the troubled expression on Elijah’s face.

“Hey,” she said quietly as she approached. “Do you mind if I join you?”

Elijah wiped his eyes as they had long since started to water, threatening to fall. “By all means.” 

“Are you alright?” Kristen asked, sitting down next to him. 

“I'm alright.” He said looking down at a picture of a very young Oswald, hanging upside down in his mother's arms, his face red but he was clearly laughing. He wondered who had taken the picture and wondered if maybe Gertrud had found someone … But Oswald would have brought that up. Unless he thought it would hurt him. 

Following the direction of his gaze to the picture, Kristen smiled softly. “He was adorable,” she remarked fondly. “Wasn't he.”

 

“He was.” Elijah said sadly. “I can't help but wonder how it would have been different. If I had just walked away from all of this,” he said gesturing to the house. “Instead of walking away from them.” 

“There’s no way of knowing,” Kristen said gently, putting a hand on Elijah’s shoulder. She frowned slightly as his words sank in. “You mean … you would have had to leave this behind?”

“Yes. I wouldn't have been able to bring them here. Wouldn't have been able to provide for them the way my parents had for me. It was in their will, a condition that I made no attempt to find her.” He said sadly. “I should have. I should have anyway. I could have found a job, maybe it wouldn't have been great but … It would have been better than her providing for him alone. I could only imagine how hard it must have been for them.” He said knowing that most single income homes often had a choice between food and rent, rarely could they afford both. He wondered if that had been the case, why Oswald was so skinny even as an adult, but he'd been too afraid to ask, and if he had, would wonder if he was telling the truth. 

“That’s a hard choice,” Kristens said quietly. “And you were young. You didn’t know she had a child to provide for, and you didn’t know for sure that you would be able to help as much as you would have wanted to. No one blames you for that.”

“Even if I couldn't find a job, I could have been there to watch him. Saved her paying for a babysitter. Done odd tailoring jobs. She wouldn't have been alone.”  He said. “Whether I knew about him or not is irrelevant. I loved her … I should have gone after her.” He said shaking his head. “Oh, how she must have hated me for doing that to her. To leave her alone with my child.” 

“I’m sure she didn’t hate you,” Kristen said, looking back at him in concern. “She must have known you didn’t know about Oswald. She kept that bear you gave her, remember? Would someone who hated you do that?”

“If she couldn't afford toys for him, perhaps.” He said looking down at a few more pictures. There were so few toys, so few children's things, so little furniture in their home … “They deserved better.” 

“Maybe,” Kristen said quietly. “But the way things turned out … You deserved better too.”

“That's not an excuse. I brought my life on myself through my own decisions. Gertrud had that life due to my decisions not hers.” 

“Still,” Kristen said. “You’re here for Oswald now. And you’ve been so kind to Edward, and to me, people you have no obligations to, even when you’ve had your doubts about us, just because we’re friends of Oswald’s, and because that’s the kind of person that you are. You can’t go back and change how you handled things back then, but Oswald is so incredibly lucky to have a father like you in his life now.”

“Yes, you are right. And from my understanding you are more than just his friend.” Elijah said looking at her. “I still don't know how that will work … But you all know I've said my piece on the matter.” 

“I know,” Kristen said seriously. “And I understand your concerns about that. But we all just care about each other deeply. None of us want to hurt each other.”

“For now.” Elijah said. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up again, I'm just so concerned about him. Especially now that he's ….” Elijah paused not able to even voice it. 

“Now that he’s what?” Kristen asked gently. “We can talk about your concerns if you want.”

“Back running Gotham’s underworld.” He said. “With how much danger he's already been in, I'm afraid someone will take him down to a pier and  _ actually  _ put a bullet in his head. I'm scared I'm going to lose him so soon after finding him.” 

“Me too,” Kristen admitted, looking down at the ground. “That's always terrified me. But Oswald's clever. He has a knack for getting himself out of trouble.”

“And with Edward being so closely involved …” Elijah said. “It puts them in a lot of danger. The both of them.” 

Kristen nodded, crossing her arms around herself as if she were cold, though it wasn’t that chilly this evening. “I think about that a lot,” she admitted. “And I try to convince myself that they’re safer, since they can at least trust each other to watch out for them, but … It still adds up to twice the worry.”

“It really does.” Elijah said flipping the page of the photo album. 

“Sometimes I wish I could just make them both stay home and stay safe,” she said with a quiet smile. “But that’s just not who they are.”

“No, it isn't.” Elijah agreed. “As little as I know Oswald, I can't imagine him doing anything else. I'm proud of him no matter what he does, but a father worries of course.” 

“Of course,” Kristen said, looking over at him. “Maybe that’s what love really is. Just … worrying all the time.”

“In this city, I'm starting to learn that is the case.” He said running his finger over a picture of Gertrud blowing raspberries on a little Oswald’s chubby little stomach, though he seemed a bit old for that kind of thing in this photo, he seemed to be laughing. Elijah smiled slightly, perhaps they weren't as starved as much as he'd thought, but then weight didn't necessarily mean anything, especially in a child. “I used to live very sheltered from what happens in Gotham … I refuse to do it anymore.” Which is precisely why he started watching the news, reading the papers, tried keeping up with Oswald's day to day, or at least in what Oswald's been willing to share. “I don't want to hide anymore.” 

Kristen nodded. “That’s probably wise,” she said. “Especially now that Oswald’s mayor. But … that can be very hard sometimes. Everyone feels like hiding now and then.”

“Yes … But I missed out on so much … He's been in the news for a few years now from my understanding … Had I seen his name … But that's besides the point.” Elijah said. “I want to be involved.” 

“Have you talked to Oswald about how you feel?” she asked.

“No … Something else … came up.” He said, flipping the page of the book. Each picture looked so new and unfamiliar to him despite how many times he'd looked through it since Oswald gave it to him. 

“It might be a good idea to talk about it,” Kristen said. “Let him know you want to be in the loop. It may be difficult for him to accept at first … I think he’s afraid of what you would think of him if you knew some of the things his business entails.”

“He already knows I know some of what he does … After what he'd done.” Elijah said looking down at a lopsided picture of Gertrud, likely taken by a young Oswald. 

“What he’d done?” Kristen repeated uncertainly.

“He killed Grace and our … Her … children.” Elijah said with a deep sigh, snapping the photo album shut. 

Kristen froze, her eyes widening slightly. “I had suspected,” she said in a hushed voice. “I mean, after we found out that she was behind … And he told you about that?”

“No, I saw it on the news.” He said. “He didn't tell me until I confronted him about it.” 

Kristen winced. “That must have been very hard for you,” she said. She could only begin to imagine how he must be feeling. “Are you alright?” 

“I will be fine.” He said. “Though he doesn't understand why I am upset. We had been married for so long and all he understands is what he knew of her … for the one week.” 

Kristen nodded. “Oswald … sees things from his own perspective. The way he sees it, he did the one thing that he could to protect the people he cares about in the future. He doesn’t understand the depth of the connection you had in the past, and that your feelings about them are bound to be … complicated.”

“Yes, he had said as much. And as such I feel like that was my own failure as a father. I should have been there for him to learn better. To know how to handle situations. To know better.” 

“You can’t blame yourself for that,” Kristen said. “You don’t know that would have changed anything.”

“No, I don't … But I would have made a difference in his life.” He said. “And they wouldn't be dead.” 

“That’s true,” Kristen admitted, looking down at the ground, fidgeting absently with a fallen leaf. “We’ve all made mistakes that seemed sensible or livable at least at the time. But usually you can’t see where it’s heading until it’s too late. I … feel like you’re being awfully hard on yourself for being human.”

“Of course I am …” Elijah said. “I couldn't have messed up more than I had, and I wasn't the one that suffered for it.” 

“It seems to me like you suffered,” Kristen pointed out. “And there are definitely ways you could have messed up worse, I assure you.”

“How?” He asked. 

“You don’t … lash out and hurt people,” she said, looking over at him. “Maybe you weren’t as brave as you would have liked to be back then, but you never lost your kindness. I don’t think you know how rare that is.”

“It's because I rarely leave this house.” He said. “I wasn't subjected to the same life Oswald was. To the same life the majority of Gotham was.” 

“You can hide away from the world and still become bitter,” Kristen said. “Just … trust me on this. You’re possibly the kindest person I’ve ever met. That has to count for something.”

Elijah nodded. “I suppose that counts for something.” He said. “The best I can do is go forward from here. Do the best I can for my son.” 

“And I know you will,” Kristen assured him sincerely. “More importantly, he knows that too.”

“He does.” Elijah said. “Can you be a dear, and help a foolish old man off the ground.” He said with a slight chuckle. 

“Of course,” Kristen said, standing up and bending down to offer him a hand, carefully helping him to his feet.

Elijah got to his feet with Kristen’s help and gestured towards the house. “Dinner should be ready.” He said. “And I don't know about you but I'm starving.” 

“Famished,” Kristen agreed with a slight smile as she headed back with him toward the house. There was a strange comfort in knowing that they were united in their worries.


	71. Chapter 71

Edward paced back and forth in the living room, his hands wringing with nerves. “It's just a consultation … It'll be fine …” He said breathing quite a bit heavier than normal. “What if he says no? What if he says yes?!” He asked not sure which terrified him more. 

“Edward,” Kristen said gently, laying a hand on his shoulder and kissing him on the cheek. “It's going to be fine. As much money as he stands to make, I doubt he’ll say no, and if he says yes and you're not ready, you can tell him no.”

“But I want it …” Edward said. “I do but …” 

“It's surgery.” Elijah supplied from where he sat in his chair next to Oswald. “It's a big deal. It's scary. But you'll be fine.” 

Kristen looked over at Elijah gratefully before turning back to Edward. “It's okay to be afraid,” she said. “But you're in control here. You decide if, when, and how this happens.”

Edward nodded. “But it cost so much to get him out here, just for the consultation … If I said no it would be such a waste.” He said before shaking his head and starting to pace again. “No … I … I can't say no … I won't … I want this.” He said nodding before he stopped pacing and pressed his fingers to his eyes under his glasses. “It’s just anxiety, I'm fine.” He said though he sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. 

“It’s alright,” Kristen said, wrapping her arms around him. “Remember, it’s just a consultation right now. I think just meeting with him may help set your mind at ease.”

Edward nodded, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder but nearly jumped out of his skin when there was finally a knock at the door. 

“I’ll get it.” Elijah said standing up from his chair and heading to the door. Edward took a deep breath, stepping away from Kristen as he closed his eyes and shook his hands trying to calm his nerves. 

“It’s alright,” Kristen said quietly, as Elijah opened the door and a tall, distinguished-looking man stepped inside.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Lindemann. I’m here to see a Mr. Edward Nygma.” He said pleasantly, though his accent was a strange mix of German and British. 

“Thank you for coming all this way, Doctor,” Elijah said, showing him into the living room. “I’m Elijah Van Dahl, and this is Edward and his girlfriend, Kristen.”

“Hello Edward.” He said shaking his hand. “Kristen.” He said shaking hers as well. “Is there somewhere private we may speak?” He asked. 

Edward nodded. “Yes, upstairs.” He said, his hands playing with the bottom of his sweater. “Is it okay if Kristen stays?” 

“If you feel comfortable with that. I’d like to do a brief examination during this consultation.” Dr. Lindemann explained. 

“That’s fine.” Edward said leading him to the stairs. This was it then … 

“Do you often travel this far to see patients?” Kristen asked, taking Edward's hand as she accompanied him up the stairs. 

“No, I don't generally travel at all, but for this I made an exception.” He said as Edward lead them into his room. 

“Will this be okay?” Edward asked. The doctor nodded and gestured towards the bed. 

“Yes, this will be fine. Please have a seat.” He said placing his bag down on Edward’s side dresser. “And remove your shirt and binder if you are wearing.” 

Edward nodded and removed his sweater and tie, handing them to Kristen before he nervously took off his shirt and binder. He swallowed nervously as the doctor rummaged through his bag. 

“There's nothing to be nervous about Edward. We're merely going to talk, and I'm going to use this sharpy to make some marks on you, give you an idea of where your scaring will be, and we will keep it to a minimum of course.” He said putting on a pair of gloves. 

“Are those latex?” Edward asked. 

“Yes,” The Doctor said curiously. “Are you allergic?” He asked, pulling a clipboard out of his bag. 

“I am.” Edward said. “I'm sorry, I must have missed it when I filled in the form.” The form which had been faxed to him two days ago. 

“It's quite alright.” The doctor said taking them back off and pulling out another pair. “You are okay with nitrile rubber?” 

“Yes, I'm not allergic to rubber, polyvinyl chloride and neoprene.” He said. The doctor looked at him surprised that Ed knew what the gloves were made of. “I used to work in forensics at the GCPD, we used similar gloves.” 

“I see.” He said. “I’ll ask you to have a quick lie down.” He said and Edward nodded doing as he was told. “Is it okay if I touch you?” He asked and Edward nodded, though he was shaking slightly. 

The doctor moved his fingers, professionally, over Edward’s breasts, moving in a clockwise motion. “What are your biggest concerns Edward?” 

“Um …” Edward licked his lips nervously. “Mostly the surgery being unsuccessful. Complications. How long I'll be off work for.” He said as the doctor moved onto the other breast. 

“He’s Mr. Cobblepot’s chief of staff,” Kristen explained, moving to an out-of-the-way place near the bed, clearly within Edward's line of vision. “So there isn't really anyone who could fill in for him.”

“Well, for the first surgery you'll likely miss a few weeks.” He said. “Though after the first two I wouldn't be adverse to you working from home so long as you take it easy. For the second, I do suggest complete bed rest for the first month at the least, and taking it very easy for the second. For your bottom surgery I would advise having Mr. Cobblepot find a temporary replacement. That surgery will not be for at least six months after this one, so he'll have plenty of time to find someone.” He said. Pulling away from Edward. “You can sit up again.” He said and Edward did as he was told. 

Kristen was quiet as she thought that over. Perhaps, if Edward trained her beforehand, she might be able to fill in. She didn't have the same kind of tactical mind that Edward did, but Oswald likely had that covered, and she was relentlessly organized. She didn't have the experience for it, but neither had Edward, and who else could be counted on to keep Edward informed reliably and consult him when it was needed? She would bring the matter up with him and Oswald later. 

“Okay, so Edward, your breasts are rather small, so the procedure is actually quite a bit easier than I had anticipated. So …” He said pulling the lid off the blue sharpie. “You'll have two scars running horizontally under each breast.” He said making two marks where the scars will be and further explaining the procedure. “By the looks of it we won't have to do any reconstruction of your nipples, luckily. I feel this part would be the easiest.” He said putting the marker away. “Were you looking to have your hysterectomy during your top or bottom surgery?” He asked. 

“I don't know … Which would be easiest?” Edward asked. 

“Well, the easiest would have been to have it done within the first five years of starting testosterone therapy, but I find not many doctors mention that … Given your situation I would recommend it during your top surgery, allow that area time to heal before your bottom surgery starts.” 

“Then I will do that then.” Edward said and the doctor smiled kindly. 

“Good.” He said jotting something down on his clipboard. “When is your earliest availability to have the surgery done?” He asked. 

“I’d have to talk to Oswald about the time off but I'm sure he knows it'll be soon. So whenever you'd like the date to be will be fine.” 

“Good.” The doctor said again. “How about this Monday? Come to Gotham General at 9AM and we’ll have you prepped for surgery.” Edward swallowed as the doctor handed him his appointment card. “Are you okay with this?” 

Edward nodded. 

“I need to hear this is what you want Edward.” He said as Edward took the card. 

“It is what I want … More than anything. I'm just scared.” He said nodding and looking down at the appointment card. It was all happening so fast. 

“The opportunity hasn't been there for a long time,” Kristen explained, looking up at the doctor seriously. “We’ve often talked about how much Edward's wanted this, but it just now became possible.”

“Yes, it's not an easy process.” Dr. Lindemann said. “So I'll see you Monday then?” 

“Yes, I will see you Monday.” He said pulling his binder and shirt on. 

“Thank you, Dr.Lindemann,” Kristen said warmly. “This means a lot to both of us.”

“No problem. It was a pleasure meeting you both.” He said. 

“Oh, I have one more question.” Edward said. “Will you be the one doing my bottom surgery as well?” He asked. 

“No, I won't be. But I am going to make a recommendation to Dr. Middleton. I'll be speaking to Oswald and Elijah about that after your surgery, unless you wish I speak to you directly, it is your body after all.” 

“No, that's okay. I trust them.” He said nodding, knowing he'll get to meet the surgeon before hand anyway. “Thank you for coming all this way.” He said doing his tie up and pulling on his sweater. 

Once they had exchanged farewells and Dr. Lindemann was gone, Kristen looked over at Edward. “How do you feel?” she asked him.

“Scared … But better. For now …” He said sitting back down on the bed and holding his hand out to her. 

Kristen took his hand, kissing him on the cheek. “It is surgery,” she said sympathetically. “You may not stop feeling scared until it’s over with. But … I definitely get the impression that you’re in good hands. He seems to really care about making sure you’ll be happy with the results.”

“Yes.” He said pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her waist, his chin on her shoulder. “Can you promise me one thing?” 

“What is it?” Kristen asked, holding him close.

“You know how badly I want this. And I’m not going to change my mind but … Trusting someone this wholeheartedly … I’m putting my life in his hands … I won’t be awake or aware of what he’s doing to me … I know he’ll do the procedure properly, I know Oswald did everything in his power to find him, and he wouldn’t have settled for less than the best but … Can you just promise me … Not to let me leave? Don’t let me chicken out? After all this time I’ve waited … I can’t chicken out, I can’t but … I can’t help but worry … After what they did to me in Arkham it’s just … I’m going to panic.” 

Kristen nodded, holding him tighter. “I’ll do my best,” she reassured him. “I know how badly you want this.”

“Thank you.” Edward said hearing the front door close as the doctor left. Edward nudged Kristen gently to get off of him so he could stand up. “We should go talk to Oswald. Or at least I should. I’m going to need a few weeks off.” He said. “And I’ll have to spend the next few days compiling as much of my work for the next few weeks as I can, plan ahead for what I can.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Kristen agreed, moving off of him. “I was wondering if maybe I could help out while you’re out of commission. Keep things organized, make sure you stay informed about everything that’s going on while you’re recovering.”

“I think I’d rather you fuss over me while I’m recovering, rather than fussing about my job.” Edward said with a slight smile. “Oswald will find someone. It’s only two weeks. I can fix whatever blunder happens while I’m gone.” 

“It would be better if there aren’t any blunders,” Kristen said, kissing him on the cheek. “But if you’d rather have me here looking after you, I’m happy to do that too.”

“I’d rather have you than some random for hire.” He said, knowing that would be exactly what it would be with Oswald working, and Elijah still recovering from his illness, or as much as could be recovered. If Kristen was gone too … “If you don’t mind.” 

“Of course I don’t mind,” Kristen said, realizing Edward’s concern. Better to have someone he cared about and trusted looking after him than a stranger. “You’re right, I should be the one taking care of you.”

“You shouldn’t be … Really. But … I have no one else. No one but you and Oswald … And Elijah. But of course I couldn’t ask them.” He said. “I’m not saying I don’t want your help it’s just … I’m sure you have things you’d rather be doing.” 

Kristen shook her head. “I love you, remember?” she said, smoothing back Edward’s hair. “Why wouldn’t I want to be there for you when you’re recovering from surgery?”

“I know … It’s just a pain. I hate not being able to do things for myself.” Edward said sounding annoyed as they headed downstairs. 

“It’s only for a little while,” Kristen reminded him. “And then you’ll be one step closer to what you want.”

“I know.” He said forcing a tight smile onto his face as he moved back into the living room. 

“So,” Oswald said both excited and nervous. “How did it go?” 

“Good. My surgery is scheduled for Monday morning.” Ed explained. “Which means I'll need at least two weeks to recover.” 

“That's fine.” Oswald said. “Take all the time you need.” 

“And I’ll be looking after Edward while he recovers,” Kristen added, settling the matter. 

“We’ll all help.” Elijah said with a soft smile. “I'm happy for you.” Elijah said sincerely. 

“Thank you,” Edward said with a tight smile, still clearly nervous about all of this.Yet it was still amazing to him how accepting they all were.

“Now …” Elijah said. “I believe Oswald you are off today, so what is everyone's plans?” 

“We hadn’t really discussed it,” Kristen admitted, looking from Edward to Oswald.

“Well, how about we go out to dinner tonight?” Elijah said. “In celebration.” 

“That sounds like a lovely idea,” Kristen said. “I think we could all use an evening out.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Edward said with a soft smile. “Where do we want to go?” 

“How about we go to Pauli’s Diner?” Elijah asked.

“Are you sure dad?” Oswald asked. “Pauli’s Diner is in a pretty shady area.” 

“Yes, I’m sure … And I’ll tell you why …” He said tapping Oswald on his pointed nose. “When we get there.” 

“Well, that sounds cryptic,” Kristen said, laughing at Oswald's confusion as she took Edward's arm. 

“Very.” Oswald said. “What are we going to do until then? It’s only mid afternoon.” 

“Chess tournament, maybe?” Kristen said. “I think it would be very competitive.”

“I’m not playing against Ed, he might actually have a chance of beating me.” Oswald said with a chuckle as Elijah tapped his chin thoughtfully. 

“I have an idea.” He said leaving the room. 


	72. Chapter 72

Edward was pacing again, walking back and forth in the waiting room. “I can’t do this.” Edward said shaking his head. His chest felt tight, and his muscles felt far more tense than they should be. “I can’t …” He he said bringing his fists up in front of his chest, shaking them tensely. 

“Edward,” Kristen said, putting her hands gently on his shoulders and looking up at him. “Do you remember what you made me promise?”

“I know …” Edward said looking like he was on the verge of tears. “I know it’s just … What if they screw up. What if he does something he’s not supposed to. I won’t be awake for this. I don’t know what would terrify me more though, being awake or not awake.” He rambled shaking his head, breathing a bit too heavily. “I’m going to throw up … Or pass out … Or something. I feel like my heart's going to pound out of my chest.” He said rubbing his chest with shaking hands. 

“It’s okay,” Kristen said, hugging him gently. “He’s not going to mess up, everything’s going to be fine …” She looked up at a nearby nurse. “Would it be possible to get something to help calm him down?” she asked. She could reason with him and reassure him, but it wouldn’t do any good unless he was at least calm enough to listen.

The nurses saw that Edward was on the verge of a panic attack and nodded. “Have him have a seat, and I’ll be there in a moment.” 

“Try and sit down, alright?” Kristen said, taking his hand and guiding him to a chair. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

“How do you know though?” He asked. "You can't know that. There's always a risk. Infection, nerve damage, neuroma, RSD, bleeding, drug reactions, blood clots, heart failure, overdosage, death, there's flammable things in there, what if something catches fire?”

“Nothing is going to catch fire,” Kristen reassured Edward. “Right now, your knowledge of medical trivia is working against you. The chances of any of those happening, especially with such an excellent doctor and how careful I know you’ll be afterward, are incredibly low. You’re more likely to meet some disaster on your way to work every day. But your mind is racing too fast looking for any possible threat it can get its hands on, and I need you to slow down. It’s okay to be nervous, that’s normal, but you’re safe here. I wouldn’t be trying to convince you of that if I weren’t certain.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not getting a scalpel to the chest.” Edward said sitting down in the chair finally. The nurse came up to him and handed him a plastic cup with just a little bit of water, and a little paper cup with two yellow pills in it. Edward felt as if he were back in Arkham, lining up for his medication they forced down his throat. “What is that?” 

“It will help you calm down.” The nurse said though Ed didn’t take it. 

“What’s the specific medication?” Kristen asked with an apologetic look to the nurse. Though if she were in Edward’s position right now, she probably wouldn’t be too enthusiastic about taking mysterious pills either.

“It’s  lorazepam.” She said as Edward slowly took the cup. “You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to, but it will help you calm down a bit until we’re ready to take you in.” She said and Edward nodded, though he examined the pills before he actually took them. 

“You know I’ll be here the whole time,” Kristen said quietly, smoothing back Edward’s hair. 

Edward nodded as she ran her hand through his hair. He tried to calm his breathing, knowing it would still be quite a bit before the pills kicked in. But he still had another forty five minutes to wait and he’d wished they hadn’t needed to come so early. 

She kept running her fingers gently through his hair, trying to help him calm down as they waited. “Would it help if I talked about something else?” she asked.

Edward shook his head no, leaning forward and resting his head in his hands and focused on his breathing. It would be fine … It was just another few hours and he'd be one step closer to being who he wanted to be. 

“I can't do this …” He said again suddenly, standing from his chair and heading for the hall. 

“Edward,” Kristen said, following after him and taking his hand. “I know you can do this. And I know that no matter how scared you are right now, if you run away from what you want now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

Edward stopped as she took his hand and looked around. He knew she was right, but he also knew he was having a panic attack. “I know …” He said licking his lips nervously. 

“What do you need right now to go through with this?” Kristen asked quietly. “Do you need to step outside for a moment? What would help you?”

Edward shook his head and went to sit back down again. “I'm sorry.” He said rubbing his eyes under the frames of his glasses. 

“You don't have anything to be sorry about,” Kristen said, rubbing his shoulders gently. 

Edward sat quietly, forcing himself to sit still, and he slowly felt himself calming over the next forty minutes, the pills finally working, calming him until he was called in by one of the nurses. Ed still looked like a deer caught in headlights when he was called, but he also looked a bit drowsy. 

“It's okay,” Kristen said quietly. “I’ll be here the whole time.”

“I know …” He said getting up and walking away from her. He paused and went back, kissing her gently before he went over and joined the nurse, his hands clenched in tight fists at his sides. 


	73. Chapter 73

“He’s out of surgery,” the nurse told her a few hours later. “And coming out of sedation normally. We’ll need to keep monitoring him, but everything went smoothly. You can see him now.”

Kristen followed the nurse quickly into a hospital room where Edward lay semi-conscious on the bed. She came over and took his hand in hers, waiting for him to wake up a little more. 

Edward looked up at Kristen, before looking around, though he wasn’t really fully aware of what was going on. “What happened?” He asked, his voice sounding strange. 

“The surgery was a success,” Kristen said, smoothing back Edward’s hair. Just from his eyes, she could tell he was incredibly out of it right now, no doubt from the anesthesia still in his system. “How do you feel?”

“What?” Edward asked, looking around though he was kind of drifting in and out. Within a few seconds he was asleep again and was unsure of when he came to again, but he held his hand out to Kristen. “I can’t breath.” He said rubbing his hand on his chest, oblivious to the bandages there. “I’m not breathing.” 

“Your chest is rising and falling,” Kristen said, though she couldn’t quite keep the concern out of her voice. “Do you feel like you’re not getting enough air?”

“I’m not breathing.” He said again, his hands flailing when a nurse pulled his hands away from his chest. 

“You’re breathing fine.” She said before looking at Kristen. “He feels the oxygen under his nose, it feels strange so he doesn’t know how to describe it. It’s common.” She said checking his chart and going back over to the desk. 

“See,” Kristen said. “You can breathe, it just feels weird, that’s all.” She leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. “All you have to do right now is rest, okay?”

Edward still looked confused as he watched the nurse and he looked around the room. “What they do?” 

“What does what do?” Kristen chuckled, trying to follow his eyes around the room and see what he was referring to, but she couldn’t for the life of her see what he was referencing.

“What did …” Edward trailed off as he looked to Kristen. “What did they do?” 

“They took your breasts, remember?” Kristen said, taking his hand in hers. “And they did the hysterectomy.”

“They took them?!” Edward asked looking horrified. “Where?” He asked looking around. 

“They …” Kristen had to struggle to keep a straight face at how completely confused Edward looked. “They’re gone now.”

“Why?” He asked, confused. “Where did they put them?” 

“Because you didn’t want them. They’re just gone now, you don’t have to worry about that,” she said.

“But I’ve had them for so long.” He said trying to look at his own chest though he looked more like he was going cross eyed than anything. 

“Yeah, but you didn’t want them,” Kristen said, laughing as she patted his shoulder. “It’s okay. Don’t think about it too hard, just rest.”

“Where are they?” He asked. 

“I … I don’t know,” she said, trying not to laugh. “They’re just gone now.”

“Ooooh.” He said closing his eyes and was silent for a few minutes before he looked over at her. “Hi.” He said quietly. 

“Hi,” Kristen smiled back, kissing him on the forehead.

“When did you get here?” He asked, lazily flicking his finger back and forth on her arm, almost as if he were picking at it. 

“I’ve been in the waiting room this whole time,” Kristen said, amused. “Just like I promised. Though I just got into this room a couple of minutes ago.”

“Ohhhh.” He said licking his lips and looking around. “They did the surgery?” 

“They did,” Kristen said. “And the nurse says it went really well.”

“I don’t think they did it.” Edward said looking down at his chest which was covered with a hospital gown. 

Kristen laughed. “I’m sure they did, Edward. You probably just don’t feel it right now; you still have the anesthesia in your system.”

“But I didn’t feel them come off.” Edward said looking up at her confused. 

“Well that’s a good thing, right?” The nurse asked coming back over to check on him. Edward seemed to think about it a moment, looking confused. “You don’t want to feel any pain.” 

“Yeah.” Edward said. 

“So everything went well, then,” Kristen said, patting his arm. Edward mumbled something incoherently, slowly drifting off again. 

“I think it would be for the best if we let him rest. We’re going to move him into a room on his own.” The nurse explained putting up the bar on the side of his bed. 

Kristen nodded, moving out of the way. “I think that’s a good idea,” she agreed.

The nurse unlocked the bed and started wheeling it towards his room. “You can stay with him during the day, the doctor will let you know when he can go home, but it should be some time today so long as he is able to go to the bathroom first.” 

“I’ll stay as long as you’ll let me,” Kristen said, following after. “Do you know if he’ll be cleared to go home before nightfall?”

“I can't answer that unfortunately. The doctor will be by later.” She said bringing him into a room. Edward once again opened his eyes, looking at Kristen as he flung his arm out dramatically. 

“Well?!” He asked. 

“Well what?” Kristen said, laughing.

“Um …” Edward looked up at the nurse. “What were we talking about?” He asked making the nurse laugh. 

“I don't know.” She said laughing as Edward fell asleep again. “He’ll be in and out of it for a while. It's okay for him to sleep, but we’ll wake him up every hour.” 

Kristen nodded, smiling down at Edward affectionately. “As long as he’s getting his rest. Thank you, by the way, for being so attentive with him.”

“Not a problem. Edward, I will see you in a bit, okay?” She asked and Edward nodded. 

“Hey!” He said, looking up at the nurse. “Show me your tits!” He said making the nurse laugh. 

“Edward.” Kristen said warningly. “That’s not nice.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Edward said, resting his head back on the pillow again.

Kristen took a seat next to Edward’s bed. “Why don’t you get some sleep, alright?” she said. “I’ll be right here.”

Edward looked exhausted as he looked at her and he took a deep breath, before speaking. “You're my favourite and I love you.” 

“Aw, I love you too,” Kristen said, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. “Get some sleep, okay?”

Edward nodded, closing his eyes and within seconds he was asleep again. 


	74. Chapter 74

Edward groaned as he opened his eyes. His entire body felt sore, but mostly his chest and his stomach. He looked up at the drapes surrounding his bed, and honestly couldn’t wait to leave this room. It had been three days since he’d returned home, and already he was going stir crazy. 

Well … For the little bit he was awake in the day. The painkillers they’d given him knocked him out for most of the day and night, but on the occasions he was awake … He was bored … And since the painkillers were now wearing off, he was also in pain. He groaned again as he struggled slightly to move, attempting to sit up on his own without jostling too much, pausing when he finally managed to sit up. 

“Edward, do you need something?” Kristen asked coming into the room and putting another pillow behind his back to help him sit up more comfortably.

“I’m fine.” Edward said stubbornly, though he still didn’t move from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed, breathing a bit heavier from the effort it took him to sit up, his hand against the incision on his stomach. 

Kristen shook her head, seeing the pain in his posture and breathing. “Enough time’s passed for you to take another dose, if you’re hurting.”

Edward nodded. “I figured …” He said picking his glasses up off the side dresser and putting them on. “I uh …” He licked his lips nervously. He didn’t know why, she’d helped him before. “I have to go to the bathroom.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said, not making a big deal out of it as she went over to gently help him stand up.

Edward allowed her to help him up, his other hand on the bedpost, pausing as he got to a standing position. “I really wish I only went for the top first …” He said with his hand against his stomach. His chest hurt but with both incision areas it just made it seem so much worse. 

“I know,” Kristen said with a sympathetic wince, keeping a steady hold on his shoulder, careful to avoid contact anywhere near his incisions. “You decide when we take the first step, okay?”

Edward nodded and he moved slowly out into the hallway and towards the bathroom, grateful that he could hear Elijah and Oswald talking downstairs. Once he finished in the bathroom Kristen helped him back to bed, sitting on the edge again. 

Kristen pulled back the covers for him, propping up the pillows to help him sit comfortably, before she went to get his pills and handed him the glass of water that was waiting on the bedside table. “Go ahead and take these before it wears off anymore.”

Edward took the pills, put some water into his mouth before putting the pills in and swallowing them. He drank a bit more water and handed the glass back to her, gingerly lying down in bed again. “Thank you.” he said quietly. 

“Any time,” she said, kissing his forehead and pulling the blankets over him. “Do you want a book or anything?”

“No …” Edward said quietly. “I just want to sleep. I can’t seem to sleep for more than a few hours before I wake up again. That with the pills, I feel exhausted.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said, smoothing back his hair and removing his glasses for him, setting them aside within easy reach. “Let me know if you want anything, alright?”

Edward nodded, already slowly starting to fall asleep on his back. “Thank you.” 


	75. Chapter 75

Edward was still sore but it was reaching the end of his two weeks off and he was feeling a lot better, but still not 100%. He knew it could be over a month before he started feeling more like himself, he’d be tender for a while. But at least he could walk around on his own. He sat up on the bed and moved into the hallway and to the bathroom, pulling his shirt off and inspected the incisions. There was still a bit of swelling, and some bruising, and to be honest it didn’t look pretty but … It would get there in time. 

He stretched gently before he picked up the ace bandage off the sink, pulling the little metal prongs off. 

Kristen walked by to check on him, seeing him in the bathroom doorway with his bandage. “Do you need a hand with that?” she asked.

“I’m …” He paused glancing over his shoulder at her. “Sure.” He said. The less he strained himself the better. He didn't want to risk hurting himself and extending his healing time. 

Kristen went into the bathroom and moved behind him, helping to secure the bandage. “That's not too tight, is it?” she asked. 

“No.” He said turning towards her. A few more days and he could stop wearing it. “Thank you.” He said gently pulling her into a hug. To be honest he hated using this now instead of his regular binder but after surgery it was recommended to use it.  

“Hey, it's not exactly a difficult thing to help with,” she said, smiling up at him from the careful embrace. 

“I mean for all of it. Helping me the past few weeks. I know it wasn't easy, and I didn't make it easy.” Knowing there was quite a few incidents during his recovery resulting from his stubbornness. 

“It might be because I love you or something,” Kristen said, before cautiously leaning up to kiss him. “Anything for my man.”

“One of.” Edward said, his tone didn't sound negative but there was an odd tone to it. 

“Well, yes,” Kristen said, looking up at his face with slight confusion, trying to interpret his tone. He used to like when she called him that. “But I was referring to you specifically.”

“I know.” He said with a slight smile, though it looked slightly forced. “I'm uh … I'm going to go work on some paperwork.” He said. “Try to catch up a bit. Butch hasn't been doing that great of a job … Imbecile.” 

“Paperwork isn’t exactly his area of expertise,” Kristen agreed, though she could still see the tightness in his smile. “Edward … If something is bothering you, you can tell me.”

Edward shook his head. “No. I'm just still a bit tired. I have to stay up though … Start getting back into a normal schedule.” 

“Okay,” Kristen said uncertainly. “Want any help with the paperwork?”

“You're not really trained nor authorized to do so.” He said though it wasn't said offensively. “I'll be fine.” 

“Technically, no,” Kristen sighed. “Though after all the paperwork I’ve handled at GCPD, I assure you I could figure it out.” She kissed him gently on the cheek. “Alright, you go undo Butch’s damage, just don’t exert yourself too much.”

“Yes, mom.” He said pulling his shirt on and heading downstairs. 

“They grow up so fast,” Kristen sighed, shaking her head in amusement, before heading downstairs as well, thinking she could maybe get some reading in while Edward fixed paperwork errors. He seemed to have improved enough that he probably wouldn’t need her help again for the next hour or so.

 

(A/N - I rarely put these in but I cannot stress enough how much I do not recommend using an ace bandage for a binder! Get an actual binder! His is being used strictly during his healing process which was recommended by his doctor, but not recommended for every day use!)


	76. Chapter 76

“You’re sure you’re fine with me going out tonight?” Kristen asked, looking over her shoulder at Edward. “I’m sure Oswald would understand if you want me to stay.”

“It's fine.” Edward said pulling her zipper up. “I still have a bit of work to catch up on.” He said turning away from her and getting her earrings from her dresser. 

“If you’re sure,” Kristen said, fussing with her hair. “And you and I can go out whenever you feel up to it,” she added.

“Yeah, sometime soon.” Edward said handing her her earrings. 

“Oh, good choice,” Kristen said, taking the earrings from him and putting them on. “These will go well with this dress.” She turned around and kissed him on the cheek.

“They will.” He said as she put them on. “Green looks good on you.” He said with a soft smile. 

“Thank you … But personally, I think it looks better on you,” Kristen said, looking fondly back at him.

Edward chuckled slightly. “I think I’m through my dresses phase.” He said, the smile actually reaching his eyes as he fixed the straps at the top. “You look beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” she said, leaning up to kiss him. “I was thinking you could pull off a nice emerald green suit, though.”

“The entire thing?” He asked with a slight laugh. “Maybe a black suit, with some green accents?” He asked. 

“And that nice silver question mark tie clip you have?” Edward turned to see Oswald standing in the doorway. “You’d look quite dapper.” 

Kristen nodded, turning to look at Oswald. “You’re looking quite dapper yourself,” she observed.

Oswald pushed away from where he was leaning on the door frame and came over to her. “Would you expect anything less?” He asked, looking up at her. She was much taller than him now that she was wearing heals, but it didn’t bother him at all. He moved up onto his tiptoes and kissed her. Edward pushed his glasses up his nose and moved away from them, going to get her purse from the bed. 

“True,” Kristen said after kissing him back. “You habitually look amazing. Are you ready to go?” she asked.

“Yes, shall we?” He asked as Edward quietly handed her her purse. 

Kristen nodded, before turning and kissing Edward. “Thank you,” she said, taking her purse. “Promise me you won’t work too late, alright?” she said seriously.

Edward shrugged slightly, wishing they would leave already. “Yeah, I was actually going to go play some video games anyway.” He said. 

“Have fun, then,” Kristen said, before taking Oswald’s arm, ready to leave.

“Yeah.” Edward said quietly. “You too.” He said watching them leave the room, his eyes brimming with tears. He wiped them away furiously and sighed. He didn’t know why he was so upset … He was fine with her being with Oswald … That wasn’t the issue. He knew it wasn’t. But there was something that was bothering that just … 

He shook his head frustrated before he went downstairs to the main floor, moved through the hallway and into the basement where the entertainment room was. He sat down on the couch, turning on one of his consols which had been retrieved from storage after he’d come here. 

After a moment, Elijah came tottering carefully down the stairs, making his cautious way down with his hand on the rail. “Mind if I join you?” he asked. “This old house can get awfully quiet sometimes.”

“If you like.” Edward said, his thumbs moving over the sticks of his controller. 

Elijah came down and sat next to Edward, watching all the brightly colored mayhem on the screen. “I never really understood these games,” he mused aloud. “Wrong generation, perhaps.”

“It's mostly a puzzle.” Edward said blandly. “Figuring out what to do, each level increasing in difficulty.” 

“Ah,” Elijah said, nodding. “That does sound like something that would appeal to you.” He was quiet for a moment, watching the screen. “You seem a bit subdued today,” he said finally. “If you don't mind my saying so.”

“What do you mean?” Edward asked, still concentrating on his game. 

“Your eyes are rather red,” Elijah pointed out gently.

“I suppose they are.” He said, finishing off the level and starting on the next.

“May I inquire what may be bothering you?” Elijah asked. 

“I honestly don't know.” He said. “I've just been emotional lately. Probably because I'm-” He paused not sure if Elijah was comfortable talking about something like this. “Nevermind.” 

“If something is bothering you, you can talk about it,” Elijah said, concern in his eyes. “If I have learned anything over the years, nothing is ever accomplished by going through life unhappy and keeping quiet about it.”

“It's just, when I was in Arkham they took me off testosterone, and then when I got out I couldn't afford it. Now that I'm back on it it's just … Messing with my emotions I suppose.” 

Elijah nodded, mulling the matter over. “I suppose that would make everything more difficult,” he said. “Do you recall how long it took to get used to those effects the first time around?”

Edward shrugged. “I don't remember.” He said. “It was a long time ago. I've never been off of it for so long before. A month, maybe two yes but … Almost a year?” He asked shaking his head. 

“I take it that this wasn’t a priority in Arkham?” Elijah said. “Forgive me for bringing it up, but it seems an odd decision on their part. Wouldn’t reintroducing it then have brought back some stability in your life?”

Edward laughed almost bitterly as he paused his game. “Stability? They don't care about stability. They care about you fitting into society’s norms. In other words they spent months using barbaric conversion therapy on me during the time they refused me visitors.” 

“That’s …” Elijah stared back at him, then shook his head. “You’re a grown man, how can they expect to know better than you about that? Doctorate or not, it’s absurd! And it hardly seems relevant to any of the issues you were dealing with! The whole approach sounds completely nonsensical.”

“Well, they don't see me as a grown man since I wasn't born with a penis. They see me as a grown woman, since I have a vagina and had boobs, I was just ‘playing dress up’. They thought I had a mental illness and my desire to be a man was just an illusion caused by some psychosis.” He said shaking his head, his eyes watering. “I honestly expected it … When I was taken there. Society doesn't know how to handle people like me so they try to make us more like them.” 

“I … I’m sorry that happened to you,” Elijah said, putting a hand gently on Edward’s shoulder. He didn’t know what else to say. “Do Oswald or Kristen know?”

Edward shook his head. “No. I haven't told them. I don't think I want them to know.” 

“Alright then,” Elijah said, nodding slowly. “I won’t mention it to either of them. It sounds as if you’ve been through quite an ordeal. It’s up to you to decide if and when to talk about it.” No wonder the poor boy had been such a wreck when he’d first arrived here.

“Thank you.” Edward said, his eyes tearing up even more than before, feeling foolish that he felt like he was going to cry again. Especially in front of Elijah.

“Think nothing of it,” Elijah said seriously. “You’ve helped my son to achieve everything he wanted. You deserve to feel safe here.”

“He's achieved everything he's ever wanted on his own.” Edward said. “I've done very little, I may have made things a bit easier for him but … He’d make it fine without me. So would Kristen … No one actually really  _ needs  _ me … I'm easily replaceable.” 

Elijah shook his head, his eyes reproachful. “You don’t really think that, do you?” he asked. “I can assure you neither of them feel that way. Just from the way you keep Oswald’s mayoral and, ah … business duties organized, I can tell that statement is simply untrue. But they both need you on a far more personal level than that.”

“That's not a need, that's a want …” Edward said. “What they need, is each other. And they have that. I'm just kind of …” 

“Essential,” Elijah finished for him. “Do you think Oswald arranged to fly in a surgeon from Europe merely because you’re convenient? And surely you don’t think that’s why Kristen stayed with you at the hospital the entire time and then took care of you throughout your recovery? Perhaps you don’t see it in yourself, but it’s not for you to decide. They need you.”

Edward smiled almost sadly as he sat back against the couch. “You lost your own argument there. The only thing you just proved is that, yes they care about me … But they don't need me … I need them.” 

“Perhaps ‘need’ isn’t the right word, then,” Elijah said quietly. “They love you. You’re the only real friend Oswald has, and I can tell Kristen cares deeply about you. I won’t pretend I understand how this all works between the three of you. It’s unconventional, to say the least. But you mean a great deal to both of them.”

Edward nodded slightly, moving the controller from his lap and placing it down on the couch beside him. “Sure …” He said quietly. “I mean … I know they do.” 

Elijah watched the young man’s face, then said gently, “But you don't seem to feel very secure in that knowledge. Is that a part of what's bothering you?”

“I don't know … I just …” Edward shrugged. “I honestly don't know what's bothering me. I know I'm okay with them being together, I am but … Sometimes … Seeing them or hearing them together, it … Something about it bothers me.” 

Elijah shook his head, worry clear in his eyes. “I was afraid that it might,” he said. “Are you sure that you’re really okay with them being together? Or do you just feel like you should be?”

“No, them being together … That doesn't bother me. It doesn't … But it's just something … And it's driving me mad I can't figure out what and that in itself is making me more emotional.” He said angrily wiping a tear that fell down his cheek. “I'm just … Frustrated that I don't know what it is. It's like a riddle I can't solve.” 

“Do you think talking to them might help you figure it out?” Elijah asked quietly.

“Kristen already knows something's wrong. She keeps asking me about it, Oswald’s too busy with work to notice, and honestly what would I tell either of them?” He asked. “All it would do is worry them. Possibly do something rash to try to make me feel better, when it won't likely help.” 

“Maybe,” Elijah said, pondering Edward’s words. “Though they both care a great deal about your wellbeing. If this continues to bother you, keeping it from them wouldn’t do them any favours either. But that’s not my place to decide.”

“So what am I going to tell them exactly?” Edward asked. “I don't really want to tell them anything until I know what there is to tell.” 

Elijah nodded. “So maybe you’ll have to mull it over awhile longer. Just as long as you take your feelings seriously, and don’t try to dismiss something that’s bothering you this much.”

“I know.” He said quietly. “I just need time to figure this out.” 

Elijah nodded. “By all means, allow yourself that. These things aren't easy under ordinary circumstances, and they certainly seem to have gotten complicated.” He was quiet for a moment, before he asked, “Is there someone you can go to for advice?”

“Oswald already suggested a therapist. I told him I’d think about it. I think I might on the condition Kristen stays with me. I don’t … I don’t really want to be alone in a room with one.” 

“Given your experience, I think having Kristen there would be wise,” Elijah agreed. “And a qualified and ethical therapist could be really helpful … But I was thinking more along the lines of family. If you don’t want to worry Kristen and Oswald, is there anyone you could reach out to?”

“I uh …” Edward looked away from him a moment, adjusting his glasses. “My parents kicked me out when I told them I wanted to transition. When I was 15 … I haven’t seen or heard from them since.” 

Elijah’s face fell. “I see,” he said quietly. It would explain why they weren’t around now, why he’d had nowhere else to go after Arkham. But it was unthinkable. Elijah had missed out on most of his son’s life without knowing, but that Edward’s parents had knowingly cast him out seemed so senseless. And to think of Edward out on his own so young, no doubt scared and alone … “Well,” he said, looking back at him. “You can always talk to me if you want.”

“You’re such a kind man, Elijah.” Edward said with a slight smile. “Oswald is lucky to have you as a father.” 

“That’s very kind of you to say,” Elijah said with a somewhat wistful look. “It would have been luckier if I’d been there for him growing up.”

“He’s lucky to have a father who cares about him, no matter when you came into his life.” Edward said. “Let’s just say I was never too fond of mine.” 

“That seems understandable in your case,” Elijah said, shaking his head. “I honestly can’t understand them throwing you out like that … It’s completely irresponsible.” But then, he knew there were parents who would. “They missed out on a son they should have been proud of.”

“Well, they didn’t have a son did they?” He asked. “They had a daughter who’s ‘broken’ and an ‘abomination’ so … They thought it was the right thing for them, and if that was their choice and what they wanted then so be it. Honestly, I expected that reaction from my father but … I don’t know why I expected my mother to stop him. She never had before but … I figured since this was such a big thing …” He said his eyes tearing up again. He looked away from Elijah wiping the tears away, hearing his father’s words ringing in his head.  _ ‘Stop crying, it’s weak to cry, stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.’ _ He’d always been so scared to cry but now it felt like it was all he wanted to do, all the time. 

Dismayed by how much Edward was clearly hurting, Elijah pulled him into a gentle hug. He wasn’t sure if that would be at all helpful, but he didn’t know what else to do. “They were wrong,” he told Edward firmly. “They had a son that they failed to appreciate and gave up on, but they were completely wrong.”

Edward tensed when Elijah hugged him, but didn’t move away. He trusted Elijah and knew he wouldn’t hurt him, and for some reason that sent him over the edge. Edward practically crumbled in Elijah’s arms, and he broke down crying. 

“It’s alright,” Elijah said quietly. Though there was so much in the young man’s life that was evidently not alright … But he hoped it would be. “It’s alright to feel this way. Things will get better.”

Edward couldn’t stop himself from crying, despite the embarrassment he felt. He felt as if years of emotional build up finally came crashing over him and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. All the abuse from his father, the bullying at school, the rejection from everyone on his transitioning, having to start a new life, being picked on at the GCPD, Arkham, being homeless for weeks … Everything just came over him and he found he couldn’t stop. 

“You’re going to be alright,” Elijah repeated quietly. Already, the young man had lived such a hard life, it was difficult to even imagine. “After everything you’ve survived, you’re going to be alright.” He didn’t know what else to say. Words could only do so much. So he just hugged him and let him cry. 

It was a while before Edward calmed down enough to slowly pull away, wiping tears from his reddened eyes. “I'm sorry.” He whispered. 

Elijah shook his head. “I don't see what you have to be sorry about,” he said seriously. “After everything you’ve been through, I’d say you were well past due for a good cry. Now, if I might make a suggestion, a nice cup of tea would be the next logical step.”

“I'd like that. Thank you.” He said turning the console off. “And thank you … For being understanding.” 

“Think nothing of it,” Elijah said with a small smile, before starting to gingerly get to his feet. 

Edward helped him up and followed him up the stairs to the main floor. “Sore today?” Edward asked. He'd been getting better over the past while but today he seemed a bit stiff.

“Just a bit,” Elijah said with a tight smile as they neared the top of the stairs. “Could be this weather. Just a side effect of getting old, I’m afraid.”

“You're not old Elijah.” Edward said getting out two mugs from the cupboard. “You're what? 54? At most.” 

“48,” Elijah said, smiling a little as he put the kettle on. “But, believe me, you don't have to be that old for time to start taking its toll.”

“You were seventeen when Oswald was born.” Edward observed as he put the kettle on the stove and pulled out two tea bags, Earl Grey as Elijah liked and Chai Spice for himself. 

“I was,” Elijah said with a quiet sigh. “Gertrud and I were both so young then.”

“How old was she?” Edward asked, putting the sugar into both cups. 

“Sixteen,” Elijah said, pouring the kettle into each. “She shouldn’t have had to do everything alone so young …” He shook his head. That regret would always be with him.

“She shouldn’t have had to do everything alone at all.” Edward said pouring some milk into his tea. 

“I know,” Elijah murmured, his shoulders drooping slightly. At least Edward acknowledged that Elijah had done something wrong. Everyone else was in such a rush to make him feel better that they just glossed over it. “I shouldn’t have been such a coward.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. Oswald and Gertrud needed you.” Edward said. “If you had loved her, you would have gone after her.” He said sitting down at the table. “Even if you thought she was better off without you … You should have tried to find her.” 

“Of course you’re right,” Elijah admitted. “At first, I was too afraid, I made every excuse imaginable to myself … But the more time passed, the more I was convinced she would have moved on, she wouldn’t want to see me again.”

“Did  _ you  _ move on?” Ed asked. “I mean, really move on?”

“No,” Elijah said, sitting down and holding his teacup. “Not really.”

“If you believed she loved you, then why would you assume she would?” Edward asked with a raised brow. 

“Because I was such a coward in the first place. I let my parents intimidate me into abandoning her, when I should have gone after her in the first place. It … didn’t seem reasonable to expect her to forgive me for that.”

“You could have tried though … The worst she could do was reject you. But would that have been worse? At least then you would have found out about Oswald.” Edward said. 

“The worst she could do, yes,” Elijah said, looking down into his teacup. “If I did, though, I would have been disowned, and I would have had nothing for her …” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have let that stop me.”

“Even if you had nothing, she still would have had something. She would have had you. Which would have helped tremendously.” He said. “If you had been there to watch Oswald, she wouldn’t have had to pay for a babysitter, you could have gotten a part time job in the evenings, helped out with food or bills when they didn’t have any. Bought Oswald toys when he had none.” Edward said. “But there is nothing you can do to change the past. Your decisions you made, you made when you were a child. And the burden of that choice is not only yours … It was Gertrud’s as well. She knew where you lived, she could have told you, and she didn’t.” 

“Of course she didn’t tell me,” Elijah murmured, shaking his head. “I was too much of a coward to even look for her. She probably thought that if I knew we had a child, I would have immediately run the other way.” Unshed tears gathered in his eyes faster than he could blink them away. “I can’t stop thinking about how stupid I was, why I didn’t just do the decent thing to begin with, why I didn’t look her up all those years, even just to apologize. Things could have been so different.”

“They could have.” Edward agreed. “But I doubt she thought you would have run. After all, if you had, she would have not been any worse off. I wonder why she didn’t tell you.” Edward said, though he seemed to be more thinking to himself. “If she had nothing to lose by telling you, and everything to gain if you reacted positively, why not tell you?” He asked, as if he were trying to figure out some kind of riddle. 

“My parents, probably,” Elijah said, his voice subdued. “They assured me she’d be taken care of … not well enough, obviously. But if they helped her at all, it might have been under the condition that she stayed away from me. And with a child to look after … Could she really afford to risk contacting someone as unreliable as me, if it could mean losing what little she had?”

“Well … You can find out if they actually helped her.” Edward said. 

Elijah finally looked up from his teacup, meeting Edward’s eyes. “What do you mean?” he asked. “How?”

“Bank records.” He said. “All banks keep records on file, they don’t get rid of them. If you go to your bank, because you’re the primary holder now. Assuming everything had been transferred to you, you can view any past statements, including money transfers, withdrawals, and payments.” 

“Yes …” Elijah said slowly, the light returning to his eyes. “It would be a long way back to look, but it should still be there.” Maybe it wouldn’t help anyone now. Not him, not Oswald, and not Gertrud. But at least he would know.

“Your banker should be able to pull up the records still. If you want …” Edward said. “It won’t change the past though. What you can do is work towards the future. Oswald needs a father, now more than ever …” 

“I know,” Elijah said with a firm nod. “And I mean to be the father that I should have been to him all along. That much, at least, I can control. And …” He fidgeted with the handle of his tea cup. “I don’t want to turn a blind eye to his business, either. I don’t need to know everything … I’m not sure if I could stand it if I did, but I’ve spent too many years with my head buried in the sand.”

“I think that is something you’ll have to talk to Oswald about.” Edward said quietly. “And trust me, it won’t be an easy conversation. He did everything in his power to keep Gertrud away from what he did. I doubt he’d let you in so easily. I’m amazed he’s told you what he has.” 

“But keeping Gertrud in the dark didn’t help her, did it,” Elijah said, before taking a shaky sip of his tea. “Maybe that’s why he told me … Though at the time, I think he still meant to leave that life behind him.”

Edward shook his head. “Oswald never wanted to leave that life behind him. That life was, is, and always will be his life. What and who he was when you met him … That wasn’t Oswald … That was a tortured, brainwashed man … He was a creation of Hugo Strange’s design. Had he been left in Gotham by himself … I doubt he would have survived this long had Kristen not found him.” 

“Yes,” Elijah said, eyes saddened as he remembered. “He was so timid back then. Always far too anxious about trying to please everyone. He constantly looked so lost …” He shook his head. “It could have been a product of the brainwashing, then, a compulsion to tell the truth … All the same, it’s just as well that he told me. Grace found out and denounced him the next morning anyway. It was better that I heard it from him.”

“Knowing who he is, and what he does …” Edward said, looking slightly confused. “You still care about him? Even though you’ve hardly known him a year.” 

“Of course,” Elijah said, his voice clearly hurt at the implication that he would do otherwise. “He’s my son.”

“Even though he kills people?” Edward asked. “He’s executed people before over something as simple as money. Killed an old man for a sandwich. His body count must be in the hundreds by now, all those people had families … And you still care about him?”

“I know,” Elijah said, his expression tightening. “He also killed my late wife and stepchildren. And I was furious and heartbroken about it. But he’s still my son. I felt that bond with him so quickly. And it hurts to know what he does, but that bond isn’t going to simply go away.”

“If it hurts to know what he does, then why do you want to be involved? That would make you an accomplice. If the GCPD ever tries for an arrest on him again … We all will be … At least if you stay out of it, you’d likely be released. But being involved … That’s a whole different thing. I don’t think you fully realize what you’re asking for.” 

Elijah shook his head. “I don’t ever want to have to find out what my son is doing on the news,” he said, putting his teacup down. “Not again.”

“I’m surprised you even heard about it on the news. Gabe’s getting careless, and that’s making me worry.” Edward said. “Oswald trusts him too much, I don’t think he’s as stupid as he lets on. He’s stupid … But I think Oswald’s not giving him enough credit. Taking him for granted.” 

“Perhaps,” Elijah sighed. “I don’t know much about these things. From what Oswald says, and from the frequency that I see him around here, Gabe certainly seems loyal, at least. But I don’t like the idea of him messing up and getting my son into trouble.”

“It's not getting him into trouble I'm worried about.” Edward said. “I feel like he's trying to make Oswald look like he's slipping. Like he's getting careless. He's not in a position to look weak right now. He's just starting to rebuild after taking his throne back, none of the families are making any profit right now, and they're already pissed. The only reason why they hadn't done anything yet is because they know Oswald’s good on his word, when he makes a promise he keeps it … But … If they see any type of slip up, or weakness, then they’d be more than willing to remove him from his position.” 

“And you think Gabe would intentionally sabotage him?” Elijah said, worried. 

“I don't know. I know there's a lot of people that would, and Oswald is a very good judge of character. But I can't help but feel like Gabe’s … I don't know … I can't see his motive of why he’s loyal to him. I mean everyone else has a reason, me and Kristen love him, the majority of families respect or fear him …. But with Gabe … I can't help but feel like there's something off. Like he's  _ too  _ loyal.” 

“Could he perhaps owe Oswald something?” Elijah speculated. 

“No, I have all of Oswald’s records of debts owed to him. Gabe’s not on it.” Edward said sipping his tea. 

“It could be something more personal, perhaps,” Elijah suggested. “Before you were working with him?”

“No, he’d still have it on record. He has debts to him that date back to before he even met Gabe. The man is meticulous, I’ll give him that. Every penny, every favour right down to the three dollars some kid owed him back in third grade is on there.” Edward said shaking his head. “I asked him why, and he just said there was that chance he’d run into him again … So if Gabe owed him something … It would be on there.” 

“I don’t know, then,” Elijah sighed, shaking his head. “Have you brought this up with Oswald?”

“No, I doubt he’d listen. He thinks Gabe is loyal to a fault,” Edward said. 

“Surely he would listen to you, though?” Elijah said. “I doubt you’ll be able to accomplish much by keeping quiet about it.”

Edward took a deep breath. “Unless Gabe does anything, I doubt even I could convince him.” He said shaking his head. “If he suspects I don’t like Gabe he might get it into his head that I’m trying to get rid of him … Might accuse me of being jealous. He tends to get things in his head and won’t let them go.” 

“I see,” Elijah said, his worry only deepening. “So all we can really do is keep an eye on Gabe?”

“Yeah … I’ll try to talk to him tomorrow. But I doubt it will do any good.” Edward said. “If anything, hopefully it’ll put the idea into Oswald’s head, make him watch out if necessary.” 

Elijah nodded. “It all seems so complicated,” he sighed.

“It is.” Edward said. “This entire business is. Oswald’s entire Mayoral campaign was the easy part in comparison to his other … ‘job’.” Edward said. “You make a mistake as a mayor, people frown and move on. You make a mistake as kingpin of the underworld …” Edward shook his head. “That’s an entirely different thing. Oswald’s lucky he’s so good at it.” 

“He seems to be,” Elijah said, looking back at Edward. “I don’t know much about his business, but that does seem to be where he’s most confident.”

“It's where he grew up. It's the only job he's known. The only influence he's had outside of his mother …” He said. “From what I understand, Fish was sort of like a second mother to him, for many years. He respected her, and still does.” 

“Fish?” Elijah asked, his head tilting slightly. “That's an odd name.”

Edward chuckled slightly. “Because Penguin is any better.” 

“I suppose that's true enough,” Elijah admitted. “What happened to her?”

“She was the only thing standing between Oswald and taking over Gotham.” He said. “He killed her. Or so we thought. We don't know how, but she's back in Gotham. Oswald’s been looking for her since his campaign started.” 

“Is she a threat to Oswald, then?” Elijah asked, the worry clear in his eyes. “I can't imagine she's terribly fond of him after that.”

“I don't know. If she wanted to kill him she had the perfect opportunity to do so when she escaped Indian Hill … But she let him live. I think that's bothering him. He doesn't understand why.” 

“I see why that would trouble him,” Elijah said, frowning. “And I take it she's not the sentimental type.”

“I don't know.” Edward said honestly. “I've never met her.” 

Elijah nodded, deep in thought, before he looked up at him again. “Edward,” he said evenly. “You know better than I do how many responsibilities and threats Oswald is facing … How would you rate his ability to ask for help when he needs it? With absolute honesty, I mean.” 

Edward seemed to think about this a moment before he shrugged. “I suppose it depended on help with what. He asks for help quite frequently, especially if it’s something he can’t handle. But if it’s something that’s liable to get someone he cares about hurt, by involving them … He’d probably try to handle it on his own, or ask someone else for help while keeping the specifics from them.” He said. “Though, after Gertrud passed … I’m not sure what his decision would be on that one. He’s changed so much since I first met him, before he was placed in Arkham, really it could go either way.” 

“Is there something we can do, do you think, to minimize the damage Gabe has done?” he asked.

“Or will do?” Edward asked with a shrug. “Maybe make it out like it was planned. Like Oswald didn’t do it, but someone in his employ did it with his permission, to send a message.” 

“What kind of message though?” Elijah frowned. “To whom?”

“To everyone.” Edward said. “Grace attacked Oswald’s family … You … And him … And Kristen. There’s so much motive for the murder, and motive to make it found. A message that Oswald and his family are not to be messed with. The problem with that, is if it comes from Oswald … Then you and Kristen may be seen as weak, and may been seen as his weakness just as Gertrud had been.” Edward said leaning back in his chair with a deep sigh. “I think I have an idea …” 

Elijah watched his face intently. Whatever Edward’s idea was, he didn’t seem too thrilled about the prospect of implementing it. But if there were something Elijah could do to help, then he certainly wanted to hear it. “What is it?” he asked.

“How good of an actor are you?” He asked. “If you were to play a role, could you pull it off?” 

“I think I would be up to the challenge,” Elijah said, interest in his voice. “What do you have in mind?”

“I would have to clear it with Oswald … But if we make it out that you killed them, that you were the one that did it, left it out in the open as a message, with Oswald’s permission of course, it would not only make people less likely to attack Oswald in fear of retaliation from you, it would also lessen the likelihood that anyone would attack Oswald’s family. Since Oswald isn’t the only one capable of doing such a thing, people would be afraid of retaliation from either you or him should anything happen. A strength in numbers, so to speak.” Edward said. “We could make a show of it, so we’ll have to create a persona for you. Bring the families together, have Oswald throw a meeting here. People will question it, and that’s when you come in. They will draw guns on you, but they will not fire without Oswald’s permission. Do not flinch, do not even react. Walk past them like you don’t care. It will make them think you have nothing to fear from them, and give you an air of importance.” Edward said. “We’ll have to figure out what you’ll say to them, everything will have to be pre planned if we’re to make it work. But if you can pull it off … I think it would protect both yourself and Oswald.” 

“It would certainly take a lot of practice and planning,” Elijah said, discomfort behind his eyes. But it could protect Oswald, give him one less thing to worry about. He thought about Kristen, and what had happened to the baby. He thought about how, aside from Edward’s episode, the nursery remained untouched. He thought about the way that Oswald and Kristen both still unconsciously slowed their steps when they passed it. And, as he often did, he thought about Gertrud. “But this seems like the best plan of action. I would be willing to do it, if you think it would work.”

“That would depend on how well you can pull it off.” He said. “I’ll take a recording at the next meeting, I’ll be there. You’ll see what’s to be expected, who will be there, and how Oswald acts when he’s in front of them. It’ll give you an idea. I’ll talk to Oswald tomorrow morning about the plan, and if I can, talk him into it. Or at least, thinking about it.” 

Elijah nodded. “Yes, I don't think Oswald would react well to this if he doesn't know what we're doing.”

“I don't think he'll respond well if he  _ does  _ know what we’re doing.” Edward said with a slight laugh. 

“I suppose you're right,” Elijah admitted with a small smile. “I’m afraid Oswald would worry too much.”

“Oh it would be beyond worry. He knows how dangerous it could be if things go wrong.” Edward said. “I'll try to make a convincing argument.” 

“Thank you,” he said. “It's frustrating not being able to help. I’d like to do what I can, even if it’s risky.”


	77. Chapter 77

Edward came into the dining room, Oswald sitting at the head, papers strewn out around him. 

“Good morning.” Edward said. “Where’s Kristen?” He asked, not having seen her in her room this morning. 

“She couldn’t sleep last night from a bad headache,” Oswald said. “So she’s sleeping in a little. I’m going to try to get her to go see a doctor later.”

“Oh,” Edward said quietly. He didn't think to look in Oswald’s room. He really should have. “So I had an idea Oswald … I was hoping to run it by you.” He said moving to sit at the table. “Do you have a few minutes?” 

“Of course,” Oswald said, looking up at him. “What idea did you have in mind?”

“Well, it's going to come into question how those bodies were found. Elijah's late wife and step kids. Their relation has already been tied back to you through your father, and it's going to be seen as a weakness, a mistake.” Edward explained. 

“I’m handling it,” Oswald sighed. “Along with everything else … But I’m open to suggestions from you.”

“Well, I was talking with your father last night.” He said making Oswald’s eyes snap back up to his. “I think we can play this whole murder off, and at the same time protect your father and Kristen better. With you in the position you are now, it puts both Elijah and Kristen in danger …” 

“We’re not involving my father in this,” Oswald said, his green eyes guarded. “I can ensure his safety and Kristen’s, but getting my father involved would only put him in more danger.”

“Just as you could protect your mother? Did keeping her in the dark help her?” Edward asked. 

“No,” Oswald shook his head, his shoulders visibly tightening at the mention. “But I’m handling this differently. My father knows what I am, and so does Kristen. Neither of them are in the dark … But involvement in our world is never safe. You know that as well as I do.”

“I do, and I also have an outside perspective. Your father needs a way to protect himself, and I have an idea on how to do so without him directly involved. It will only take a bit of practice for him.” Edward said. “I can teach him.” 

“What are you planning, exactly?” Oswald asked, his eyes darting back up to watch Edward’s expression closely, trying to read him. 

Edward explained his plan, giving him as much details as he’d given Elijah the night previous. “We would have to plan the entire thing. But if we do it right, it will both strengthen your position and your own safety, and protect your family as well. If people are not only scared of you, but we're scared of your father as well …” Edward said leaving the sentence hanging knowing Oswald would understand what he was getting at. 

“I see,” Oswald said, folding his hands and looking down at the table in thought. “I don’t like the idea of bringing attention to him like that. And do you really think he could pull it off?” He looked back up at Edward again. “You know my father. He’s … kind. He doesn't exactly have that kind of presence.”

“I think if we practiced he could do it.” He said. “I'm going to hold a meeting, speak on your behalf to avoid the mention of the bodies, they'll ask you directly to see how you'd react. I'm going to record the meeting, let him see what to expect and we’ll work with him on a persona based on actual strengths and experiences.” 

Oswald shook his head. “What experiences?” he asked. “The man’s a complete civilian. He's never hurt a fly or even had cause to.”

“Are you sure about that? I mean, you've known him less than a year. And you've heard him as much as I have what his father was like … he could draw experiences from that.” 

“You think he wants to dwell on those memories?” Oswald said. “There are too many ways for this to go wrong.”

“I want to do it, Oswald.” Elijah said, standing in the doorway in a dark red velvet robe. “If it'll keep you safe. I want to …” 

“I can take care of myself, father,” Oswald said firmly. “What I don't need is for you to risk putting yourself in danger.”

“You put yourself in danger anyway. And what if something happens when you aren't here? At least if they're afraid of me too, then they’re likely to leave us alone.” He said. “I hate sitting by and doing nothing.” 

“And what happens if you make things worse, hmm?” Oswald asked. “I can't afford to let you risk that.”

“You can, but you won't.” Elijah said. “The fact of the matter is I am your father, and I will do what I can to keep you safe, danger or no … I’m sure your mother would agree.” He said firmly. “I'm not letting this go Oswald …” 

“I did tell you a while ago Oswald, that love is a weakness.” Edward said. “It's a weakness we both have, but we can make it a strength.” 

Oswald hesitated for a moment as his eyes met Edward's, before he shook his head. “But at what cost?” he said, moving to stand up. “I’m not agreeing to this.”

“Sit down.” Elijah said firmly. “You're not agreeing to this, you're not walking away from it either.” 

Oswald stared at his father, surprised by the sudden command in his voice. For a moment, he looked like he was about to make some scoffing retort, but instead Oswald thought better of it and sat down. He paused to collect his thoughts and his patience. “Father,” he said. “I don't think you understand how dangerous this is.”

“ _ This  _ is what got you marched down a pier and almost had a bullet placed in your skull,  _ this  _ got your mother killed,  _ this  _ got you placed in Arkham where, as you say, you were tortured to the point you became a different person. I'm fully aware of how dangerous  _ this  _ is.” Elijah said firmly. “I also know how dangerous Gotham is … I've been keeping up with the news since your article was brought to my attention. I know what I'm getting myself into. And I'm not allowing you to say no.” 

“Then don't you see why I can't let you do this!?” Oswald demanded in an outburst of frustration. “Don't you understand that I can't risk losing you too?”

“I see your reasoning, and I wish you would see mine. This is my decision Oswald …” He said before shaking his head. Oswald wasn't going to relent. “Ed, leave us please.” 

Edward looked up at him and nodded. “Yes, sir.” He said getting up from the table and leaving, taking the time to go check on Kristen. 

“Father,” Oswald said quietly, watching him with a sincere look in his eyes. “I know why you want to do this, but … you’re a good man. One of the few in Gotham who’s managed to stay that way.” Quite possibly the only one, from what Oswald had seen. “This business isn't for you.”

“And I won't be in the business. It'll just be a show.” Elijah said. “Rest assured I am not taking this lightly. You once said everyone underestimated you, and what you could do. Please do not do the same to me.” 

“I don't mean to underestimate you,” Oswald said. “But this business has a way of dragging people in and swallowing them whole, whether you planned to get involved or not. I have experience with this, can you please just trust my judgment on this?”

“I do trust your judgement, but I'm telling you I want to do this. It would be easier, and safer, with your support and you and Edward teaching me.” He said. “My decision is final, you won't change my mind.” 

Oswald sighed. “Alright,” he said defeatedly. “If you're that determined. But this plan doesn't go ahead until I say you're ready.”

“Deal.” Elijah said with a smile. “I'll be fine. I took drama classes in school.” 

Oswald resisted the urge to let his head sink down into his hands. “This isn't school, father,” he said with all the patience he could muster. “The stakes are much higher.”

“I am well aware of that Oswald.” Elijah said moving to the table to sit down. “Just trust me.” 

“I do, really,” Oswald said, though he didn’t hide the worry in his eyes. “But I care about you too much to be really comfortable with this.” What Edward had said popped into his mind again. Maybe, by not looking at the plan’s strategic value, he was letting love remain a weakness, failing to take advantage of a potential strength. All the same, he didn’t have to like this.

“I know. I’ll be honest, I’m not comfortable with it either. But what part of your job is comfortable?” Elijah asked, placing a comforting hand on Oswald’s arm. “I can do this. I’m done hiding from the world … I want to take care of you. I want to protect you, as I should have done your whole life.” 

“I know you want that,” Oswald said more softly, looking back at him. “But if anything happened, if I lost you too …” He shook his head. “I couldn’t stand that.”

“I feel the same way about you. I already lost your mother over thirty two years ago. And I know they weren’t nice people, and I know you don’t understand, but I lost my family too when I told them to leave. I’ve lost everything I had, and I refuse to lose what I have.” He said, moving closer to Oswald. “I know you’re trying to protect us, but let us have the chance to protect you. You shouldn’t have to do this all on your own.” 

“You’ve made it sound like it’s out of my hands,” Oswald said with a small, sad smile. “Are you sure you won’t rethink this? I can come up with other ways to keep us all safe.”

“If you could have come up with something better, you would have done so already.” Elijah said. “Let Ed hold his meeting, speak on your behalf. Let me see what they’re like, and if I don’t think I can handle it, then I will reconsider. But I can do this … And Ed was right. I’ve dealt with my father for twenty three years … I’m sure I can imitate him, or parts of him, rather well.” 

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Oswald said firmly. But he felt better now that Elijah at least considered the possibility that he might not be able to handle it. Once he saw a recording of the meeting, and had a better idea what kind of men he was dealing with, Elijah might still do the sensible thing and change his mind.


	78. Chapter 78

Ed knocked quietly on Oswald’s door, the door creaking open slightly. “Kristen?” He asked quietly, gently pushing the door open but didn’t step in. “Can I come in?” He asked, seeing a large bundle of blankets in the middle of Oswald’s large bed. 

The bundle of blankets stirred, and Kristen’s head poked out briefly, nodding, though with a slight wince indicating the discomfort of the movement. “If you want,” she said groggily. “But you don’t need to be worried. I’ll be up in a minute.”

“No, you won’t.” Edward said coming into the room and sitting down on the bed next to her. He placed a hand against her forehead to see if she was running a fever. “Oswald said you had a headache.” 

“It’s just a headache,” she insisted, looking up at him, before her hand reached out to fumble over the bedside table for her glasses. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“How long have you had the headache for?” He asked. “I heard you last week complaining about a headache too.” 

“I’m sure it will go away in a few more days,” Kristen said, moving to sit up.

“That didn’t answer my question, Kristen.” Edward said gently pushing her back down on the bed to lay down. “How long have you had it for?” 

“About a week,” Kristen admitted. “But it wasn’t this bad before.”

“Where’s the pain?” He asked. “And how bad is it?” 

“Mostly in the front,” Kristen said, gesturing to the sinuses and forehead. “That’s where it’s worst.”

“Try to get some rest. I’ll grab you an advil, when it kicks in I’m going to take you to the doctors. You need to get checked out.” Edward said, gently running his thumb over her forehead. 

“I’m fine,” she mumbled stubbornly, but settled back under the blankets without further argument. At this point, it was probably time to just admit that this stupid headache was getting worse, not better. “And you’re sweet.”

“I may be sweet, but you’re not fine.” He said. “I’ll be right back.” He said standing from the bed. 

Kristen nodded, and settled back under the blankets, her glasses still in place from when she’d grabbed them earlier.

Edward shook his head and gently pulled Kristen’s glasses off, placing them on the side dresser. 

It was nearly fifteen minutes before he returned, with a plate of food, two advil, and a glass of water on a tray. “Sorry I took so long.” He said, placing the tray on the side dresser and handing her the advil with the water. 

“Thank you,” Kristen said, sitting up slowly and taking the advil and the water. “Sorry about the trouble.”

“It’s no trouble.” Edward said, taking the glass of water and putting it on the tray before picking it up. “I’ll take you after you’re done eating.” He said, the entire time focused on what he was doing rather than on her. 

Kristen looked up at him as she turned to the tray. “Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No.” Edward said, glancing at her. “Oswald and Elijah are discussing some things that need some planning, so I have a lot on my mind.” 

“Anything you want to talk about?” she asked. “It might help to run through it aloud.”

“No, there’s no point until I know what they’ve decided.” He said. “I do know that I have to schedule a meeting for Oswald, and find a place to hold it depending on what happens. He hasn’t had one since he’d been reinstated so to speak.”

“That sounds pretty high pressure,” Kristen said, before starting on the food he’d brought her. “So … Does his conversation with Elijah have something to do with that? I thought he wasn’t involved.”

“He’s not involved, per se …” Edward said. “But sort of … If Oswald allows it.” He said still not looking at her. 

“I see,” Kristen said. She was quiet for a moment, before she asked, “And does that have anything to do with why you’re not making eye contact?”

“What?” He asked glancing at her again. “I … No …” He said looking down at the ground. “You should finish eating, when you’re done come downstairs, I’ll take you to the doctor,” he said standing up again and heading for the door. 

“Okay,” Kristen said, still confused about what was bothering him. “Thank you, Edward.”

 

\--- 

 

“Kristen Kringle.” Edward glanced up as a woman called Kristen’s name. He put his magazine down and looked up at Kristen. 

“Will you be okay?” He asked. 

“Of course,” Kristen reassured him. All this fuss over a headache … albeit a monstrously persistent one. “I know your schedule’s tight right now. If you have other things to go deal with, I’m sure I'll be fine here.”

“I was just going to run to the store down the street, it shouldn't take longer than a few minutes, I'll be back before you get out.” He said kissing her cheek. 

“Kristen Kringle.” The woman said again, sounding annoyed. 

“I’m coming,” Kristen said apologetically, following after her. 

Edward watched her go in before he quietly left the clinic, walking down the street with his hands in his pockets. 

“Nygma?” Ed paused and turned to see Officer Jones, off duty, walking down the street behind him. “Well, if it isn't the mayor’s favorite cop-killer,” Jones sneered. “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your face …. well, pretty much anywhere.”

“I was released … Legally … And you're off duty, you can't do anything to me.” Edward said, sounding bored. 

“Yeah?” Jones said, abruptly grabbing Edward slamming him up against the wall. “I can't do anything? Why don't you tell me what that's like? I mean, you're not a real man, so I guess you must know all about it. That's why that dumb whore left you for Cobblepot, isn't it? Not that he's much of a man either, but even that little freak can still give her something you can't.”

“Oh? And what's that exactly?” He asked, his eyes narrowed. Oswald could give her plenty of things Ed couldn't, and he was well aware of all of them. A home, money, protection. 

Jones burst out laughing. “An actual dick, obviously,” the cop grinned crudely. “Though the stupid bitch could do better in that department, but I guess power counts for something too.”

“I …” Edward was about to argue the fact when he paused, looking confused a moment, as if something were finally clicking into place but he was still thinking about it. 

“What's that stupid look on your face, huh?” Jones sneered. “Are you so crazy you never noticed you were missing something?”

Edward looked straight at Jones. “Thank you.” He said sincerely. 

“What?” Jones was so confused that his grip on Edward loosened. 

“You've actually been useful.” He said pulling out of his grip and heading back towards the clinic. 

“Completely insane,” Jones muttered, shaking his head as Edward walked away. 

 

\---

 

It wasn't much longer after he returned that Kristen was back in the waiting room, settling things at the front desk and heading over with a written prescription. “The doctor says it's the result of a sinus infection,” she said. “He prescribed some antibiotics for it, so it should be fine.”

“I told you …” Edward said. “That wouldn't go away on its own.” He said looking at the prescription. “There's a pharmacy on the way home, we can stop in.” 

“That would be great,” Kristen sighed. “And yes, you were right. I shouldn’t have been stubborn about it.”

“No, you shouldn't have been.” He said with a smile. “Come on, let's get out of here.” 

 

\---

 

“So,” Kristen said, when they reached the house, looking up at him. “You’ve been a little quiet this morning.”

“Yeah …” Edward said. “Can we talk? When we get in?” 

Kristen nodded. “Of course,” she said. Whatever was really bothering Edward, she was relieved that he finally seemed willing to talk about it.

As soon as they got in, Edward headed upstairs, wanting privacy to talk. Once they were in Edward’s room with the door closed, Kristen looked up at him questioningly.

“So …” Edward licked his lips. “I know you’ve noticed that something's been bothering me and I know I haven't been talking … I just … I never knew what was bothering me.”

Kristen nodded. She had definitely noticed something off for awhile, but had never been able to get him to tell her what was wrong. “But you think you know now?” she asked. 

“Yes.” Edward said, moving to sit down on the bed. “I ran into Officer Jones, he … said some things that put it into perspective for me. I …” He paused briefly wondering how he should continue. “I can hear you and Oswald at night … When you're together. And it was bothering me.” 

“Oh …” Kristen said, wincing apologetically, moving to sit down with him. “I didn’t realize you could …” But of course Edward could hear them. Their efforts to be quiet always ended up being overwhelmed in the moment, and the walls in this old house were so thin. “I’m sorry,” she said, coming over to sit by him. “Is it just hearing it that bothers you, or is it,” she hesitated, afraid of the answer. “Is it that we’re together?”

“What?” Edward asked confused. “No, neither.” 

Kristen looked surprised by that, and hoped he wasn’t just saying that. “So, what is it that’s been bothering you?” she asked uncertainly.

“It's just …” He paused, tapping his thumb on his leg. “Every time you two have sex I'm getting a subconscious reminder of something that bothers me more than anything.” He said. “Oswald  _ can  _ have sex with you. And I know we have, but … It's not the same … It wasn't the way I wanted it … it's not you two being together that's bothering me, it's the fact that he has what I will never have, and want more than anything.” He said starting to tear up. “I want to be able to do for you the things he does … and I can't.” 

“Edward,” Kristen said, her eyes saddened as she took his hand in hers. “You know that’s never mattered to me, right? I love you, and I love being with you.”

“I know it doesn’t matter to you, but it matters to me.” He said honestly. “It matters to me a lot. I’m just hoping that now with knowing what it was that was bothering me, and knowing that I’ll be having surgery in six months or so … I know it won’t be the same, but it’ll hopefully be close.” 

Kristen nodded. “If it matters to you, I’m sure the surgery will help, and we’ll be able to make this work the way you want it to,” she said. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “But from my end, you already make me happy, and I don’t want you to forget that.”

Edward smiled softly and leaned forward to kiss her. “I love you too.” He said quietly. “It’s been a few days since you’ve slept in here … Would you want to stay with me tonight?” He asked. 

“I’d like nothing better,” Kristen smiled up at him. Though it was still early in the day, she opted to cuddle a little now, resting her head on his shoulder as she slipped an arm around him.

Edward smiled as he laid back on the bed, kicking his shoes off onto the floor. “Really?” He asked, though he didn't sound as if he was actually questioning it. “You wouldn't like anything better?” 

“Why?” she asked, laying down next to Edward and snuggled against him, her hands resting against his chest. “Do you have any suggestions?”

Edward sighed contently. “Currently … no.” He said, kissing her head. They lay in silence for a few moments, just holding each other, and Ed felt more at peace than he had in … God he couldn't remember. “You know what I'm most excited about?” He asked. “I mean about my surgery?” 

“What are you most excited about?” Kristen asked, her head tilting to look up at him. After all of Edward's stress and anxiety over his first surgery, it was a relief to hear him looking forward to getting through the next one. Of course, she was sure he would still be nervous when the time came, but she was glad he felt more optimistic about it now. 

“Don't laugh.” He said looking down at her. 

“I won't,” she promised seriously. “I know this is important to you.”

“I'm excited about being able to pee standing up.” He said, his face turning red. “As stupid as that sounds, I think I'm more excited about that than the whole sex thing …” He said looking down at her. 

Kristen stifled a giggle at that, despite a momentous effort not to. “I’m sorry,” she said, still trying to fight off the impending fit of laughter. “I’m not trying to be immature, it's just not what I was expecting.”

“You said you wouldn't laugh.” He said though he didn't sound offended, a slight smile tugging at his mouth. “It's a big deal!” 

“I’m sorry,” Kristen said, reining in her giggle fit but unable to wipe the smile off her face. “You’re right, it's a big deal. An important milestone of manliness.”

“You're still teasing me!” He said, gripping his pillow and hitting her with it. “You're so mean!” He said, laughing. 

“No!” Kristen insisted, giggling again as she tried to pull the pillow away from him. “I’m not, I swear.”

“LIES!” Edward said, pulling the pillow away and hitting her with it again. 

“No!” Kristen helped, flailing away from him. “Not in the head!”

“Please, that was nowhere near your head.” Edward said shaking his head and hitting her with the pillow again, knocking her glasses askew. “Sorry, you okay?” 

Kristen winced, feeling as if someone had abruptly turned up the volume on the pounding in her head. “I’m fine,” she said, carefully adjusting her glasses before cuddling up against him. “But I’m calling a cease-fire.”

“Alright.” He said. “Since you are not fighting back, it hardly seems fair. I mean … Since I’m you know … A man … And so much bigger, and stronger than you … It’s only fair that you admit defeat.” He teased. 

“Excuse you, sexist,” Kristen laughed, poking him in the side. “I mean, you are bigger and stronger than me, but you don’t have to be a jerk about it.”

“Me? A jerk? Never! I am perfectly perfect in every way.” He said poking her back. 

“You’re right,” Kristen smiled, kissing him on the cheek. “I’m afraid I can’t argue with that logic at all.” She poked him again anyway.

“Hey!” He said squirming, before he turned to her, resting his head on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her. “No poking.” 

“Alright,” Kristen conceded, snuggling against him. “If you absolutely insist on the point.”

“Mmm, I do.” He moaned. “I say we take a nap. How does that sound?” He asked. 

Kristen nodded. “That,” she said, running her fingers lightly through his hair. “May be the best idea I’ve heard all morning.”

Edward struggled a moment before he got off the bed and pulled his sweater and tie off. She watched him from the bed for a moment before sitting up and slipping off her sweater and skirt, before pulling up the covers and laying back down. She noticed that Edward kept his undershirt on, and didn’t say anything about it. At this stage in the healing process, he still seemed pretty self-conscious.

Edward pulled off his pants, tossing them on the ground before he moved over to the windows, drawing the drapes shut, blocking out as much light as he could before he crawled into bed with her under the covers. Cuddling up close, Kristen relaxed against him, her relentlessly aching head relieved somewhat by the darkness. She closed her eyes, feeling the comforting rhythm of his chest rising and falling as he breathed.

“Definitely the best idea all morning,” she confirmed in a mumble.


End file.
